BLISS

                                part 8

                               a fic by

                     Mike Loader and Lara Bartram

                           ***   ***   ***

	Ranma screamed, and screamed, and screamed.
	He dimly heard Akane's voice, Akane who WASN'T HIM, he was 
Ranma Saotome, he was a man, he remembered everything and he was a 
man...
	And he heard Ukyo NO KUNO IT WAS KUNO OH GOD OH GOD WHAT 
HAVE I DONE WHAT DID I DO...
	He screamed, and screamed, and his memories replayed life on 
the island, living with Kuno, being attracted to Kuno, sleeping 
with Kuno, making love to another man and actually ENJOYING it...
	He fell to his knees and vomited. He felt... oh God, he 
wanted to bathe, he needed to wash it off him, he needed to wash 
it all away...
	Kuno's hand fell upon his shoulder, and he gagged. Without 
even knowing why, he grabbed the other man by the neck and slammed 
him against the wall.
	"WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?" he screamed, fury and repulsion and 
sickness flooding him. "DAMN YOU! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME!? 
WHAT?"
	And Kuno just stared back at him, confused, horrified, 
looking like he had just punched him in the stomach.
	And it wasn't Kuno, who was an arrogant hentai shit, it was 
Ukyo, Akane's husband.
	Behind them, abandoned on a chair, little Nabiki started to 
cry. His daughter.
	Ranma gave a despairing, animal scream and fled.
	He ran through corridors and halls, ran out of the building, 
ran across the highway and into the small clump of trees beyond, 
overlooking the sea. He curled into a tiny ball beneath one of 
them and cried.
	Gone. Everything gone. He had lost his friends. He had lost 
his manhood. Bitter laughter welled up, manhood indeed. He had 
spread his legs for Kuno. Some man.
	The demon should have just killed him. It should have just 
killed him like Ukyo, who his ego and selfish need for a cure had 
murdered, murdered along with maybe Shampoo and Ryoga.
	And he couldn't even lose himself in revenge. The thing was 
dead. Kuno hadn't known what he was doing. The only person to 
blame for the sick joke his life had become... was himself.
	The cliff edge stood not six feet away, and he stood. It was 
better this way. He only wished he had died on the raft, before 
having to realize what he had done, how he had befouled himself.
	He walked to the edge of the cliff, looked down at the waves 
crashing against the jagged rocks, and jumped.
	For a second he hung in midair, and then a hand closed 
around the back of his shirt and swung him around to land with a 
thud on the turf.
	He looked dully up at his rescuer. "You shouldn't have 
stopped me, Akane."
	She lifted him from where he lay, pushed him up against a 
tree, and kissed him.
	When she stopped, he noticed with some surprise that she was 
crying. "No. No, don't you dare, Ranma. I lost you once, and it 
almost killed me. If you do it again, I'll follow you."
	He gaped at her. "Wha... what...?"
	Smiling through her tears, she kissed him again. "I love 
you, baka. I always have."
	He stared at her, in shock. "But... but you always..."
	"Why did you think I was so jealous of you?" Akane laughed, 
the sound a little sad. "It wasn't until you 'died' that I 
realized how stupid I had been. And then I was stupid in a whole 
new way, and slashed my wrists, and got into the furo to just 
drift away to the afterlife."
	"You idiot," he said, aghast. "You tried to kill yourself?"
	She shrugged. "It was really, really dumb, I admit. Silly 
and melodramatic. Luckily Nabiki had been expecting something like 
it, and got me out and bandaged my wrists."
	He shook his head. "Just because you thought you loved 
me..."
	"I do love you," she said quietly.
	Ranma laughed bitterly. "How? I have a child, for God's 
sake. I gave birth to a child! I'm not a man, I'm Kuno's whore."
	She slapped him, hard. "No! You're Ranma Saotome, and I 
don't give a shit what you did with him or who you gave birth to! 
You're the man I love, and you've come back, and that's all that 
matters to me."
	He stared at her, stunned. "You... you really mean that?"
	"Yes, you baka." She smiled, her eyes filling with tears. "I 
know you never really thought of me as more than your friend, 
but..."
	He embraced her, kissed her, and bore her to the ground. 
"Kawaikune. I always loved you."
	"Ranma... oh God, I thought you were dead, we all thought 
you were dead and you're not... I love you... I don't care what 
happened, I love you..."
	He was a man, he thought like a drowning man grabbing a life 
preserver, and he tore away her clothing as she pulled away his, 
and with awkwardness and desperation and joy they made love on the 
edge of the abyss, with the waves crashing against the rocks 
below.
	Afterwards they rested, leaning against a tree, holding each 
other.
	"This is a dream," Akane whispered to him. "I don't want to 
wake up, but it has to be a dream."
	He ran a hand along her stomach. "No dream. I don't know if 
I want it to be one or not. God, Akane, what I've done... all my 
friends dead, Kuno... Kuno and me..."
	She was silent for a second. "Ryoga lived. He was in the 
hospital for a long time, but he lived. Akari married him as soon 
as he was able to walk, and they moved away."
	"Shampoo?"
	"I don't know. Cologne thinks she'll regain her sanity with 
enough care. They went back to China together. We don't know what 
happened to Mousse."
	"It was my fault."
	She squeezed his hand. "You couldn't have known. And even if 
it was, there's nothing you can do about it now. You're alive, and 
that's all I care about."
	"I... I have a daughter, you know. I gave birth to a 
daughter." He smiled slightly, a tinge of love surfacing through 
the shame and horror. Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to be 
ashamed of his beautiful, wonderful baby girl.
	Akane was silent for a second. "I saw. What's her name?"
	Ranma flushed. "Er, Nabiki."
	She stared at him incredulously.
	He flushed some more. "It just popped into Uk... Kuno's 
head, and I liked it. I didn't remember..."
	"I'm going to kill him," Akane said quietly. "I'm going to 
kill him for what he's done..."
	"It wasn't his fault," Ranma said dully. "He didn't remember 
anything either. He was 'Ukyo', and I was 'Akane', and it was a 
couple months before we started havin' sex..." He began to shake, 
and Akane tightened her embrace until he stopped.
	"Are you sure he didn't remember? You know Kuno. This was 
probably his dearest fantasy come true."
	"Kuno's not bright enough to fake it." He stared at her, 
eyes filling with tears. "I loved him, Akane. Kuno. I didn't just 
have sex with him, I actually loved him, and God help me but part 
of me still does..."
	He fell into racking sobs and she held him, crying with him. 
And she swore to make Kuno pay for what he had done to her Ranma.
	In the trees beyond, Ukyo Kuno fled, hot tears running down 
his cheeks, his infant daughter clasped tightly to his chest.

