*TURN OFF YOUR LIGHTS*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The future isn't what it used to be....)
"MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7" (SEASON TWO)
EPISODE 19: TRIANGLE TANGLE
(A Sailor Moon Lemon MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of Megane 6.7
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
Any random mention of certain anime characters, song titles, etc. are
the property of their respected creators/distributors/etc. Just covering
my own ass here folks....
"Sailor Moon" is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and all the
distributors of her work.
"Triangle Tangle" is the property of CATS and he's welcome to it. I do not
intend to offend this person for making fun of his work like this but
I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think
of this as another form of C&C. ;)
Warning: This fic contains mature content and lemon content. If you
are offended by such material, simply delete it and it's gone. If not,
enjoy!
(Cue "Mystery Science Theater 6.7 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....)
It's the not-too-distant future,
Last Sunday BC
There was this guy named Joel
Not so different from you or me
He worked at Gizmonic Institute
Just another guy in a red jumpsuit
He did a great job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses really hate him
So they shot him into space!!!!
Joel:
(OH....MY....GODDESS!!!)
Crow and Tom:
(IT'S MEGAMI-SAMA!)
(Instead of holding messed up video, Frank's holding a computer printout)
We'll send him crappy fanfics
The worst we can find (lalala)
He'll have to sit and read them all and we'll monitor his mind (lalala)
(Instead of where it shows the guys watching the movie, it shows them
ducking behind their seats for 'Artemis's Lover'.)
Now keep in mind Joel can't control
When the fanfics begin or end (lalala)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends;
ROBOT ROLL CALL:
CAMBOT:
'Text only'?
Gypsy:
'Oh, my!'
Tom Servo:
'Sweet-o!'
CROOOOOOOW!!!
'I'm not a hentai!'
If your wondering how Joel eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Then repeat to yourself
*It's just a MiST*
You should really just relax
for MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 6.7!!!!
* * *
SOMEWHERE IN DEEP 13....
09:06 HOURS
The hallway was filled with tense, suspenseful, espionage music as
Joel slowly made his way through the sub-basement, his eyes and ears keen for
any sign of trouble, his footsteps, soft and light. He had to be quiet since
the huge cloud of moisture that appeared whenever he exhaled would
instantly reveal his location to anyone who glanced his way. Fortunately,
he had plenty of chaff grenades for any remote Cambots he ran into along
the way.
Pausing to peer around a nearby corner, Joel immediately hugged
the wall as he caught a glimpse of T.V's Frank standing in front of an
elevator talking to someone. Joel leaned closer to hear.
"Stay alert. He'll be through here, I know it." The voice of Dr.
Forrester was faintly audible. "By the way, your breath really stinks, Frank.
I'm surprised your moisture cloud isn't green...."
"Hey, bite me!" Frank retorted as the elevators doors closed and
he resumed guarding it. Joel placed his back against the wall again and
taking a deep breath, rapped his knuckles against the wall to the rhythm of
'Shave and a Haircut.'
"Huh? Gee, what was that? I sure hope it isn't a super spy coming
to infiltrate our base and kill me!" Frank exclaimed sarcastically as he walked
towards the source of the noise. Then Joel leapt out and using his index and
middle finger, proceeded to apply the Mandible Claw on Frank who obligingly
acted startled and fell to the ground.
"It's not fair! I saw you walking down the hall but I couldn't react
because my stupid *cone of vision* is so nearsighted!" Frank whined.
"Well, you didn't have to be so sarcastic about getting killed...."
Joel retorted as he entered the cargo elevator.
"Why not? It happens to me all the time...." Frank muttered as the
elevator doors closed and it began to ascend. Once the elevator started to
move, Joel proceeded to remove his trademark red jumpsuit to reveal....a
blue colored jumpsuit. Joel struck a cool pose as the espionage music
swelled to a crescendo and the following titles appeared behind him:
TACTICAL ESPIONAGE ACTION
METAL GEAR
CROW
Suddenly there was a small ringing sound in Joel's ear. Joel
bent down on one knee and activated his Codec. "Yes, Gypsy?"
"Darmok and Jalad at Deep 13." Gypsy replied.
"Huh?" Joel's brow furrowed.
"The Mads are here to ring in the new year!" Gypsy clarified.
"Oh. Okay. Magic Voice, save my game, please, and I'll get back
to it later." The cargo elevator quickly faded away to reveal the familiar
balsa wood walls of the Holocabana. "By the way, have you seen Crow and
Tom anywhere?"
"I think they're still working on that secret invention...."
"Again? What the heck are they making, anyway?" Joel wondered
aloud. "Well anyway, could you call them to the bridge?"
"Will do. Oh, and by the way, I have a little favor to ask for later...."
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
The image of the Mads appeared on the viewscreen as Joel and
the bots entered the SOL bridge area. Dr. Clayton Forrester looked up
from the control panel, his lips curling into an arrogant sneer as he assumed
his usual air of superiority.
"Ah, I see Spider Man and his *Mediocre* Friends are up for the day.
So good of you to join us. And a Happy New Year, by the way. You do realize
I have NO intention of letting old acquaintances be forgot. In fact, the only thing
you can count on this year is BAD movies, EVEN WORSE fanfiction, and
a smug, superior attitude from yours truly....with the occasional flip remark by
Frank here...."
"Word." Frank agreed as he folded his arms across his chest.
Tom and Crow snickered under their breath. "Well, gee sirs, considering
that's all you've given us for the past few years, isn't it about time for a change?"
Joel asked innocently.
Frank suddenly grew pale as he exclaimed. "Oh my god! He's
right, Dr. F! We're becoming superficial shells of our former selves! I've got
to start painting or learn Tai Chi so I can be mildly complex again!" Frank
hurried off-screen and the sounds of rummaging could be heard in the
background.
"Frank....Frank...." Dr. Forrester sighed impatiently. "We're not
supposed to be complex. Remember the theme song? You should really
just relax? Besides, the best your personality could ever hope for is *trite*...."
Dr. Forrester muttered under his breath as he turned back towards the screen.
"And, as for you, misanthropes, let's see what *shallow* invention you
managed to come up over the holidays...."
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Well sirs, my invention this week is for everybody that
has some kind of gripe about their favorite RPG game. Like the game is
is too short or too long, the gameplay is too linear or non-linear, there's
too much talking/there's not enough talking, the plot is too simplistic or
so complex it goes way over your head, every 8 seconds you have to fight
the same minor enemies over and over and....well, you get the idea." Joel
held up a small flat device with a digital clock built into it.
"This device, when attached to any game system, will activate a
menu screen that'll let you fix any and all problems you might have with
the game by accepting commands from your control pad. Once you make
your corrections, millions of nanobots contained inside the device will
interface with the game, make the appropriate changes and instantly, the
game is now perfectly suited to your tastes!"
"We call it 'Nano Problem!' How 'bout it, sirs? Pretty cool, huh?"
Joel said, expectantly.
* * *
DEEP 13
"Yes....but I have one question that's puzzling me. Where did
you get all those nanobots?" Dr. Forrester inquired with a frown.
"Are you kidding? This is a spaceship! There's nanobots lying
all over the place!" Crow replied.
"Mmm. Hm. Alrighty then. Let's get to our invention for this
week. Frank?" Dr. Forrester gestured off-screen.
Frank wheeled in a display case of action figures up to the
viewscreen and then proceeded to juggle 4 balls with one hand while
holding and reading a paperback copy of Richard Wagner's opera,
'Parsifal'. Dr. Forrester glared at him for a moment before continuing.
"I came up with the idea for this invention after someone sent
me these for Christmas...." Dr. Forrester picked up one of the action
figures, only to have it immediately fall to pieces. Dr. F tried to pick up another
one, only to have it fall to pieces as well. Frustrated, he gave up and took the
head of one of the figures and held it up. "Okay, just zoom in on this!"
As Cambot focused its lens, it become apparent the figure's head
belonged to Tifa Lockheart, one of the heroines from Final Fantasy VII. "As
you can see, Joel, these figures may look nice but if you so much as *breathe*
on them, they fall apart faster than the plot of 'A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic'!
