[Lights up on the living room. For once, all three obligatory figures
are seated on the couch.]
Scott: (waves) Hi. I'm back...
Akane: And so is People Not Appearing in This Fanfic.
Madoka: For our thirteenth review/comment/speculation/lame jokes
session, we were happy to see the long-awaited (at least by us)
continuation of our favorite Sailor Moon/Marmalade Boy fusion--
Akane: There's more than one?
Scott: That's not the point.
Madoka: --John Biles' "Marmalade Moon."
Scott: And since we don't feel like wasting any more time on the
opening, having already procrastinated on the review for a month...
Akane: ...We'll get started.
[She points the remote at the TV and presses a button.]
Queen Beryl was feeling cranky. Her first general
was now mostly dysfunctional.
Madoka: That is to say, he was, in -general-, dysfunctional.
Well, still dysfunctional
but in a new and even MORE annoying way. Her second
general, on the other hand, seemed to be accomplishing
nothing, although at least he didn't have the Tennis
Warriors breathing down his neck yet. I need some good
news, she thought.
Scott: Suzu-chan is one of the Warriors. I think that qualifies as
good news for her.
"Good news, my queen!" Youma Xerox said. "Good
news, my queen!"
She nearly fell off her throne. How long had he
been there?
Akane: He hasn't, that's just a copy.
"Good news?"
"I have located your two missing generals!"
Madoka: (Xerox) It seems they went to Las Vegas, ended up getting
drunk, and, well, things just happened...
That would be good news indeed. She'd only found
two of them and...something hadn't been quite right with
either of them. A tiny part of her brain wondered if the
first two had REALLY been either of her old generals.
Scott: Unfortunately, it was drowned out by the larger part of her
brain, which had the melody to "Moonlight Densetsu" continuously
running through it.
Still, while Youma Xerox had several annoying habits, and
usually made the same mistake twice, he didn't make too
many mistakes.
Akane: Want to bet?
"Bring them to me."
One of them did indeed evoke faint memories. She
had been certain one of her generals was blond and a
little effiminate, and he fit the bill, clad in a running
suit. The other one, however...was green haired. None of
her generals had green hair.
Scott: At least, as far as she remembered.
She was also quite
definitely female. They both stared defiantly, but
confusedly as well at her.
Madoka: We don't know what's going on, but you'll never get away with
it!
"Youma Xerox," she said.
"Yes, my queen?" he said. "Yes, my queen?"
"Youma Xerox. None of the generals were female.
Akane: SOCI-007, Gender Relations in the Dark Kingdom.
This one is quite definitely female."
"Well, Zoicite kept getting mistaken for a woman
and..."
Madoka: Then there was that incident at that boys' high school...
Beryl cut in before Xerox could repeat himself.
"Did he have green hair?"
Scott: (Xerox) Well, there was that phase he went through back in
'79...
"No," Youma Xerox said. "No."
"Send them to the Salt Mines. They are NOT the
droids we're looking for."
Akane: (Beryl) They may go about their-- HA! Just kidding. Take
them away.
"I thought I was looking for your generals, my
queen. And since when did we have any salt mines?" he
asked. "I thought..."
"Start them their own personal Salt Mines, then,"
Beryl said, sighing. "And send me Jinnai."
Madoka: (Beryl) I'm a glutton for punishment.
Jinnai arrived soon enough. "I have a new plan, my
queen."
"If it involves Makoto, I will send you to eternal
sleep."
Akane: (Beryl) By forcing you to watch all of the filler episodes of
Sailor Moon in a single marathon session.
"I will issue them a personal challenge to a tennis
match to the death. Then, when they arrive, I will have a
horde of Youma swarm in and kill them."
Beryl frowned. It sounded quite good, but then, so
did all of Jinnai's plans. The hard part would be sending
enough Youma.
Scott: The hard part will be finding enough Youma with an IQ level
above room temperature, so they don't mess up the plan.
Madoka: Mess up "swarm in and kill them?"
Scott: Sailor Moon's villains tend to redefine stupidity that way.
"How do you propose to send all the
Youma? We need more energy to move them all between
the dimensions."
He smiled. "I have a plan."
Akane: (Jinnai) First, we kidnap the Energizer Bunny...
*******************
Marmalade Moon, Episode 4:
http://www.maison-otaku.net/~rhea/MMoon
Scott: What a strange episode title.
by John Biles
"If Jinnai was going to put a big illusion of a head over
the city, why didn't he use Brad Pitt?
Jinnai is just uuuuuggggllly!"
Madoka: Oh, there it is. Looks like they're getting shorter again.
Akane: But still accurate.
********************
Weeks had passed, and in a series of filler episodes
which we will skim over since we aren't getting paid by
the word, the three Tennis Warriors confronted a series
of plots by General Jinnai.
Scott: We salute you.
Madoka: Imagine how much better Sailor Moon would have been if it had
gone this way?
Akane: Plus, it would have been a 39-episode series.
Life settled into a steady
pattern for Miki. Get up. Spar verbally with Yuu at
breakfast.
Akane: (Yuu) Statement! Fifteen-love!
Go to school. Get jealous when Setsuna tried
to flirt with Ginta. Be relieved when Ginta didn't notice.
Talk to Meiko. Fight the monster of the day. Look for the
Moon Princess. Not find her. Do homework. Eat dinner.
Sleep.
They had made some progress. Miki had looked at
just about everyone at her school and was quite certain
that none of them were a Tennis Warrior.
Madoka: Though Tsuyoshi-kun was, in fact, an Armchair General.
The next one had to be attending some other school. She wasn't
at Sagaki, either. Arimi-chan had checked.
Miki had decided that she liked Arimi, although she
would have liked her more if she wasn't after Yuu. Not
that she had any interest in Yuu. No way. He was just so
irritating.
Akane: Pot, meet kettle.
Still, life was pretty good. Meiko was back to
normal;
Scott: Yeah. Right.
no more strange messages in the shared diary.
Except for a doodle of Goth Smurf, but that had been
pretty funny.
[Madoka plays the Smurfs theme in a minor key.]
Akane: (squeaky voice) Papa Smurf! Papa Smurf! I feel we're all so
alone among the infinite and smurfy vastness of the velveteen night...
It was lunchtime, so Miki sat with Setsuna and
Meiko like she usually did. "Here you go," she said,
passing the diary to Meiko.
Scott: Go long! Go long!
When Meiko reached to take it, she noticed that
Meiko was wearing a very nice ring that Miki hadn't seen
before. It was white gold with an inset ruby.
Madoka: Uh huh, white gold.
Akane: Plot device! Take cover!
[Everyone ducks behind the sofa.]
It looked
pretty expensive with the gold carved into interlaced
vines and flowers.
Scott: I'd think it would look expensive with the gold, period.
"Wow, that's a nice ring!" Miki said.
Akane: Being the reigning Queen of Understatement.
"I...I didn't forget your birthday or something, did I?"
Meiko blushed. "It..."
"Oooh, did Satoshi give it to you?" Setsuna said, her
eyes glittering as she looked at the ring. "You're lucky to
have such a cute boyfriend."
"He is NOT my boyfriend!" Meiko said, dropping the
diary in her handbag. "No matter how much he flaps his
mouth or butts in."
Scott: You know, that really doesn't sound like Meiko. She's
normally a lot more genteel, even when she's angry.
Miki and Setsuna could see Satoshi approaching,
tiptoeing towards Meiko. He put a finger to his lips. Miki
nodded and Setsuna giggled.
"What's so funny?"
Akane: (Costello) Yes, he is, but Who isn't.
"You're cute when you're angry," Satoshi said,
leaning over her shoulder. "So what time should I pick
you up on Friday?"
Madoka: (nods) That's a pick-up line if I've ever heard one...
"Half an hour after hell freezes over!" Meiko said,
turning her head to not look at him.
Akane: Looks like love to me.
"Right. Seven o'clock."
"I did not say seven o'clock!" Meiko shouted, finally
turning to face him, while Miki and Setsuna both laughed.
Scott: With friends like these...
"No, I did." Satoshi said.
Meiko stood up and waved her arms about, "You're
incorrigible!"
Scott: See, that's more like Meiko, IMO.
"Thanks. I've been practicing for years."
Madoka: The scary thing is, he probably has.
She stomped off and he followed her. Setsuna
turned to Miki, "Kinda reminds me of you and Yuu."
"Yuu and I are NOTHING like that. All he does is
make fun of me."
Akane: Some people are so unperceptive.
Scott: (to Madoka) I'm not saying anything. You?
[Madoka shakes her head.]
Akane: ...What?
"I think he likes you," she smiled. "Now, here's my
latest plan to get Ginta to ask me out. Let's see if we
can work out the bugs this time."
Miki leaned forward. "You know...you could just try
telling him you like him."
Madoka: In Marmalade Boy tradition, this will cause him to doubt his
feelings and, almost certainly, eventually fall in love with you.
Unless he happens to be Yuu.
"But what if he doesn't like me and he tells all his
friends about it and I end up humiliated?"
Miki really didn't want to follow that line of
thought to the end of the line; it brought up bad
memories. Why are you always so secretive, Setsuna?
Setsuna never did anything the direct way; no, she came
up with elaborate plans to get things done indirectly.
Which then blew up in her face. This one was even more
overblown than the last one.
Scott: That direct quote from Miki's thoughts in the middle of this
third-person paragraph is jarring.
********************
Akane: Looks like Setsuna's plan is blowing up already. Look at all
those explosions.
Miki got home late; first she had tennis practice
after school, then she had gone over to Meiko's house and
helped her with some homework, then they had watched a
news special about Jewelry store robberies. The police
had mounted a watch on the five Jewelry stores that
hadn't been robbed yet.
Madoka: Not just any jewelry, but Jewelry!
Then they'd watched a report on
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which was on the rise in
Tokyo. Then they'd watched a fashion show, and the
latest episode of Tennis Warrior V and then...it was nine
pm.
Akane: Softball Warrior V, isn't it?
Scott: You'd think if it was Tennis Warrior V, that'd give it away
pretty quickly. Then again, so would the Softball version, if any of
them paid any attention whatsoever.
I should have called home instead of panicking and
running, she thought.
Madoka: But that would have been out of character. ^_^
She raced in the door. "Sorry, I'm
Scott: No need for a comma, here.
late!" The house was pitchblack except for a dim glow in
Scott: Pitch black, two words.
the living room, and all was silent.
Surely, they can't ALL be in bed, she thought. And
what's that glow? It was eerie, and she could hear faint
voices in the living room now, and ominous music.
Akane: Yuu's just having a few old friends over. The Dark Kingdom
Middle School Marching Band.
Suddenly, the entire scene struck her as a preliminary
scene to an axe-murderer attack in a horror movie.
Scott: It struck her like an axe in the head.
She
crept down the hallway, her hand nervously fingering her
transformation locket. Not that she needed to touch it to
transform, but...
Footsteps. Inside the house, coming down the
stairs. She flattened herself against the wall, running
over her transformation sequence in her mind.
Madoka: And wincing, realizing she'd already seen the stock footage
too many times.
Then
something furry rubbed against her leg.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!" She lashed
out, kicking it.
"MRAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!!!!!!!" It was Luna, who flew
into the air and right into Yuu's arms as he came into
sight, entering the living room.
Yuu blinked and petted her. "Miki, what on Earth are
you doing?"
Scott: Probably becoming irrationally jealous at the sight of Yuu
noticing something female.
Luna growled angrily at Miki, who blushed. "I
thought...I...uh..." Her stomach rumbled. "I'm sorry, Luna.
I thought you were a...mmmm..."
"Monster?" Yuu asked, laughing.
Akane: (Miki) No, axe-murderer.
Madoka: (Yuu) Wrong fic. That was Kasumi.
"I saved you dinner.
It's in a bento box in the kitchen. You can microwave it."
He put Luna down on the couch. "I'm watching this cheesy
Dracula movie, if you wanna join me."
Scott: The Gary Oldman version, I presume.
"I really am sorry, Luna," Miki said, coming over and
kneeling down by Luna. "You startled me." Luna didn't
look convinced.
Yuu said, "I'll go warm up the dinner; you can finish
apologizing in private." He grinned and went into the
kitchen.
Luna whispered, "Where have you been?
Akane: Well, it all started in Las Vegas, see...
Madoka: And having now filled our quota for re-using semi-obscure
references, we continue.
Yuu was
worried about you."
She whispered back, "You gotta be kidding."
Scott: You, no. Yuu, yes.
"He called a bunch of people, but they said you
weren't there."
"But I was at Meiko's!"
"The maid said you two had gone over here."
Miki was confused.
Akane: Looks like things are back to normal.
Yuu soon returned with the
dinner, which was simple,
Scott: Well, yeah, he only went to the kitchen. ^_^
but quite good. She sat down
on the couch by Yuu and started eating. "This is good. Did
your mom make it?"
"I did. Our folks decided to go to a love hotel."
Madoka: If this leads into a lemon scene, I'm going to have to hurt
somebody.
Miki boggled. "You're kidding."
"Well, your dad said he had never been to one and
so...they all went."
Finishing off another mouthful of food, Miki sighed.
"My parents are insane."
Scott: (Yuu) Actually, they wanted us to join them...
"Ditto." He turned to the TV. "Now, this is a great
scene. Watch really carefully, and you can see the bats
crashing into each other as their strings get tangled
together."
