Deedo Hibiki <deland@club-internet.fr> wrote:

IINAZUKE

[snip]

First of all, if you want people to read your fic, it helps to format
correctly. That means either spaces, indents, or both to divide
paragraphs, and dialog in "quote marks." You might study some of the
fics that get posted on the list to get an idea of the kind of
formatting that's considered proper, because doing it right will
increase the number of readers you'll get.

As for the story, frankly, it didn't really grab me. It wasn't that
funny, and it was extremely heavy with fanfic cliches. Like the idea
that Genma arranged hundreds of fiancees for Ranma as a child. Read
the manga. He actually only did that TWICE -- and the second time, it
was Ukyo's father's idea; Genma had to be talked into it.

Miokane Sachi	- Mio = three times strong
		- Kane = honor, tribute
		- Sachi = Child of Bliss
If I ever write other stories, I'm probably going to use her a lot,
because I'm quite fond of her.

Ms. Miokane suffers from an ailment that's extremely common to "new
character" fics, especially by first-time authors. She doesn't show
any personality. You probably feel that you know her well, but that's
not good enough. As a writer, you have to make us readers feel that WE
know your character.

What motivates her? What are her likes and dislikes? What does she
feel inside? What makes her unique compared to the hundreds of other
"new characters" that we've seen show up at the dojo in other people's
fics? These are things that you need to show us in your story. And we
don't get any of that in this one.

BUT it is NOT a self-insertion fic. Heck,
I don't turn into a guy...

And Chris Angel and Brett Handy aren't kami. What does that prove
about their fics?

Let me emphasize that I'm NOT telling you to stop writing. I hope you
keep at it. If you work hard at it, I'm sure you can come up with
something much better than this.


Gary