Therefore, I decided to invent this!" Dr. Forrester pulled out another
Tifa figure that didn't fall apart in his hand. "Unlike this shoddily constructed
crap...." Dr. F gestured at the broken dolls. "*This* figure is indestructible
and can't be damaged by exposure to sunlight, intense heat, teeth from a younger
sibling or dog, and can even support the weight of an 18 wheel truck! You'll
have to take my word on that, of course....
And included with each of these dolls is a special package that can't
be torn, folded or mutilated and have a vacuum seal to offer maximum protection
for your action figure! How'd like them apples, Joel?!?"
Joel and the bots were skeptic. "It seems like a really great
invention for kids....but what's the catch?" Tom asked.
"Yeah, what's in it for you?" Crow added.
"Glad you asked, Floyd!" Dr. Forrester replied cheerfully.
"Since the package and the action figure can't be damaged, the child can
buy it, play with it, get bored, take it back, but another one, and start the
whole cycle over again! It's the ultimate achievement in toy store fraud!
Before too long, every toy store will be out of business, leaving future
generations of kids with *NOTHING*! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Dr.
Forrester laughed as Joel and the bots fixed him with a withering stare.
"Nice invention...." Tom remarked.
"....if you're Mr. Grinch." Crow finished.
"Hehehehe....yes, well, don't be so supercilious now. After all, that's
*my* job, isn't it? And speaking of which, your experiment this week is another
in the long line of crappy Sailor Moon lemons, this one stars Mina and everyone's
favorite Tuxedo clad hero...."
Joel and the bots groan loudly. "Oh no...."
"Tux-Boy!" Dr. Forrester finished with an evil grin. "And that's
not the only surprise, but don't worry, I won't spoil it for you. Now, prepare
yourselves for 'Triangle Tangle' by CATS! Heeheeheehee....Send them the
fanfic, Frank...."
Frank came back into view, dressed in the attire of a twelfth
century bard and began reciting an ancient tale of a dragon from Stormhaven
and the Goddess he protected while attempting to calculate advanced geometry
with his fingers....
"WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE?!?!" Dr. Forrester roared as Frank
quickly beat a hasty retreat.
* * *
SATELLITE OF LOVE
"Boy, I hope Frank doesn't get any more complex or he'll start
making *us* look bad...." Tom remarked.
"Still, I wonder what Dr. Forrester meant by 'that's not the only
surprise'?" Joel said.
"Don't worry, Joel! Whatever it is, we're ready for Dr. F this
time!" Tom replied confidently.
"Yeah, we've got something that'll make this lemon go down just a
*little* easier if need be." Crow added with a grin.
"What do you mean?" Joel asked, confused.
"You'll find out." Crow replied mysteriously.
Suddenly, alarms and sirens suddenly rang out.
"OHHHH, WE'VE GOT LEMON SIGN!!!" Joel cried out.
(Door 6: It slides open on both sides..)
(Door 5: It's made of beads. They explode out towards you, and you
move on..)
(Door 4: It falls toward you, missing your foot by inches.)
(Door 3: It's a castle gate, that rises into the ceiling..)
(Door 2. It's solid black marble. An Akahn floats from behind you and
touches the door. The door vanishes.)
(Door 1: It splits in four ways, twice.)
(Door .7: A beam of golden light erupts from the floor. You walk into it.)
Joel emerged from the light into the theater with Tom in his arms,
Crow emerging a moment later and following close behind. Stepping
over the air grate that prevented Tom from entering the theater on his
own, Joel placed him down on one of the theater seats and sat next to
him, Crow sitting on his right.
Sailor Moon: Triangle Tangle
Joel: Mingle and Bangle with the Triangle Tangle!
Crow: Yee-haa!
Tom: Pythagorus would've shit.
By CATS
Joel: Andrew Lloyd Webber weeps openly.
Crow: Was that show *about* anything?
Tom: Does it matter?
Joel: Both answers: No.
Crow: So felines are writing fanfiction now?
Tom: I'm surprised they didn't start with an Oscar revengefic....
****
Joel: Anybody got a wagon?
The characters within this story were not created by me.
Crow: Yeah, the *dogs* were responsible for that....
Joel: <CATS> But any characters that didn't appear in this story are
MINE! MINE! MINE! Takeuchi Naoko stole them from ME!!!
Tom: (imitating newscaster) Felines worldwide subjected to crappy
erotic literature! Details at 11!
This is a lemon fanfics
Tom: <CATS> Did I mention I'm a from Italy?
so you know what you are to do.
Crow: Riff away like it's nobody's business?
Tom: Very well. Commence the masturbating!
Joel: Well, if the author doesn't even know how many stories he's written,
I'd say run.
Either get a change of pants
Crow: Assuming you're still wearing them....
Joel: Levis forever! Dockers never!
Tom: <reader> I wet 'em!
or go get mommy's
Joel: ....combat boots?
Tom: <reader> Uh mom? This is going to sound strange but can we exchange
pants for a little while?
permission to read it.
Crow: Permission to read, riff and burn lemon, sir?
Joel: Permission granted.
You must be 18 or GET OUT!!!
Joel: ....your fake I.D's!
(Crow and Tom get up and start to leave.)
Joel: Hey, where do you think you're going?!
Crow: We're not 18, Joel. We have to go.
Tom: Sorry, Joel. Rules are rules, you know....
Joel: <Shrugs> Suit yourselves.
(Crow and Tom walk off-screen towards the doors. A few moments later
they come back and return to their seats.)
Tom: On second thought, it'd be cruel of us to leave you here to riff the fic
yourself....
Crow: Yeah, we'll stay with you, Joel.
Joel: Theater Doors were locked, eh?
Crow: Yep.
It contains sex between characters from the series Sailor Moon
Tom: No sex with furniture? Awww....
Crow: And those seeking sex between characters from the series 'Pokemon',
please seek professional help immediately....
(North American Version).
Crow: Goodie! Another SM fanfic with names like Darien, Melvin and Reeny!
Tom: Ah man! I wanted the Continental version!
Any suggestions, problems or comments,
All: Check.
send to lionclaw@bellsouth.net.
Tom: <Taco Bell Dog> Yo quiero Taco Bellsouth....
Joel: People are coming back to Bellsouth!
Crow: Can you blame them after years of Candice Bergen?
Please address them to CATS.
Tom: Or better yet, smear the envelope with cat food and leave it on your
doorstep....
Crow: That reminds me, one of these days I've got to start a petition to get
'Cats and Co.' back on the air. It's a crime to let a well-drawn character
like Cleo go to waste! Who do I write to about that anyway?
Joel: Actually, I think DIC produced that cartoon....
Crow: ....
Tom: Good one, Joel. We may have lost Crow for good.
Any otherwise will not be read.
Tom: Because CATS are only interested in stroking their own egos....
Joel: Dear CATS, I am a 13 year Hermaphrodite and I was just wondering....
I hope you enjoy and cum...er come again****
Tom: Ha! Ha! What a witty play on words! No wonder he gave it 4 stars!
Crow: I may throw up.
Malachite arose from his bed.
Tom: Hey, Woody's up!
Crow: <snickers>
He couldn't sleep due to the fact that his beloved Zoisite wasn't there
with him
Tom: As her afterglow conversation had a soporific effect on him.
Crow: Snore, Tom.
Joel: Zing!
and Malachite needed to get out.
Tom: He needs Olivia Newton-John and he needs her now!
Joel: Leave it to the Negaverse to not housebreak their agents of destruction.
It was early in the mroning
Tom: What *mron* spell-checked this thing?
Joel: Mron? Wasn't that a Kurasowa movie?
but in the Negaverse there really is no morning.
Joel: *Mronings*, on the other hand....
Tom: <singing> Morning has broken....
Crow: Literally!
Malachite changed from his boxers into his uniform.
Tom: So he's totally naked underneath his uniform?
Joel: One never does consider whether generals of evil wear boxers or briefs.
Crow: So thanks for clearing that up, CATS.
He wondered what Sailor Moon would be up to today
Tom: Oh, her usual morning routine....