Scott: And I thought I was the only one who had Yuu doing MSTs. Oh
well.
By the time Miki was done eating, she was laughing
every few seconds at Yuu's running commentary on the
film. She'd never had so much fun watching a bad horror
movie in her life. Around the same time that Dracula got
his fangs stuck in a door,
Akane: (Dracula) Iff dere ah ort'dontish i' da housh?
Madoka: Bit off more than he could chew, I guess.
Scott: Fangs so much...
she glanced over at Yuu.
Sometimes, you can be really nice, she thought. I wish
you could be like that all the time. It was a wonderful
evening.
Madoka: (deadpan) Then, Tokyo exploded again, and everyone died. The
end.
***********
"It'll never work," Ginta said.
"It's guaranteed to work,"
All: (nodding sagely) It'll never work.
Arimi said. They sat at a
table in an all-night coffee shop. "We pretend to go out,
they get jealous, we each get what we want."
Ginta frowned. "I don't like lying to Miki."
"Got a better plan?"
Akane: (Ginta) The Statue of Liberty play.
He frowned again. "No."
Arimi drank another cup of coffee and yawned. She
frowned. Something wasn't right about this coffee. You
shouldn't get MORE tired from drinking coffee, but now
she wanted to lie down and have a nice nap.
Madoka: The Dark Kingdom spiked the coffee? They -are- evil!
Ginta was
yawning too. Maybe they gave me decaffinated, she
thought. "I think this is my cue to go to bed."
Scott: (Ginta) Me, too.
Akane: (Arimi) Nice try.
"I'll walk you home," he said, standing up and
yawning.
"I'll be fine." It's not like I can't take care of
myself, she thought. Being a Tennis Warrior means no
more worrying about muggers. She stood up.
"If we're gonna do this, it's the sort of thing a
boyfriend does," he said.
She smiled. Arimi always enjoyed getting what she
wanted.
Madoka: Run, Ginta! Run!
Scott: Hey, I thought Arimi was at her best when she was scheming...
Akane: You would.
Persuading him had been easier than she
expected, though.
***********
Miki got woken up by her mother. "Good morning,
Miki!"
Scott: "Woken up?" Err. Sounds awkward.
Miki blinked, then realized she had fallen asleep on
the couch with Luna in her lap, and her body lying at an
angle against Yuu's body. He was still asleep as well.
"I...did I really fall asleep here?"
Akane: No. Everything since the prelude has been a dream sequence.
Oh, and your brother isn't really dead.
Madoka: Thankfully, that show is.
"Yes. We turned off the TV when we got back, but
we decided to let you sleep," Rumi said. "Anyway, I'm
going to go make breakfast while you two," she shook
Yuu, who remained stubbornly asleep, "get cleaned up."
She yawned. "And I think I'll make some morning coffee
first. Jin really wore me out last night."
Scott: Hmm. If they've already divorced, that should be Youji.
Unless they're taking this whole concept a lot further than they're
telling anyone. Which actually would explain quite a bit about the
Marmalade Boy universe.
She wandered
off to the kitchen while Miki blushed.
Akane: Miki seems to spend most of her time either blushing or
obsessed.
Madoka: It's shoujo, remember?
Akane: Ah. Right.
Madoka: It is a surprise that she didn't tease Miki about the
position she and Yuu were in, though.
***********
"You didn't have any trouble getting home last night,
Miki, did you?" Meiko asked. "When you were late today,
I was really worried."
"I didn't get to bed until late and then Mama's
breakfast put us all to sleep somehow."
Scott: So it's improved in Miki's estimation from "bad" to "boring?"
Setsuna blinked. Meiko laughed. "Put you to sleep?"
"We all kinda nodded off except for Luna. But she
got food from a can, and even Mama couldn't mess that
up."
Akane: Besides, think of the uproar if the cute yet (somewhat)
knowledgeable animal mascot were put to sleep.
Ryoko-sensei walked up to the table. "Don't forget
we have a match with Tomobiki High School in a week.
We have to practice extra-hard."
Madoka: If it's the Tomobiki crew, they'd do better to practice
-running-.
Akane: Well, she didn't say what they were going to practice...
As she leaned forward,
a silver star with an emerald set in it on a silver chain
swung forward out of her blouse.
Setsuna's eyes focused in on it like a snake spotting
a mouse. "Wow, that's nice!"
Scott: Aspt metaphor.
Meiko nodded. "It's beautiful."
Flushing a little, Ryoko said, "Shinichi-kun gave it
to me for my birthday."
Akane: On a teacher's salary, he's buying white gold ruby rings
and silver emerald necklaces?
Scott: I want to work there. ^_^ (pulls out a map of Tokyo) Let's
see, Toryo, Toryo...
Setsuna blinked. "Your boyfriend?"
Miki said, "That's Na-chan, right?"
Ryoko nodded, smiling. Meiko's eyes narrowed and
if anyone had been looking, they could have seen little
lightning bolts jumping back and forth.
Madoka: This is new. In MB, Meiko pretty much ignores Ryouko until
-Namura- claims they're dating.
"We've been
friends for a long time; we went to high school together
here."
"Happy birthday!" Miki said.
"Yeah, happy birthday!" Setsuna said, smiling.
Meiko's happy birthday statement set a new record
for lack of enthusiasm, but no one noticed but Ryoko.
"Well, I need to go find the rest of the team and remind
them," she said, handing an envelope to Setsuna and Miki.
"Here's your progress report."
Scott: The subject of the paragraph seems to change from Meiko to
Ryouko here. It might read better as "No one but Ryouko noticed that
Meiko's..." since it progresses into the quote more smoothly. Not
really confusing, though, so...
"Okay!" Miki said.
"I think she and Namura-sensei would make a good
couple," Setsuna said.
"Yeah! I think they'd be great," Miki said. "They're
the two best teachers in the school."
"Most schools get mad if teachers marry each
other," Meiko said irritably. "So don't go ordering your
bridesmaid dresses."
"Geez, Meiko, you don't have to get mad about it,"
Miki said. "What's the big deal?"
"Nothing."
Scott: Got -that- right...
***************
On her way home from school with Yuu, Miki opened
her progress report. It said, 'Meet me at Junk Jungle at
five to discuss Tennis Warrior Business. Bring Luna.'
Akane: Hmm. The progress report camoflage was fairly clever, so why
would Ryouko pick an enclosed public space to discuss secrets? Okay,
plot reasons, but it seems counterproductive, in-story.
Madoka: Maybe she was under the tiredness effect when she thought
that part up.
She read the message, then realized Yuu was
glancing over her shoulder. Panicking, she crumpled up
the message and ate it.
Madoka: Would you like fries with that?
"It's not nice to read over
people's shoulders, Yuu."
Scott: (Yuu) So?
Akane: (Yuu) People?
"So who are you meeting at Junk Jungle?"
Miki's eyes got big. "You read the whole thing?"
Madoka: Given the context, wouldn't the appropriate line be...
(Miki, slowly as if in pain) I can't believe he read the -whole
thing-.
"I got as far as 'at five' before you ate it." He
laughed. "Not getting enough cellulose in your diet?
We've got some trees in the back yard you could eat."
"Yuuu!!!!!"
'Twas the season for clobbering Yuu.
Scott: And also Yuuu. ^_^
***********
Junk Jungle was mostly a clothing store which also
sold coffee.
Akane: Drop "mostly" or change "which" to some form of "but."
It made a fairly good meeting place. Miki
got there early, which pleased her. Ryoko was next to
arrive. Then she saw Arimi coming. Holding hands with
Ginta. She stared in shock. No way. How could she...her
and...no way!
The two parted a ways from the shop, and Ginta
wandered off into another store while Arimi walked on
down the street to the shop. "I'm not late, am I?"
Madoka: Well, she's been making time, so...
"Was that...did you..." Miki asked.
"No, you're on time. Anyway, I called this meeting
because I think I know why Jewelry stores are being
robbed," Ryoko said.
Scott: Not just jewelry, but Jewelry!
Madoka: It's an ego thing.
Scott: More like id, considering the source.
"The Youma are robbing stores to finance their
evil?" Miki asked. "But no one has seen any monsters
there."
"They're looking for the ring of Serenity. A white
gold band with a diamond set in it. It's the most
powerful thing in the universe.
Akane: Except it doesn't work against the color purple, and you've
got to remember to recharge it every 24 days.
Scott: Hmm. Meiko's was ruby. Oh, well, you win some, you lose
some.
Madoka: Would we really want Meiko to get her hands on the most
powerful thing in the universe -anyway-?
[There is a brief silence.]
All: No.
I was tinkering around
with the Mercury computer, trying to figure out what
Beryl might do next, and called up a file on it. Also...I
think I've figured out where Sailor Mercury is."
"Cool!" Miki said, sipping her coffee. "Where is
she?"
Madoka: (Ryouko) Tokyo.
"Shinonome High School. That's about all I got out
Scott: I thought it was Shinnonome, actually. But I'm probably
wrong.
of it that was useful other than something about 'Pluto's
Old Boyfriend'."
Miki blinked. "The Disney cartoon dog?"
Madoka: 'Course not. That'd be just Goofy.
Luna laughed. "Tennis Warrior Pluto?"
"There's a Tennis Warrior Pluto?" Arimi asked.
"There's one for all of the planets," Luna said.
"Each of the planets sent one representative. So, there's
nine Tennis Warriors."
Arimi did some quick counting. "But what about the
Earth?"
Akane: Unless they've added another planet to the solar system while
we weren't looking...
Madoka: ...There are only nine, including Earth. The moon isn't a
planet.
Scott: This concludes our mandatory nitpicking session for the
chapter. Please stand by for actual content.
"Earth had its own brigade of special warriors who
guarded its rulers. All male. I remember Tennis Warrior
Pluto was engaged to one of them before everything fell
apart.
Madoka: Oh, no...
Akane: I suppose the full crossover was inevitable, considering. Too
bad it isn't TV Makoto, he's athletic enough and bright enough to
actually make a decent hero.
And several of the other Tennis Warriors were
engaged to some of the Golden Golfers."
Arimi laughed. "The Golden Golfers?"
Scott: Sounds like a group of retirees living in Florida. Or a bad
'80s sitcom. Take your pick.
Luna looked embarrassed. "Hey, I didn't name them."
"I bet the Masked Golfer is one of them!" Miki said.
"I think you're right," Ryoko said. "Anyway, Sailor
Mercury is at Shinonome. I know a teacher on their staff;
I'll go see him and scout the place out. I've been
wondering how much trouble Fujisawa-kun's been getting
into, anyway." She laughed a little. "The man is a total
nut."
Akane: Meaning he'll fit right in with the MB crew.
Scott: I'm sure he and the Matsuura-Koishikawa parents would get
along nicely.
Akane: It definitely has its frightening possibilities.
Arimi frowned. "We're being watched."
"Youma?"
"Rokutanda."
Madoka: Worse.
She pointed stealthily across the
street at a lamp post which had Rokutanda hiding behind
it, dressed as a kabuki stagehand. "He gets one point for
the costume, but..."
Miki relaxed. "He'll give up eventually. Better than
a youma."
"Better for YOU, maybe."
***********
Meiko was in the library early the next morning.
She was trying hard not to fume. A light touch on the
shoulder and she swung around. It was Na-chan, yawning.
"Good morning, Meiko. I'd suggest not having any coffee
for a while."
Scott: We'd prefer no morning coffee, ever, where Namura is
concerned...
She blinked, looked around, and hugged him. "You
didn't show up last night."
"I was tired, drank some coffee, and passed out. I
think there's something wrong with coffee in town; I've
Akane: Missing a "the" there.
heard this a lot lately."
Madoka: Oh, sure... First it was El Nino, now the coffee.
He hugged her back, then stepped
back. "I can't stay long; I need to go catch up, but I
wanted to let you know I was okay."
"Why did you...I mean..." After all her fuming, she
couldn't bring herself to wreck his smile by asking why
he had given such an expensive piece of jewelry to Ryoko;
she had seen it in a jewelry shop a few weeks ago, and
she was pretty sure it had cost at least 50, 000 yen more
than the ring he had given her.
Scott: Must be a really nice emerald, for a silver necklace to cost
more than a ruby-inset white gold ring. That, or they're both fakes.
Which might make more sense anyway.
Maybe I'm just being
petty, she thought. It was her birthday, and if he'd given
me something TOO nice, then people might notice.
Akane: Meiko really does come across as a spoiled rich kid, here.
White gold and rubies aren't "TOO nice?"
Madoka: Besides, people would probably notice anyway. Particularly
since Meiko's not too shy about showing it off. Someone's bound to
figure out who gave it to her eventually.
"I promise I won't do it again," he said, adjusting
the little white gold pin of two crossed racquets she had
given him. "Does this look right here?"
Scott: White gold having become the most fashionable for jewelry,
apparently.
She smiled and put herself to work moving it to a
better place on his shirt. For a moment, she felt like
they were married, and it was a good feeling that gave
her pleasant day dreams the rest of the day.
***********
Makoto Mizuhara was not a happy camper. He had
been having nightmares for weeks, each of them ending
with horrible monsters eating him. He had waking
dreams too. They weren't quite the same; for one thing,
he didn't die horribly in them. Instead, Nanami would
save him from the monsters. It was rather embarrassing.
