The lost self-insertists part 2.

	Dan stood in the middle of the busy street and frowned as he glanced around.
He and Bill had arrived in this dimension almost an hour ago and Ataru had
vanished immediately. It was some sort of large city in Japan, that much they
could tell, it was dark and pollution hung in the air to the point where the
citizens wore gas masks.
	"Where the hell is he? I know he's found some babes or he wouldn't have been
gone this long." muttered Bill looking frustrated. He walked over to a large
and bulky looking armored police car with an officer sitting on top of it. He
had short brown hair and was facing away from them.
	"Excuse me sir?" said Dan as he walked up beside Bill.
	The officer stopped eating and slowly turned to face them. "Who you callin
sir?" she asked.
	"Oh sorry, it's just your hair I..." started Dan apologetically.
	"Oh I get it, you think a girl can't be a police officer is that it?!" said
the woman angrily.
	"No, I swear I just wanted..." started Dan when Bill spoke up.
	"Your a girl? Wow, how do you get your chest too look that small?" 
	Dan just stopped and stared at him in disbelief. Bill looked genuinely
interested in the answer to his question.
	The woman growled angrily and crushed the soda she had in her hand, it
spilled over onto the car and she gasped. "Look what you made me do to my
Bonapart!" she cried and turned in her seat. The entire top half of the 'car'
turned and revealed a turret that pointed at Dan's head.
	"Wow, that's a pretty big gun," said Bill in mild shock. All Dan could do was
stare down the barrel as the woman grinned maniacally at him.

	This was, of course, when Ataru chose to appear. He was vividly talking to
two tall and well built cat-girls. They were obviously twins and Ataru was
trying to talk them into a three way, and failing miserably. The two of them
seemed used to this kind of treatment and had thus far tolerated him; it was
obvious as well that their patience was growing thin. 
	"Quit following' us around," said the one on his right.
	"We ain't gonna give you our phone number you little pervert so just leave us
alone," said the other one as she hit the boy square on the head. Ataru
dropped like a rock but recovered quickly.
	"Come on just a quick little feel?" cried the boy as he tackled the one on
his right. She froze and her hair stood on end as his hands moved up to her
chest.
	"Now you die!" screamed the both of them in unison as they pulled out a pair
of large hand guns. They growled and glared at the boy angrily.
	
	The police officer was about to pull the trigger when a male officer about
the same age as she was strolled out of the fast food restaurant and looked at
the scene in shock. He dropped the bags he had been carrying and ran for her. 
	"Leona stop!!" he cried. 
	Dan snapped out of his daze and ducked finally. He heard a large explosion
rip through his ears and felt the rubble from the pavement behind him pelt him
as it landed. He turned to look up at her as his ears rang from the blast. She
appeared to be yelling something and was no longer paying any attention to
him. The man was trying to calm her as he held her back around her waist. Bill
was standing next to them on the turret and yelling as well.
	
	"Take that you bastard!" cried Leona as she fired a round at the boy who was
stuck in her sights like a deer in headlights. She felt a sharp pain across
her cheek and turned to see the other young boy was standing in a punch next
to her. It took her a moment to register what had happened to her. 
	"What the hell are you doing you psycho?! You can't shoot people because you
spilled soda on your tank!" cried Bill in shocked anger.
	"Watch me!" roared Leona. "How about assault on an officer?" she said as she
adjusted her aim.
	"Oh yea? Disturbing the peace, endangering the lives of civilians, misuse of
public recourses, noise violations, destruction of public property, and your
parking meter has run out!" retorted Bill as he jumped onto the barrel. "Still
want to press charges?" he said indignantly.
	"Why you smug bastard!" replied the woman as she pulled out a machine gun. 
	This is when her partner grabbed her from behind and pulled her arm up as she
fired. "Leona are you insane? He's right!" cried the man as he struggled to
keep her down.
	Bill wasn't even paying attention at the moment, something much more
interesting caught his eye. "Puna twins! SWEETO!" he cried as he jumped off
the cannon and towards Ataru and the girls.
	Dan had recovered his hearing somewhat and chased after him. "Wait you
moron!" he yelled as he ran.
	"Get in Al! We've got to arrest them!" cried Leona as she dragged the hapless
man into the tank.
	"Oh, Leona...Do we have to?" he whined as he struggled into his seat.
	"Yes, now get moving!" said the angry woman as she planted her foot in the
back of his head.