Crow: <snickers>
and if he could capture her, Queen Beryl would generously praise him.
Crow: <Slyly> Using her mouth in more ways than one....
Joel: <Queen Beryl> You, like, just totally wail, man!
With a flash of his white covered hand,
Crow: <giggles> Yes, Malachite *IS* Michael Jackson!
Malchite disappeard from his room.
Crow: Only then did Malachite discover he was leprous!
Joel: Ick.
Darien was jogging down the streets,
All: <singing> Streets of Philadelphia....da da da da....da da da da....
trying to get stuff out of his mind.
Joel: <Darien> There's too much water up there!
Tom: Mamo-chan went a little overboard with the q-tips that morning.
Joel: Tux-Boy must have some leftover shrapnel from *R*P*M*....
Crow: Geez, this guy has more nicknames than Mick Foley....
He kept having flashes of a distant place but he didn't know where.
Joel: Welcome to anime, Darien.
Tom: <Darien> Let's see....I was in a mall....there were thousands of
people lying dead....Sailor Jupiter got decapitated....Then there was
ten loud bangs....
Crow: It's called Deja Vu, Tuxy. You should recognize the sensation
by now considering how many times you've gone through it in fanfiction
and the series itself....
He stopped to whip the sweat from his head
Joel: Oh, who does he think he is? Lola?
Tom: He'd be perfect for a Gatorade commercial....
and he noticed Mina in the arcade. He walked into the arcade and say
hi to Andrew who was busy sweeping.
All: Hi, Andrew!!!
Tom: Do you ever get the feeling you in the wrong tenses?
Crow: No, I didn't.
Joel: Oh no! Darien's transported into the same universe as *Games*!
Tom: Great, maybe Ami will simulate raping him too.
Andrew waved and went back to his work.
Tom: <Andrew> Hi, I'm a cameo walk-on. You can conveniently forget about me now.
Crow: <Andrew> So many quarters, so little time. Ah, change, change, change,
that's all I do....
Darien proceeded over to Mina.
Tom: What an interesting plot development.
Joel: <rolling his eyes> Anything for a lemon.
Crow: By all means, proceed, Tux-Boy!
She was busy playing the Sailor V game and didn't notice him.
Crow: Oh, the irony is too much for me folks! Ha-ha!
Joel: Well, if I had a video game made after me, I'd probably play it all the
time too....
Tom: That reminds me....shouldn't Mina be rich from royalties if
Sailor V is so popular?
Crow: <Vince McMahon> Sailor V screwed Sailor V....
He quietly tapped her on the shoulder and she jumped up in surprise.
Crow: <Darien> Been smoking a little weed, have we?
Tom: <Darien> Just wanted to see if your shoulders were hollow....
"Oh hello Darien" Mian said.
Joel: Who's Mian? Mina's dyslexic cousin?
Tom: Didn't Disney do this sort of thing with 'Kimba: The White Lion' when
they made 'The Lion King'?
Crow: You mean the Kimba/Simba thing?
Tom: Yeah.
Joel: Hey, if 'Pretty Solider Shirley Moore' has a cameo, maybe I'll believe it....
Crow: Hey, even she was constructed better that those Final Fantasy VII figures....
She tried to recover from the shock as she brushed her hair back.
Joel: Oh yeah, last time someone tapped me on the shoulder, I had
nightmares for weeks....
Darien admired her beauty.
Tom: Then he glanced up at her face. Thank you!
Joel: Tom....
She was wearing a pink shirt with a small pink skirt.
Tom: I could make a really crude joke here if I wanted to....
Crow: So why don't you?
Tom: Maybe I don't feel like it. Why don't YOU make one?
Crow: Well...uh....maybe I don't want to either!
Tom: Okay, fine! We'll let Joel do it! Joel, if you please?
Joel: Ummm....and a pretty pink bow in her hair?
Crow and Tom: ....
"What re you doing here so early?" he said as he sat on the stool next
to her.
Joel: Check it out! Tux-Boy's drunk!
Crow: So many riffs, so little time.
Tom: <snickers> He's sitting in stool.
Joel: Ick....
"Well I needed to get out"
Joel: ....the map?
Tom: <singing> Get out of here....Get me some money too....
Crow: I wanna get her outta my head and into my bed....
Joel: You've done that riff before! Shun! SHUN!
Crow: Oh, bite me!
she said as she put another token into the game.
Crow: She really didn't want to play anymore, it was just a token quarter....
Joel: Guess the senshi aren't housebroke either.
Tom: So it *was* stool!
"Yeah me too"
Crow: Gross-out!
Joel: Man, everybody is trying to get out of this fic!
Darien said as he whipped some more sweat from his brow.
Tom: When a Tux-boy comes along, you must whip him.
Joel: <Mina> Geez, thanks for drenching me with your stinky sweat, Tux-boy!
Mina played furiously at the game. She banged it when she lost again.
Tom: Woah! No wonder it's called a joystick.
Crow: <Mina> I've wasted so many quarters on this thing it's about time
I got my money's worth!
Joel: Yes, it's the latest teenage fad! Sex with Arcade Machines!
Crow: <Mina> You don't screw me, I screw you!
"Well who need thsi!
Joel: Mian's back!
Crow: <Mian> Hey, Scerw thsi!
Oh uh Darien would you like to go for a walk" Mina said in a shy but confident voice.
Crow: Da heck?
Tom: Shy confidence, from the makers of Jumbo Shrimp and Absolute Diversity!
Joel: You know....acting shy and coy kinda loses it's effect when you've just had sex
with an arcade machine right in front of Darien....
"Sure, my jogs pretty much over with.
Tom: <Darien> And after your public exhibition with the machine, I'm horny as hell now!
Joel: And what part of his anatomy does he refer to as a "jog"?
Crow: Well, there would have to be two of them ...
Let's go" he said as he grabbed her hand.
Tom: <Mina> Geez, somebody hasn't had any in a while!
Joel: <Darien> All right! Tux-Boy's gonna get some! And I owe it all to CATS!
Crow: I may be sick.....first the whipping, now the grabbing. What's next?
Tom: I'll give you three guesses, Crow, cause you're too stupid to get it
right the first two times!
Crow: D'oh!
Tom: Heh heh heh....
They both stood and walked out of the arcade.
Tom: ....and into the path of a speeding bus. The End.
Joel: Nice try, Tom....
They walked in a nearby park.
Crow: But it isn't May....
Tom: ....only to be senselessly mugged and left for dead. The End.
Joel: So what's on Raw?
They talked about school, what they plan on doing in the summer,
Joel: Who knew what they did last summer?
Tom: I still want to know what they did *last* summer!
Crow: Probably the same thing Wataru did with those girls in 'Endless
Summer'....
Serena, Rei, an old boyfriend of Mina's
Joel: <Johnny Carson> What is an airhead, a hothead and a butthead!
Tom: <Ed McMahon> Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ho!
Crow: At least Mina doesn't bitch about her old boyfriend like Lita does....
and then it got onto the subject of sex.
Tom: (singing) Let's talk about sex, Baby!
Joel: <Mina> Yeah, I'm considering having my sex changed. Do you think
I'd be cuter as a boy?
Crow: PUKE!!! Joel!!!
Joel: Just kidding, little buddy....
Mina was not a virgin but had only had sex with one person in her life.
Crow: However, she averaged six to seven times a day with that one person,
seven days a week....
Tom: Yeah, all the other times, she was with Artemis.
Joel: Ick.
Darien usually got some on the weekends,
Crow: Except in Artemis's story.
but he could get a girl or sometimes a guy to suck his cock at night.
Joel: T.M.I.! T.M.I.!
Crow: And don't even ask about *his* usual mornings....
Tom: Gack, the mental images here are worse than the fic itself!
Joel: Seriously, though, wouldn't having that many sex partners put the
future of the Moon Kingdom in Jeopardy, not to mention his destiny to
marry Serena?
Crow: Hey, if it's locked in stone, he might as well have some fun now....
Darien felt his cock begin to swell up in his boxers and Mina's pussy started to get
moist.
