Thanks again to those who have helped me to get this story formatted
right.  Hopefully, this time it is fully legible.  Again, it is in two
parts.

Looks much better this time.

Mihoshi: Tenchi's Choice
     "You WHAT?" exclaimed Ryoko and Aeka in unison.  "I am
going to marry Mihoshi," said Tenchi.

Add a separate paragraph here for Tenchi.

    "Miho..." stammered Ryoko.  She phased in with her arms
around Tenchi.  "What do you mean, Tenchi?  We're lovers.
Remember?" she said in her most pitiful voice.
    "RYOKO!!!!!!!!!!!  GET AWAY FROM HIM," shouted Aeka.
Ryoko turned to Aeka and started to speak.

Try not to get carried away with exclamation points.  More than two or
three looks bad.  (Although technically, you shouldn't use more than
one.)

    "Now, Aeka---"she was interrupted by Tenchi's escape

>from her grasp.

Start a new sentence with 'she'.  Also, I would stick with two hyphens
for a break.  Two hyphens are used to represent a single dash.  I'm not
sure what three would be.

    "Ryoko, we are not lovers.  Friends, yes.  Lovers, no,"
he said.  "But Lord Tenchi.
    What about Jurai and our marriage?" asked Aeka,
somewhat less politely than normal.

The paragraph should start before 'But Lord Tenchi', replace the period
after 'Tenchi' with a comma, and uncapitalize 'What'.

<snip>

    "What in the universe does she have that I don't have?"
asked Ryoko, shocked.
       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *       *
*

Looks like the scene breaks went beyond 80 characters.  Could just be my
display.

<snip>

    "Thank you, Tenchi," said Sasami with a bow.  Ryo-ohki
let out a "miya" and pounced onto Tenchi's lap.  He smiled
and petted her.  "Miya, miya," she purred in contentment.

I would remove the quote marks from around 'miya' when using it as a
verb or noun.

<snip>

    "Lord Tenchi needs some one to care for him right now.
He is exhausted after that wild trip you(emphasis on you)
took him on," came Aeka's strained yet polite voice from the
hallway.

'some one' should be one word here.  Find another way to do emphasis
unless that is what Aeka actually said.  (Underscores or asterisks or
some other character surrounding the word works well IMO.  Recent
debates aside.)

    "What, so you're blaming me?  He's just a little tired.
Besides he loved that.  It's better than being the fianc� of
a domineering princess in ancient Japan with nothing to do
but cater to your every whim," retorted Ryoko.  Tenchi could
just see Aeka turning red.

Just so you know, � is a Theta on my screen.  Windows 95 uses a
different ASCII table than DOS.  I've gotten used to it and don't find
it annoying; I just wanted you to be aware of the difference.

    Azaka and Kamidake appeared,"Yes, princess?"  "Trap
her," ordered Aeka.  Within seconds, Ryoko was trapped
inside a force field and suspended between Azaka and
Kamidake.  Tenchi stepped into the hallway only moments
before Aeka was going to release her wrath on Ryoko, who was
not looking too good at the moment.

'princess' should be capitalized here since it's a proper noun.  Start a
new paragraph for Aeka.

<snip>

so long.  "Aeka, you have got to control your temper and not
always suspect that when I'm out of your sight, I'm with
Ryoko.  You're not my baby-sitter.  And Ryoko, I don't
appreciate you always hanging all over me.  Its embarrassing

                                             ^^^

and annoying," he continued.

Should be 'It's'.

<snip>

    "Yes, princess," they replied in unison.  Ryoko floated
to the ground, showing the same guilt as Aeka.  Tenchi
returned to his room and slammed the door, the noise making
both girls flinch.

Capitalize 'princess' again.

<snip>

    When Tenchi came down from his room an hour later,
Ryoko was in her usual spot, watching the Sasami, Kiyone,

                                       ^^^

and Mihoshi clean the house and Aeka was standing out by the
lake.  "Hi Tenchi," said Mihoshi with a big smile.  "Kiyone
and I thought we'd drop in for the afternoon and see how you
were doing after our big adventure," she said.

