Bastion: Hmmm, it says Orig in the header, I suppose its okay. I'm
gonna need help though.
[Bastion pulls out a remote from. . . somewhere and pushes a button.
A man with long black hair suddenly pops in next to Bastion.]
Tracer: <dejected> Another Original story?
Bastion: Yep.
Tracer: Why can't you get a regular anime character instead of some original
character to help like any normal person would? <Pause> Oh wait, never mind.
Bastion: <mumbling> Let's proceed shall we?
------------------------
C&C is welcomed with open arms! If you read, please send me a
comment or two. E-mail me at matt2518@gladstone.uoregon.edu
------------------------
Bastion: Well Mr. Johnston open your arms wide cause here comes so
hot lovin'!
Tracer: Will you please shut up.
------------------------
Feel free to go to http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~matt2518/
There, you'll find episodes of this and my other fanfic series,
the critically acclaimed "Boku No Marie: Music-Box Angel".
NOTE: Translated comments in the story are held in <brackets>.
Unless otherwise noted, they're translated from English.
------------------------
Bastion: <So, do you know what I'm saying?>
Tracer: What are you saying?
Bastion: <HA! I suppose not. I can say whatever I want about you->
Tracer: <I believe nay.>
Bastion: <Uh, heh, heh, heh....>
------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------------
When he arrived at the airport, Satoru sprinted into the main
waiting area, scanning the weary faces. None were hers.
"Kaori!" Satoru shouted with all the power his lungs could
muster. "Kaori Akazawa!" He only hoped she could hear him.
"Satoru," Kaori seemed to exhale her thankfulness. Satoru
whipped his body around to see her standing beside him, with one
suitcase and an exhausted smile on her face.
-------------------------
Bastion: I believe you can rephrase, 'whipped his body around' with just
'whipped around.'
Tracer: Also, how does a suitcase end up on a person's face.
Bastion: This is anime influenced, anything is possible.
-------------------------
"Are you okay? You sounded like you were in trouble."
"I'm sorry, Satoru. I didn't mean... to upset you." Kaori
looked at the floor as Satoru picked up her suitcase.
-------------------------
Bastion: 'Looked at the floor' is too boring, how about 'dropped her gaze to
floor?'
-------------------------
It was a cold night in November when Satoru Nobata received the
phone call that would change his life. Kaori was back from
America, and waiting for *him*.
-------------------------
Bastion: Of course if she was waiting for Minako, it would be a different
story.
Tracer: Damn straight.
-------------------------
But something was not right about her return.
And finding out what brought Kaori back will either bring them
together as one, or create a rift between them too wide to ever
close...
------------------------------------------------------------------
* * * *
O K A E R I, K A O R I - C H A N !
Episode 03
Kaori's Sigh: "...Is There Something Wrong?"
* *
"Okaeri, Kaori-chan!" (c) 1998, 1999 Matthew Johnston.
All Rights Reserved.
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of the characters
to any persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
------------------------
Bastion: How about after-life?
Tracer: Quiet. Now. Pain. Later.
------------------------
* * * *
------------------------------------------------------------------
"Loneliness is a pow'r that we possess
to give or taken away forever."
--Chris Squire, "Disillusion"
Thursday, November 6, 1997
11:48 AM.
"The three cardinal trapezoidal formations, hereto made
orientable in our diagram by connecting the various points HIGK,
PEGQ, and LMNO, creating our geometric configurations which have
no properties, but with location, are equal to the described
triangle CAB quintuplicated. Therefore, it is also the five
triangles composing the aforementioned NIGH each are equal to the
triangle CAB in this geometric concept! Therefore, in a like
manner, the geometric metaphors can derive a repeated vectoral
sum. This is your assignment, and I would like to see the results
tomorrow."
---------------------------
Bastion: <eyes bug out> Okay, I'm looking for those brackets right about now.
Tracer: Simpleton.
Bastion: Oh and you know what he's talking about?
Tracer: Sure, if one were to take into account the Golden Mean and apply
Polynomial expressions along with a little help of the fundamental thereom of
calculus-
Bastion: Okay, I'm a simpleton.
---------------------------
Satoru chuckled in hopeless confusion. "Maybe it's not too
late to become a monk," he considered sullenly. The bell tolled
the end of the class; it had never sounded sweeter to him than at
that moment. He shook Ichiro awake.
"What did the prof say?" Ichiro put on his coat, and picked
up his backpack.
"He told us we were all hopelessly stupid and proceeded to
show us how hopelessly stupid we really were." Satoru grinned in
spite of himself.
----------------------------
Bastion: College teaches you alot. I know.
Tracer: You're still a simpleton.
Bastion: <narrows eyes> You have to rub that in, don't you?
----------------------------
"Did you take good notes?"
"Yeah, sure. Real good notes."