Tom: <Darien> Boy, all this talk about sex is making me horny! I wonder why?
Crow: <Mina> Sorry about the mess. Artemis was drooling again.
Joel: Crow....
She felt it trickle in her panties
Joel: Sounds like somebody needs to visit the Ladies Room, pronto!
Crow: Hey!
and they sat down on a bench.
Crow: TOGG....oh wait, this author actually got it right.
Tom: There's a first for everything....
They leaned in to kiss each other
Crow: <Darien> Serena? Reeny? Moon Kingdom? Who gives a shit! Let's fuck!
Joel: Crow....
Tom: Yes, it's the adventures of Tux-Boy: The Insensitive Gigolo!
but were stopped when they heard a scream.
Joel: Wes Craven?
Tom: Serena?
Crow: Artemis?
Joel: Fiore?
Tom: Oscar?
Crow: The audience?
Joel: ... yeah, that works.
They turned and looked and
Tom: ....gazed and gawked and glanced and peered and searched and....
Joel: Okay, Tom, okay....
Malachite was attacking some people in the park.
Tom: <singing> I was stalking in the park one day....
Crow: I don't suppose he's ever been to Sunnydale....
Darien and Mina quickly jumped into action.
Tom: That's fast work, there.
Crow: (Imitating Darien) May as well get a quickie in while everyone's distracted.
Mina held up her transformation pen and said "VENUS POWER!".
Tom: <deep voice> VENUS POWER AND THE SENSHI OF THE FUTURE!!!
Crow: Sounds like yet another really dumb fanfic idea....
Joel: Big whoop! Her pen is still no match for Eric Bischoff's PEN OF DOOM!
With a series of glows and stars she was turned into Sailor Venus.
Tom: Slyly concealing the little known fact that she's *nude* during her
transformation sequence!
Joel: Considering she boinked an arcade machine and Tux-Boy in record time,
her afterglow must be blinding....
Darien held out a rose
Crow: <Darien> Will you be my friend?
Tom: <Darien> Hello, I'd like you to have this flower from the religious
consciousness church, would you care to make a donation?
Joel: <singing> I've....been....kissed by a rose on the grey.....
and he was soon transformed into Tuxedo Mask.
Tom: <imitating guitar strumming>
Crow: Ugh. Do you HAVE to do that?
Tom: Do you have to scream 'Get your ass to Mars!' every time you see
someone wearing a towel on their head?
Crow: <sighs> Never mind....
Malachite looked to the two fighters for justice
Joel: Why? Isn't he supposed to be a defender of injustice?
Tom: <Malachite> I demand justice! I have been wronged by society
and seek retribution by suing everyone and anyone with money!
and smiled.
Crow: Another satisfied customer of the Nuku Nuku School of Smiling!
Still available at all retail outlets.
Tom: Ask for their Christmas Special! Buy a smile before January 31st
and receive nimble gums, absolutely free!
Joel: Warning: While the Nuku Nuku smile is practically invincible, it still
makes a lousy umbrella. Therefore Nuku Nuku won't be held responsible
for any colds or flu viruses contracted....
He knew that if he couldn't get Sailor Moon at least one of the sailor socuts
Tom: ....he'd get her a sailor senshi!
and Tuxedo Mask would do.
Crow: Malachite's into threesomes with Tux-Boy? Ewwww....
Tom: That's not what he meant....at least I hope not.
Malachite raised his hand
Joel: <Arnold Horshack> Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!
Tom: Cute, Joel....
and a bolt of energy hit Sailor Venus and Tuxedo Mask.
Crow: <Venus> Wow! That felt great! I feel so peppy! Do it again!
They both fell to the floor and were unable to move.
Crow: They've fallen....and they can't get work!
Joel: Some heroes! They went down with one shot!
Tom: This must be the *Games* universe. They've got delicately rounded legs.
Malachite then teleported all of them to a secret room in the Negaverse.
Crow: Cool! A secret level!
Tom: Bonus points galore!
Joel: Actually, it's just an ordinary closet in Malachite's room, but just humor him....
A few hours later Sailor Venus and Tuxedo Mask awakened.
Crow: Rudely, I might add....
Joel: SSSSSSLEEP NO MORE!
Tom: What time of the day is it anyway? Would somebody in the fic
please look out the window or check their watch or something?
Sailor Venus shook her head and then looked around.
Tom: <Venus> Oh, that's just great. Kidnapped again after leaving the
arcade! How can the same thing happen to the same girl twice?!?
Crow: They should've named this fic: 'Games 2: Play Harder!'
The room was completely black.
Joel: <Venus> Who decorated this place? Peter Hammill?
She then realized that all she had on was a bra and her panties.
Crow: And that's when she realized the lemon scene was about to begin....
Tuxedo Mask looked at her in shock, feeling excited but curious at the same
time.
Tom: <Tuxedo Mask> The room's completely black and I can't tell if Mina in her
underwear or not, but somehow I just *KNOW* she is!
Joel: Night Vision! Just another one of the many unrealized talents of Tux-Boy!
Venus tried to cover herself
Crow: <Venus> Eek! I had sex with an Arcade Machine and Darien publicly
and in broad daylight but I can't let Darien think I'm naked even though he can't
see me at all in the darkness....
but she heard someone tell her not to bother.
Crow: Don't bother, Venus. It's a lemon and there's no escape.
Tom: <Mercury> Hey Venus. They got you too, eh?
Soon Malachite appeared.
Tom: Though Venus didn't know that since the room was still COMPLETELY
BLACK!!!
He moved over to Venus and started removing her bra.
Joel: <Venus> Hey, get lost Tux-Boy! Once with you is enough!
Crow: <Tuxedo Mask> What? I'm over here!
Venus tried to get away but then Malachite gripped her arm painfully.
Tom: INTENSE....GRIPPING....ACTION.....
Crow: He should give that arm a rest! Ha Ha! Get it! A armrest!
(Joel and Tom stare at Crow)
Crow: You know...the arm and the....oh, forget it!
She let out a scream.
Joel: <Venus> I HATE LEMONS!!!
"Now don't move little Sailor" he said as he unsnapped her bra.
Crow: <Venus> Darien! What's gotten into you! And why are you talking
in that strange voice?
Tom: <Tuxedo Mask> Huh? You say something?
Joel: I suppose it's impossible for Venus to use her *sailor powers* in the dark?
Crow: What? And have the light from her attacks expose her naked flesh?
Hmmm....not a bad idea at that....
Joel: <sighs>
He pulled it off and admired her firm breasts.
Tom: Oh, Malachite has night vision too, I see.
Crow: Hey, he doesn't need to see them to know they're firm.
Joel: Crow....
Crow: Hee hee hee!
Tuxedo Mask stared and his cock began to get hard again.
Crow: Our hero, ladies and gentlemen! Right there!
Joel: <Tuxedo Mask> I don't know what's happening over there but I've
gotta pee really bad!
Tom: Okay, assuming Tux-Boy *can* see what's going on here. I don't
suppose it would be too much trouble for him to get off his ass and....oh,
I don't know....RESCUE VENUS!!!
Joel: <Tuxedo Mask> Uhhh....I just remembered....I love Sailor Mar....Mercur....
Jupit....I mean Sailor Moon! I can't risk them....I mean *HER* finding
out about our torrid affair! Terribly sorry!
Malachite moved his hand over one of her nipples.
Crow: <Malachite> And now I will recreate my favorite scene from ID4 using
my hand as the flying saucer and your nipple as the helpless city! Here it comes!
Watch the saucer as it slowly casts a shadow over your helpless nipple!
Tom: I shudder to think what he'll use for his 'Primary Weapon'....
Venus tried to fight it but she moaned.
Crow: Of course she did.
Joel: After all, Venus will have sex with ANYBODY, even her sworn
enemy who kidnaps her and forces her into it....
Tom: <shaking his head> It's *Games* all over again....
"You enjoy this" Malachite said as he leaned in.
Joel: And that's an order!
Tom: I'm serious, people! Read *Games* after this MSTing. It's practically
the same dialogue!