She was cute and an old friend and maybe even something
more, but it made him feel like the hero's girlfriend in a
Sentai show.
Akane: Close enough.
He snapped out of one of them with Nanami waving
her hand in front of his face. "Earth to Makoto. Come in,
Makoto."
Smiling nervously, he said, "Is it lunchtime
already?"
"We'd be in class if it wasn't. Geez, you've been
spaced out lately, Makoto," she said, sitting down and
passing him a bento box. "Ever since my brother
vanished. I think you're more worried about it than I am."
Madoka: She must be worried. She didn't even charge him half price.
"He's your brother. I can't believe you don't care!"
He opened the box; it was one of his favorites. I'll never
starve while Nanami is around, he thought.
She dug into her own box, saying through her food,
"He's an idiot. They were about to impeach him as school
president, anyway. He probably fled to Switzerland with
the school student budget." Sitting back, she said,
"Probably, we'll never see him again."
The sky went black. Utterly black. The campus
plunged into darkness, but then the night lighting kicked
in. Nanami grabbed Makoto, "You know about science!
What's going on?"
Akane: (Makoto) This is what scientists refer to as "What the
hell...?"
"I have NO clue."
A huge image of Jinnai's head appeared over the
city. "I am General Jinnai of the all powerful Youma
Army. Puny mortals, especially Makoto Mizuhara, the
puniest of all mortals, in one week, I will extinguish all
life in this city unless the Tennis Warriors meet me at
the Tokyo Airport for a Tennis Match to the Death. Be
Scott: Hey, we were right. The next youma attack did coincide with
the Tomobiki tennis match.
Madoka: Come to think of it, some of the Tomobiki team probably
-would- qualify as youma.
there at 7 pm. This has been a public service
announcement." The sky flickered back to normal, but
everyone continued to stare upwards.
"One week. How big a gun can we build in one week?
I'm gonna KILL my stupid brother."
All Makoto could do was stare.
***********
At Miki's school, she had been eating lunch with
Setsuna and Meiko when it happened. When it finished,
they stared silently at each other, then Setsuna said,
"Hey...that looked like Jinnai."
Akane: Which would explain why it called itself General Jinnai.
Miki twitched. "What?"
"Yeah, I went to the same Junior High as him. Very
competitive, kinda looney. He really hated some kid who
was dating his sister," Setsuna shrugged. "Must be a
coin...wait, the guy he really disliked was named Makoto!"
Madoka: Introducing... Exposition Warrior Setsuna!
"He's gonna destroy Tokyo to get even with his
sister's boyfriend?" Meiko said. "What a loon. But why
would he care about the Tennis Warriors?"
"Maybe she's one of them," Setsuna speculated. "His
sister, I mean."
"Why would he fight his sister to the death?" Meiko
Scott: Spoken like a person who has never had a younger sibling.
asked. "What do you think, Miki?"
Miki, who had been lost in thought, started. "What?"
Akane: That about sums it up.
"You've been so distracted lately, Miki," Meiko said.
"Is something wrong?"
"All these weird monster attacks, giant heads in the
city...it scares me, Meiko." She was only half faking it.
Miki was scared. The sort of thing they'd stopped before
was small potatoes compared to this. Could Jinnai really
destroy the city? If he's that powerful, how can I stop
him? He always ran away before, but... She shuddered. I
have to stop him. To protect my family. My friends. Yuu.
Scott: The switching between first- and third-person is particularly
grating here.
"Did you see that?" It was Yuu. His usual coolness
had cracked, and he actually sounded worried. "Or was it
my lunch?" In the space of seconds, his usual 'don't care'
attitude was back. Miki wasn't sure if it had ever been
Akane: Not "if." Use "that" or "whether... or not" instead. Or just
drop it and use "Miki wasn't sure it..."
gone. "Miki's mom made it."
"We all saw it," Meiko said, staring up at the now
normal sky.
Setsuna said, "I hope the Tennis Warriors are ready
for this match."
"What I want to know is why this guy is challenging
them to a tennis match at an AIRPORT," Yuu said,
frowning.
Madoka: Because he's insane?
"Maybe his Japanese isn't very good," Meiko said. "I
once got confused in English class and got the words for
'pencil' and 'cow' mixed up. I was pretty embarrassed."
Scott: That... would take some doing. O_o
"It's going to be pretty bad if they don't show up at
the right place if that's the case, then," Yuu said.
Miki shuddered more. I didn't really need MORE
worries, she thought.
*****************
Akane: -- Roger Ebert.
Madoka: And, from Siskel... 2 1/2 stars.
That night, the courts of Torio High School resounded
with the sounds of balls rebounding back and forth.
Tennis Warriors Moon, Mars, and Jupiter were hard at
work practicing, although the balls of light, fire, and
lightning that were soaring back and forth were a bit
more dangerous than the usual tennis balls used there in
daytime.
Scott: More dangerous to the court, certainly.
Luna perched in the referee's chair. "Good, but you
can do better, Moon," she said as TW Moon lobbed a ball
back over the net. "Put more force into it."
Madoka: (Obi-Wan) Use more Force, Moon...
"I am!" she shouted. "We've been practicing for
hours!"
"You go home," Mars said. "I'll stay here a while
longer with Ryoko-sensei." Her voice had a tone of
effortless superiority.
Moon frowned. "I can stay a while longer."
Akane: Curfew's not till 10:30 tonight.
"Are you sure?" Jupiter said. "There's no point in
exhausting ourselves." She was tired, but they had to be
in super top form for this...death match. Her fear was
choked down for their benefit. It was her job as their
teacher to inspire them to do their best.
"I'll be fine," she said, slamming the ball across the
net. This time, Mars was unable to return it in time.
Point to Moon.
***********
Miki woke up with her face in her breakfast cereal.
Scott: (Miki) Spoons are just so inefficient.
"Bobbing for apples?" Yuu asked. He pointed to her plate.
"They're over there."
Rumi frowned. "You've been really tired the last
few days, Miki. And coming in very late. Do you really
need to practice this much for your next match?"
Madoka: (Miki) According to Ryouko-sensei, we need all the practice
we can get... hey... waaaaaait a minute...
She tried to get the milk off her face with her
napkin and had to give up and get a paper towel. "It's
really important." She yawned. "I'll be fine in a little
while."
Jin yawned. "They've been working me hard too," he
said. "Drinking coffee like it is going out of style, and I
still end up zonked."
Chiyako nodded. "I know the feeling. I've been
pretty drained the last few days."
Luna listened quietly while lapping milk. The Dark
Kingdom is doing something, she thought. Something
subtle. But how are they sapping so many people's
energy.
Akane: Question mark.
Time to see if that lead I got on Artemis'
whereabouts will pan out, she thought. He may have
found something useful. Then again, flying pigs may
attack Tokyo, too.
Scott: Well, if Takahashi elements started to show up, there'd be a
pretty fair chance...
**********
As Ryoko ate her lunch in the student lounge, Namura
Shinichi, aka 'Na-chan' (but not to her), sat down by her.
"You look tired, Ryoko." He put down his bento box, then
surreptitiously pulled a Big Mac and fries out of it.
Scott: Surrepetitiously.
"Don't tell anyone I snuck off campus."
She laughed. "Your secret life as a hamburger fan is
safe with me, Shinichi." They ate in silence for a few
seconds, then she yawned. As she reached for her coffee,
he stopped her.
Akane: (Namura) Stop! In the name of--
Madoka: Love?
Akane: I was going to say 'foreshadowing,' but that works too.
"If you use that, you'll just crash again while you're
with your students." Her hand felt warm where he was
touching it. It wasn't the only part of her that felt warm.
Her brain swam as she tried to focus enough to just once,
tell him how she felt.
Scott: "Warm."
Then her brain suddenly snapped into focus. She had
rarely felt so awake and alive in her life, when she was
just herself.
Madoka: As opposed to when her other four personalities joined her?
It was almost like it felt when she
transformed into Tennis Warrior Jupiter. I feel ready to
run a thousand miles, she thought. "Maybe you're right."
Madoka: Oh.
With her free hand, she stole one of his fries. "Thanks
for the fry."
"Hey!" He laughed. "I've got a puzzle for you."
"Do I get more fries if I'm right?"
Laughing, he said, "Maybe. You don't have to tell me
the answer; it's just one of those things that helps one
think about one's priorities. Imagine if the world was
going to be destroyed, and you could only save nine other
people. Four the same sex as you, five of the other sex,
and those ten people would have to repopulate the Earth.
Who would you choose?"
Scott: Interesting. Either Namura's numbers are off, or he expects
something bad to happen at some point.
Akane: Or this could be a fiendish, elaborate ruse to draw the
readers' attention.
Scott: (nods) Yeah, or that.
That is a hard one, she thought. I know you'd be one
of them. "Eep."
He nodded. "Something I've been thinking about."
"Ahh, so you've decided you've had enough and you're
going to flood the world?" She laughed. "Should I call
you Kami-sama now?"
"Not yet." That made her laugh even more.
Madoka: (Namura) There are those who call me... Tim.
*********
By the fourth night, Jupiter was starting to worry.
They needed to practice, but Moon and Mars seemed to be
more and more exhausted all the time. "Go home," she
said. "We're not accomplishing anything here."
"But...we have to be ready to fight Jinnai!" Moon said,
staggering to her feet from where she had been slumped
over on the bench.
"Go home and sleep." It wasn't just them. People all
over Tokyo seemed to be tired all the time. She seemed
to be immune, and so were a few other people. It wasn't
that she was a Tennis Warrior; Moon and Mars were
zonked as well. "I'm going to call in sick tomorrow and
finally go scout out Shinonome; We're going to need as
many Tennis Warriors as we can get."
Madoka: ...As cannon fodder.
They nodded and staggered off home.
*********
Luna stared at the coffeepot and frowned; surely the
Koishikawa/Matsuura coffeepot couldn't be a youma, but
the Mercury computer was quite sure that it was the
cause of everyone in the house except her being
exhausted all the time. She approached it warily, then
pounced. Best to take it out before it had time to assume
its monster form.
Akane: Normally, when they say "Mr. Coffee," they don't mean -that-.
It fell off the counter and shattered, spilling cold
coffee everywhere, including onto Luna. Nothing
particularly evil happened, unless you counted the smell.
However...there was something about it. She felt a little
weaker.
Scott: Weak as a kitten? ^_^
Not the coffeepot, she realized. The coffee. The
Dark Kingdom must have tainted Tokyo's coffee supply.
Fixing this one was gonna be difficult.
When she heard movement upstairs, she realized that
wouldn't be the only hard thing to fix; the parentals were
NOT going to be pleased that Miki's pet kitty had busted
their coffeepot. She had only one choice; she'd been
saving it for a future wedding gift, but...desperate times
require desperate measures.
She leaped into the air, doing a triple roll, backflip
and tail slash, the spell which opened up her subspace
storage facility and extracted...the Moon Coffeepot. With
[All three stare and collpse laughing.]
Scott: I have to say, as magical widgets go, that's pretty useful.
luck, no one would notice the difference. Sure the old
one was black, while this one was white with yellow
crescent moons all over it and gaudy gems everywhere,
Madoka: It's a little-known fact that all designers and artisans of
the Moon Kingdom were six-year-olds.
Akane: That would explain a lot, actually.
but when a coffee fiend wants their morning coffee, they
don't care WHAT the pot looks like as long as they get
their burnt beans in water the way they like it.
**********
Meiko watched the army of student drones limp along
into the school. Why is everyone so tired all the time,
Scott: Question mark.
she wondered. Then she heard the sound of two pairs of
feet running at high speed. A dust cloud erupted around
the oncoming bodies; one of which sped on past her,
while the other simply jogged in place, slowly digging
herself into a hole in the ground.
Akane: Well, Miki does have a talent for digging herself in deeper
all the time....
"HiMeikoHowareyoutoday? Ifeelgreat!" Miki exclaimed at
about a thousand miles an hour.
"I'm fine. Did you have a little too much coffee this
morning?"
"JustonecupandnowI'mreadytocircletheEarthinseconds."
Miki paused for breath, several breaths, about fifty in 2
seconds.
Scott: The perfect wedding gift: Hypertension.
She ran round and round Meiko, circling her
about every four seconds. "Cmonandrunwithme! Itsfun!"
Madoka: Four seconds is actually a pretty long time to run around one
person.
"Miki, have you noticed how everyone is so tired? I
think the monsters must have done something." Meiko
gave up trying to address Miki face to face; Meiko
couldn't make her head rotate three hundred and sixty
degrees.
Akane: Yet.
Madoka: Namura ought to be able to, though.
"Dontdrinkcoffee,itsucksyourenergy."
"How did you get so hyper then?" Meiko didn't think
that was right; she had been drinking coffee herself.
"MagiccoffeepotohwaitIwasn'tsupposedtomentionthat!"
Meiko laughed. What an imagination you have, Miki.
Scott: Meiko Akizuki, still in denial.
Madoka: She's moved in all her possessions and taken up permanent
residence there.
*********
"Have I done well, my Queen?" Jinnai asked.
"Amazingly well. We can carry out your plan AND you
have greatly added to the supply of energy I am storing in
order to release Queen Metallia."
"And Youma Bonjovina, I assume."
