Ah, lucky indeed am I.  Both Bliss and 'Pushed or Murdered' have
had their followup chapters posted so soon.  Will the later
chapters of Bliss follow so quickly I wonder?

Meandering comments on Bliss Chapter Two:

And there, among the sand and soft dirt, she saw the
prints, paw prints of dogs.

I'm not positive because I never use them, but shouldn't
that third comma be a semicolon?  or a period and new
sentence?

The sheer number of them was close to being
frightening, and if they hadn't taken refuge behind that
waterfall, Akane wasn't sure they would have been successful at
fighting the beasts off.

She's basing this on prints?  Logically speaking, one dog could
make a lot of tracks walking back and forth.

Fruit was fine to a point, but red meat, or even poultry or fish
was that much better.

Poultry is domesticated fowl.  Good luck finding some.

She might actually find them. In large numbers,
and that would most assuredly be disastrous.

I'm thinking that it might sound better if this was three
sentences.

She might actually find them.  In large numbers.  And that would
be a very bad thing.  ^_^

She just knew there had to be more on the island than scrawny
monkeys, birds and those damnable dogs.

Oh sure.  On the other side of the island lies the lair of the
island kittens.

Akane had never hunted before. But there was a first time
for everything.

That she remembers.  There must have been some time during her
life with Genma when they had to hunt for food.

       Unfortunately, with the two of them trampling all along the
lake's edge, whatever animals might live on the island would not
approach the water to drink.

You told this to the dogs that left all the prints behind, yes?

Listening, she heard the sound of
grunting and smiled predatorily. Just as she thought...

Ellipses followed by a period at end of sentence?

       It emerged from the bush, black snout directed at the
ground, pausing to root in the soft earth.

And soon after, Akari came out and asked her favorite pig if he'd
found some truffles or not.

She refused to say that they would
be there the rest of their lives. She refused to accept that they
would be. Even if it looked that way at the time.

Never heard of a raft?  Cutting down trees and vines should not
pose a problem for these two.

       Akane nodded, sweat dripping from her shorn off hair.

Uh, I must be losing it.  When did the hair get chopped?

It was raising doubts in each of them, and the silence was beyond
deafening.

That's just the blood ringing in your ears. ;>

"The walls are all completely blank. Wouldn't
there be reliefs or something? Engravings? Sta..."

...lin was the greatest ruler who ever lived!

It was the only way she could regain control
of her emotions, the only she could stop herself from breaking the
statue into a thousand pieces.

Oooh, actual C&C time.  ...the only _way_ she could stop herself...

She was about to start complaining  again when she felt the wall
behind her shift slightly. "What the..."

I've never even played the game but I'm having flashbacks of Myst.

       "Akane, are you hurt?" he called.
       "I... I think so."

My...my neck, it's broken.

As the last of the air was blown out and the rock fell completely
back into place, there was a sound, almost like a frustrated sigh.
Then the faint seams that indicated where the opening had been
seemed to just disappear before their eyes.

Machin Shin anyone?

       "Right now, Akane, it matters not to me. I only know that if
we wait too much longer, those furry little devils will come after
us again, and I rather like my skin where it is."

Now that sounds like the Kuno we all know and love.

>From underneath, they could see where it was seated in the tree,

which had, to both their amazement, accommodated the Zero and grown
around it.

I don't think you need the 'both'.  'to their amazement' works
just fine.  or 'to the amazement of both'

When she saw the like on his face, him exerting
extreme amounts of effort, she wanted to shrink away.

like = look & him = his?



Another good chapter.  Any sort of idea for us mortals about the
guestimated size of the story?  I'd like to know ahead of time if
we have another TCP/ILMS/TOS/ETC sized story on our hands.
^_^

Keep up yon goodeth work.

Warr

He backtracked the pickup and listened to the
incredibly inane things they whispered to each
other before and during the stimulation prior to
copulation.  This was love poetry?  How idiotic!
Why didn't he charm her with an exhibit of his
mental prowess?  Perhaps flash a quick mathe-
matical formula?  Offer an insight into astro-
physics, or the nature of parallel universe
existences?  Why would an obviously intelligent
female choose to mate with a man whose con-
versation hinged around how he would consume
her like an obscure Latvian pudding covered with
ice cream and sticky syrup? Irrational!

W. Michael Gear - StarStrike