Nicholas McCarthy wrote:

 

more than twice, three times, but you only get it hinted at at the end
of that story arch. Also the story was dry but it wasn't that bad for a
shortfic and a first try. You should encorage new authers not depress
them. The last thing we need is a cliche filled dark fic.... Then again
^_-

Don't worry, I'm not depressed... Actually, I was waiting something like
that. So, I guess the strengh of my soul will help me survive through
this hardship. AND, I might even consider not writing that cliche filled
dark fic you're so worried about ^_- I don't like darkfics that much
anyway. Except for The Bitter End, of course...

Ms. Miokane suffers from an ailment that's extremely common to "new
character" fics, especially by first-time authors. She doesn't show
any personality. You probably feel that you know her well, but that's
not good enough. As a writer, you have to make us readers feel that >WE

know your character.

she show little personality, not no personality, not even Ayanami shows
no personality.

Actually, I DO agree with Gary on that point. I'm gonna work on it.
Ayanami, however...

it was just a short fic, your judjing it to hard.. If she works on it a
revised version could be turned into a great fic..

True, it was a shortfic. Actually, I was thinking about making it the
first part of a series, and introducing Sachi little by little. But I
guess that was a BAD idea : I'm gonna rewrite it, a little bit longer,
and then we'll see...

And Chris Angel and Brett Handy aren't kami. What does that prove
about their fics?

how would you know?? what about Twister and the people at Eyrie??

Err.. Sorry guys, you lost me here...

 Any way the fic could use work but it's an okay first try... 

Thanks !

maybe your
next should be made as badly as possible for revenge against depressing
critics ^_^

 
Now do you really think I would do it on purpose ? ^_-


Bye bye and thanks for the feedback. I'll work on it again, and resend
it, if you don't mind

Delphine