***

	Nabiki Tendo yawned irritably, scratched, and meandered 
sleepily down the stairs. She wasn't a morning person at the best 
of times, and last night's sleep had been interrupted by the sound 
of her little sister arriving home at some ungodly hour. Maybe 
Akane had gone out on a date? She hoped that was it.
	Yawning, she took out a cup and a bottle of soda, setting 
both on the breakfast table. It was high time that Akane stopped 
pining away for someone who had been dead for over two years. 
Especially when they had never gotten along when he was alive.
	Someone tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned.
	"Boo," Ranma said.
	Nabiki opened her mouth, moved it for a few seconds, and 
then fainted.
	Ranma shrugged, took the bottle of soda, and began to fix 
breakfast. Cereal. Real, packaged cereal. He was gonna _enjoy_ 
this.
	"Good morning," Akane said, strolling into the kitchen. "Did 
you sleep..." She stopped, glancing down at her sister. "Hey. Did 
you startle Nabiki?"
	He smirked. "I've been wantin' to do that for ages."
	"Meanie." Hefting Nabiki, Akane carried her out into the 
living room, set her on the sofa, and quickly returned. She found 
Ranma at the table, wolfing down food, and smiled.
	"You don't know how much I've missed seeing you there, 
eating."
	He finished chewing, and looked down. "Was it really that 
bad?"
	"I didn't know that you were dead for three weeks. I was in 
the hospital, and they felt it would be best if I didn't know 
until after I recovered." She shook her head. "I was in shock for 
a few months, tried to kill myself twice, and then I slowly began 
to adjust to the fact that you were dead and there was nothing I 
could do about it."
	He lowered his eyes. "I'm sorry."
	Akane walked over to sit down beside him. "It wasn't your 
fault." She sighed, and hugged him. "A lot of things weren't your 
fault. Losing you hurt, a lot, but I grew up a little because of 
it."
	"I... look, when I was 'Akane', I'd have these flashbacks, 
and I'd hear my male voice insultin' you. And I hated it. It 
seemed so cruel, so demeaning..." He trailed off, and looked at 
her. "I guess what I'm tryin' to say is that I won't do that 
anymore. I didn't know how much it hurt."
	She smiled. "Well, you can tease me if you feel like it. I 
remember someone calling me a 'kawaikunee tomboy' last night at 
three in the morning. And after waking me up, too."
	He blushed. Somehow, they had both known that he was going 
to be sharing Akane's bed from now on. And he needed her to lay 
with him, partly because he was falling in love with her all over 
again and partly because he still felt the need to prove that he 
was a man, that he preferred women. "Hey, where's Pop?"
	Akane just shook her head. "He left shortly after the 
funeral. We haven't heard from him since."
	"Aw, man. I hope the old guy's okay. We'd better take out 
ads in the Chinese newspapers asking for him."
	"You think he'd be in China?" Akane asked. He nodded.
	"Pop always went to China whenever things were rough. I 
don't know if he just liked it there, or if he disliked Japan." 
His stomach growled, and he forked down another load of cereal. 
"So Ryoga married Akari, huh?"
	"She practically nursed him back to health all by herself. 
By the time he got out of the hospital, they had already arranged 
the wedding." Akane smiled wistfully. "It was a lovely ceremony. I 
was still a little out of it, but they insisted I be the maid of 
honor. It was good that they did; I needed to do something besides 
sit and stare at the walls."
	"I'm sorry I missed that," Ranma said. "I'da liked to have 
seen that pig get hitched."
	"He said afterwards that the only way it could have been 
better was if you'd been around to serve as best man."
	"Aw, man... he really said that?"
	She nodded. "He was pretty broken up by it all. You were the 
closest thing he had to a friend, I think."
	A door opened and Kasumi walked in with a bag of groceries. 
"Good morning!"
	"Hi Kasumi," Ranma said awkwardly.
	Kasumi blinked. "Ranma-kun?"
	"Er, yeah. It's me."
	She blinked again. "Aren't you dead?"
	"I got better."
	A third blink. "Oh. That's nice."
	Slowly, she set the groceries on the counter and walked 
upstairs.
	"I think she took that well," Akane told him.
	"Better'n Nabiki did." He grinned at her. "You shoulda seen 
her face."
	Akane sighed. "Tell me you didn't jump out at her moaning 
and making faces..."
	"No! I just tapped her on the shoulder."
	"Good thing she doesn't have a heart condition."
	Ranma smirked. "Yeah. Say, your dad doesn't, does he?"
	"Father? No, he'd just hug you and sob at us. He doesn't 
live here anymore anyway."
	He blinked. "Huh? Isn't this his house?"
	Akane looked embarrassed. "It's still in his name, yeah, but 
he's been living with Hinako-sensei for about seven months."
	"I don't get it," Ranma said, scratching his head. "This is 
a nice place, lotsa room with me an Pop gone. Why didn't she move 
in with him?"
	The embarrassed look turned into a blush. "Not enough 
privacy."
	"What do you mean, not..." He stopped. "Oh. Are they gonna 
get married?"
	"We don't know," Akane said sheepishly. "He hasn't mentioned 
it, but we hardly see him anymore."
	"Jeez."
	He stared at her for a few seconds, noticing for the first 
time the changes and the differences. Taller. Body more filled 
out, leaner and harder. The facial features sharper, more worn in 
places. The eyes the same, the angry crinkle around them softer.
	"I missed a lot, didn't I," he finally said.
	She nodded. "We both did." She looked at him for a second, 
and then spoke. "Ranma, what happened? Where were you?"
	He shrugged. "It was an island. We never knew the name, and 
the captain of the ship that fished us out of the ocean insists 
that there's no place like where we were in the entire North 
Pacific. I believe him. It's gone now, anyway. Destroyed. I'm sad 
about that, because it was very beautiful."
	"What was it like?" she asked quietly.
	"It was the entire world. It was Genesis. It was very 
lovely, and very frightening, and savage beyond measure. We were 
hunted by wild animals, battered by storms, and there was a sorta 
plague at the end that almost killed me." He smiled wanly. "I'd be 
dead about two dozen times over if it hadn't been for Uk... for 
Kuno. And vice-versa. But we lived, and we built a home..." He 
looked away, then, and shuddered slightly. "I don't wanna talk 
about it right now."
	Akane nodded. "You don't have to. Yet. One of these days 
you're going to have to tell someone the whole thing, but that can 
wait for a while."
	He sighed. "I should go get Nabiki."
	"She's just in the other ro... oh." She looked at him in 
alarm. "You don't think Kuno would hurt her, do you?"
	Ranma laughed sourly. "He'd rather rip off his right arm and 
eat it than harm a hair on her head. Naw, she's perfectly safe 
with him. I'm just not sure if he knows...." He stopped, and 
slumped in his chair. "I guess he knows how to take care of her. 
He took care of both of us while I was sick, and that was in the 
middle of the jungle..." He suddenly buried his head in his hands. 
"God, I don't know, I wanna see my daughter and I wanna forget she 
exists. Kuno can take care of her for today. Damn him."
	Akane walked over and knelt next to his chair, and stroked 
his back until he finally looked up. "Sorry. I still... I'm 
confused, I guess."
	"It's okay. You're home now."