The pair exited the lecture hall, moving slowly. "Wow, the
whole class looks beat," Ichiro noted. As they looked out ahead
of them, they saw 150 hopeless souls pondering a change in major.
-----------------------------
Bastion: Ha, hahahaha! If that ain't the truth. Oh, the sentence before the
dialog:
'The pair slowly (or any other appropriate adj) exited the lecture hall,'
-----------------------------
"You slept through the worst academic experience human
civilization has ever known." Ichiro saw Satoru's expressionless
face, and became rather concerned.
------------------------------
Bastion: No, sitting through a lecture about the great historian Tacitus
from a professor who thought he was god had to be the worst academic
experience-
Tracer: That's nothing compared to my college experiences.
Bastion: Oh, you don't count. You're fictional.
------------------------------
"So, it's gonna be on the test?"
Satoru didn't answer. Ichiro wrote it off and changed the
subject without pause.
------------------------------
Bastion: How about: Ichiro immediately wrote it off and changed the subject?
Tracer: Why are you ordering this guy around?
Bastion: Am not.
Tracer: Yes, you are.
Bastion: Am not.
Tracer: Are too, and I can prove it. How many critically acclaimed fics have
you written?
<Pause>
Bastion: Alright, so I get a rush out C&Cing good writers.
Tracer: Told ya so, <sticks out tongue which Bastion readily returns>
-------------------------------
"What are you and Kaori doing today?"
"Nothing, really. Why?"
"Yumiko wanted to know if Kaori would like to go shopping
with her. It'd probably do her some good."
"I guess so. You'll have to ask her, though."
"Yumiko already has."
"Then why are you even bothering to tell me?"
---------------------------
Bastion: Comma between Then and why.
Tracer: Are you sure?
Bastion: Yeeesssss.
---------------------------
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's just my incredibly strong
sense of courtesy."
"Covering your butt, eh?"
"You got it." Ichiro flashed a smile and a thumbs up.
----------------------------
Bastion: ARGH! <falls to the floor in a convulsive fit> MY EYES!
Tracer: What?
Bastion: My eyes are on fire!
Tracer: Oh will you shut up, you should be choking like
you are right now.
----------------------------
"So I guess it's just you and me then."
"Yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you."
"About what?"
"After lunch. First, we must feast."
"Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
"If that's not a feast, I don't know what is."
"You're strange."
"Hey, don't knock the chicken pot pie."
"I had no intention of disparaging your chicken pot pie. I
just said you were a weirdo."
"That's better."
-------------------
Tracer: You're a weirdo.
Bastion: No I'm not.
Tracer: Yes you are.
Bastion: Am not.
Tracer: And just how many other people listen to Bjork?
Bastion: <grumbling> Yeah, you have point.
--------------------
12:02 PM.
"Thanks for going with me. I hate to shop alone." Yumiko
smiled hopefully as she walked into the lobby of the store.
-------------------------
Bastion: Personal irk, having stuff like, 'smiled hopefully' just doesn't look
right to me, and I try to avoid whenever possible in my writing. Of course-
Tracer: Of course, you're a weirdo.
Bastion: <glaring at Tracer> And that it's just how I see things. Oh and start
a new paragraph after that.
--------------------------
Racks
of clothes of various fashions and sizes greeted the pair of
girls. Kaori was quiet; she hadn't said more than couple of words
during the whole ride there, but the silence didn't strike Yumiko
as uncomfortable. She'd just have to try a little harder to get
Kaori to open up.
"What do you think of this one?" Yumiko snatched a autumn
floral-print dress and sweater from the first rack on the left.
Kaori shrugged.
"I don't like dresses much."
"Oh." Yumiko shrugged. "I'm not much for florals anyway."
-----------------------
Bastion: Ah, Shinji syndrome.
Tracer: Wha?
Bastion: Eva, have vids, more confusing than most alien languages.
-----------------------
"I'm sorry."
"What?"
"I'm sorry for dragging you down. I didn't get much sleep
last night."
"That's okay. Say, why don't we get some lunch. Shopping on
an empty stomach isn't too much fun."
-----------------------------
[A blue haired girl jumps in, wearing a lab coat and portable chalboard]
Prof. Ami: It is a known fact that shopping burns more fat than most forms
of Jazzercise.
Bastion: Ya know, that would explain a few things.
-----------------------------
Kaori smiled. "That sounds like a plan. I know this place
downtown that you'd probably like."
Lunch consisted of lasagna and lemonades at the Cafe Pierrot.
As Kaori finished her second lemonade, Yumiko considered whether
what she was about to say would be too much too soon. It didn't
matter, though; she was going to have to say it sooner or later.
"I saw what happened at the party," Yumiko tried to sound as
sympathetic as possible, "with Masao."
----------------------
Tracer: Huh?