"Should I be mangling you now?"
Akane: She has to ask?
"Not until I fail. And I swear, I will NEVER FAIL
AGAIN! I will kill the Tuxedo Warriors! And then..."
"Tennis Warriors."
"And then I'll force Makoto to watch EVERY episode
of Melrose Place! And when his brains run out his ears,
I'll lock him in a room with nothing but CERAMIC COWS
FOR ETERNITY! BWAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!!!!!!"
Time to increase his medication, Beryl thought.
Just as she was about to signal for them to cut to
the next scene, Youma Xerox ran in. "I think I've found
them! I think I've found them!"
Madoka: The Little Youma Who Could.
Scott: Except, well, it can't.
"My other two generals?
"Your other two generals!" Youma Xerox paused for
breath. "Your other two generals!"
"It's not Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon again, is
it?"
"I never repeat the same mistake twice." Youma
Xerox said. "I never repeat the same mistake twice."
Akane: Shouldn't Xerox -always- repeat the same mistake twice?
"Bring them in."
Two men came in, one tall and thin, the other
shorter and fat with a thick black moustache. Both wore
faintly archaic clothing, including bowlers. The fatter
one turned to the thinner one and said, "Well, this is
another fine mess you've gotten us into, Stan."
"Well, at least they're both male this time," Beryl
said, trying to look on the brighter side.
Scott: Hey, I'd give them even odds against any two of the tennis
people...
Jinnai frowned. "You don't need another general! You
have me!"
"Exactly."
***********
Makoto Mizuhara stared at the plans on the table. I
can't believe I'm doing this, he thought. Nanami had been
driving him hard ever since the giant head had appeared
in the sky; she could be just as obsessive as her brother,
although it was a lot rarer.
Madoka: Or a lot sneakier, as the case may be.
If any of these things actually work, it'll be a
miracle, he thought. We should leave this to the Tennis
warriors. But he couldn't.
Scott: As a matter of principle?
Akane: Or because otherwise this entire scene would be pretty
pointless.
Not when Jinnai had named
him specifically. What did I ever do to Jinnai? Besides
be friends with his sister.
He glanced over at Nanami, who was busy target
shooting with a super-soaker. Makoto thanked the Kamis
that Japan had strong gun control laws, or she would
have probably been toting an M-16. "We ought to leave
Scott: I'd say "probably have been." Sounds better, IMO.
this to the police and the Tennis Warriors, you know."
"We can't, and you know it. This is family business.
Madoka: Or, given her mercenary inclinations, Family business.
Akane: (Brando) Y'know wh' I'm sayin'?
And they won't let me deal with him like he deserves."
Her shooting was pretty good, although high accuracy
with a water gun wasn't really possible. All they had to
do was hit him, anyway, if the stuff worked. It was a
sedative mixed with some chemicals which would cause
the sedative to soak in through Jinnai's skin and into his
bloodstream. Makoto hoped it would work, but was afraid
Jinnai's penchant for suits would slow it down too much;
he rarely had much exposed flesh except for his crazed
face. "He's finally gone too far."
Scott: Threatening to blow up a city? Yeah, I'd guess that'd do it.
"I dunno if skipping school for the entire week's a
good idea, though."
"We need the time to prepare, and I convinced my
parents I'm broken up over my brother turning to crime
and that I need some time off. So they called the school."
Akane: You've got to wonder what her parents are like, to have ended
up with kids like Jinnai and Nanami.
He nodded. "Yeah, but my folks are gonna KILL me
when they find out."
"If we don't stop Jinnai, we'll all die anyway, and it
won't matter."
Compared to his parents when they got mad, dying
horribly didn't look all that bad to Makoto.
**********
Far away, Sailor Pluto stopped crying and began
further following up a recurring plot thread. She glared
at Tennis Warrior Pluto. "I can't let you get away with
changing history like this!"
Scott: Rather unfortunate that she already has, then.
Tennis Warrior Pluto laughed. "Even if you were
right, you couldn't beat me. And you're not right. And you
know it."
"Really? Then what DID change this timeline?"
Madoka: Furbies run amok.
Tennis Warrior Pluto thought for a moment.
"Remember that Madonna-Pluto?"
Pluto remembered FAR too well. "Right. I'll take
her before the Council of Plutos! I'll have her head!" She
vanished.
She must be too tense to think to fall for that,
Madoka: One of the pitfalls of time travel. You always run into
problems with the tenses.
Tennis Warrior Pluto thought. But then, if she had been
one of the smarter ones, that goddess would never have
slipped this past her. Not my problem now; she can't
reenter this timeline without my permission. Hmm.
Time to go recruit Uranus and Neptune. I just hope
Neptune doesn't try to fondle me again. She raised her
Key-Staff and vanished.
Akane: Neptune and Uranus are... them?
Scott: Appropriate. Frightening, but appropriate.
Madoka: Look on the bright side. At least neither of them is Saturn.
**********
Ryouko-sensei was frustrated. She'd spent the
entire day wandering around Shinonome, looking at
hundreds of students and NONE of them was Tennis
Warrior Mercury. Where was she? Enigmatic and
confusing as the Mercury computer could be, it had been
clear that TW Mercury went to this school. Unless maybe
she's sick, Ryouko thought, sighing. I would pick the one
day she misses, probably.
Finally, she gave up and went to talk to Fujisawa-
sensei as the students streamed off towards home. She
found him grading papers and drinking sake. Toss. "C."
Toss, but not as far. "B." Toss. This one only went two
inches. "A." He looked up. "Momoi-san!"
Scott: I only wish that some of my professors would use this grading
system...
"Fujisawa-san. Good to see you." She came over and
sat down in one of the student desks. "This has been a
frustrating day."
"Sake?" He offered her a glass.
Madoka: Yes, it is.
She downed it with one gulp. "Thanks."
"Are you going to be teaching here now?" Fujisawa
asked. "Or are you just honoring me with a visit?"
I should have checked out the soccer team, Ryoko
suddenly realized. That was Mercury's specialty in the
White Gold Millenium. "Does Shinonome have a soccer
team?"
Akane: Nice non-sequitur there.
"Not right now. The coach got fired for sleeping
with one of his students, and the team collapsed. It was
a pretty good one, though. How is your tennis team
doing?"
Scott: Hmm... what a coincidence. :p
Akane: Imagine what would've happened if it'd been the principal.
Scott: I'd rather not, thanks.
"We have a big tournament with Tomobiki coming up
in a few days; it's going to be pretty tough." She held out
the glass. "More, please."
He filled her cup, which she only sipped this time.
"Our tennis team couldn't play its way out of a box of
tissue paper. Our mountaineering team, led by me, is
number one in Japan!" He leaped onto his desk and posed
triumphantly. "You're welcome to join us if you ever have
time on the weekend."
She'd gone mountaineering with Fujisawa before;
she lacked the level of insane dedication to do it a
second time. "I'll check my schedule."
Madoka: Smart. Fighting monsters is less dangerous.
"Sake?"
Akane: My sake? Your sake?
Scott: Pete's sake.
"Yes, please."
He poured her another glass. "You know that giant
head over the city the other day?"
Madoka: Giant head, giant head... nope, doesn't ring a bell.
"Hmm?" She paused in mid-swallow.
"One of our more delinquent students. He was
Student Body President, but they've impeached him in
absentia. A real tragedy, although I always thought the
boy would go bad one day."
"I don't suppose that 'Makoto Mizuhara' goes here
too?"
Fujisawa nodded. "He and Jinnai's sister Nanami
are in one of my classes.
Scott: Oh, great; Sailor Mercenary.
They've both been absent since
then; I don't doubt the boy's hiding from Jinnai, and I
think she's his girlfriend, so she's probably with him."
This is worth investigating, she thought. After I
have one more glass of sake.
*********
Meiko was about to give up and go home when Miki
came running up. "I'm sorry I'm late! Luna managed to
lock herself in the bathroom and I had to help try and get
her out."
Akane: They say pets and their owners begin to resemble each other...
Madoka: So... which is which, in this case?
Laughing, Meiko said, "Sometimes your cat seems so
smart and sometimes..."
Scott: Whichever it is, it looks like they were right.
Sitting down, Miki said, "I know." She picked up a
menu. "Will you be coming to our tournament?"
"Of course, Miki. You've been preparing really hard
for it."
Akane: (Meiko) But I can't pay attention to the game. Sensei will be
there.
"Yep!" She called the waitress over and ordered a
burger and fries and a thick orange shake. "Ryoko-sensei
had to go do some stuff today, so we didn't have special
practice tonight."
"I think Setsuna's a little jealous that Ryoko-
sensei's been having special practice sessions with you.
I've heard a few other people whispering too."
Scott: Huh. And here I thought Setsuna would prefer to have special
practice sessions with Ginta...
Akane: Hentai.
Scott: What? Setsuna and Miki might make a good couple...
Madoka: Besides, she's already got everyone -else- interested in her,
why not Setsuna too?
Miki blushed. I wish I could tell you the truth. It's
eating me up, not being able to tell my best friend. "I
just..."
Ginta's voice interrupted her. "Mind if we join you?"
He was standing nearby with Arimi on his arm.
All: (Miki) Yes.
If Miki had been a 'toon, she would have had steam
Scott: <facepalm> That was uncalled-for.
coming out of her ears. I can't believe they're already
doing that! I mean, okay, it's just like holding hands,
but...but... She choked back her fuming as best she could.
"Sure." She scooted over. "Here's some room for you,
Ginta."
Arimi fumed for a second herself when Ginta sat
down, then she scooted in by Meiko and got a menu. "We
decided to take the chance to go on a _date_", she
emphasized the last word especially, "since Ginta will be
busy this weekend with his big game."
Madoka: (Arimi) Yep, deer season already. Where does the time go?
"You'll come cheer me and Miki on, won't you, Arimi?"
Akane: And Ginta, with all his usual subtlety, blows it again.
Madoka: Fortunately, nobody notices.
he asked, then turned to Miki. "I'm really impressed by
how hard you've been practicing."
"I'm in the top of my form!" Miki said, smiling. "I
hope you've been practicing for when we do doubles."
Scott: You know--
Akane & Madoka: (glaring) Don't.
Scott: (sighing) But... but it's so -easy-...
"Is Yuu coming to the game?" Arimi asked.
"I think so," Miki said. "And Meiko will be there
too."
"Good. You'll have someone to head home with,
since Ginta and I will be going on a date after the
Tournament to celebrate his victories." Arimi smiled at
Miki, who twitched quietly. "Perhaps you should ask Yuu
if he wants to come along and make it a double date."
Madoka: Arimi's entire side of this conversation is extremely
bizarre. Can even Miki be that clueless? (pause) Silly question. Of
course she can.
Ginta gave Arimi an odd look, but she just kept
smiling.
"Maybe I will," Miki said stubbornly.
"You could bring your boyfriend Miwa, if you want to
come along, Meiko," Arimi said.
"He is NOT MY BOYFRIEND!"
Scott: She keeps saying that. We all know what that means, in
anime...
Akane: Wishful thinking.
**********
Eventually, they were all full and ready to head for
home. As they walked down the street, however, they
had an unexpected visitor. She looked suspiciously like a
huge coffee can with arms, legs, a head, and a big wide
brimmed sombrero. In other words, she would have made
a good Dr. Who monster.
Madoka: So the budget for this episode was running low?
Akane: Ah, the Dark Kingdom always did have a silly side.
Scott: Yep. Just a bundle of laughs.
Miki's eyes widened, then she said, "Meiko, Ginta!
RUN! I'll...I'll hold it off!"
Akane: Dump it into a hot spring... solve two problems at once.
Arimi nodded. "Get out of here! At least it won't get
all of us!"
Ginta shook his head. "I'm the man here. You three
Madoka: That's questionable. ^_^
run! I'll deal with it!" He stepped forward, interposing
himself between them and the huge coffee monster.
"I won't leave you here to die," Meiko said, getting
her mechanical pencil out of her pocket, despite her legs
shaking with fear. Maybe I can give it lead poisoning, she
thought. "You can't fight this thing any better than I can."
Scott: Hehehe.
Arimi and Miki each grabbed one of Ginta's
shoulders, picked him up, and carried him back by Meiko.
"Let us handle this," Miki said.
"Yeah. I wouldn't want my...boyfriend to die," Arimi
said to Ginta, suddenly looking intensely serious.
Akane: Or possibly just getting a headache. It's hard to tell.
He stared at her. Is she just trying to make Miki
jealous or...does she really...no, that's not possible, he
thought. Although she is kinda cute, but...Miki is the one
I...love. And I have to protect her. "I can't let you two
sacrifice yourself for me!" He charged the coffee
monster. "Run while you can!"
"Ginta you idiot!" Miki shouted, then looked over at
Arimi. Maybe we should transform, she thought. Ginta
and Meiko would keep our secret.
Madoka: Ginta would, for about a week, before he slipped and spilled
it. Tell Meiko and the entire city will know by that time.
"DEATH TO DECAF!" The coffee monster shouted,
swatting Ginta aside. He flew across the street, across
five tables in a street cafe, and through a plate glass
window.
Akane: Ouch.
The monster then turned to Miki, Meiko, and
Arimi. "GIVE ME ALL YOUR ENERGY!"
Scott: (Youma) Your energy or your life! Oh, wait...