***

	He was home now.
	Ukyo opened the door of the massive house and stepped 
inside. Under one arm, Nabiki whimpered.
	Inside was a stately entry hall, dust covering everything. A 
gaudy palm tree marred the otherwise tasteful decor, and he 
frowned at the sight of it. It must be his...
	...haircut time, tatchi! hoho!...
	Father, it was his father's. He hated him.
	He walked into one of the sitting rooms, knowing the way 
instinctively. It was his house.
	On the floor of the room, coiled like a poisonous snake, lay 
a gymnastics ribbon.
	Laughter echoed in his brain, mad and joyous.
	...brother dear!....
	...i despise you, sister...
	...ranma-sama!...
	Kodachi, that was her name, and he suspected that she was 
not entirely stable. The officials in the port had checked, and 
found that his one relative was in America, studying at a medical 
college. He supposed that was a good thing. Maybe she had gotten 
better since he... left.
	"And who am I?" he asked Nabiki, quietly. She gurgled at him 
happily.
	Slowly at first, then swiftly, as if drawn by an unseen 
force, he ascended a flight of stairs. Left down a hall, through a 
door, up another staircase...
	And then finally he was in a room. His room.
	Photos. Photos of Akane, and the other Akane who had... who 
had made Akane someone else. Photos everywhere.
	...my pig-tailed goddess!....
	...akane tendo, i would date with thee!...
	Photos on every corner of the room, bought from...
	...500 yen, kuno-chan...
	"Nabiki?" he asked, staring at his daughter. Now another 
picture floated through his mind, the sister of Akane Tendo, who 
helped him at times....
	...i must have them both!...
	...i call it two-timing...
	He had openly sought both of them? And they had agreed to 
this?
	...for the last time, i'm a guy, you idiot...
	...hentai!...
	...come to my arms!...
	"No... no..." he whimpered, almost dropping Nabiki. His 
daughter howled in alarm, and he was barely able to set her on the 
bed before falling over, pain ripping through his head in white-
hot bursts.
	...idiot!....
	...jerk!...
	This couldn't be him, it wasn't him, it couldn't be...
	His eyes jerked upward, to where a bokken lay on a hardwood 
stand.
	...saotome, die!....
	...foul sorcerer!....
	...i shall free akane from your clutches...
	Enemy. Ranma was his enemy....
	...yo, kuno....
	...aw, man, not again...
	...hentai...
	No. Not enemy. Ranma held him in friendly contempt. You had 
to be worth something in order to be an enemy.
	Ranma and his Akane were the same person. He had known this, 
before, but denied it. They were the same person, and he was 
engaged to the real Akane, and both of them had a certain amount 
of feeling for each other.
	"No, please no..."
	Because Ranma was a man, not a woman. Just a man who 
occasionally turned into one. It would seem that hot water 
triggered the change, and his memory showed that cold water 
induced it. There hadn't been any hot water on the island, save 
for the odd bowl of hot soup.
	And Akane - the only real Akane, because his Akane was Ranma 
- Akane and Ranma hated him. They quite rightly despised him as a 
delusional pervert.
	Memory flooded back. Blows rained upon him, insults were 
hurled, and he had refused to see that they didn't like him and 
found his behavior objectionable.
	He saw how they looked out for one another.
	How they teamed up to attack him.
	The disgust and fury they showed when he dared touch one of 
them.
	And again he felt Ranma slam him up against the wall, and 
scream at him in horror and rage and disgust, and he understood 
completely.
	His Akane was gone, and she hated him. And would always hate 
him.
	Ukyo screamed, and the last memories of Tatewaki Kuno slid 
into place. And the last shards of Tatewaki Kuno melted like 
icicles in a blast furnace. He was Ukyo Kuno, with the memories of 
someone called Tatewaki Kuno, who he hated. Hated because his 
actions had taken Ranma away from him forever.
	Kuno bent double in agony, and slammed his fist into the 
floor over and over, screaming his rage and grief. Pictures ran 
through his mind, of Akane and Ranma, lying naked together under a 
tree by the port, still glistening from the sweat of their 
lovemaking...
	His first impulse was to run from the room, find the family 
tanto, and end his misery. Then little Nabiki cried, a worried, 
frightened wail, and he knew that he could not. His daughter 
needed him.
	Slowly, shaking, he stood, and sat on the bed, and cradled 
his daughter until the cries stopped. She was his, his and his 
beloved's, and they would always be together in her. And nothing 
could ever take that away.
	It was small comfort against what he had lost. But it was 
the only thing he had left.