Joel: I think this is one of those plots that's so astoundingly original and
creative that people can't help re-inventing it every so often.
Tom: Oh, you mean like the one where the gaijin martial artist goes to
Nerima, beats up Kuno, impresses Ranma, and has Nabiki or Ukyo fall in
love with him?
Crow: Yeah. You see one of those every few months.
He kissed her hard on her mouth and moved his hand to her other nipple.
Crow: Gee, imagine how she'll feel when he actually *touches* her breasts....
Tom: Hmmm....Either Malachite's playing around with her or Venus has
an invisible force field surrounding her body forcing Malachite's hands to
remain *over* her skin, thus preventing him from groping her! It's the
ultimate defense against perverts!
Joel: Where do you come up with this stuff?
Tom: I'd tell you if I knew, Joel....
Malachite let his tongue slide into her mouth and Venus had to let him in.
Crow: Because, darn it, biting his tongue when he's forcing it into her mouth is just
SO wrong....
Joel: Powers, Venus? Use your powers, maybe?
Tom: If you hate something, let it in....
He began lick all over the inside of her mouth
Tom: Looks like someone skipped lunch today....
Crow: <Malachite> Mmph! Gimmie that gum! I want that gum! Mppmh....
Joel: <Malachite> Arrugh! What the heck did you eat for breakfast?
Crow: <Venus> Leftover squid and octopus balls. Why?
as he moved his hand up and down her chest.
Tom: <Malachite> Here goes the hand toboggan down Flesh Mountain!
Whee! Time to climb back up the hill! Here I go again! Whee!!
Crow: Is he seducing her or performing C.P.R?
Tom: Either way, I hear it's good for the heart!
Joel: <groans>
Malachite finally removed his mouth from hers and salvia trailed his mouth.
Tom: Oh! That's what he's doing! He's wiping the drool off her breasts....
Joel: Yuck!
Crow: Anime hentai clich� #14: A thread of saliva being stretched between lover's lips.
Tom: I thought that was Anime hentai clich� #23?
Crow: No, Anime hentai clich� #23 is a thread of saliva being stretched between one
lover's lips and the other lover's vagina.
Tom: Oops, my mistake!
Joel: Ick....
Malachite moved his hands down to Mina hips
Joel: <Venus> Don't say it! Not one word about my weight!
and pulled her closer to him.
Joel: He's rubbing and drooling all over her breasts....How much closer can he get?
Tom: <looks at you for a moment and then back to Crow> Don't ask!
Crow: Huh? <glances over at you, confused, then shrugs and turns back
to the screen>
Malachite proceeded to grind his hips up against hers, making them both moan.
Joel: <Venus> Oh Andrew.....I mean, Malachite.....
Tom: <Tuxedo Mask> Don't mind me! I'm just taking a short breather....You
wouldn't happen to have any popcorn, would ya? Gummie Bears, maybe?
Sailor Venus's pussy began to get wet in her panties.
Crow: Where else would it get wet? Her socks?
Malachite stopped grinded his hips
Tom: ....stopped again. Then grinded again. Then stopped. It's a little game
he likes to play....
and moved his hand down her small body.
Tom: Maybe he's doing Tai Chi on her?
Joel: <Venus> Hey! My small body belongs to the Lollipop Guild!
Crow: <Venus> Hit the yellow brick road, Jack!
He placed one hand into her panties and slipped a finger across her
pussy.
Tom: Yeah, I've got a finger for you RIGHT HERE!!!
Sailor Venus let out a small moan.
Crow: <Tuxedo Mask> Venus? Is that you? What's going on over there? Could
somebody please turn on a light or something?
He pulled the hand out of her panties and brought it to his lips.
Tom: <Malachite> Mmmmmm.....Downy Soft.
Crow: He keeps using only one hand, where's the other one gotten to?
Joel: <looks at you for a moment and then back to Crow> Don't ask!
Crow: What?!? <looks at you again, puzzled, before looking back at the
screen> Will you cut that out! You're making me nervous!
He slowly licked the juices off of his white glove.
Tom: Oh, he performed the old white glove inspection on Venus....
Crow: <Malachite> Mmmm! She spreads like margarine but she
tastes like butter!
Joel: Crow....
Tuxedo Mask stood to his feet and walked over to them.
Tom: Well, it's about time! Enjoy the view, buddy! Finished with your
little nap in the corner?!?
Joel: That morning jog must have really taken it out of him....
Crow: <Tuxedo Mask> Okay....I'm sticking out my hands in front of me....When
you sense I'm close enough to you, grab them! Okay, I'm slowly moving
forward....I'm reaching....There! Wait a minute! These don't feel like
hands....It feels round and firm and....*SLAP!*
He removed his gloves
Joel: ....revealing his wimpy hands.
Tom: Those ain't velvet gloves....
and began removing his cape.
Tom: And now, for your viewing pleasure! Tux-Boy will attempt bullfighting
for the first time! Will he succeed? Let's hope not!
Crow: <Tuxedo Mask> The hell with fighting the Negaverse! I want to fulfill
my lifelong dream of becoming a crappy stage magician!
Joel: Then he can pull Usagi out of his hat!
He took off his black jacket and pulled down his pants.
Crow: Luckily for Tux-Boy, the room was completely black and nobody
knew of his *small* problem....
Malachite looked at him and admired the tent in his light blue boxers.
Crow: <start humming circus music>
Tom: Okay, enough jokes. IT'S COMPLETELY BLACK IN THE ROOM!!! HOW
COULD MALACHITE SEE THE COLOR OF TUX'S BOXERS, MUCH LESS
THAT TUX-BOY HAS A WOODY IN THE FIRST PLACE IF THE ROOM
IS COMPLETELY BLACK!?!?
Joel: Well, this fic was written by CATS and they only need a little light in a
room to see, even though there's been no mention of *any* light source whatsoever....
Crow: And if it's completely black, why can *WE* still see what's happening?
Venus moaned as Malachite moved his fingers over her panties.
Joel: <Malachite> Wow, these feel so soft and....what's this tag? Personally
inspected by Happy's Personal Perfect Panty Pampering?!? What the?!?
He rubbed them over the area where her pussy was.
Crow: Oh! You mean that area between her legs? I wasn't sure what you
meant at first....
Tom: <Venus> Hey! Leave my Artemis alone!
Venus moaned excitedly.
Joel: <Venus> Wait a minute! Wasn't I being raped a second ago? Oh
well....I....Wait a minute! Aren't I supposed to possess special powers
that will let me escape from this place and....no, I guess I have no reason
to use them now....
"Well you want to join the fun!" Malachite said as he moved his hand
steadily over Venus's panties.
Crow: <Malachite> Man, oh, man, I LOVE the feel of cotton!
Tom: Okay hero. This is where you earn your superhero status, Tux-Boy.
Now go over there and beat the living crap out of.....<starts snickering>.....
S....sorry....I almost managed to say it with a straight face....
Tuxedo Mask moved over to Venus and covered one of her breats
with his mouth.
Crow: Her what?
Tom: Breats? What's that?
Joel: Well, whatever it is, Tux-Boy's got a mouthful of it.
He sucked
Crow: Nuff said!
and flicked his tongue over her nipple.
All: <Chanting> Gggggggames.....Ggggggggggames.....Ggggggggggames.....
Sailor Venus was in heaven
Tom: Oh, she's stuffing her face with Philadelphia Cream Cheese?
Crow: <Mina> This is so cool! I've got to start hanging around outside
the arcade more often! Maybe Andrew will kidnap me next!
with Malchite rubbing over her pussy
Joel: Oh great, it's Malchite, Mian's half-brother!
Tom: <Malachite> Does this bug you? Does this bug you? I'm not touching you!
and Tuxedo Mask licking her chest.
Joel: I'll bet Felicia's chest sympathizes with hers.
Tuxedo Mask began circling her nipple with his tongue.
Crow: <Race Track Announcer> And coming up on the home stretch,
Tux-Boy's Tongue maintains the lead in the race, followed by Tux-Boy's
saliva! They're almost neck and neck! We may have a photo finish here,
folks!!
He then began to nibble at her nipple.