	The Puna twins were distracted from firing on Ataru by the sound of a
familiar engine. "Oh, shit!" the said in unison.
	"It really turns me on when you ladies do that!" said Ataru as sexily as he
could; That wasn't very much.
	He turned to see what they were looking at only to see Dan holding the locket
out in front of him while being chased by a small tank. Bill had just reached
him and stood panting.
	"Hey ladies, I'm Bill," he said to the twins who had already started to run
away as he tried to catch his breath. "Hey come back!" he said as he followed
them blindly with Ataru.


	Another half hour later a large type-74 tank blasted its way into limbo.
Three people emerged from the top hatch and all of them collapsed.
	Dan, Bill, and Ataru just lay on the ground for a couple of moments and
panted. They were covered in treadmarks and dirt, Dan had a large scorch mark
on his back.
	"I can't believe you dropped the locket!" cried Ataru angrily. He glanced at
the tank warily. He didn't like them much because of some past experiences
involving one that Mendo had owned.
	"Well, its not my fault they were chasing me! We almost didn't make it; it's
a good thing those guys left this one unattended or we'd never have gotten
around that little monster to get it back," said Bill as he gasped for breath
and patted the side of the tank.
	"I still don't see why I had to get out and get it," muttered Dan as he
rubbed the black mark on his back.
	"Duh, because you dropped it brainiac." said Bill.
	"That was rhetorical!" said the boy angrily.
	"Hey, I'm hungry," said Ataru after a moment of silence.
	"Dude, he's right. We haven't eaten in a while," said Bill.
	"What are we gonna do stop at the limbo concession stand?" asked Dan angrily.
	"It's not my fault we didn't eat in the last dimension!" retorted Bill
defensively.
	"Guys food," said Ataru impatiently.
	"We didn't bring any money. I guess we can try to get a job or something in
the next world if we don't screw up to bad," said Dan thoughtfully.


	Three days later in the kitchen of an intergalactic 'Pizza Port.'

	Dan rolled the end of a long ball of dough into a tentacle like protrusion.
He left a large portion of it unrolled at the base and set it on its side. The
tentacle like object slowly begins to point upwards.
	"It's rising! Eeehee hee heee heee," giggled Bill and Ataru as they watched. 
	A large unhappy looking man burst the room and glared at the three of them.
"What the hell are you boys doni in here?" he roared bitterly. He stopped and
frowned deeply as he saw the dough sitting on the counter.
	"Are you boys making phallus out of the dough again?! Clean up that mess and
get to work, we got customers," said the man bitterly as he returned to the
front of the restaurant.
	"We haven't had a customer in three days," said Dan bitterly as he began to
work the dough roughly.
	"Hey, he wasn't kidding. There's a ship out there," said Bill as he looked
out a window into the parking area. A large red space ship sat parked outside
the restaurant. Dan recognized it immediately. "Yagami." he gasped. Bill
perked up and ran out to the front of the restaurant tying an apron around his
waist.