***

	"Come now, Nabiki-chan, you must eat. Take the bottle." Kuno 
sat on the big sterile couch in his big sterile home, cradling 
Nabiki. The bottle he was trying to get her to take was going 
completely unwanted. The little girl wanted nothing to do with it, 
no matter that it was her dinner.
	"Please, Nabiki-chan," he pleaded, putting the bottle to her 
mouth. "You must..."
	Little Nabiki turned her head away from the bottle, closing 
her eyes as well. It was her ultimate refusal.
	Kuno looked down at her, desperation slowly creeping across 
his face. He steered the bottle to her mouth again, and again she 
turned her head away from it. This was not good. Standing, Kuno 
went to the kitchen and resisted the urge to throw the bottle 
down. This would work for now, but he couldn't feed Nabiki out in 
public this way.
	Setting Nabiki down on the counter, he grabbed a banana and 
peeled it, keeping a careful eye on his daughter. He took a small 
bite and began to chew gently, mashing up the already soft fruit. 
This had been his least favorite part of caring for Nabiki because 
it felt unsanitary that she should be sharing his germs.
	When he had softened the banana up into a uniform mush, he 
scooped it out of his mouth on his finger and tried to feed it to 
Nabiki. "Here you are, just like we've done before."
	But still, Nabiki refused his offering of food. She would 
not open her mouth even to cry.
	"Nabiki..." Kuno wiped the much from his finger and stared 
at his little girl. She opened her eyes and looked back, almost 
defiantly. "Nabiki, you have to..." He sighed, defeated. She 
wasn't going to do anything she didn't want to, she never had 
before.
	Maybe she wasn't hungry though. Maybe that's what the 
problem was. That's what it had to be. Well, that was fine. She 
could wait a little while, and then when she got hungry enough, 
she would eat. "If that's the way you're going to be," he said and 
lifted her in his arms.
	That brought a smile to her face and a stab of pain to 
Kuno's heart. Why did things have to be this way? He felt so 
useless, half a person without Aka... Ranma. Whatever was in the 
past between the two of them, Kuno didn't care. His docile home 
life before the island felt like it was a million miles away, and 
he was glad of it.
	On the island, he felt that he had finally blossomed into a 
man, a real man, and that he and... Ranma had something between 
the two of them that would last until they died. On that island. 
Only on that island.
	But they weren't on that island. They weren't on the island, 
and with all the inconveniences it had laid upon them, he wished 
he was back there. "Nabiki-chan, we were happy there, weren't we? 
It wasn't so bad, was it? Allowing nature to take its course with 
us... That's really not so awful. Is it?"
	The little girl could not answer, only smile and giggle at 
him, and smack him in the face with her tiny hands.
	The sigh this time was not of defeat, but of resignation. To 
him, there was a difference. He had not been defeated, he had 
given up. Now he was forced to adapt back to the ways of 
civilization, of Japan, of living alone.
	And he was so miserable and confused. The only person who 
loved him was his daughter, and if she had known him before, she 
would probably hate him too. All he wanted was his life back, his 
REAL life, his life back on the island. All he wanted... all he 
wanted was Akane back.
	"Nabiki-chan, why? Why couldn't she be mine? It was all I 
wanted, and now... Now I don't have anything. Except you." He 
looked around at the huge, terrifyingly empty house. "And this 
house that I barely remember, and money I have no use for except 
to take care of you."
	He began to rock her gently, soothing himself as much as the 
child in his arms. There was just so much wrong with his life in 
Japan, so much wrong and there was nothing he could do to fix it. 
He felt like he was back on the raft, bobbing in the water, 
waiting for the ocean to take him wherever it wanted.
	"If you won't eat, my little songbird, then I think it's 
time for a nap." He tickled her under the chin, getting a wide, 
toothless smile from her.
	And he was so tired. Tired of it all because he didn't fit 
in. Didn't fit in with society, with his life, with himself. He 
hadn't finished high school, he didn't have a job, and even his 
memories seemed hazy and distant. The people he should have known 
just... weren't there.
	It seemed like his entire life had just gone missing. He sat 
down slowly on the couch that he was beginning to hate, Nabiki 
already resting against his chest with her eyes closed, and slowly 
reclined. The shadows of his past, of his rotted, perverse, 
twisted, pathetic past, seemed determined to haunt him in his 
waking hours and his dreams, so it seemed preferable to let it 
assault him in his sleep.
	But in his sleep, they weren't just his memories haunting 
him. It was everything, all merged into one giant nightmare, 
waiting for him. Twisted versions of himself, rife with the 
disease on the island, and his sister in all her insane glory... 
And Ranma, his Akane, spewing words of hate at him and the baby 
clutched in his arms. And her hair shone with the color that he 
couldn't identify, and the pillars were all around him, and...
	Kuno woke up suddenly, the remains of the nightmare, 
confused as to where he was momentarily. The feeling of his 
daughter still asleep on his chest yanked him back to reality, 
which was its own nightmare in a way.
	Nabiki had adorably left a rather sizable drool puddle on 
his shirt, which blended in perfectly with the sweat. At least he 
hadn't awakened screaming like the first few nights the nightmare 
had come upon him. That had invariably awakened Nabiki, who had 
also begun to cry, and made him feel lower than low.
	The sweat was a much nicer, at least quieter, reaction to 
the dream and didn't make Nabiki react adversely. And at the time, 
the only thing he cared about was taking care of her, and her 
well-being, and making her life as easy as possible. If she was 
hungry, he would feed her. If she was tired, he would put her to 
bed. If she was bored, he would play with her. If she was hurt, he 
would heal her.
	If not for her, this weird conglomeration of Ukyo and 
Tatewaki Kuno would have simply been a memory, put out of his, and 
everyone else's, misery.
	And if at any point in time, she didn't need him, didn't 
want him, said she hated him, then he would remove himself.
	And then his tears began to mix with his sweat and Nabiki's 
drool because he didn't want to exist in the strange half-life he 
was forced to live.
	"Nabiki-chan, I don't know how you can stand me, because I 
can't stand myself."