Bastion: Earlier chapters, must dig through archive to find.
-----------------------
Kaori set the tall thin glass on the table with a loud
clatter of shifting ice. "Don't tell Satoru."
Yumiko pursed her lips. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really. Just don't tell Satoru."
"I won't, but Ichiro probably will. He saw it too." Before
Kaori could say anything in reaction, Yumiko added, "We're behind
you, Kaori. You did what was right."
Kaori sighed. "Thank you." She stirred the straw in her
glass. The shifting ice made lightly musical clinking sounds.
----------------------
Bastion: That last sentence doesn't look right, hmmm:
'a light musical clinking sound?' or 'a soft musical of clinking sounds?'
----------------------
Yumiko let the moment hold before continuing.
"Why did you come back, Kaori?"
"You're rather direct today. I didn't figure you for a busy-
body."
Yumiko frowned. "I'm just looking out for my friends. We're
all worried about you, but if you're not going to tell us why
you're back, we can't help you."
"I just needed to get away for a while."
"Get away from whom?"
Kaori looked up from her glass suddenly. "Nobody," she
immediately responded.
--------------------
Bastion: Another phrasing improvement:
Kaori shot her eyes from her glass toward her friend, "Nobody."
--------------------
"Okay, I believe you. You just needed a little vacation."
Yumiko raised her hands apologetically.
"I missed Satoru..." Kaori began. She paused, considering
her glass again.
"Yes?"
"Don't tell Satoru, but I love him."
"I know." Yumiko smiled. "Why did you go to America, then?"
"Because I didn't know I'd miss him that much."
---------------------
Bastion: Ahhhh, I feel like giving a hug.
Tracer: <Shying away defensively> If you do, then I'll feel like
giving back a lot of pain.
---------------------
12:03 PM.
"Spill it, Ichiro." Satoru was tired of waiting.
"What?"
"You said you needed to talk to me about something. So, what
is it?"
"Let me finish my pot pie, and then we'll talk."
-----------------------
Bastion: <imitating Ichiro> Damn it, Satoru! This is my pot pie!
Tracer: You are truly strange.
-----------------------
"So it's not that important, then."
Ichiro paused. "Okay, I'll tell you."
"Thank you."
"You wouldn't say that if you knew what I was going to say."
"If I knew what you were going to say, I wouldn't *have* to
say 'thank you.'"
"True, true." Ichiro took a drink.
--------------------
Bastion: If he's drinking to keep from responding, then you could say it:
"True, true." Ichiro murmured as he drew out a drink.
--------------------
"Well?"
"A second to prepare, please. This isn't exactly easy."
Satoru waited. Ichiro drank.
--------------------
Bastion: To add to Ichiro's delaying have him sip, that would seem
funnier.
Tracer: And what do you know what's funnier.
[An anvil falls from the sky onto Tracer's head, the resulting laugh
track ensues.]
--------------------
"Okay." Ichiro took a very deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"You remember the party last night?"
"I'm trying to put it behind me."
"Oh, ha ha. Anyways, you remember when you couldn't find
Kaori for a little while?"
"Yeah?" Satoru leaned forward. "What are you saying?"
"Nothing." Ichiro shrank back. "Nothing at all."
"Don't give me that. What happened? Something happened to
Kaori last night. What was it?"
"Well, I don't know quite how to say this--"
"--How about in plain old Japanese?"
"Okay." chiro waited for a moment before he spoke.
---------------------
Tracer: Chiro?
Bastion: Another character, I suppose.
Tracer: You authors can't resist the temptation to create orig.
characters irresponsibly.
Bastion: Hey, we're only human.
---------------------
"I heard Masao and Kaori... arguing... in one of the bedrooms. I'm not
going to guess about what exactly happened in there, but Yumiko
and I both saw Masao leave the room really angry, so he probably
didn't get..." Ichiro tried to look Saotru in the eyes, but
couldn't raise his head. "...what he was after. Kaori left a few
moments later, and that's when we decided to head back to the
living room." Ichiro exhaled. "That bastard! Look, I'm sorry--"
"Don't apologize."
"But--"
"No." Satoru looked at Ichiro's drink. "May I?"
"Go right ahead."
Satoru took a long drink, and sank back into his chair.
"So, what're you gonna do?"
----------------------
Tracer <imitating Satoru>: I'm gonna get my 12 gauge and I'm goin'
to say hello to a few friends.
Bastion: You're sadistic.
Tracer: And I have you to blame.
Bastion: Shut yer' trap!
----------------------
12:04 PM.
"Do you think Satoru's going to go after Masao?" Kaori
finally asked.
"You know him better than I do," Yumiko noted. "I'm not sure
what he's like when he's mad."
"He's really a very gentle soul. He wouldn't do anything
without reason."
