Misato in OZ



	Misato was driving home in her camaro.  The day had been a long one 
with everyone whining and moaning about something going wrong.  Luckily, 
Pen-Pen, who was sitting next to her, wasn't whining or moaning.  That 
was one of the things she liked about the Hotspring Penguin.
	Suddenly, she looked over at the horizon where a monstrous tornado, 
which she would've been warned about had she stopped to listen to Maya 
or the radio for half a minute, swept over her camaro like the 
incredibly long sentence she had gotten stuck in.
	She saw Shigeru pedaling on a bide wearing a postman's uniform.  He 
tipped his hat to her and zoomed off into the tornado.  Then, she saw 
Gendo riding a broom while wearing a witch outfit.
	"I'LL GET YOU, MY PRETTY!  AND YOUR HOTSPRING PENGUIN TOO!  
BWEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE<giggle><giggle><snort>AACCCK!!!" Gendo laughed 
before sucking down a beetle and zooming off into the tornado.

	The Wicked Wizard of the East flew around, cackling evilly.  Finally 
exhuasted, he landed on the road below him.  Suddenly, the beer truck 
that the Wizard hadn't seen smacked into him and sent him flying.
	"WENDY, I CAN FLY!" The Wizard cried before Misato's camaro crushed 
him.
	Misato and Pen-Pen staggered out.  She looked around.
	"Gee, Pen-pen, I don't think we're in Tokyo 3 anymore." Misato said.
	"Qwuag." Pen-pen replied.
	"Why, young lady, you've killed the Wicked Wizard of the East!  You're 
our hero!" a munchkin man who looked suspiciously like Ryoji Kaji said 
while walking up to her.
	Misato turned to see a pair of pants get pulled up underneath her 
camaro.
	[Aren't those the socks that A-kun always wears?  And why is he wearing 
ruby-studded sneakers?] Misato thought.
	"What can I do for you in return for killing the evil wizard?" the 
munchkin Kaji asked, "Have sex with you?"
	[Just like Kaji.] Misato thought.
	Suddenly, Kaji got bopped by a tall purple haired woman wearing a 
pricess's gown and glowing wings (Author's Note: These are exactly like 
the wings on Eva-01 in the opening theme for the anime series).
	"Are you a good witch or a bad witch?  No, that's a stupid question.  
Okay, what'dya want?" the tall woman (that Misato could SWEAR she knew 
from somewhere) asked.
	"I'd like to know how to get home." Misato replied.
	"That's easy, just follow the yellow brick road.  It will take you to 
the Wizard of Oz, who is currently living two hundred miles away." the 
tall woman replied.
	"Say, you look familiar, what's your name?" Misato asked.
	"I'm the good witch of the south.  My name is Yui Ikari." The woman 
replied.
	"I KNEW I recognized you!" Misato exclaimed before asking, "Um, what 
yellow brick road?"
	"The one that your penguin is turning brown." Yui said, pointing to 
Pen-pen, who was busy relieving himself on the road.
	"I see.... well, I can just drive down... MY AXLES!!  THEY'RE RUINED!!" 
Misato yelped, seeing her newest camaro destroyed.
	Misato looked down the road, then at her car.  It would be impossible 
for her to walk that far without getting sore feet and blisters.
	"I could fix that for a night in bed with ya!" the munchkin Kaji said 
before getting bapped by Yui.
	"_I_ could give you A-kun's ruby sneakers.  They're magically enchanted 
so that you will never get sore feet or blisters." Yui said, waving her 
wand and teleporting A-kun's sneakers from his feet to Misato's and 
Misato's stinky old shoes (that she had borrowed from Kaji) to a garbage 
can.  And bopped Kaji for good measure.
	"Great, so now I gotta hike.  Ah well." Misato said, pulling her gun, 
making sure it was loaded and working properly.
	She picked up Pen-pen and they began walking down the yellow road.
	"Naoko!  My shoes are getting scuffed up." Yui called.
	Naoko Akagi leapt forth (out of the closet she was in), brandishing a 
clean piece of cloth and some shoe polish, tossed the items away and 
began cleaning Yui's shoes with her tongue.