	Kuno couldn't put down Nabiki the rest of the afternoon and 
night. He wanted to have her close to him before she grew up and 
became distant, as children invariably did. He wanted her love for 
as long as he could get it because she was the only person he was 
getting it from.
	And speaking of his daughter, it was getting late and she 
still hadn't had anything to eat. She'd probably be up half the 
night since she had been sleeping, but Kuno thought he might be 
too.
	"Nabiki-chan, it's time to wake up," he said quietly, 
bouncing her slightly in his arms. "Nabiki-chan..."
	She slowly opened her eyes, her face slack and tired 
looking. Blinking slowly, she looked up at her father and yawned.
	For the first time since Akane had been ripped away from him 
at the port, Kuno smiled. "That's my little girl." He ran the back 
his finger along her cheek. "You must be hungry. Let's get you 
some dinner."
	He repeated his ritual of warming up a bottle to the proper 
temperature, bouncing Nabiki in his arms the entire time. He made 
a silly face at her, causing her to giggle, and he smiled again, 
this time sadly.
	"One day, little girl, you're going to grow up and you're 
not going to need me any longer. You're not going to laugh at a 
silly face, or smile at me. I'm not really your father after all. 
Your father was a good man, not a delusional pervert like me. I'll 
never be the man your father was; I can't."
	Shaking his head at the girl's smile, he fetched the warm 
bottle and tested its temperature. Determining it safe, he once 
again tried to give it to Nabiki.
	She accepted the rubber nipple partway into her mouth before 
turning her head and rejecting it once more.
	"Don't do this to me, Nabiki-chan. You need to eat," Kuno 
said, his voice somewhere between annoyed and desperate. He tried 
to give her the bottle again, and again she refused it.
	Finally, Kuno did throw the bottle, and that made Nabiki cry 
pitifully. Looking down at her, a look of panic settled on his 
face. She wouldn't eat and now this. God, he was an awful parent. 
And needed her to eat.
	Kuno retrieved the bottle and tried again. "I know you 
haven't eaten all day, Nabiki-chan. Take the bottle. It's dinner." 
He tried to force it in her mouth. "Damn it, Nabiki. You've got to 
eat." The last sentence was spoken with desperation and the 
beginnings of tears in his eyes.
	He just didn't know what to do. Nabiki wouldn't respond to 
him, and she wouldn't take a bottle or soft food.

	The phone rang and was answered. "Hello?"
	*Yes, may I speak to Ranma? I need...*
	Kuno looked at the phone in his hand as the line went dead. 
He slammed it down, frowning. He needed to speak to Ranma. The 
problem with Nabiki went beyond their problems in the past. This 
was the here and now, and he needed to talk to Ranma.
	"Come on, Nabiki-chan," he said, lifting her, "we have to go 
see Mommy."

***

	Akane opened the front door about twenty-three seconds after 
she heard the knock. She was expecting it to be Kuno, and it was. 
So she drew back her fist in order to properly explain to him her 
feelings.
	Then she noticed that he was holding a baby. And you just 
don't hit people holding infants, not even if you'd gladly see 
them slowly roasted alive over hot coals.
	"Get out," she said coldly.
	"I am sorry, but I need to..."
	"You're even dumber than I remembered. He doesn't want to 
see you. Go home."
	"I need to see..."
	Akane glared at him. "What part of Go-The-Fuck-Away don't 
you understand, asshole?" She reached for the edge of the door, 
intending to slam it shut in his face.
	"The baby," he said desperately, "it's about the baby, 
please."
	She hesitated, the scowl turning into a frown. "What about 
it?"
	"Her. She's not eating, and I hoped... I hoped maybe her 
mother..."
	Akane's face softened slightly. "Okay. Hand her here, and 
I'll take her in."
	"I thought I would give her to..."
	The scowl returned. "You aren't getting within his sight, 
pervert. Unless you want a repeat of yesterday, with him trying to 
kill himself."
	Kuno's face turned ashen. "She... he tried to...?"
	"He was in the process of jumping off a cliff when I grabbed 
him. That should make it real clear how he feels, ne? Frankly, I'd 
be pretty horrified if I were in his shoes, and I'm not even a 
man."
	He looked as if she had punched him in the stomach, and part 
of her felt sorry for him. For a second.
	"I didn't wish... I didn't want to hurt her..."
	She laughed, the sound mocking. "You've done nothing but 
that since the day I met you, Kuno. Ignore it, beat it up, or 
throw your perverted self at it, that was your routine, remember? 
I used to merely dislike you for causing me to be assaulted every 
morning and grabbing me every chance you got. But that was before 
you ruined Ranma's life, wasn't it? Now, now I truly hate you."
	He silently handed her the baby. Little Nabiki looked up at 
her, and gurgled contentedly.
	Akane stared at her, and her face instantly went from cold 
glare to admiring warmth. "Oh, what a beautiful little girl!"
	"Yes. I will be back for her later. Or she can be dropped 