	Tenchi Musaki sat at the counter and smiled as a boy about his age rushed up
to the counter. Ayeka and Ryoko stood on either side of him looking around the
place suspiciously.
	"We have to eat ya know. Just because someone didn't buy groceries..." said
Ayeka with a small laugh from behind her hand.
	"Hey, why the hell do you laugh like that? I've always wondered," said Bill.
	"What?" said Tenchi and Ayeka in unison.
	"Why do you cover your mouth when you laugh? Is it because your afraid
Tenchi'll see how deranged you look when you do it. or is it just a 'princess'
thing?" said Bill casually.
	"Hey, you can't talk to us like that!" cried Ryoko angrily.
	"But, I'm not Ryoko dear. I'm talking to Ayeka like that. I think Tenchi
should marry you and not her," said Bill with an innocent smile.
	Tenchi wisely kept his mouth shut.
	"Hey, I like this guy," said Ryoko with a small snort.
	"And why is that?" demanded the angry princess.
	"Simple, how will your children ever get enough to eat out of -that- chest? I
mean Ryoko's children would never have to worry about hunger, yours on the
other hand..." said Bill with a wicked smile.
	Ayeka and Ryoko just looked at him for a moment. Ryoko wasn't sure weather to
thank him or kill him. She turned to see Tenchi was looking back and forth
between their chests nervously. "I'll let him live anyway," she thought to
herself with a small grin.
	Ayeka was having no such moral dilemma. "Why-why you...How dare you speak to
me that way!" she cried as she put her fist at her sides and stood up
straight.
	"Yea right miss 'most wanted criminal in the universe.' Did you know standing
like that makes your chest even smaller?" said Bill smugly.
	Ayeka just snapped. Bill's smile shrank a little when the small cylinders of
wood appeared in the air around him. "Time to go," he said as he turned
towards the kitchen.

	Dan and Ataru were busy making an incredibly detailed pair of pizza dough
breast when Bill burst into the room followed by an angry Ayeka and her force
field generating wood blocks. "Oh, no you don't!" she screamed as he dove
behind the counter with the other two boys. They all appeared to duck down
with him.
	"Your friends can't protect you I'll..." Ayeka was ranting angrily when she
peered over the counter to find them gone. "Where did you go! I won't let you
get away! How dare you talk to me that way?!!" she cried bitterly as she tore
the kitchen apart.
	"You see Tenchi, this is what she'll be like after your married," said Ryoko
from the doorway as Tenchi just watched silently. He thought this was not the
best time to speak, he only wanted to be out of the room, right now.
	"Ryoko look at this!" said Ayeka as she stopped tearing through the room and
turned slightly red. She was standing over the dough mounds and was pointing
at them.
	"Hey, those look just like mine...right down to that little mark right
there?!! I'll kill them!" she roared and began to help the young princess in
her search. Tenchi just stared at the dough for a moment before walking back
out towards Yagami while holding his nose.

	"What the hell was that?!" cried Dan as he landed roughly in limbo. He stood
and leaned against the Police tank that was still sitting where they had left
it.
	"Just something I've always wanted to do," said Bill with a smile. 
	"Now we won't get paid!" cried Ataru.
	"Paid for what? All we did was eat and play with the dough for three days,"
said Dan defensively.
	"Yea, what a great job," sighed Bill.