	While she wasn't getting sore feet or blisters, she was getting tired.  
Pen-pen seemed to gain weight with each passing second, so she put him 
down.  Then, she came to a fork in the road.  Finally frustrated that 
she didn't know which way to go, she sat down on a nearby fence over 
looking a field of wheat.
	"HEY!  What the hell do you think you're doing?  Are you retarded or 
something?!" someone asked.
	Misato spun around to see a scarecrow nearby cursing at some crows that 
were failing to be scared by it.  She walked over to the cussing 
scarecrow.
	"Um, excuse me?" Misato asked, scaring the crows off.
	"Yeah, what is it?  OH WOW!! You're the first person I've seen in 
weeks!" the scarecrow (it sounded like a girl) said.
	"Need some help?" Misato asked.
	"Now that you mention it, can you take this damn mask off my head and 
help me down?  Some freak did this to me and I've been aiming to get 
back at him for a long time." the scarecrow said.
	Misato helped the 'scarecrow' down and she pulled the mask off the 
girl's head, revealing a young red-haired girl with blue eyes.
	"Are you okay?" Misato asked.
	"Actually, no.  It's been a few days since I last ate, thanks to that 
weirdo who pinned me up there." the girl answered, shaking the straw out 
of her clothes.
	"I'm Asuka Scarecrow Langely." Asuka said, extending her hand.
	"I'm Misato Katsuragi and my companion is Pen-pen." Misato replied.
	"Where you headed?" Asuka asked.
	"To the Wizard of Oz, do you know where he lives?" Misato inquired.
	"Um, I know he isn't.... damn, I can't remember which way it was.  I 
think both head to his place." Asuka replied.
	Misato sighed.  Pen-pen quacked.  Asuka scratched her head, trying to 
recall which way it was.  Finally, Misato just started walking.  Asuka 
and Pen-pen followed.
	Suddenly, a huge cricket landed in front of them.  Asuka powered up and 
fired a beam of straw, scaring the cricket away.
	"What was that?" Misato asked.
	"A cricket." Asuka said matter-of-a-factly.
	"No, that beam you threw at it." Misato said.
	"It was my Scare Crow Beam.  It's the reason I'm called Asuka 
'Scarecrow' Langley." Asuka replied.
	"Nevermind." Misato said, rubbing the bridge of her nose  This was 
giving her a headache.
	They continued on.

	They continued on until they ran across a girl-shaped set of armor.
	"Oy!  Can someone get me the oil can at my feet?" the girl inside 
asked.
	"Um, sure." Misato said, taking the can and oiling the joints.
	The girl took off her helmet, revealing Rei.
	"Thanks a lot.  I'm Rei 'Tin-Girl' Ayanami." Rei said.
	"I'm Asuka Scarecrow Langley." Asuka said.
	"I'm Misato and this is Pen-pen." Misato said.
	"Anyone have any food?  I'm starved." Rei said.
	"Same here." Asuka said.
	"I'm getting hungry too." Misato commented
	"Qwuag." Pen-pen added.
	"FREE BEER AND HOT DOGS!  FREE BEER AND HOT DOGS!" Came the cry.
	The girls (and penguin) ran to the vendor, who Misato recognized 
instantly as Maya Ibuki.
	"Hi, how many would you like?" Maya asked.
	"Give me twenty!" Asuka said.
	"Thirty!" Misato said.
	"Qwuag!" Pen-pen added.
	"Do you have some vegetarian hot dogs?" Rei asked.
	"Yep." Maya replied.
	"Ten please." Rei said.
	"One moment.  OY!  Ritsuko, get over here and make up seventy hot dogs 
and ten vegetarian hot dogs." Maya called.
	"HAAAAIIII!" Ritsuko Akagi said, skipping into view and starting on the 
order while smiling brightly.  Misato was watching her with bugged eyes.  
Ritsuko seemed to be oozing with 'Bubbly Kawaii'ness.
	She bent down to get the vegetarian hot dogs out of the lower cabinets.  
As she did, Maya smiled to herself and patted Ritsuko on the rear, who 
yelped slightly and grabbed her rearend as if it was her own bottom that 
had made that sensation.  She blushed, grabbed the vegetarian hot dogs 
and went back to cooking.
	Meanwhile, Asuka, Pen-pen and Rei were ignoring what happened while 
Misato was trying to.  Soon, the food was ready and the ravenous group 
ate.  Maya asked if they wanted to see Ritsuko naked with whipped cream 
and the group decided to leave before the story became a lemon.