Tacky black streamers of energy shot out at all
three of them. Miki fell to her knees, feeling all her
strength draining out. So did Arimi. "It's so strong,"
Miki muttered.
Madoka: Strong coffee... should be having the opposite effect.
Akane: Well, something about 'weak' -would- make a better play on
words in this paragraph...
Arimi staggered to her feet, got three steps
forward, then fell down. "Wiped out...can't
move...talking...in...slow...motion..."
Miki couldn't even hear Meiko; she was sure Meiko
must have passed out.
Scott: Passed out what?
Then there was a scream from the coffee youma,
and the black streamers evaporated. Meiko was
screaming too, but not for any discernable reason; it was
the coffee youma that now had a mechanical pencil stuck
in its arm. It recovered a few seconds later and
innudated her in black streamers, but they just rolled off
her body.
Scott: Now this is interesting...
Miki charged forward, as did Arimi, but they still
felt weak, and a fair number of turtles could have
outraced them. Thus, they were not fast enough to stop
it from picking her up with one hand and saying, "I can't
take your energy, but I can beat you to death!"
Akane: Or bore her to death with stock villain dialogue. Either
way. ^_^
Miki got ready to scream in horror, or maybe
transform, but then everything went still. A faint
cascade of notes sounded, and a voice spoke from the top
of a nearby telephone pole. "Strangling young girls isn't
very nice. Although I can understand failing to
appreciate having a pencil stuck in your arm. I, Tennis
Mask, will punish you!" The speaker had short hair and
Scott: -Tennis- Mask? Oh boy. -Everyone- really does have a secret
ID, then...? ^_^;;;
was wearing an Astroboy mask. He was carrying a
backpack mounted tennis ball launcher, which he opened
up on the unfortunate Youma with. Driven back by the
Madoka: He was also carrying a piano. For the music.
barrage, it dropped Meiko, who collapsed unconscious
from fear.
"This just isn't my day. First the girl resists my
powers, then I get attacked by some whacko with a
perching fixation! I need a Latte and I need it fast. I'll
be BACK!" the Youma shouted, then vanished, leaving only
the distinctive smell of black coffee behind.
"Th...thank you!" Miki said.
"Just doing my bit. I suggest you get your friends
home; I'll deal with this thing if it comes back."
"We can deal with it," Arimi said.
"Not unless you're hiding high caliber weaponry on
you," Tennis Mask said. "And your friends need you more
than you need revenge."
Akane: With friends like these... ^_-
Miki nodded. "You get Ginta, I'll help Meiko."
The rest of their night was more peaceful.
*********
Eye Catch:
[We see Super Deformed Ginta, Super Deformed Miki,
and Super Deformed Yuu doing a cancan line. Ginta and
Yuu are wearing skirts and look REALLY embarrassed.
They go back and forth across the screen, faster and
faster, round and round a pair of chairs, until finally the
music stops and they all scramble for a chair. Yuu and
Ginta both grab one leaving Miki stranded. They turn to
each other, they yelp silently, knowing what the
eyecatches in Marmalade Boy always insinuate. Zoom out
on Miki looking shocked.]
Scott: This... was inspired.
[Madoka fast-forwards past the commercial.]
Scott: The fanfic commercial is one thing I never really cared for.
Stylistically, it usually doesn't work out, and even when it fits
(like in Stephen Tsai's Kimagure Orange College), it's often jarring.
Very few are funny enough to justify breaking the story, IMO. On the
other hand, I do like the eyecatches -- they're so Marmalade Boy --
and they might not make sense to have without the commercial, so...
************
Eyecatch:
[We see SD Meiko skating along with SD Miwa on one
side of her and SD Na-chan on the other. As they zoom
along, we see Miki and Meiko's little robot tape recorder
in the way. Just as Miwa is about to trip on it, it
suddenly reaches out, grabs Na-chan and hurls him into
space, where we see him land on the space shuttle while
it is working on the new space station. Back on earth,
Meiko stares at the robot while Miwa surrepetiously
shows the audience a remote control and a home
electronics guide. Iris out.]
Scott: YES! Thank you.
*********
Ryoko woke up the next morning with a hangover,
confused as to what had happened to her. She'd gotten
home, somehow. I didn't have THAT much to drink, did I?
Madoka: If you have to ask...
There was a message on the answering machine
from Luna to call her, so she did. After fifteen rings,
Luna finally answered. "I'm in the backyard where they
won't hear me; don't call when everyone's still home."
"Uhh...pain. You called?"
"I've found out why everyone is so exhausted. The
Dark Kingdom has cursed Tokyo's coffee using a coffee
youma. It attacked Miki and Arimi last night. They might
know your secret identities. We have to uncurse all of
Tokyo's coffee to stop them draining energy from
everyone who drinks it."
"But I haven't had any trouble with it."
"Maybe they worded the curse badly. Anyway, we'll
meet at Tokyo Tower at five.
Akane: I knew Tokyo Tower had to show up sooner or later.
Madoka: And probably get destroyed at some point.
We'll need to get high up in
the air to do an exorcism."
"Okay. I don't suppose there's an ancient White Gold
Millenium Hangover cure you can recommend?"
"We'd need Serenity's Ring for it. Or Klatchian
Coffee. But Klatch doesn't exist in this century."
Scott: Gratuitous Discworld references. Don't you just love them?
"I'll see what a cold shower can do."
Akane: Believe me, you don't want to know...
It got her quite wet, for what that was worth.
**********
"I've found them, your highness!" Youma Xerox said.
"I've found them, your highness!"
Queen Beryl sighed. "What is it this time? David
Spade and Chris Rock?"
"This time, I did my research. I found a large
number of stories linking them romantically, so I'm quite
certain I actually picked two lovers, this time."
Queen Beryl frowned. "And they're both male?"
"Yes, my queen."
"And from this universe?"
"Yes, my queen."
"And alive?"
Madoka: Always a desirable quality in a general.
"Yes, my queen."
"It's not David Bowie and Mick Jagger again?"
"No my queen."
"Or Edie Brackell and Steve Tylor?"
"I told you they were both male this time; although
those lips...I was sure they had to be Youma or
something."
Akane: Beryl should be asking if they're halfway intelligent.
Scott: You can't expect miracles, you know...
"If one of them is Anne Heche in disguise again, I'm
going to kill you."
"Can I just go ahead and bring them in?"
Beryl sighed. "Let's get on with it."
Youma Xerox ushered out the two men. William
Shatner looked around the dark gloomy room full of nasty
pointy things, some of them even not organic, turned to
Leonard Nimoy and said, "This. Is. Not. A. Star. Trek.
Convention."
Madoka: Wrong fandom.
"I suspect this may be someone's revenge for those
comments you made on Saturday Night Live a few years
ago, Bill. Now you know why I've never had 'I am not
Spock' reprinted."
"Assessment of the situation, Leon?"
"I must logically conclude we are screwed,
Captain."
Akane: Right as usual.
Youma Xerox tensed, seeing Beryl was frowning.
"Did I screw up again? Did I screw up again?"
"So, you're William Shatner?"
"Yes. I. Am. William. Shatner," he said.
"Youma Xerox. Send Mr. Shatner to the Ego Deflation
Room. I want to see if there's anything left of him after
they finish. And send Mr. Nimoy back to Earth. Then go
close a door on your head fifty times. I'll have to see
about finding my last two generals myself."
Youma Xerox was happy to get off so lightly; he had
been afraid she would assign him to sorting poisons by
taste again.
**********
Ryoko stared at her students with the feeling she
had forgotten something. A quick check revealed that she
was dressed, so that wasn't the problem.
Scott: ...Oooookay. Even I'm not going to touch that one. O_o;
She had been
looking for someone or something. After wasting a few
more seconds, she gave up worrying about it. I'm sure I'll
think of it later.
***********
Miki walked home from Torio with Meiko and Yuu
that afternoon. "Are you sure you're okay, Meiko?"
Akane: (Meiko) I'm Okay. You're Okay.
Scott: We're -allllllllll- okay!
Her eyes were shining. "I'm just fine, Miki. Are you
sure you're okay?"
"I'm not the one who got hit," Miki said. "You and
Ginta got tossed around by her, trying to protect us when
we should have been..."
Yuu put a hand on Miki's shoulder. "You should have
all run. You could have been hurt trying to protect her,
Miki. It's very noble of you, but you can't fight something
like that any more than she could."
Miki felt a faint thrill run through her, along with a
bit of aggravation.
Madoka: Ah. The "Yuu feeling" strikes again.
I can TOO protect her, she thought. I
just can't tell anyone. But it's nice of you to worry about
me, Yuu. "If I'd had my tennis racket, I'd have shown that
Youma a thing or too."
Yuu laughed. "You may be Ryoko-sensei's pet, but
you're hardly one of the Tennis Warriors, Miki."
"Maybe I should call myself Pencil Warrior Meiko,"
Meiko said, laughing.
Akane: Don't encourage her... please?
"Miki might make a good sidekick for the Tennis
Warriors, though. Every superhero needs some hapless
person to rescue."
"YUU!!!" She chased him off down the street, soon
vanishing from Meiko's sight.
Scott: Gotta watch for those sinkholes.
Meiko smiled, then began skipping down the street,
feeling a little silly. She knew a little secret they
didn't, one that made her feel much safer. I just have to
find some way to let him know he needs a better disguise
without letting him know I saw through it. I'm sure he'll
tell me when he's ready, but...She laughed. What a
ludicrous disguise.
She was so busy laughing, she walked right into
something. Her face bounced off some guy's chest.
"Akizuki-san, you need to look where you are going."
Scott: In the anime, Miwa just called her "Akizuki."
"You shouldn't get in my way, Miwa-san!" Stupid
Class President, she thought, then sidestepped him. "And
DON'T follow me home!"
Akane: (Miwa) I was hoping you'd keep me.
Scott: On a serious note... Miwa is Student Council President, isn't
he?
He got in her way again. Thunk. "Meiko, I heard you
got attacked last night."
"It wasn't so tough after I stabbed it in the arm and
..a masked Tennis Warrior chased it off with a tennis
ball cannon. It couldn't even hurt me with its powers."
Satoshi frowned. "Meiko, just because that one was
weak doesn't mean the next one will be."
Madoka: Miwa doesn't even question any of this. You've gotta love
this guy.
"I've got someone watching over me, and he isn't
YOU," she said, then stepped around him. "I've got
Akane: Several someones, since Miwa -is-.
homework. Now get out of my way."
"Akizuki-san." His voice was serious now. "This is
the fourth time you've been attacked by one. I think
they're after you for some reason."
Scott: Jealousy. Who knew Meiko was so popular?
She faltered. "Our entire school was attacked one
of those times, you know."
"Have you told your parents?"
"My parents wouldn't care if a Youma chopped me up
and served me to them for dinner."
Akane: Sure they'd care! There'd be an argument over whether red
wine or white was proper.
Her voice was faint.
"They both wish I'd never been born."
The shock on his face made it clear that was NOT
what he expected to hear. "They...that's awful, Akizuki-
san."
"It's none of your business, Miwa-san." She turned
away, but not fast enough for him to not see a tear
running down from her left eye. "Just leave me alone."
As she strode away, he tried to understand why he
liked her. Some of it, he had to admit, was the challenge.
He liked a good challenge. And some of it was...He wanted
to make her smile.
Scott: Notice that Miwa and Michael, the two guys who had as their
motivation making the girls happy, were the only two not to be paired
up at the end of the anime? Speaking of which, I hope we see Michael
turn up in this fic. And An too. It's based on anime continuity
anyway, since Ryouko appears...
Most people couldn't see the pain she
hid away, but he could. There had to be some way to
make it stop; he hadn't understood where it came from
before. His own family life often wasn't too great, but it
hadn't been that bad, either.
And now...she was in danger. He knew it with the
same certainty that he knew his own name or where he
kept his golf clubs or what color socks he was wearing.
Madoka: Gratuitous in-joke. I like it.
Akane: What... color socks are you wearing?
Scott: (Miwa) Blue! ...No,--aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!
Not as much danger as last night. Something had
happened. He was missing a half hour; somehow he had
gotten from his house to halfway across town. Just
before it happened, he'd had the feeling that Meiko was in
danger and then...it was all fuzzy. He'd been trying to
find her; he knew that much. Running about like a
madman. He hadn't realized how much he cared until that
point. He hadn't found her; he was sure of that.
Madoka: So he had suspicions regarding an unfounded Meiko?
Akane: Close enough.
He sighed and put Meiko out of his mind for the
moment. His cousin, Sakuma Suzu, had been caught
sneaking out of her house in the middle of the night by
her parents again. The tenth time in a month. She
wouldn't tell them why, and she wouldn't stop. They'd
asked him to come by and try to find out what she was up
to; he was sure it was probably a stupid crush, like the
one she had had on the Hayama boy for a while.
Scott: Imagine Suzu and Sana in the same room.
Madoka: Imagine Miwa and Hayama in the same room.
Scott: Point.
At least she wouldn't keep walking into me, he thought.
***********
Youma Coffee Can tried to stop them from exorcising
all of Tokyo's coffee. By the time it was done, they
discovered that you could make some good cappuchino
with what was left of her after she disintegrated,
shouting, "JUAN VALDEZ!" The Tennis Warriors were
hyper for the rest of the day.