----------------------------
Tracer: Meanwhile, Satoru was busy trying to throw Reason out his
second floor dorm window...
----------------------------
"I see."
"He'll probably go ballistic, though." Kaori grinned. "When
we were kids, the boys used to make fun of me because I was too
tall and a girl and could run faster than all of them. You know,
the usual stuff. Satoru got into a fight defending me when some
of the boys started pushing me around." Kaori smiled. "He's a
romantic like that."
"He loves you, too." Yumiko stated. "There isn't a day that
goes by where he doesn't talk about you. He's told us so many
stories, I feel like I know you like a long lost friend. That's
why we're all so worried about you."
"Thank you. But I don't know if he loves me anymore."
"Sure he does. When you called from the airport, he was
worried sick about you. We all were, but he was nuts. He only
wants to see you get better. Whatever that takes, he'll do it.
You know that, too. So why don't you let him help you?"
Kaori's eyes welled a little. "He's so nice to me. I can't
ask him to help me, though. Not this time." Kaori wiped a slow-
moving tear. "I shouldn't have come back."
-----------------------
Bastion: Slow-moving tear? Hmmm, how about:
Kaori wiped a tear trickling down her cheek,
-----------------------
"Why can't you ask him to help you? He'll do it."
"I already owe him too much as it is. Asking him to do this
for me now would be too much to ask any friend. And if I told
Satoru why..." Kaori stirred the ice absently. She felt her
throat tighten, and her nose stuff up. "Look at me, crying like a
baby," she noted between sobs.
"He'd never leave you. You and I both know him -- he's too
loyal to leave you, now or ever. He'll fight for you until the
end."
-----------------------
Bastion: <imitating Yumiko> And think of how long it took to finally
papertrain him.
Tracer: Doesn't your dementia have any foreseable end?
Bastion: Hey, I created you, didn't I?
-----------------------
Kaori smiled and sniffled. "Thanks." Again, she wiped a few
stray tears, and nodded with purpose. "I'll tell him when we get
back," she announced.
"Great!" Yumiko smiled brightly.
Kaori slurped the melted ice from her glass. "Now, you
wanted to do some shopping?"
* * * *
12:27 PM.
"ISHIKI!!"
Masao Ishiki opened his door casually. "Hey, Satoru! Long
time no see. Enjoy the party?" A few muffled chuckles from
behind the door pricked Satoru's ears.
"No."
"I see, well, why don't you write your complaint in a letter,
and slip it under my door, okay? I'm a bit busy."
Satoru shoved himself against the door, bowling Masao back
into the room, and allowing the large angry boy access to the
room.
------------------------
Bastion: Large angry boy? Hmmm. 'giving the furious Satoru access,'
and perhaps put in Satoru's size advantage when he pushes in the door.
-----------------------
"Oh, so I see you've talked to Kaori recently." Ishiki
grinned mercilessly. "Was it good for her too?"
"You sonuvabitch!" Satoru lunged for Masao with inhuman
rage.
-----------------------
Bastion: Inhuman rage? How's: Satoru pounced upon Masao, his rage
overwhelming his soul.
-----------------------
He didn't take much notice to the pair of boys looking on
as he went for Masao's throat and squeezed.
As words flew enraged from his lips, two sets of punches hit
home, assaulting his spine and kidneys.
------------------------
Bastion: You can make this parallel easy: As Satoru's words assaulted Masao's
ears, Masao's fists assaulted Satoru's kidneys and spine.
------------------------
Masao choked something
unintelligible. Satoru growled in pain, but continued to hold his
grip.
The punches weren't randomly placed; they continued to pummel
at his kidneys and back until he relented. When he let go of
Masao's neck, an additional pair of fists joined in the beating.
The sound from the room was quietly rhythmic at the end of
the hall. If one couldn't see the true nature of it, one might
think of aboriginal rituals. The grunts, the slaps and thumps,
the cries without words. It was all in a foreign language,
something calmer persons would never understand.
------------------------
Bastion: You can easily condense that entire paragraph and
still keep the idea, and I would love to try but I'm tired.
Tracer: Whussy!
Bastion: Tracefold, shush.
Tracer: Are you making a joke, or something?
Bastion <rolls eyes>: I *was* but never mind. <Pulls out
remote-esque device> See ya tomorrow.
Tracer: He-(pop)!
Bastion: Anyway, I'm really tired and I need some sleep before
I say something insulting, if I haven't already.
I really didn't mean for this to be a MST, it was kinda impromptu,
sorry 'bout that. So please don't take anything the wrong way,
most of the stuff I commented on was just suggestions (if at all not
very good ones), the story is pretty interesting.
Oh and the dialog is very good, far more suprerior than anything I could drum up.
So I bid you goodnight, and I will conclude this tomorrow.
Bastion
Officially banned from the SCA-Cooks Mailing List, whatever that is.