All: <giggles>
Tom: I don't know why but I like that. Nibble at her nipple.
Joel: Nibble at her nipple. You can nibble her ear and nibble her
elbow but nothing beats the nibble at the nipple.
Tom: But the nipple must be nimble to be nibbled. If the nipple isn't
nimble, then the nipple can't be nibbled. To get the nipple nimble
so you can nibble the nimble nipple....
Crow: Welcome to Tongue Twisters 101.
Sailor Venus was breathing heavily
Crow: <Lloyd Bridges> By this time her lungs were aching for smog....
Tom: However, Tuxedo Mask and Malachite were suffocated. The end.
Joel: Give it up, Tom....
and Malachite was enjoying rubbibg the fabric over her pussy.
Crow: Whud he say?
Joel: I guess CATS never learned how to use a spellchecker....
Tom: If he *had,* that sentence *would* have read "Malaxate was
enjoins rubbish the facial oeuvre her pudgy."
Malachite reached down and began rubbing his hand over Tuxedo
Mask's chest.
Crow: Oh no! Dear god, NO!
Tom: A Tux-Boy lemon is bad enough but a Yaoi Tux-Boy Lemon?!?
He pinched and tugged at one of his nipples through the white fabric of
his shirt.
Joel: Next, he nibbled the nimble nipple with....
Bots: <horrified> JOEL!!!
Joel: Sorry, couldn't resist....
Malachite stopped rubbing on Venus and Tuxedo Mask stopped suckling
her breasts.
(Tom shudders violently while Crow suddenly covers his mouth and
grows as pale as a robot with no skin possibly can....)
Tom: Umm....I think I sense where the lemon is going now....not that there's
anything wrong with that....it's just not to our tastes....
Joel: And Oscar was?
Tom: Hell, no! But this is....
Joel: We can't be hypocrites, Tom. We have to stick with it for the reader's sake.
Tom: Aw, man!
Crow: <grumbling> All right, Joel, but we closed our eyes for the Oscar lemon
scenes and if there's even *one* yaoi lemon scene, we're gonna unleash our
secret invention! Capiche?
Joel: Fair enough. But what *is* this secret invention of yours, anyway?
Crow: <looks at you for a moment and winks before returning to Joel> You'll see!
Joel: ....
"Well let's just see the size of the cock we'll be working with" Malachite
said as he tugged at Tuxedo Mask's boxers. Sailor Venus recovered
>from her sensations
Tom: But her vibrations were still too good to let go.
and began unbuttoning Tuxedo Mask's white shirt. She ripped it off of him.
Joel: Evidently, everyone in the Sailor Moon universe does their shopping
at K-Mart....
Crow: <looking sick> Oh joy. It's a threesome.
Tom: <not much better> Urrgh....looks that way....
Tuxedo Mask removed his mask and Sailor Venus was shocked to see it
was Darien.
(Everybody facefaults out of their chairs. Then they climbs back in their seats,
shaking their heads. Tom shakes his in disgust as he sighs heavily.)
Tom: OKAY....I *suppose* I could suspend disbelief that Mina didn't know that
Tux-Boy and Darien were the same since everyone else in the series is rock-stupid
too. But considering Darien changed into Tuxedo Mask RIGHT IN FRONT OF
MINA WHILE *SHE* CHANGED INTO SAILOR VENUS RIGHT IN FRONT
OF DARIEN TO FIGHT MALACHITE IN THE FIRST PLACE IS PUSHING
MY TOLERANCE JUST A *BIT* TOO FAR....
Joel: Take it easy, Tommy. You're thinking about this, way too hard....
Tuxedo Mask slowly pulled down his boxers. First showing his pubic hair
that surrounded his swollen cock
Crow: <giggles> He only has one pubic hair?
Tom: <Tuxedo Mask> Damn #$@$% bee! It just HAD to come along when
I was taking a leak in the park....
and then he pulled them off completely.
Tom: Gee, I wonder if the author will embellish the size of Tux-Boy's weenie....
He stood with a 9 inch cock.
Tom: Yep.
Crow: And so Tux-Boy joins the elite group of people that lies like a dog about
their penis size.
Joel: The Many. The Shameless. The Small.
Venus stood in shock again.
Crow: Man, she'd be shook up by the opening of a library!
The first and only guy she fucked had only a six inch dick.
Joel: The horror....The horror...
Tom: And, as any woman will tell you, nothing less than a foot will do.
Malachite smiled and said "That's nothing compared to mine".
Crow: Hey! How'd he know what she was thinking?
Tom: Oh joy, it's time to determine who's the biggest dick!
Joel: You mean who *has* the biggest?
Tom: Uh sure, Joel....
He laughed and with a flash of his hand all of his clothing was off except
his boxers.
Crow: I'd sing the Cutey Honey Theme Song if I didn't know the imagery
would kill me.
He pointed to Venus
Joel: <Jackie Chan in Drunken Master II> I Point! I Point!
Crow: NOW who's reusing riffs, Joel?
Joel: Bite me!
and motioned for her to come to him.
Tom: <singing> Come to me my angel of music....
Crow: Boy, she's just totally forgotten about being kidnapped and fondled
against her will, huh?
Tom: I'll tell you one thing, if this thing ends with everyone laughing
because it was all a game from the beginning, I'm going to personally
hire Oscar to *handle* CATS, if you know what I mean....
Joel and Crow: Eep....
She walked over to him and pulled his black, silk boxers down slowly.
Tom: I thought he was naked underneath his uniform?
Crow: Trust you to remember that little detail....
Tom: Hey, watch it!
It soon revealed a semi hard six inch cock.
Crow: But where's the bull?
Joel: You're reading it.
Tom: Heh heh heh....
Tuxedo Mask laughed and pointed to his dick.
All: <laughing hysterically>
Tom: There, we laughed at it. Now flee in shame and self-loathing....
"That's not even close to the size of my dick" he said. "Wait" he said
and grabbed Venus's hand. She began rubbing her hand up and down
on his cock.
Tom: Considering Tux-Boy *grabbed* her hand a moment ago, is she
doing that willingly?
Crow: <Tuxedo Mask> Feel that? The first 8 inches is only rubber because
my *actual* dick is only an inch long!
Crow: <Venus> Well, since CATS made me too stupid to use my powers
or fight back in this fic, I guess I might as well bring these guys off as
fast as possible and hope CATS doesn't know about multiple orgasms....
Within seconds it grew huge in her hand.
Joel: <Tuxedo Mask> Thank goodness I had some spare Viagra tablets in
my hat!
Crow: Speaking of which, the fic never mentioned him taking it off. You
don't suppose Tux-Boy makes whoopie with his hat on, do you?
Joel: That'd be a little awkward....
Tom: <Venus> Oh man, I feel like I'm being seduced by Abraham Lincoln....
Crow: <Tuxedo Mask> Party on, dude!
Tom: <Tuxedo Mask> Fourscore and seven orgasms ago....heh heh heh....
Soon her hand couldn't even hold it.
Joel: <Venus> It keeps slipping between my fingers! It's too small!
Crow: <snickers>
His cock slapped against his stomach and Malachite grinned.
Tom: And that's just my rooster....
Tuxedo Mask stared at the 12 inch cock.
Crow: <Tuxedo Mask> Hey! They told me the 8 inch attachment was the biggest!
Malachite waved his hand and a bed appeared in the dark room.
Joel: Which nobody could see anyway so they continued what they were doing....
Tom: Aha! The room isn't just completely black! It's dark! Proof positive
that they shouldn't be able to see anything or anybody!
Joel: Maybe CATS is implying the room itself is sinister?
Tom: This isn't Amityville, Joel....
He grabbed Venus's hand
Crow: <Rocky J. Squirrel> Again?!?
Joel: The fic keeps lapping itself!
Tom: In more ways than one....
and let her over to the bed.
Joel: Let her over? Let it be!
Crow: And a blind man shall let, er, lead them....
Tom: <Malachite> Oww! My shin! Okay, I found the edge of the bed!
Now I'll just....oops! WAUUUUUUUUUGHHH!!!! I FELL ON MY 12
INCH PENILE IMPLANT!!! MEDIC!!!