Akane: Cannibalism. Just what I look for in my heroic role models.
***********
The entire Torio High School Tennis Team was tense
for two reasons. First of all, they were about to have a
big tournament against Tomobiki High School, and
Tomobiki's students had a reputation for...levelling
everything in sight. Every day. Secondly, a giant head
had appeared over the city a week earlier and tonight
was the night that it would destroy the city if the Tennis
Warriors didn't show up. This had everyone just a little
tense, although the government was saying it had just
been a publicity stunt for the Softball Warrior V TV
Scott: Aha, so it -is- Softball Warrior V, and not Tennis.
show. Why they were closing Tokyo International Airport
for a publicity stunt...
Twenty minutes after the starting time, the
Tomobiki team hadn't shown up. Just as the referees
were about to declare a forfeit, a motorcycle roared
across the campus to the tennis courts, ridden by a
beautiful woman with long legs and longer black hair.
She leaped off the motorcycle and said, "I'm afraid we're
going to have to reschedule; the team had a brawl in the
school bus and now we're trying to keep it from turning
into an intergalactic incident."
Madoka: (Ryouko) That's all right, half our team is going to fight to
save the city later tonight, so we should really rest anyway.
Ryoko and Namura were not the sort of people who
boggle easily, but... "An INTERGALACTIC incident?"
Namura-sensei asked.
"I told them participating in an interplanetary
exchange program was a bad idea."
"Interplanetary..." Ryoko shook her head. I don't
want to know. "Two weeks from now is open."
"Sounds good to me."
Akane: I guess we know when the next major youma attack will be. Or
-an- attack, anyway.
***********
The good thing about the tournament being cancelled
is that Yuu, Miki, Arimi and Ginta had more time for their
"double date".
Madoka: Of course, the purpose of that double date had been to
celebrate the team's victory...
The bad thing was that this was the same
that Tokyo was threatened with destruction by General
Jinnai. The REALLY bad thing was that somehow,
Rokutanda had found out about it.
Scott: Rokutanda finds out about everything. Murphy's Law has it in
for him, or something.
In practical terms, he
was an annoyance now, and guaranteed to mean trouble;
the death of everyone in the city was only a possibility.
It started as they got in line at the movie theatre
behind some loudmouthed huge dark guy with an ugly hat
covered with buttons. He was bellowing something about
some auto club to a blonde guy with spikey hair standing
by him.
Akane: Going all-out with the cameos in this chapter, aren't we?
I've lost count.
They tried to talk over him, but this was like
trying to talk over a Motorhead concert. While sitting
next to the speakers.
Miki could see Yuu's lips move, but all she could
hear was, "So then I put a V-2 rocket in that motorcycle
and BOY did she move like a [censored]. You shoulda seen
Aoshima's face when..." Even when she stood by him and
tried to put her ear next to his mouth, it was still almost
impossible to hear him. Yuu finally gave up and pointed.
She looked and saw Rokutanda, chartreuse hair and all,
Scott: Lavender, if you're using the anime coloration. Chartreuse is
a sort of sickly yellow-green shade. Unless, of course, I'm
forgetting something.
dressed in a trenchcoat, sunglasses, and Boris Badenov
hat, half hidden behind a lightpole.
Scott: The Trenchcoat Brigade's fifth column?
Akane: More like fifth wheel.
She nudged Arimi and Ginta, and Arimi stormed
over to him, and began to chew him out. Well, she tried.
Her fingers waggled and her body language said, 'die', but
all he could hear was the all-conquering monologue,
which had now moved on to the glories of some kind of
car engine that ran on spam.
Finally, she just pulled down his hat over his eyes
and stormed back, then delivered a long monologue on the
evils of Rokutanda that no one could hear.
Madoka: She and Jinnai should really get together some time. They
seem to have so much in common.
THAT was too
much for her. She tapped the big guy on the shoulder. He
didn't notice, so she punched his shoulder. He didn't
notice. She did sign language at Ginta for three minutes,
and he got the idea. Just as he rared back to punch the
guy's shoulder, the guy bought a ticket and went inside.
The punch nearly shattered the glass, sending the ticket
seller diving for cover. This was an omen.
Akane: Aww... the movie can't be -that- bad...
***********
They changed their chosen movie, just to avoid
'Motormouth' as they had dubbed him. But he kept
changing movies too, and after the fifth move, they gave
up and watched 'Paul Bunyan's Revenge', which appeared
Madoka: (to Akane) You were saying?
Akane: ...
to be some sort of horror movie in which Paul Bunyan and
his Big Blue Ox stalked and killed environmentalists for
refusing to cut down the forest.
Scott: I would probably enjoy this movie immensely. Is that bad?
Akane: Not as long as you don't admit it.
On the one to ten scale
of date movies where one is perfect and ten is less fun
than being tortured by the Viet Cong, it was about a
thirty.
Scott: I think I took my last girlfriend to that movie. Only it was
called "In the Company of Men."
Madoka: That was a good movie...
Scott: True, but as a "date movie," I think Urotsukidoji has it beat.
Arimi fell asleep after the first five minutes.
Ginta was asleep too, and they were both slumped over on
each other.
Scott: Welllll... I guess it's not a -total- failure as a date
movie... ^_^
Miki sat there and twitched, trying to not go
berserk and storm out or shake them awake and yell at
them. If he's her boyfriend, then that's that, she thought.
At least she can't...I mean...He's not... Fume. Fume. Fume.
Akane: Yet.
Yuu sat there and laughed through the whole thing,
Madoka: Figures, after the MST performance earlier.
especially after the Greenpeace Hit Squad showed up and
started trying to stalk Paul Bunyan.
Scott: ...I want to see this movie. Heck, I've sat through much
worse on cable at 4 AM.
Motormouth kept
talking about the time he took a chainsaw apart and
rebuilt it to be a motor for his bicycle. And Rokutanda
was eating his hat, bit by bit.
About three fourths of the way through the movie,
Rokutanda finally stood up.
Akane: o/~ Stand in the place where you are; now face north.
"GINTA!!!!" His voice actually
rose over Motormouth's monologue. The man turned and
stared at Rokutanda in shock; perhaps this had never
happened before. "HOW DARE YOU GO TO THE MOVIES AND
SLEEP WITH ARIMI!" Several people gasped. Miki
recognized three of them. The rumor mill was about to
be set in motion.
[Scott giggles hysterically.]
Madoka: This all seems horribly familiar, somehow...
Ginta and Arimi slept through this. Yuu turned lazily
and said, "Who she sleeps with is her business. Can't you
wait until the movie is over?"
"THIS MOVIE IS A TRAVESTY!" Rokutanda ran down
the aisle. "GINTA! I CHALLENGE YOU!"
Akane: He should be challenging people to shouting contests. He
couldn't lose.
Ginta began to snore.
Rokutanda began to weep from passion, clenching his
fists and raving about how Ginta always taunted and
humiliated him, how Ginta was trying to steal the woman
he loved, how Tokyo's imminent destruction was all
Ginta's fault.
Scott: True, he was pretty bad, but that's going a bit overboard.
Akane: It's funny. Besides, it took him a while to get better, give
up on Arimi, and finally find Yayoi.
By the time he was done, Yuu and Miki were snoring
too. Been there, done that.
***********
The high moment of fine dining later was having
Rokutanda thrown out.
Madoka: Heh. The scene we always wanted to see.
The low moment was stepping out
of the diner and having Rokutanda still there. Ginta had
finally had enough. "Tomorrow, I'll duel you in a match,
okay? I'm BUSY right now."
Akane: Well, you have to give him points for persistence...
"Right! The loser shaves his head!"
"Looking for an excuse to get a haircut?" Arimi
asked, laughing.
"Ginta! I will CRUSH YOU!" Rokutanda began to
laugh, turned, ran off, and slammed into a lamppost. It
actually bent.
Scott: There you have it, class... density!
***********
Buildings blurred past them as the Tennis Warriors
rode to the airport. The train was empty; the city
seemed empty. While some went about their business,
many people were in hiding, afraid for what would happen
next.
Akane: Kind of hard to hide from the destruction of a city, isn't it?
Madoka: (nods) The obvious solution for the worried would be to leave
the city overnight, wouldn't it?
The Tennis Warriors had transformed as soon as
they saw the train was empty. Moon petted Luna
nervously. "He isn't really strong enough to destroy the
city, is he?"
"Not by himself, but I'm sure he brought friends,"
Luna said. "This is likely a trap."
"Of course it is," Mars said. "That's why we're going
to sneak in over the back fence." She stared out the
window. "I hope Yuu is okay." Hurriedly, she added, "And
Ginta."
"Meiko...she'll be safe, won't she?" Moon asked
Scott: Interesting, their priorities. ^_-
nervously. "I asked Satoshi to keep an eye on her house
and make sure nothing happened, but I mean...it's not like
he can do anything if it does happen but I had to do
something and..."
Madoka: Oh, boy. Miki better hope Meiko doesn't find out she asked
Miwa.
"Shinichi called me," Jupiter said faintly. "And
told me he was worried about me; that he had a
premonition about me being in danger today. I had to lie
to him and swear I wouldn't go near the airport," she
said, staring at the floor. "He was really worried."
"Ginta wanted to come and stay with me tonight
until it was all over,"
Akane: Heh. Any chance she's telling the truth?
Scott: I give it about 10%.
Madoka: Maybe 2%.
Mars said, continuing to stare out
the window. "I had to make up an excuse about illness in
my house."
"Yuu went to a 'Destruction of Tokyo' party.
Scott: (rofls) I really like this version of Yuu.
A bunch
of crazy people are going to watch the news and make
bets on when the city will be destroyed,"
Akane: It's pretty hard to collect on that.
Madoka: On the other hand, it is anime, so Tokyo probably will get
levelled at some point.
Moon said, her
voice pained. "He didn't even ask where I was going. He
left just before I did."
Mars started. "Doesn't sound like his kind of party."
Scott: Yes, it does.
Akane: Not that he's not going, though.
"I hope he's going to be okay. It's not near the
airport."
"I'm sure Yuu will be just fine," Jupiter said.
"They'll all be fine, the people we care about. We're going
to fight and we're going to win."
Moon began to perk back up. "Yeah! Jinnai's always
run away from us before. He can't be that tough."
Madoka: Famous Last Words, anyone?
***********
Jinnai leaned against a DC-10 and yawned. The
Tennis Warriors were late. If they took much longer, he
was going to have to destroy the entire city just to
relieve his boredom. All his youma were in place, and the
entire airport staff had been drained of energy to prepare
the way for a KISS reunion tour or whatever Beryl did
with all that energy.
Scott: I'm glad I'm not the only one who beats jokes into the
ground. ^_^
The army too; they'd tried sending
in troops, but Jinnai had easily slurped down all their
energy.
Madoka: (Jinnai) Tastes like chicken.
He felt strong enough to crush Makoto just by
breathing on him. Energy crackled through him, so he
blew up a plane, just because he could, then laughed
maniacally, just because he could, then did the Mazurka
in front of it, just because he could, but not very well.
Akane: Gee, add a soundtrack, and you've got a vaudeville show.
Then the DC-9 stuffed full of Youma he had put to
one side exploded due to the fact that Jinnai had just
sent flaming plane fragments everywhere. Several more
of the parked planes went up in flames. Screaming
youma began running everywhere, howling loudly.
Madoka: Oops.
"You idiots! You're screwing up my plans!" Jinnai
ranted at them. "How DARE you catch fire!"
Scott: (Youma) We can't help it, sir. You shouldn't have picked the
Moth Squad.
"Vandalizing Tokyo International Airport isn't very
nice!" A voice shouted from far down the runway.
Scott: Is there actually a Tokyo International? I know about Narita,
but...
"People need planes and now they'll miss their
connections and lose the frequent flyer miles they could
have been urning!
Akane: "Earning."
Madoka: Unless they're Greeks.
Akane: Bearing gifts, yet.
I will never forgive you!" Tennis
Warrior Moon began showing off the moves she had been
practicing, tossing in a little of the Charleston for good
measure.
Madoka: So not only does Miki have a racquet, but she also knows how
to Swing.
"I am the Lovely Tennis Warrior Moon, and I
will punish you in the name of the Moon!" Mars stood by
her, doing her own routine, which was somewhat more
polished and impressive, but just as pointless.
"Hey! You were supposed to come in the front way
so I could just push a button on this remote control and
make the entire building explode with you in it!" He
waved his remote control around. "Or at least watch you
transform so I could see you naked."
Scott: ...
Akane: Well. That's a new side for Jinnai.
"HENTAI!" Mars shouted. "We're ready for the Match!"
"There's not going to be a match!" He shouted. "This
is a...DEATHTRAP! Youmas! Start the engines
Akane: I thought he said deathtrap, not race.
and run
them down!"
Half the planes were on fire. Most of the rest had
Youma in them who knew nothing about planes. Several
'Fasten Seatbelt' signs did go on. A single plane trundled
to life, turned drunkenly, and began to head right towards
Jinnai, picking up speed. "The Tennis Warriors! THEM!" It
turned and began to lumber towards Mars and Moon.
Madoka: As if youma weren't already a plane.
Akane: Fasten your seatbelts, the ride doesn't get any smoother.