off at my house, whichever you prefer."
	"Okay," she said, gently holding Nabiki.
	He left. She was very glad.
	The baby gurgled, and she smiled at the adorable little 
thing. Such a beautiful little girl...
	"Let's go see daddy now, okay?"
	Bouncing Nabiki slightly in her arms, she carefully ascended 
the stair to her room. As she had expected, Ranma was in her - 
their, now - bed, asleep. Quietly, she laid the baby within the 
curve of his chest and shook gently him by the shoulder.
	Ranma's eyes slowly slid open. "Is it time for..." He 
stopped as a tiny hand pulled at his shirt, and smiled. "Hey, look 
who's here! Hey, Nabiki-chan. How's my girl, huh?"
	Nabiki looked at him sternly, the tiny face confused and 
grumpy.
	He winced. "Ah, jeez, I know that look. Akane, could ya get 
me a cup of cold water?"
	She blinked. "Uh, sure."
	She jogged downstairs, got the requested water, and brought 
it back up to him. He doused himself with mild reluctance, 
carefully keeping the cold water from getting the bed wet, and 
then to her horror began to open his shirt.
	"R-Ranma?" she asked faintly. "Er, what are you doing?"
	In answer, Ranma raised Nabiki to one breast. "Kid's 
hungry." A wince. "Good strong teeth."
	Akane swallowed. "And, uh, you... you don't mind doing 
that?"
	"What, you want a turn?"
	"Yes," she said steadily. "Eventually, with luck."
	Ranma shrugged, at least as much of a shrug as he could 
currently manage. "I did this since she was born, so it ain't new 
to me. It ain't exactly manly, I know, but if Nabiki-chan needed 
me to dress up in a skirt and stroll through Tokyo, I'd do it in a 
flash. Okay?"
	She nodded. "What if she needed you and Kuno to stay 
together?"
	Ranma's face hardened. "Luckily, she doesn't." He blinked. 
"Hey, speaking of which, how'd the kid get here?"
	"Kuno brought her. He said she wasn't eating, so he came to 
the house and gave her to me."
	Nabiki pulled away, and Ranma gently transferred his 
daughter to his lap. "That musta been hard for him to do."
	"Yes. He had to talk to me, for one thing."
	Ranma frowned. "I guess that means you weren't exactly nice 
to him, huh?"
	"I guess," Akane replied. "After what he did, I don't see 
why I should bother hiding how I feel."
	He sighed. "It wasn't his fault, Akane. It wasn't anyone's 
fault, except maybe mine for acting like Shampoo in heat."
	"Kuno's never been full of restraint, Ranma. I can't count 
the number of times the slimy creep grabbed one of us."
	He nodded. "Yeah. He changed."
	Akane snorted. "Yeah. Now, instead of groping you, he's 
gotten you pregnant."
	"I should talk to the guy. Hammer things out." He sighed, a 
pained look moving briefly across his face. "I'd better arrange a 
meeting with him, alone."
	"I don't think that's a good idea," Akane said. "I don't 
want a repeat of yesterday."
	"Yesterday was yesterday. I wasn't thinking straight, I was 
a little nuts." He smiled. "I didn't have you."
	She didn't smile back. "I think it's a bad idea."
	"Look, the guy's probably hurting just as much as I was..."
	"Let him."
	The smile slipped away. "No. I won't."
	Akane focused a baleful stare at him. "You're not going, and 
that's final."
	"Oh?" Ranma closed his eyes for a second, and then met the 
stare. "No, Akane. I'm gonna go meet him. And if you don't trust 
me enough to just do that, then we might as well break things off 
between us right now. I never minded getting slapped around a bit, 
but none of you, not even Ukyo or Shampoo, ever really trusted me. 
And I deserve better than that. So what's it gonna be?"
	Akane didn't meet his eyes. "I'm sorry, Ranma. I do trust 
you, really I do." Then she looked up suddenly, eyes fierce and 
wet with sudden tears. "But I don't trust the person who married 
Kuno. I'm scared of her. I'm scared that she's going to take you 
away from me again."
	"That's silly..."
	"No it's not!" she screamed. "Look! Look at her!" A finger 
shot out to point to Nabiki, dozing in his arms. "God, she's 
beautiful. And she's not mine. You lived with him for two years, I 
had you for one year. You made this... this wonderful little girl 
with him..." She was openly crying now. "How am I not supposed to 
worry, Ranma?"
	He stared at her, digesting what she had said. "Okay. I can 
see why you're worried. But you're still going to have to trust me 
sometime, and it might as well be now. So is it yes, or no?"
	"Can you tell me, honestly tell me that you don't love him?"
	He sighed. "No, no I can't. But I can tell you that he and I 
will never be a couple again. 'Akane' is dead. I'm a man, and I 
like women, and the love I still have for him is... it's settling 
into the kinda thing you have for Kasumi and Nabiki, y'know? 
Family. You can love people without loving them in that way."
	She met his eyes, the deepness of hers drawing him in. "You 
promise?"
	"I promise."
	Akane sighed, and looked away. "Then I trust you. But if you 
need help, or if you want a ride home, I'll be here sitting by the 
telephone, okay?"
	He smiled, and kissed her on the cheek. "I'll keep that in 
mind."

