Re: [FFML] ...said the Gaijin Fanfic Review #1

At 12:52 PM +1300 8/1/99, Redneck Gaijin wrote:

(Rules for submitting stories for review at the end of the list.)

       TITLE: Sailor Moon 4200 Ch. 1-6
       AUTHOR: Angus MacSpon
       SERIES: Sailor Moon

 [snip]


       (b) Continuity: 4

       Two minor points here:

       First, there is a little bit of internal continuity fudging
regarding the date of Third Tokyo's founding. The introductions and most
internal references make it about a century before the story, but at least
one reference implies it was much longer before then.


*sigh*  I asked you about this when you first did this review, but got no
reply.  I've just check again, and I can't find any references that suggest
this.  Could you _please_ tell me where this is?

       Second (and this may just be my hentai muse fooling me), I tend to
believe that any uniform which can be torn or ripped can also be removed,
should the wearer decide to. (Of course, this isn't -that- kind of fic...)


Oh, sure ... if you're willing to rip it to get it off.  It was unnecessary
to the scene (in chapter 2) and in any case, as you say, I'm not exactly
headed in that direction...  :)


       (c) Storytelling: 6

       Since the story's not finished, I can't tell for sure how well the
entire story works out; the part which exists is well paced and consistently
interesting, with the major characters exceptionally fleshed out for a fanfic.

       The Introduction/Prologue was very good; it set the hook for the
reader without giving too much away too soon.

       However, the material tends to very wildly between well-written,
flowing prose with deep characterization and solid description and breeze-by
skeletal bits with little to nothing of either. When it is good, it's -very-
good, but when it's bad it's... well... okay, kind of. This inconsistency
needs some serious work, and I don't mean just in edits, I mean in long-term
writing practice.


Heh.  This story is certainly going to give me that.  Around 130000 words
already, and I've still got thirteen chapters to go...

Cheers,
Angus

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Angus MacSpon                                                Allen Gainsford
http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/          http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/