"Come over here Tuxedo Mask!" he said with a hint of begging.
Crow: <Malachite> I'm finished....You'll have to continue the lemon
scene with me....ugggghh....does anybody know how to make a splint?
Tuxedo Mask walked over to Malachite and Malachite pushed him on
the bed. He straddled his head and aimed his long dick at his mouth.
All: GYAAAHHH!!!
Crow: Time for our invention, Tom!
Tom: Right on! Gypsy, this is Tom, do you read?
(The theater PA crackles to life)
Gypsy: Yes, Tom?
Tom: We're all ready down here. Activate the machine!
Gypsy: Roger!
Joel: What's going on? What's Gypsy going to....
(Suddenly a white sticky fluid starts oozing down the screen, quickly
engulfing it in a matter of moments.)
Bots: IT WORKS!!! WOO HOO!!!
Joel: What is that stuff?
Crow: It's our invention, Joel! We call it the White out/Write out/Wipe Out
Solution! You just attach it to any film projector, such as the one in this
theater and anytime you want a scene from the reel removed, you just push
the switch and viola! Instant white screen!
Joel: <impressed> That's really neat, guys! Good job! But I just have one
question....Why didn't you use this stuff at the *beginning* of the lemon?
Tom: Uh, well...heh....that's the only snag. We only had enough supplies
on the Satellite to make a certain amount and since we're trapped in space,
there's no way to get any more. So we have to ration it sparingly....
Joel: Bummer. Oh well, it's still a neat idea.
Crow: Okay Tom, I think we can risk a peek now. Shut it down, Gyps!
(The white fluid stops flowing and the theater screen clears up again, the
remaining fluid disappearing a moment later.)
Tom: Okay, it's over. Let's move on, shall we?
Well anyways
Joel: <Megane 6.7's Mom> *Anyway*!
it's time
Crow: ....to invest in a light bulb, I hope!
you gave Mina or Sailor Venus a good fucking to prepare her for my
huge cock!" Malachite said.
Joel: Do you realize what you just said?
Crow: <Tuxedo Mask> Hmmmm, schoolgirl or magical girl, which
one shall I choose today?
Joel: <Tuxedo Mask> Mina or Sailor Venus? I... I can't decide between them!
Tom: <Upperclassman Kunou> I would have them both!!
Crow: So one form is better in bed than the other?
Tuxedo Mask and Sailor Venus looked in surprise.
Joel: <Venus> Hey, does that mean I can choose between Darien or
Tux-Boy here?
Crow: <Malachite> Nope, this is strictly male ego stroking.
Joel: <Venus> Aw, crap!
Darien got up and got on top of Mina.
Tom: Wha? Wait a minute?!? When did they transform back into their normal
identities?!? They were Sailor Venus and Tuxedo Mask a sentence ago!
Crow: <CATS> Hey, those transformation special effects are expensive! One
transformation per fanfic, pal!
He began sliding his hands on Mina's thighs.
Crow: They greased her up!
Joel: Either that or she's suffering from hypothermia....
Tom: <Mina> Uh....Is this supposed to be turning me on? Cause, it's not.
Crow: <Darien> Actually, I'm trying to wipe off my hands from that last
lemon scene....
Joel: Ick, Crow!
He slid his finger towards Mina's cunt. He felt the jucies coming from
her wet pussy.
Tom: <Tuxedo Mask> Juciefruits! All right! Save these for tomorrow's matinee!
He spread her legs and leaned down between them.
Joel: He move like robot. He followed the script.
Tom: Hey, we resemble that remark!
Crow: Watch it with the robot riffs, Joel....
Joel: Oops, sorry guys.
Mina felt of surge of
Joel: ....hot rage as she finally realized what was happening to her and
without warning transformed back into Sailor Venus and proceeded to
beat the living crap out of both Malachite and Darien before drilling
them both in the crotch with her Venus Crescent Beam. The End.
Tom: Ahhh....if only it were that simple....
pleasure as she felt Darien's tongue in her cunt. He licked all over the
inside of her moist sex. He flicked his tongue on her clit,
Joel: <Mina> No! Not the flickering! Anything but the flickering!
making her even more wet. Mina began moving on the bed as Darien's
tongue explored her pussy.
Tom: Notice that just about every sentence CATS writes is a "he did
this, she did that" sentence. How about a little variety?
His tongue rubbed over the folds and licked at her clit. Soon Mina came
in a fury against his mouth, panting and calling his name. Darien
moved up again and grabbed her hips.
Joel: Is it just me or does CATS have a fetish for thighs and hips?
Crow: I'll bet he orders a lot of Swiss Chalet and KFC take-out....
He slowly slid his member inside of her small, wet cunt. Mina relaxed
a bit, trying not to feel pain.
Tom: Cause she'd have nothing to gain. Thank you!
Fortunately It had been awhile since she had a cock in her pussy and
never was it this long.
Crow: But it's only been inside her for a few seconds? You mean her other
lovers were only inside her for *one* second?
Tom: Geez, talk about a quickie....
Darien began pumping his cock in and out of her,
Joel: <Darien> I'll either satisfy her or inflate her to 30 times her normal size!
bucking all over the bed.
Tom: Doesn't Mina have to be on top to do that?
Crow: Hey, they're doing the funky chicken!
Joel: <Malachite> Hey, pass the buck over here for a while!
Malachite slid his hands over Darien's ass as it moved up and down.
All: GYAHHHH!!!
Crow: Aw man! I thought the Yaoi stuff was over!
Tom: Just concentrate on Mina....focus on Mina....
Mina let out soft cries and sweat poured from her body.
Crow: Yikes! She'll have a hard time whipping all that....
Joel: <Mina> I'll teach you how to sweat, Tux-boy!
Darien moaned furiously as he fucked Sailor Venus.
Tom: <giggles> Is it possible to moan furiously? I mean, how can
you do it without sounding like a sick cow or something?
He called her name several times and made her feel good.
Tom: I've heard of people being in love with their own voice but really....
Crow: <Darien> *gasp* *pant* M...Mina Mina Bo...Benna...Banana
Fanna....*wheeze*....F.....Fo....Fina.....Me Mi Mo Mina....*gasp*...M...M...Mina!
Joel: Cute, Crow....
Mina lost control as she felt Darien's balls slapping her ass.
Crow: Crow lost his lunch as I felt my stomach acids slapping my
digestive tract....
Tom: Okay, I've just about had enough of this lemon. What's say we
employ the WOWOWO solution and end the fic early for a change?
Crow: Sounds good to me. How 'bout it, Joel?
Joel: I've seen more of Tuxedo Mask then I EVER wanted to see. I'm
with you guys.
Tom: Gypsy? Could you crank up the machine again, please!
Gypsy: Are you sure? We only have so much solution?
Crow: It's okay, Gyps! We've set aside enough for the next Oscarfic so
let'er rip!
Gypsy: O.K.! Here she goes!
(The white sticky fluid engulfs the screen once more, obscuring the fanfic.)
All: YAY!!!
Crow: Let's get out of here!
(Joel picks up Tom and follow Crow towards the theater doors, only to
pause when they notice the theater doors are still closed.)
Tom: Oops....heh....I guess there's another snag in our invention. The doors
won't open until the fic is over. Guess we'll have to wait it out in here for a
while longer....
Crow: Oh well. At least we don't have to watch the fanfic anymore.
(Joel and the bots sit back down)
Joel: So, while we're waiting, what did you think of the lemon, guys?
Tom: It was bad, Joel.
Crow: Yeah. Not even creatively bad, like a Belphera fic. This was
just... bad.
Tom: Yes, once again, we've learned that once a sailor scout has been
kidnapped, she can't use her powers or fight her captor and if you fondle
her enough, she'll eventually start enjoying it!
Crow: And we've also learned that most males in SM lemons have a penis
size of at least 9 to 12 inches and no matter how roughly they use them on
a girl, the girl will still have multiple orgasms and suffer no lasting pain
or injury whatsoever!