***

	Ranma's sleep was restless. He woke up periodically, his 
mind filled with thoughts of both Akane and Kuno. Akane trusted 
him, but he didn't trust himself. Kuno needed him, but he wasn't 
so sure...
	Ranma got carefully out of bed, trying not to wake Akane. 
She said she trusted him, and he believed her, but he needed to do 
this. He needed to do this without her pressuring him. He needed 
to do it alone so he... so he didn't have to put on any sort of 
act.
	Until Akane accepted the way things would be, he had to put 
on the act. It hurt, but it hurt not to fake the way he felt too. 
It hurt in his heart, his mind, and his pride.
	He froze when little Nabiki started to squirm around with 
him not there to hold her between him and Akane. Watching her 
settle into place next to Akane, clutching at her pajamas, Ranma 
sighed and exited the room silently.
	He snuck downstairs, not rousing any of the other 
inhabitants of the house, and picked up the phone. Ranma carried 
it to the door, gently pulling on the cord and hoping it would 
reach, then he left the house.
	Ranma sat on the front porch, the phone at his side, head in 
his hands, and looked out into the darkness. Occasionally he would 
glance at the sky overhead and wonder what had really happened to 
that island. Sometimes he wondered what had happened to him on the 
island, and for neither question could he come up with an answer.
	He picked up the phone and placed the handset against his 
ear. His hand strayed over to dial, but then it lost courage, and 
he dropped the handset back into the cradle. Again, this was 
something he needed to do. And he hated it.
	Ranma hated it all. He hated his daughter because... 
because... And he hated Kuno because... because...
	He snatched up the handset and stabbed at buttons, dialing 
the number to the Kuno house.
	The phone at the other end rang once, then twice. "C'mon... 
pick up the damn phone," he mumbled.
	There was a click. *Hello?*
	Ranma's voice froze for a moment. "Yo," he said somewhat 
forcefully.
	The silence stretched, and Ranma began to sweat.
	*Yes?*
	"How're ya doin'?" Ranma asked and instantly cursed himself 
for sounding far too soft.
	*Perfectly fine.*
	Ranma went through it once more in his mind and came to a 
decision. "Kuno, we gotta talk. I wanna talk to you about... You 
know. I wanna figure this out, figure out just what I'm feelin' 
because I don't think I'm too happy about it."
	*I don't think...*
	"No, you damn well better show up tomorrow because I am not 
going to feel guilty about this for the rest of my life! And I'm 
not going to make Nabiki-chan suffer because you're still just as 
pig-headed as you were before!" Ranma could feel his face twisted 
into a snarl, breathing heavily with the outburst of emotion.
	*You don't know anything about me. You never did. You still 
don't. Don't try to emotionally blackmail me into...*
	Ranma laughed. "Emotionally blackmail? I'm just trying to 
set things right, and that means putting up with your crap. I'll 
do it for Nabiki-chan's sake, but I don't..." He hesitated for a 
moment. "I sure don't need you."
	There was silence except for the faint sound of breathing 
through the phone. Something faint that interrupted the breathing 
came through, something that sounded like a choked back sob.
	Ranma closed his eyes, repeating to himself over and over 
again 'I am a man'.
	*Fine. Just say it over the phone. Might as well, since I 
already wish I was dead.*
	The line kept running through Ranma's head as he spoke. 
"That would be a mistake. You don't want to be dead. You..."
	*You don't know what I went through! You don't know what it 
was like!*
	"Don't say that to me! How the hell do you think I feel? 
Huh? It was a real picnic for me finding out that I... that I 
screwed a guy, OK? How do you think that makes me feel?" He was 
almost yelling.
	*I wouldn't know,* Kuno answered flatly. *The only thing I 
have now are memories, some good, some horrible. And I have 
Nabiki. She is the only thing I live for because... I don't have 
Akane, and I know she... you hate me now. And the I'm the one who 
made you... her hate me. I have nothing.*
	Ranma hung his head, the phone clutched tightly in his hand. 
He tried to stop himself, but he couldn't. It hurt too much. It 
hurt, and he was still putting on that act. "I am a man, God damn 
it!" he yelled into the phone and slammed it down.
	Then he covered his face with his arms as the tears slid 
down his cheeks. Not the disgusted, pitying sobs that he had 
released before, but pained, heartful tears of sorrow and anguish. 
It was his fault, it really was. Even if he didn't mean to do it, 
he had... broken Kuno's heart. And maybe his own a little.
	"Hey there," a gentle voice said from behind him. Ranma 
didn't turn to look, preferring to stay miserable because it felt 
better. It felt good to be miserable and cry and be mad at the 
world for being so unfair to him.
	Akane sat down next to him, Nabiki sleeping in her arms. "I 
heard you," she said simply.
	"Go 'way, Akane. I'm not a man. I'm not anything."
	"Ranma, I won't let Kuno do this to you. You're better than 
he is. You don't deserve this. You have Nabiki to think about. And 
me. Kuno's not your concern."
	"He is! Don't try and stop me from feeling for him because I 
can't help it. I don't want to, but I can't help it. I don't want 
to, but... I do." He turned away from Akane, and the tears came a 
bit faster.
	Akane thinned her lips and rubbed Nabiki's back absently. 
Something in the back of her mind was telling her what a good 
mother she was making. "I'm sorry, Ranma. Come back to bed." She 
hated seeing him hurt, and for some reason, whenever she tried to 
help get over what Kuno had done to him, she ended up hurting him 
too.
	"Come back to bed. You don't need any more of this tonight. 
You can deal with it in the morning." It was the most non-biased 
thing she could think to say.
	"You go on. I'll be up in a little bit," he answered, voice 
still muffled by his arms.
	Akane looked at him, tears forming in her eyes. It hurt her 
just as much to see him in such bad shape. It hurt her to see him 
in such a state of confusion. "I love you," she whispered before 
standing and going back inside.
	Ranma waited on the porch for 15 minutes before picking up 
the phone again. This time, he dialed the number with no 
hesitation, though his hand was shaking.
	The phone rang. He listened and waited for the phone to stop 
ringing. It never did.

	"Sorry, Akane. You know I have to do this. As much as you 
may hate it, or him or me, I have to do it."
	"Do what, Ranma?" Akane asked as she entered the room. She 
froze when she saw him standing there with the phone in his hand. 
Spinning on her heel, she left just as quickly as she had come.
	This wasn't the time to deal with Akane. He had his own 
"Akane" to deal with. And he was really beginning to hate the 
phone.
	Dialing and holding the phone gingerly to his ear, he 
waited, practicing what he would say.
	*Yes?*
	God, he just knew it was Ranma, didn't he? "Hey," he said 
softly. "I'm sorry about last night."
	There was no answer.
	"I still wanna talk."
	*Why?*
	"Because I didn't mean what I said last night. I didn't mean 
it like that. We need to talk, and I think the sooner, the 
better."
	*Why?*
	Ranma growled in frustration. "Why? You stupid jackass, 
because I'm sorry and I still care!"
	*You... But you're...*
	"Yeah, I'm a guy, but... Look, let's talk face to face. I 
know we can work something out. We have to."
	The moments of silence were maddening to Ranma. He couldn't 
understand why Kuno was being so... so... Scared. "How about in a 
couple hours, down by the Neko..." No, that was gone.
	*I know where you mean. I'll be there.*
	"OK, good. I'll see you then." Ranma hung up the phone, his 
hand shaking. He released his breath and shook his head. It hadn't 
been quite as difficult as he thought it would be.
	"So you're going to see him?"
	"Yeah, I am, Akane. I'm gonna work this out once and for 
all. It's eatin' me up inside, and that's not fair to me or you or 
Nabiki-chan." He looked up at her, her face carefully neutral.
	"Or Kuno?" she asked emotionlessly.
	"Or him. Akane, the sooner you understand, the better off 
we'll be: I'm not going to hurt him, I won't let him stay hurt. I 
won't run off and be his girlfriend either. If it had been you 
instead of me, I would do my very best to understand. All I'm 
asking is for you to do the same and trust me."
	Akane stared into his eyes, a single tear working its way 
down her cheek. There was that glimpse again of the person that 
cared for Kuno, the person that might take her Ranma away from 
her. "I'll try. I really will." She looked down at her feet, then 
back up. "Do... do you want to take Nabiki with you?"
	"No, I don't want any excuses, no interruptions. This is 
gonna be man to man." He paused, looking at her, and smiled. "And 
then we'll be a happy family, right?"
	That brought a hesitant smile to Akane's face. "We will."
	"Good. I'm gonna meet him in a couple hours." He grinned at 
her. "Which means I've got some free time until..."
	Akane smiled back slightly and headed for the stairs.