	Lina Inverse stood over the wreckage of a small town in the wake of a now
destroyed demon. She sighed as Gourry slumped down nearby with Ameria at his
side. The three of them had not had an easy time in killing the great beast
and no real profit had been made in it's death.	
	Needless to say they where more than a little surprised when a loud rumbling
sound started and the ground shook around them. 
	"What the hell?" cried Lina as she stood shakily.
	"Miss Lina! What's going on?" asked Ameria, but Lina couldn't hear her
anymore, and she didn't care because a huge metal tank had just appeared about
four feet in front of her out of a dimensional doorway. It rolled out over the
rubble and screeched to a noisy stop. The hatch opened and a grinning boy of
about sixteen years of age popped his head out.
	"Excuse me little girl could you tell me where I am?" he said cheerfully.
	"Ataru shut up! Do you have any Idea who that is?" cried Dan as he dragged
the boy back down into the hatch.
	Bill slunk his way up the hatch. "Excuse me, small breasted type person.
Could you tell us where we are?" he said in a very bad French accent.
	"What?!" cried Lina angrily as she stood and glared at him.
	"AAAUUGHHH! DO THE WORDS 'DRAGON SLAVE' MEAN ANY THING TO YOU MORONS!??"
cried Dan desperately.
	"You jerks! I'll show you small!" cried Lina as she held a ball of light
between her hands and shoved it forward sending it towards the tank.
"Fireball!" 
	Bill dove back into the cockpit and the tank shuddered from the force of the
blast. Eventually the shaking and noise stopped and he emerged from the top
again. "That's very nice, but could you tell us where we might find the big
breasted goddess Nagi?" said Ataru as he squirmed up next to Bill.
	"Why, would they be looking for her?" said Ameria with a slightly surprised
look.
	"What is this thing?" said Gourry as he walked up to the tank and poked at
it. "It's made of metal," he exclaimed.
	"What do you want?" said Lina angrily as she stood back away from the tank on
top of a large pile of rubble.
	"Mind your own business," said Bill in his French voice.
	"Digger Bolt," said Lina as she sent an electric charge through the tank. All
the occupants screamed as the voltage passed through them painfully.
	"Damn it Bill, why the hell do you have to keep pissing people like this
off?" muttered Dan as he fumbled with the locket and the controls of the tank.
	Bill slipped and his foot hit Dan's head sending him face first into the
firing mechanism. A shell blasted a nearby wall to dust causing Lina, Gourry,
and Ameria to jump back in shock.
	"That tears it!" screamed Lina. "Darkness beyond the Twilight and crimson
blood that flows..."
	"Now would be a good time to leave Dan," said Bill getting nervous. 	Ataru
looked at the growing ball of power in Lina's hands and frowned. "She is kind
of cute," he said to himself.
	"Buried in the flow of time, is where your power grows..."
	Dan woke groggily and shook his head. "Go now!" cried Bill from the top of
the vehicle. He didn't question or hesitate but quickly put the tank into
gear, it lurched forward towards the newly formed dimensional porthole.
	"I pledge myself to conquer all the foes who stand against the mighty gift
bestowed to my unworthy hand..."
	Just as they entered the porthole Ataru jumped from the tank towards Lina
with lust in his eyes. "I love you!" he cried just as she uttered the final
words in the spell.
	"Dragon Slave!"

	The porthole closed the tank came to a noisy stop just inside Limbo.
"Ataru!" cried Dan as he scrambled up to the hatch. He and Bill emerged just
in time to see a blackened and smoking form sail over the tank and come
crashing to the ground.
	"I don't like her," said the barbecued Ataru as he passed out.


	A few hours later the three of them sat at an Okonomiyaki style restaurant
and chewed idly. Ataru was still covered in black spots and smoking in some
places. Dan looked at the short haired boy who was cooking at the grill
silently.
	"Hey, you know how to get to Ranma 1/2?" he asked casually.
	The chef simply shook his head.
	"I know there is a babe around here, I can feel it," muttered Ataru as he
glanced around nervously.
	The chef looked at him but said nothing.
	"Well, thanks anyway," muttered Dan as he stood and created another doorway.
	"Hope you enjoyed your meal," said the Chef as he scratched the back of his
head and watched them leave. He glanced around and sighed, "They're gone now,"
he announced and several figures emerged from behind the counter.
	"Man that was close, good job Konatsu." said Ranma as he pat the boy on the
back.
	"I hate dressing like this, but I guess it was worth it to get rid of them,"
said the ninja with a relieved smile.
	Ukyo and Akane walked around the counter and sat at two of the stools. "Those
guys are disaster areas. They're worse than you, Ranchan. I heard about them
from a friend of mine during a cross over fic I did a few days ago. They've
been making a real mess of things where ever they go," said Ukyo with a frown.
	"They couldn't have been any worse than some of the others," said Akane
looking tired. "Why can't those jerks just leave us alone?"
	"I know what you mean, just once I'd like to sleep with someone without
turning into a girl halfway through it," muttered Ranma.
	"You think that's bad? You wouldn't believe what they made me do with Ryoga
last week! I'm still feeling sick over that one," said Ukyo bitterly. "I don't
see how people think we could be a couple, we've never gotten along well. At
least you two have your moments." 
	"Yea well, I just hope it all dies down in a couple of years when the series
finally ends in America. I don't know if I can take much more of this crap. I
can't stand all these computer geeks beating me up, I mean Kuno could beat
half of these guys with one arm tied behind his back!"
	"At least they don't sleep with you afterwards as often," said Akane with a
shudder.
	"The fact that any of them do at all scares me! I mean, I'm a guy damn it!
Why can't they see that?! Just because my girl form is cute doesn't make me
gay!" said Ranma looking disgusted.
	"Your tellin me sugar?" said Ukyo.
	"I had an unpleasant experience with a young man who had seen my first
appearance last week. He couldn't read Japanese and thought I really was a
girl, It was strange to say the least..." said Konatsu bitterly.
	Everyone just looked at him with a sort of resentful understanding and pity.