	They came across a gate that seemed to have no guardian or even a door.  
They began walking through when suddenly Shinji Ikari, dressed in a lion 
outfit, leapt down and confronted them.
	"Put 'em up, put 'em up!" Shinji spat, swinging his arms wildly.
	Misato listened closely and heard Shinji mumbling, "... mustn't run 
away, mustn't run away...".  She felt like this was some lame copy of 
her old world, only done like a classic movie's script.
	"I assume you're the cowardly lion?" Misato asked.
	"Yep!" Shinji said proudly before cowering, "Don't hurt me!"
	*PUSH* *PUSH*
	"AAAAAH!  WAAAAAAH!" Shinji cried.
	"Hey, this is fun!" Asuka said, pushing Shinji around more.
	"Asuka, knock it off." Misato said.
	"Oh, all right." Asuka said.
	"I'll let you through, just don't hurt me!" Shinji cried.
	"Hey, wanna come with us, we're going to see the Wizard of Oz." Misato 
asked.
	"Hey, I think we skipped something.  Why am I following you guys?" Rei 
asked.
	"Would you rather be in a lemon?" Misato asked.
	"........." Rei responded.
	"Hey, we could go to the Wizard too!  Maybe he could give Shinji a 
spine or some friends!" Asuka joked.
	"Or maybe he could give you a brain!" Shinji shot back in a burst of 
courage.
	Asuka moved to hit him.  He flinched.
	"Or Rei-" Misato began.
	"A better brand of oil would be nice.  Maybe some weapon systems..." 
Rei mused.
	"Uh, right." Misato answered.
	"Qwuag!" Pen-Pen "Qwuag"ed.
	"Or Pen-Pen a decent size colon!" Misato said.
	"Yeah, he _has_ been recoloring the entire road." Rei commented.
	"I'm Shinji!" Shinji said, glad to be part of a group.
	And the introductions began.

	"So, she thinks she can just go to the Wizard of Oz, eh!?  We'll see 
about that!" Gendo Ikari, the wicked wizard of the West, laughed.
	He turned from his cauldron and opened a cage.
	"Fly, Fly, my pretties!" Gendo told the winged SEELE Council Members.
	The SEELE members got out of the cage and leapt out the nearest window, 
only to immediately fall screaming to their deaths.
	"Bugger it all.  Well, time to try the Angel series." Gendo said, 
turning to Kaworu Nagisa.
	"Fly, Fly, my pretty!" Gendo said, letting Kaworu loose.
	Kaworu leapt out the same window the SEELE members had and promptly 
fell to his death as well.
	"Next!" Gendo said, turning to the next Angel...

================================================================================

	Part 2 coming to you, Summer of 903 Before CBS

	The audience is now weirded out.

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Misato as Dorothy
Shinji as the Cowardly Lion
Asuka as the Scarecrow
Rei as the Tin-(wo)man
Gendo as the Wicked Witch of the West
SEELE Council Members as the Flying Monkeys
Kaji as the Leader of the Little people
Fuyutsuki as the Wizard
Maya as Beer Vendor
Ritsuko as Beer Vendor's sexy assistant
Shigeru as Pink Elephant #1/Postman on bike in the tornado
Makoto as Sneezy the Dwarf
Pen-Pen as Toto
Kensuke and Touji as the guards of the Emerald City (renamed Tokyo 3 for 
some reason)
Hikari Horaki as the Good Witch of the North
Yui as the Good Witch of the South
Naoko as the Good Witch of the South's shoe polisher
Random Tech named A-kun as Wicked Wizard of the East (who gets nailed by 
a beer truck  "WENDY, I CAN FLY!" *SPLAT* (gets crushed by Misato's 
Camaro))


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