***

	Ranma was early and very nervous. This was something that 
needed to be done, but it didn't mean he had to like it. Or like 
doing it. He walked quickly, filled with nervous energy and his 
hands in his pockets. This would be his first seeing-speaking 
conversation with Kuno since...
	He figured he had reason to be nervous. There was no telling 
what would happen when they saw each other, if Kuno would try and 
attack him, or maybe his girl side would kick in somehow and have 
him fawning all over...
	Ranma thrust that possibility away. No way would that 
happen. He had asked Akane to trust him, but he wasn't sure he 
could trust himself. And most of all, he wanted to prove to Akane 
that he was him again, but better.
	Walking down the street, the sun shining overhead, it was 
impossible to tell that there was anything wrong. People walked 
by, all concerning their own business, shops open, light 
traffic... Nerima just like he was used to it.
	Except, when he got in sight of where the Nekohanten should 
have been, it was a little noodle joint, a corner beefbowl 
counter. And standing out in front of it...
	Ranma kept his legs moving to walk up to the front and greet 
Kuno. "Hey," he said.
	Kuno looked at him evenly, but there was a kind of void in 
his eyes. He just seemed absent. Kuno stared at Ranma with dark 
circles under his eyes. "How's Nabiki?" he asked abruptly.
	A bit surprised, Ranma didn't answer for a moment, then he 
chuckled. "I scared the hell... Oh. She's fine," he answered. He 
looked at Kuno, and Kuno looked back. This wasn't working.
	"We... we need to talk. We need to work this out," Ranma 
said and shook his head. "I've been tearing myself up over this 
and it's not helpin' any." His eyes were hard and merciless, but 
there was misery in them as well.
	"Agreed."
	The two began to walk slowly, a distance apart, appearing to 
be colleagues above anything else.
	"And I don't even know what to say. It's just..."
	"You hate me." His voice, in that one sentence, seemed to 
convey every single bit of misery he felt.
	There was a moment of silence. "Naw, I don't. It'd be easy 
to say I did, but right now, Akane hates you more than I ever 
did." Ranma sighed heavily and kicked at a pebble. "I just kinda 
wish..."
	"Why me, right? Why you and why me? Why couldn't it have 
been Akane? Or Ukyo, the real Ukyo? Or Shampoo, or even my sister, 
right? How could you have sunk so low? How could you have let this 
happen to yourself? That's it, that's all of it.
	"You're Ranma Saotome and everyone likes you. And me... I'm 
nothing. I'm the one that brainwashed you and took advantage of 
you and I deserve to be thrown into the deepest, darkest pit and 
left to rot. It's fine to hate me. Everyone else does."
	That was when Ranma realized what had happened. When his 
memories had returned, he had gone from being "Akane" to being 
Ranma. The change had been different enough that there was a clear 
division between the person he was and the person he had existed 
as on that island.
	For Kuno, there was no such division. Strangely enough, the 
person on the island wasn't a whole lot different from the person 
walking next to him at this moment. The line between "Ukyo" and 
Kuno had blurred and disappeared, leaving only a confused and 
miserable young man.
	Ranma suddenly stopped and looked at Kuno. He smirked. "I 
never thought I'd say this to a guy, but... let's just be 
friends."
	"Friends." The word sounded like an insult coming from 
Kuno's mouth at that point. "I suppose it's the only thing I have 
left, isn't it?"
	Ranma shrugged. "There's always Nabiki. You'll always be 
her..." He had to force the word out, but he managed. "Dad. 
That'll never change. I know it sucks, but things are not going 
back to the way they were before. Not on the island, and... not 
before that either. They can't."
	The two began walking again. "I know a lot of people talk 
about me and don't really know what I'm about, but I know." The 
path they were taking would lead them through the park. "And now, 
sometimes I don't know. Part of the reason I went to Akane was 
that I thought I had, you know, like turned gay or somethin'."
	"And you blame me." The look on Kuno's face was pathetic 
enough to make a corpse look cheerful.
	"Quit puttin' words in my mouth! I don't blame you. It 
sounds like you blame yourself more than anyone. Except Akane. But 
I can handle Akane, and one a these days, she'll figure out the 
truth."
	There was a bench under a tree that Ranma chose to sit on. 
He waited for Kuno to sit before speaking again. "Look," he said, 
looking seriously at Kuno, "I meant what I said about bein' 
friends. I really did. What everyone else thinks don't mean 
nothin' to me. Not even Akane because none of them know what it 
was like.
	"If you think that means I'm in love with you, you're 
wrong." Ranma looked away to watch the wind shake the leaves 
overhead. "I'm not Akane any more, but... in some small way, 
you're still Ukyo. There's some small part of me, maybe somethin' 
that doesn't want to let go, that still..." Ranma sighed. "I 
still, you know, care. About you. You know?"
	"And this is where it ends? Just like that? I don't want to 
sound... selfish, but I need more. I can't live like this because 
I still love Akane. She was everything I ever wanted in a woman, 
and... and... We were happy, weren't we?"
	Ranma nodded. They had been. "We were. Were. Akane doesn't 
exist any more. Both of us have to move on because it's only gonna 
hurt more if we... you don't." Ranma suddenly felt a hundred years 
old.
	"In a way, I miss it. It was so simple on that island. It 
was kinda nice not having to worry about... how I showed my 
emotions. Or to who." He looked hard at Kuno then. "Friends?"
	Kuno sighed and nodded. "Friends."
	Seeming to know what was needed, the clouds suddenly opened 
up, dousing the two with cold rain. As quickly as it started, it 
was gone and left behind one very wet young man and one very wet 
young woman looking at each other.
	Sighing in defeat, Ranma turned back forward and looked at a 
bird splash in a sudden puddle. She hadn't thought about the way 
she was sitting, only that it was comfortable. That part of her 
buried inside made her sit still when Kuno slid over and put his 
forehead on her shoulder.
	"You'll have to get used to it. This type of thing is going 
to happen all the time." Still, she reached up and patted his 
back. And she remained still, frighteningly still when Kuno 
couldn't help himself and hugged her.
	"Good bye," he whispered to her, then stood up and fled.
	Ranma watched him go, shaking her head. "Aw shit."


...