	Dan, Bill, and Ataru found themselves in the middle of a large ring; they
brought the tank to a halt and climbed out to survey the lay of the land. 
	"Now where are we?" said Ataru.
	"That's my line!" cried Dan angrily.
	"Who is that?" said Bill as he noticed a figure on the opposite side of the
ring.
	"Ka-"
	"Oh shit," said Dan as he dove back into the tank.
	"-me-"
	"This isn't going well," said Bill as he followed.
	"-ha-"
	Ataru had spotted an attractive looking woman with purple hair in the crowd.
"Hey babe!" he cried as he made a bee line for her.
	"-me-"
	"Damn it Ataru get back here!" cried Bill as he tried to grab for the boy.
	"-haaaa!"


	Urd sat at a computer screen and nearly fell over laughing. "Oh, this is
better than I thought!" she giggled as she typed more onto the screen.
	"Onechan? Have you seen my dimensional shifter?" asked Skuld as she peered
into the room. 
	Urd jumped up and stood in front of the screen and smiled weakly. "Heh, Of
course not, you know I hate technical things like that!" she said with an
unconvincing giggle.
	"Drat, I can't figure out what I did with it." Muttered Skuld as she left Urd
alone again. She turned back to the machine only to find that the people had
vanished from the screen. "Where did they go to?" she wondered aloud as she
typed a few commands in. 
	The tank exploded through the wall and crushed the computer flat. It stopped
inches away from Urd's face and she just looked at it in total shock.
	"A babe!" cried Ataru as he dove from the tank into Urd's arms. 
	"Kakarrot, where are you, you think you can escape me so easily?" said a
voice from over the tank.
	All four of them turned to see Vegita floating above the tank in the hole in
the wall. Dan just swallowed and Bill grabbed Ataru, Urd and all and drug them
into the tank quickly.
	"Drive damn it drive!" he cried.
	"Vegita's visor flashed and beeped. He looked down at the tank and smiled as
the power levels began to calculate. "Very interesting." He said after a
moment with a small cruel smile.
	"Drive the tank damn it!" cried Bill as Dan desperately tried to shift. The
tank lurched forward into a porthole. Urd just looked out the hatch with a
look of complete terror as she gazed at the Saiyan, she didn't even notice
Ataru was attached to her chest.
	"Run away! Run away!" cried Dan as they drove off into limbo again.

	The end...

	C&C to Catbert25@aol.com

	The scariest thing about all this is the fact that I managed to keep everyone
in character for the whole thing! These one shot comedies are just too much
fun! And no Vegita does not just kill them, that was an 'The adventure
continues' type ending in case I decide to write a sequel one day. 
	In all fairness, this was intended for a good laugh and should not be taken
seriously.
	For those of you who couldn't place a series [This time I won't disguise it
as legal babble.] Tenchi Muyou TV, Ranma 1/2, Oh, my goddess!, Dominion Tank
Police, Dragonball Z, The Slayers, and Monty Python and the holy grail.