"MOON SLAM!" It only took one energy tennis ball to
smash the front wheels of the plane to flinders. A
flaming ball from Mars took out one of the rear tires and
a second ball from Moon took out the last set of landing
gear. The plane flopped onto the tarmac, then quietly
exploded, nearly crushing Jinnai with flaming chunks of
metal and plastic.
Scott: Looks like the practice paid off.
"Youma, attack them hand to hand!"
Youma began to swarm out of the planes, although
about a third of them saw all the flaming wreckage and
ran back into the planes.
Akane: The smart...
Another third messed up their
jump out of the planes and splatted into the tarmac,
passing out.
Madoka: The not-so-smart...
This still left a good twenty or so youma,
loosely ringing the two senshi.
Akane: And the utterly insane.
Jinnai began to cackle. "I have you now! I see
Jupiter was such a coward she didn't even come!"
A few seconds later, he became the first human in
millenia to be held hostage by having an energy tennis
ball held to his head.
Scott: There's just no way to retain your dignity in that situation.
Incidentally, two ns in "millennia."
Jupiter said, "Sneaking up behind
you, that's where I am. Tell your youma to back off."
"You can't take me hostage! I'm the mastermind
here!"
Madoka: Exactly.
She whacked him in the head with her racket. "Do
it or get zapped."
"Hey, it's a hangglider!" Jinnai said, pointing.
"I'm not stupid, you know," she said. "Tell your
minions to back off." They were getting close enough to
Moon and Mars to fight, but they were all looking up at
the sky. She was sure it was a trick.
"Look out!" a male voice shouted.
"Let me steer if you don't know how!" a female
voice shouted. Jupiter didn't recognize either voice. She
turned and looked about five seconds before Jinnai took
the impact for both of them when the hangglider carrying
two black clad teenagers crashed into them.
Scott: That's... incredibly silly. I like it.
She went tumbling and Jinnai was flung out of her
grasp. The hangglider was reduced to a mangled mess.
The boy staggered out of the wreckage. "I told you this
was a stupid idea!"
"Hey, we surprised him, right?" She looked around,
holding a long sprayer rod connected to a hose connected
to a tank on her back. The boy held a taser and an egg
carton. "There he is! Big Brother, we've come to KICK
YOUR BUTT!"
Akane: I'm going to like this one.
Jinnai staggered to his feet. "I had Jupiter on the
ropes when you decided to INTERFERE! I would be ruling
the world if not for you meddling kids and your little
dog!"
Madoka: So Jinnai is really Mr. Caruthers, the old amusement park
owner?
"I am NOT a dog!" Luna shouted from her hiding
place under a luggage carrier. "I'm a cat!"
"I was going to leave you out of this, Nanami,
because we're family, but now...you DIE!" He rushed
Nanami, who hosed him down with the liquid, splashing
his entire body.
He staggered, starting to look groggy. "What. Have.
You. Done. To. Me?"
Akane: (Nanami) Distilled Shatner.
Madoka: (Jinnai) Nooooooooo!
Then Makoto tasered him. After
bouncing a while, he said, "Hmm. That perked me back
up."
Makoto's jaw dropped. Nanami said, "Use the egg
grenades!" Makoto nodded and unloaded three eggshells
worth of pepper in Jinnai's face.
Scott: A week's warning, and Makoto couldn't work up something better
than that? Hrm.
Jinnai collapsed
sneezing. He might have lost the fight, if ten youma
hadn't peeled off and charged at Nanami and Makoto, who
both took off screaming.
An all out brawl was soon in progress, with Makoto
and Nanami up on top of a luggage cart trying to hold off
their attackers while Jupiter tried to save them, Jinnai
ranted, and Moon and Mars ran around screaming as ten
youma chased them.
Madoka: My god... it's almost like something out of an anime
convention.
Luna hopped up onto the luggage cart. She knew this
girl. And even if she hadn't the sign shining from her
brow would have given her away. "Nanami!"
Nanami paused in hosing down Youma with happy
knockout drugs and said, "You...talk?"
Akane: She can talk, she can talk, she can talk, she can talk...
Madoka: (Luna) o/~ I can siiiiiiiiing!
Luna tossed her a transformation pen, saying, "Take
this and shout, "Damn the Torpedoes!"
Nanami stared at it. "What?"
"Damn the Torpedoes!"
Scott: Whereupon, Luna transformed. Oops. (pause) Actually, that
would probably be pretty interesting.
"Uh...right." This is the weirdest day of my life, she
thought,
Akane: Just wait. It gets better.
as she kicked down a youma trying to climb up onto the
cart. "DAMN THE TORPEDOES! FULL SPEED AHEAD!"
All the air in the airport rushed in on her, forming itself
into a
Scott: Some lines here are wrapping oddly on my screen. Might want
to cut it down to 72 characters to a line. I'll reformat the rest to
compensate.
whirlwind and lifting her into the air. Her clothing ripped apart,
giving nosebleeds to several observing youma.
[Akane slams a throw pillow on Scott's head.]
Scott: Ow. I didn't even say anything yet.
Akane: (shrugs) I used the pillow instead of the table.
Scott: ...
It became dust, and dust became
ribbons, and ribbons merged into a light blue tennis uniform much
like those worn by the other warriors, except that hers had small
wings on the side of the visor. Speed. She felt like she could run
the five minute mile in one minute. Like she could do the Kesel run
in five parsecs. Like the only adequate measurement for her speed
was furlongs per second.
Madoka: Like she'd explode if she travelled more slowly than 50 miles
per hour?
Tennis Warrior Mercury hefted Makoto over one shoulder and
streaked off, carrying him to safety in a nearby hanger, then charged
full tilt into a youma, bodyblocking him into oblivion. Jinnai was
next; she sent him flying into the air, and he landed right in front
of Tennis Warrior Moon, who grabbed him by his tie.
Akane: Shouldn't she be using her racquet and powers?
Scott: Does she have a racquet? It wasn't mentioned.
"We've had enough of you! Give up now!"
"I never give up! Not until I finally BEAT Makoto! It is
time to unleash my ultimate weapon!" He pointed the remote control
and one of the hangers burst open. A huge humanoid figure which
looked like it had been created by welding multiple airplanes together
to get something like Voltron, but even more ludicrous (which you
probably thought wasn't possible). "War Rocket Ajax! Bring me the
head of Makoto Mizuhara!"
Madoka: I'm not sure the parenthetical works. And I think you meant
"hangars."
*********
Meiko frowned. She was supposed to go over to Namura-sensei's
house so they could die together if things really went badly,
Akane: Err... well, that's romantic... I guess.
but she couldn't get out of her house. Not because of her parents;
her father was in Osaka
Scott: Finally, someone smart enough to get out of the city.
and her mother was in the middle of a tryst
with her lover at this very moment. The problem was that Satoshi
was watching her house. She knew why; the man was a love crazed
loon who couldn't get the point. And he probably thinks I'm in
danger.
The whole city is in as much danger as I am personally, she
thought.
Madoka: Forgotten all about her previous conversation?
Akane: Or in denial.
And what would he do if I WAS in danger? He can't fight monsters.
Not and win.
Scott: Want to bet?
She stared out the window, trying to make Satoshi pass out by
force of will. It didn't work; he was still there, big as life and
twice as infuriating. Maybe I should call Na-chan, she thought.
Yes, that's a good idea.
She turned around and a giant can of anthropomorphized
lemonade mix was standing there.
Madoka: Oh, great, Youma Kool-Aid Man. That's frightening.
"You hurt my sister and then she got killed
fighting the Tennis Warriors! Now I'm going to GET EVEN WITH
YOU!"
"How...how did you find me?" She backed up towards the
window.
Akane: (Youma) Looked up your address in the phone book.
"You are marked, child. Marked.
Scott: (Meiko) Darn ink rubbed off on my fingers again...
My sister told me that much before she died. Now you will die!"
Her arms extended like tentacles in animation everywhere, seizing
Meiko's arms with an iron grip. "Now I'll suck out your life
force!" Nothing happened. Lemonade Mix sweatdropped.
Meiko heard running feet below and realized Satoshi could
probably see them through the window. "You know, a lemonade mix
monster just isn't very scary."
"I'm trying as hard as I can!"
Madoka: (Meiko) Yes, you're very trying.
The monster looked around. "I don't know what stopped my power, but
I can hurl you to your death!" She tossed Meiko out the window.
Meiko screamed, flailing futiley. It lasted about two
Scott: "Futilely." Though I'm not sure that's a word.
seconds but seemed like eternity. And then two strong arms caught
her with an 'oof'. For a moment, she hoped it was Na-chan, but it
was Satoshi. "Miwa-kun."
Akane: So he doesn't even rate a 'sempai' after saving her life?
Ouch.
He grinned. "You're welcome," then stared up at the monster.
"What IS that?"
Madoka: (Meiko) Ugly, mean, and mad at us. Run.
"A lemonade mix monster. I stabbed its sister in the arm
with a mechanical pencil and it wants to get even."
Satoshi simply started running. "Whatever. Let's get OUT
of here."
Scott: You have to admire the way so many of the MB crew manage to
take things in stride.
***********
The Tennis Warriors watched in awe as the giant robot stomped
towards them, crushing a 747 which it stepped on. They quickly
assembled to discuss a plan. "I say we trick it into stepping on my
brother," Mercury said.
Scott: Good plan.
"I say we climb up it and attack it from the inside," Jupiter
said.
Akane: Bad plan.
"I say we set it on fire," Mars said.
Madoka: ...Practical plan, provided she can pull it off.
They all turned and looked at Moon, who stared back, not
sure what to do. "I...I'm not sure what to do.
Akane: She announced redundantly.
I mean...it's just so big."
Scott: Nope. Not going to touch that.
Jinnai laughed. "I know what you should do! You should
DIE!"
Madoka: (Jetboy) I can't die yet... I haven't seen 'The Jolson
Story.'
Moon gulped. "Jupiter's plan sounds good. Let's do it."
Soon, they were scaling the great 'bot,
Akane: Which is more frightening: that Miki is choosing plans, or
that the others are following her?
which kept trying to scrape them off, but mainly succeeded in
slapping itself around. Jupiter lead the way, being the strongest
Scott: Led.
and having had some practice doing mountain-climbing. Practice
obtained against her will, but practice none the less. "Too bad
Scott: One word, isn't it? Nonetheless?
Fujisawa-sensei isn't here. He'd love this."
Mercury laughed. "You know him? Yeah, he would."
"And he'd smoke while he did it," Jupiter said, looking
down as she talked. "And then...aaaa!" A youma leaned out of the
mouth of the 'bot and blasted her. She went flying off the 'bot and
landed on Luna in the luggage cart, knocking both of them out.
Madoka: Oops, there go the brains of the operation...
"JUPITER!" Moon shouted in horror.
"Keep climbing!" Mars said. "Screaming won't do any good."
She shuddered. I hope she's okay.
Now, however, they were pinned down by youma blasts,
unable to climb any higher without exposing themselves
Scott: Or, considering the lengths of those skirts, just plain
exposing themselves.
to getting blown off. Moon looked around. "Mercury, make a
diversion, then Mars and I will try and climb up while they're
busy."
"A diversion? Like what?"
"I don't know. Use your attack."
"This isn't a very good place for a body block."
Moon bigsweated.
************
Far across the city, Miwa was running like a maniac. "Put
me down!" Meiko shouted. "I have feet, you know!"
"I'm the crosscountry runner here, not you." Although you
didn't normally CARRY someone when running crosscountry. "I can
handle it." Luckily, like everyone in the MB universe, Meiko was
drawn skinny and thus didn't weight much.
Akane: Weigh. And skinny isn't the word. Anorexic, maybe.
Madoka: Though "slender" is more... complimentary.
And like everyone in that universe, Miwa had long legs,
which helped him keep ahead of Youma Dark Lemonade Mix. Not far
enough ahead, though. He had to keep dodging efforts to drain his
energy. They ran past two cops, but the cops will still filling out
the forms to allow them to fire their guns when Youma Dark Lemonade
Mix drained their energy and thus reassured herself she hadn't
completely lost her touch.
Scott: Watch the tenses in that last sentence. "Were" still filling
out.
This also sped her up, and Miwa knew he couldn't run
forever. He had only one choice; typical suicidal male behavior.
Akane: Not true. There's also begging and pleading, not to mention
abandoning Meiko.
Madoka: Who would have guessed originality would be so un-admirable?
He put Meiko down. "Run! I'll hold it off!"
"But I can't just leave you to die!"
"So you do love me!" He said, grinning, having never
learned when to not press certain points.
Scott: (Meiko) On second thought... bye.
"Miwa no BAKA!" she shouted.
Akane: HEY!
Youma Dark Lemonade Mix reached them. "Now I will..."
Meiko spun on one heel. "You'll shut up until we settle
this!"
Under the force of the verbal assault, Youma Dark Lemonade
Mix wilted and began rocking back and forth on her heels while she
waited for them to finish arguing. She had not yet realized this
was rather like waiting for Niagra Falls to hit bottom.
Madoka: Sound, if unorthodox, strategy. And it's "Niagara."
*********
Jinnai laughed maniacally. This being his default state,
no one was surprised. The Tennis Warriors ignored him and tried to
come up with a clever plan before they fell off the wobbling robot.
Moon had a sudden insight. "Mercury, use your computer to find this
thing's weak point!"