Remove 'the'.

    Tenchi returned her smile and said,"Thanks Mihoshi.

                                        ^^

Yeah, I'm still a little tired but Sasami's soup got me
going again."  He flashed a smile at Sasami who just
giggled.  Ryo-ohki "miya"ed.  Kiyone walked in and greeted
Tenchi.  "Hi Kiyone, you look as good as always," said
Tenchi.

Add a space after the comma.  Again, I wouldn't use quote marks around
'miya'.

<snip>

    Her little puppets popped up,"You are a genius, Washu."

                                  ^^

"You're the greatest, Washu."  Tenchi smiled at that and
Mihoshi, who had been watching the exchange, giggled.

Add a space after the comma.

<snip>

    He was glad that he had finally been able to make his
true feelings known to Ryoko and Aeka.  Their fighting would
have hurt someone other than themselves before too long and
he hoped he had put a stop to it.  Then he began to consider
the two, comparing them.  Ryoko was "outgoing", well maybe a
little for than outgoing.  He knew that she liked him but
her endless and blatant advances were beginning to wear on
him.  Aeka on the other hand, was "sweet" and polite, always
knowing when to smile coyly.  However, her temper was not

The quote marks around 'outgoing' and 'sweet' don't look right.  What
were you trying to convey with them?  Do you really think they're
necessary?

<snip>

    She saw Tenchi coming out of the woods and she waved to
him,"Hi Tenchi."

    ^^
Space after comma.

<snip>

    She burst into tears,"I'm sorry!!!" Tenchi ran over and

                          ^^

tried to comfort her.  "I'm so sorry.  I'll clean it up.
I'm sorry," she wept.

Space after comma.  Watch your exclamation points.  One would be
plenty here.

    "Mihoshi, its okay.  I'll help you clean it up," he

                ^^^

said as he grabbed her shoulders and forced to look up at
him.  "It's okay.  Accidents happen to everyone," he said
with a smile.  He began to pick up the assortment of used
food containers and food wastes from Sasami's cooking.

Should be 'it's'.  You got it right the second time.

    "Mihoshi," he started.  She looked up quickly and then
burst into tears again.  "I'm sorry about the broken window
and the door.  I didn't see Ryoko and---" she stopped as
Tenchi interrupted her.

Multiple hyphens again.

<snip>

    "Uhh,  well, you see.  I wanted to, well...  Oh Tenchi,
I can't stand to see Ryoko hanging all over you and then
fighting with Aeka over you.  I mean, they're nice people
but, well...[sigh]...Tenchi..." she stopped.

You should try to be consistent with your 'sound effects.'  Probably
something like this:

but, well..."  Mihoshi sighed.  "Tenchi...," she stopped.

Throwing in a sentence with brackets is jarring for the reader.
Also note that ellipses require a comma if the sentence continues.
(According to the grammar book I use.)

<snip>

    "Tenchi! Watch out," she shouted as she collided with

             ^^

him.  They fell down in a heap with Ryoko lying face down on
top of Tenchi, her face right next to him.  "Hi Tenchi," she
said.  "I was wondering when you would get home--" she was
interrupted by Aeka.

Add a space, since you've been using two space between sentences
everywhere else.

<snip>

    "PRINCESS AEKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" shouted Tenchi
at the top of his voice.  His voice cracked the crazed mind
of Aeka and brought her back to reality.

Ah.  There's those exclamations again.

<snip>

    "Take it somewhere else," ordered Tenchi.  "Yes, Lord
Tenchi," bowed Aeka as she turned to leave.

Start a new paragraph for Aeka.

<snip>

    "AEKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!," was the last thing he said
before the energy pulsed through Her body.

!!!  :)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Josh Green, aka Pi -- SORT@BUCKET.UALR.EDU
       http://bucket.ualr.edu/~sort/fanfic/
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