"I have a computer?" Mercury said.
"I think Jupiter left it at home so it wouldn't get broken
and run the batteries down," Mars said. "I have a plan."
"What?"
"I'll climb around and do the diversion while you two
launch the main attack."
Akane: So her big plan is to take Miki's plan and switch herself and
Nanami?
She took a deep breath. "If I die horribly..."
"You won't die," Moon said. "I think we're gonna win!
And thanks for volunteering."
Scott: Oh, that's inspiring...
"You're welcome," Mars said quietly. She then scrambled
around and opened fire with a barrage of flaming tennis balls. Two
youma toppled, but the rest blasted her, and she lost her grip,
plummeting like a rock. The ground closed in, faster and faster
and... someone caught her. The Masked Golfer had arrived.
Akane: But which one?
He was handsome behind his mask, and Mars felt herself melt.
He's so dreamy, she thought, even more so than Yuu. She hadn't
thought that possible. And strong to hold her so easily. "Are you
okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine now," she said, just before he dropped her
Madoka: (winces) Ouch.
and turned to the robot.
"Pick on someone your own size!" he shouted at the robot.
"You're hardly our size," one of the youma pilots shouted
down.
"Exactly! Go fight Giant Robo or Mazinger Z or something!"
The robot got ready to squish him, but meanwhile, Mercury and
Moon scrambled up the front and leaped into the cockpit. A few
balls and body blocks later, the youma were all shouting "Potato!"
and disintegrating. Moon was NOT pleased to have been mistaken for
a potato.
Scott: Err... (blinks) Ok, I missed something.
Mercury looked around, then pushed the 'Go out of control
and attack your maker, then disintegrate' button which had been
installed in the robot since Jinnai had neglected to properly read
the 'Guide to Evil Warlords'. Grabbing Moon, she leaped out of the
robot as it began to chase Jinnai everywhere, tearing up more of the
airport. Along with Mars and the Masked Golfer, they tried to stay
out of its way.
Madoka: It's always the little things that get you.
Jupiter began to stir, just as the robot was about to squash
Jinnai flat. At the last moment, Mercury sighed and sprinted out,
saving Jinnai from being crushed. "Damn you, Jinnai! You were
supposed to die horribly! Not look pathetic so I felt sorry for
you!"
"I'll get you for this! I'll get everyone! I'll..."
Beryl's face appeared in the sky.
Madoka: (Jinnai) ...Get fired. Drat.
"You're going to get the reverse of a golden parachute. You've
failed for the last time, Jinnai. I'm sentencing you to the most
horrible fate I can think of!"
Jinnai paled. "Eternal Sleep?"
"I'm going to turn you into a woman and engage you to Ataru
Moroboshi."
Scott: That's not so bad. It pretty much guarantees Ataru will
ignore him/her for other women, right?
Everyone paled now, although they didn't really know why,
except for Mercury. "That's too evil even for my brother! How
about if you just lock him in a room with Youma Barney for
eternity?"
Akane: How's Mercury know about the youma?
"Perfect."
Their last sight of Jinnai was of him screaming, "No! I
already love me! I ALREADY LOVE ME!!!!"
Scott: I'm going to miss him. He was always a pretty interesting
villain. Oh, well, who's next? Kei?
Beryl turned to them. "I'll destroy you meddling kids and
your dog..."
"CAT!" Luna shouted.
"...Artemis..."
"LUNA!" Luna shouted.
"Later." She paused, but Luna didn't shout.
Madoka: Wise.
"Once I
finish my audition for generals." She sighed. "You
wouldn't have any gay evil men handy?"
"I'm afraid my latest shipment hasn't come in," the
Masked Golfer said sarcastically.
Akane: Yep. Definitely Yuu.
"I may have to break down and use lesbians." Beryl
shook her head. "What's the world coming to. Ahh! I
could use lesbians and dress them in drag! Perfect!"
Madoka: ...I don't want to know.
"..."
"Now, who to use..." The giant Beryl head vanished.
*********
Finally, Youma Dark Lemonade Mix got fed up and
simply drained all of Miwa's energy. This took a long
time, during which Meiko pounded on Dark Lemonade, but
Meiko had forgotten to bring a pencil. "You big bully! I'm
the one you want! Leave him ALONE!"
Scott: (Miwa) I knew... she loved me... (slumps over and collapses to
the floor)
Akane: Some people really -don't- know when to stop.
Dark Lemonade Mix turned, laughing evily. "As if you
Madoka: Evilly.
could give orders to me!"
"That's my job!" a voice shouted from a nearby
rooftop. "LEAVE HER ALONE!" The tennis ball cannon
opened fire, knocking Dark Lemonade Mix down. She lost
her lid and powdered evil pre-sweetened lemonade flew
Akane: Powdered evil pre-sweetened lemonade.
Scott: I want to know where he gets this stuff.
everywhere. Everything it touched became...covered in a
fine powder and would be nasty sticky if it rained soon.
Madoka: I suppose that's... sort of evil, if you stretch a point.
Dark Lemonade Mix got mad. "Now, I'm mad!" she
announced unnecessarily, since the readers already knew.
Akane: Department of Redundancy Department, how may we help and
assist you?
"DARK LEMONADE STORM!" A howling windstorm of fine
particles erupted over the entire area. The winds blew
Tennis Mask off the roof and into an ice cream shop,
where he soon became a REAL mess.
Madoka: 34 flavors.
Meiko staggered, covering her eyes. The sweet but
evil powder was slowly flaying her skin, leaving a
thousand tiny cuts. It hurt all over. I'm doomed she
thought.
Madoka: Comma after "doomed."
"What a waste of good lemonade!" a whiny, yet
heroic (sort of) voice cried out.
Scott: Speaking of "sweet but evil..."
Whoever it was, she was
young and female. "I'm really glad I won't have to clean
this up, just clean your clock! I am the Lovely Softball
Warrior V, and I'm going to strike you out! FASTBALL
SPECIAL!" As a band played 'The Way' in the background,
Akane: Their theme music just keeps getting more elaborate.
Scott: Right. I can just see the Christmas episode, where Kei writes
Miki a new transformation theme.
she unleashed a barrage of lightning quick pitches with
exploding baseballs. Youma Dark Lemonade Mix fell down
again, and the storm began to dissipate.
Meiko could see Softball Warrior V now; she looked
pretty young, maybe around twelve or thirteen, but was
quite cute in a little kid kind of way. Her hair was long
and blonde with a Tokyo Giants baseball cap on her head,
and a yellow 'Lone Ranger' mask on her face. She wore a
baseball uniform, complete with striped pants. In fact,
she looked rather like a Little Leaguer, except for the
gems on the baseball cap, the fact that her bat was
glowing, and that she was pulling baseballs out of thin
air. And she was wearing high heels for no discernable
reason. Insanity perhaps.
Madoka: Sounds right.
Softball Warrior V spotted Miwa. "Miwa-kun, you
Scott: Now -she's- calling him Miwa-kun, too? This guy can't get any
respect...
IDIOT! And you tell ME to...baka! I should punish YOU in
the name of the planet Venus!"
Dark Lemonade Mix decided to cut its losses and
sneak off as Venus berated Miwa. However, Meiko wasn't
so kind. "It's getting away!"
"V HOME RUN!" She leaped high into the air and came
down, swinging her bat. It was more like the 'V Pile
Driver', really.
Akane: Messy, but effective.
Soon, there was a huge lemonade mix can impaled
into the ground. It screamed, "BRAT!" and disintegrated.
"I am not a brat!"
Madoka: That's debatable.
A white cat with a crescent moon on its forehead
snuck out from a fish shop. "As long as you keep me in
fish, you're not a brat," he said, lazily, slinking over to
her. "Good job, V."
"You're not an evil lizardwoman come to steal the
Earth's water, are you?" Meiko asked, having watched too
much eighties TV.
Scott: Oi. Even I don't believe that reference.
It took a lot of effort by Artemis to keep V from
punishing Meiko in the name of herself.
**********
"Now we have enough Tennis Warriors for a doubles
match against ourselves!" Moon said.
Akane: Oh, so Nanami does get a racquet.
Madoka: We know the five Inners, Pluto, and, more or less, Neptune
and Uranus. So there's just Saturn.
Scott: Anju. They match pretty well, plus it'd do her justice. ^_^
Jupiter laughed. "True. And we...hey, where did he
go?" The Masked Golfer was gone.
Makoto came staggering out of the main terminal.
"Is it over? Can I go home and get grounded until time
passes away and the Earth cools to a cinder now?"
Akane: I'm not sure "time passes away" is good phrasing.
"First we have a party. THEN we get grounded,"
Mercury said. She struck a pose. "How do I look,
Makoto?"
"Like a tennis player," Makoto said.
She frowned. Not much for getting hints, she
thought.
Madoka: Men.
***********
Meiko finally got Miwa home with the help of his
cousin, Sakuma Suzu, who conveniently showed up mere
seconds after Tennis Warrior V left. If she hadn't
brought her cat with her, Meiko might have been stupid
enough to fall for it, anyway, but there just aren't too
many white cats with a crescent moon on their
foreheads.
Miwa was starting to recover. "I feel fine." He
staggered two steps, then fell on Suzu. "Really."
Akane: And there was much rejoicing.
Suzu sighed. "I'll get him in. Thanks for your help,
Akizuki-san! My cousin's lucky to have such a nice
girlfriend!"
Scott: (laughing evilly) Give in! Accept your destiny! Join the
Dark Side!
Akane: ...
Scott: (blinking) What?
Only the fact that the girl had just saved Meiko's
life stopped Meiko from trying to stuff Miwa down Suzu's
throat.
***********
Miki snuck in the back door; the victory party had
dragged on and it was late. Way late past her curfew by
hours.
Madoka: Some form of punctuation is missing there. Comma,
semicolon, dash...
No one was waiting up, though. Slowly, she
slipped up the stairs and into her bedroom. There was a
note on her bed.
'I told the parentals that you had called and said you
would be staying overnight at Meiko's. I hope you had fun
tonight; I certainly did. You might consider climbing out
the window and coming in the front door in the morning.
Goodnight, Miki.' It was sighed, 'Yuu'.
Akane: That's sweet. In a skewed sort of way.
Thanks, Yuu, she thought.
Luna read the note. "You should call Meiko and see
how she is."
"At two am? Not a good idea."
"In the morning, then."
Miki nodded. "I'm sure she was fine."
Madoka: (Miki) Her boyfriend Miwa was watching her.
*********
"You'd best go home now," Namura-sensei said, as
they stood together on the balcony.
"I...I don't want to walk alone," she said.
"I'll walk you home," he said. "I'm sorry I wasn't
there to protect you." He sounded guilty.
You need a better disguise, she thought. "Well,
Tennis Mask did a pretty good job. Maybe I should be
dating him."
He did a little jump, and she smiled. "Although I
think he has a crush on Softball Warrior V."
Tensely, he said, "I don't think his taste is that bad."
Teasingly, she said, "Maybe I like..."
Scott: ...Softball Warrior V? O_o
Akane: Hentai.
Scott: I embrace it.
He was forced to chase her all the way home.
***********
Beryl sent Youma Xerox to maintenance.
Madoka: Thos things are always in maintenance.
I need a
different plan, she thought. And a smarter general. Well,
my second one isn't too bad. A pity Jerry Lewis and Dean
Martin died. Now, THEY would have made a good team of
evil generals.
She set her staff to TV mode and started flipping
channels, looking for inspiration. Settling upon one
channel, she suddenly realized what she really wanted.
Akane: Forget it, Beryl; they're rhinestones, they don't fool anyone.
Okay, they won't be able to join any GLB societies, she
thought, but these two...yes, they'll be perfect. At least
the man is. "Youma Xerox!" Oh wait, she's in for
maintenance. "Youma Microsoft!"
Scott: Have you no shame?
An evil youma with glasses and a pudgy face ran
out. "Yes, my Queen?"
"Go to Vancouver and kidnap the following people."
Madoka: Vancouver... oh, no. He wouldn't.
Akane: Remember the rest of this chapter?
Madoka: (nods) He would.
They both laughed in unison after she made out her
list. At least until Youma Microsoft shouted, "GENERAL
PROTECTION FAULT!" and fell over unconscious.
Beryl decided to subcontract this job to another
Youma. Youma OS2/Warp or Youma UNIX maybe. Even
Youma Casio didn't crash all the time.
Scott: Words of wisdom, truly.
Akane: Okay. Time for the overall review.
Scott: Right. Well, I think this may have been the funniest chapter
yet. I like it a lot. A few small problems, mainly, IMO, the
third-first person switches.
Madoka: A few spelling, formatting, and punctuation mistakes we tried
to point out. Nothing too bad, especially considering the size of tis
chapter.
Akane: Nice characterization, as usual, with the possible exception
of Meiko early on. No major mistakes, although you'll want to fix the
Tennis/Softball Warrior V bit. The plot is... getting convoluted.
Very interesting.
Scott: I'll be looking forward to the next chapter. Till next
time...
[Madoka points the remote at the camera and pushes a button. Fade to
black.]
Scott Schimmel http://www.seas.upenn.edu/~schimmel/
Ex ignorantia ad sapientium; "You really aren't normal, are you?"
ex luce ad tenebras. -- Miki Koishikawa