Tom: <sighs> Seriously, though. Why do people write this kind of
thing, Joel? I mean, I've got my own little sexual fantasies -- we all do. But
if they're this uncreative, how in the world would anyone want to read about
them?
Crow: Yeah. If you're gonna masturbate, do it behind closed doors,
because it's no fun to watch.
Joel. Uh, you guys are robots, know what I'm saying? You don't do
things like that.
Tom: It's just an expression, Joel.
Crow: You know, we need more lemons like the 'Usagi's Usual Morning'
series! Just the senshi having wild orgies with randomly chosen guys and
all in the name of good hentai fun and new experiences! No raping or kidnapping
or mind control torture devices....
Tom: And the occasional one-on-one consentual lemon, just to balance things out.
Crow: Oh, of course!
Joel: Hey, the theater doors just opened guys! Let's go!
(Joel picks up Tom and follows Crow through the doors.)
* * *
THE HOLOCABANA
There was a series of explosions as the sensor dish finally collapsed
from repeated stinger missiles. The entire frame of Metal Gear Crow shuddered
as it collapsed into a heap on the hanger floor and was still.
Sweat slowly tickled down the neck and forehead of Solid Joel
as he collapsed on his hands and knees, totally exhausted. He had just
single-handedly taken down Metal Gear Crow, the latest threat to mankind.
The more he thought about it, the more incredible it seemed to him. While
he had faced other versions of Metal Gear in the past and survived, it had
only taken a few choice stinger missiles to take this latest version down. It
was almost too easy....
Suddenly, there was a low rumble. Solid Joel looked up in disbelief
as the Metal Gear Crow came to life once more and quickly rose to its full
height. Solid Joel already had a kink in his neck from staring up at him before
and he groaned as he prepared to start dodging missiles and railgun fire again....
Liquid Servo smirked down at the puny human from the cockpit of
Metal Gear Crow. "What? You really thought you could take down this
huge machine by your lonesome? Oh, by the way, thanks for shooting
off that sensor dish. Now I can aim the guns manually and waste your sorry
butt...."
Liquid Servo pressed the firing controls on the guns, only to be rewarded
with a loud clacking sound. "What?!? Aw, man!! Don't tell me I'm out
of ammo!?! No....I've still got plenty of rounds....Crow?!? What the heck's
wrong with you?!?"
Metal Gear Crow rolled his eyes and replied. "You probably
jammed my guns again. I *told* you to fire them in short controlled bursts
but noooooo, you had to be Jessie Ventura with Ol' Painless! Geez, next
time *I'LL* fire the guns and YOU be the clunky metal gear!"
"Come on, come on, shoot!" Liquid Servo cursed as he tried to
unsuccessfully fire the guns. "Oh, the hell with it! I'm putting my foot
down...."
On cue, Metal Gear Crow raised a gigantic foot and after pausing for
a moment, brought it down hard on Solid Joel, who paled considerably....
....only to be shocked when it abruptly stopped an inch above Solid
Joel's head, held fast by a familiar shape....
"Gypsy Fox!" Solid Joel exclaimed in astonishment as he watched
her strain to prevent the foot from crushing him. Gypsy Fox then shot him an
annoyed glance as she wryly remarked.
"Uh, you can move ANYTIME now, Joel...."
Solid Joel quickly stepped out from under the foot to safety. Then
Gypsy Fox used her incredible speed to move out from under the foot right
before it smashed against the ground. "I don't know why Grey Fox didn't
do this in the actual game, considering how fast he's supposed to be...."
Gypsy Fox said as she rapidly wrapped herself around Metal Gear Crow's
legs. "Here's a little move I learned from 'The Empire Strikes Back'!" Gypsy Fox
exclaimed as she finished tying up Crow's legs and returned to Solid Joel's side.
Solid Joel took hold of Gypsy Fox's cyborg body and yanked hard.
"Oh, poopie!" Liquid Servo yelped as Metal Gear Crow lost his
balance and crashed against the side of the hanger, taking most of the
wall with him. Solid Joel then ran to the other side of the hanger, still
cradling Gypsy Fox in his arms, and yanked hard again.
"Engaging emergency ejection system!" Liquid Servo exclaimed
as he simply hovered out of the cockpit to safety, much to Metal Gear Crow's
dismay as he crashed against the floor again. There were more explosions and
when the smoke finally cleared, Crow was his normal size again, wisps of steam
rising from his body.
"Owie...." Crow moaned. "Servo, you're DEFINITELY playing the
Metal Gear next time...."
"I'll pass, thanks...." Tom said as he hovered back down to where Joel
and Gypsy were grinning in triumph. "How come Gypsy got to be the coolest
character in the game, anyway?" Crow whined.
Joel shrugged. "She asked me first."
"Thanks again, Joel! It was a blast!" Gypsy exclaimed happily.
"You're welcome, Gypsy!" Joel smiled.
"Okay, this time I wanna be Revolver Robot!" Crow called out as
they prepared to play another round....
* * *
DEEP 13
T.V's Frank whimpered in pain as he tried to write a book on
wilderness survival while learning Mandarin from a self-help tape in his
walkman. He was trapped under a huge pile of junk while Dr. Forrester
stood over him with his fists clenched.
"For the last time, Frank! You are *not* going to become complex!
Are you listening to me? Frank....don't make me get the scalpel, Frank! I
know how to use it!! FRANK!!!" Dr. Forrester screamed.
"Well, they also say pure and simple is the best way to go...." Frank
reluctantly admitted as Dr. Forrester dragged him over to the console where
he gave the button a quick press....
THE REAL END....
(Feel free to hum the closing theme as you read my author's notes.)
I'm back! After a few months of RL and numerous college assignments
I couldn't afford to ignore, I'm back with my latest MSTing! Since I
haven't done one in a couple of months, I might be a little out of practice
but I hope you enjoy it anyway and I hope to bring you more in the near
future, provided I find time between classes....
I'd like to give very special thanks to Gary Kleppe, who proofread and gave
me C&C on the MSTing, as well as Robin "Lunari" Seabaugh, who helped
with the C&C for the MSTing. I couldn't have finished it without their help
and I can't thank them enough. :)
I'd also like to thank Timothy McLees, Luna and Artemis, Chris
Bergstrom, Jay Dee Archer (Jupiter Knight), Michael K. Neylon,
Demon Stalker, Oscar, and Sakura for being nice enough to post my
MSTings on their webpages, as well as Theo Mintesnot for coming up
with a love theme for this series by changing a few words. I changed a
few myself but it was his idea and I appreciate it. :)
Finally I'd like to thank CATS for writing "Triangle Tangle" and
giving me a lot of material to work with. I hope you're not too offended.
It's all meant in good fun. If you are, feel free to MST my own works, I
won't mind a bit.
C&C, as always, is appreciated. (fcasper@yesic.com) Feel free to
send in any anime fanfics that you would like to see MSTed and I'll
take a look at it. Also, if you're interested in seeing any previous
episodes of this series, I'll be happy to e-mail them to you. ;)
Sincerely,
Megane 6.7
P.S. My friend, Lunari, has written several excellent Sailor Moon stories
and if you are interested in reading it, contact her at lunari@sprynet.com
and I'm sure she'll be happy to send a copy to you. :)
Also, Jack Acid has his own series of MSTings, which should soon be
posted on Shinji's site and is a very talented computer graphics
artist. You can find some of his works in the art gallery at Shinji's site
and you can contact him for his MSTings at samearly@hancock.net
Additionally, I've assisted with a couple of Seth 'Lefty' Triggs MSTings.
'Countess Chronicles' and '9 1/2 Chipmunks' You can find these
MSTings and Seth's other great works at
http://www.buffalostate.edu/~trigsc41/MSTings/
Shinji's Vault of Anime MSTings
http://lefty.simplenet.com/svam/
(Having undergone a recent makeover, Shinji's webpage is now bigger
and better looking than ever! Check out the new features and enjoy the
MSTings of an ever-growing number of talented authors. And don't
forget to vote for the upcoming 2nd Annual Silver Mally Awards!)
Megane 6.7 Tribute Page
http://members.xoom.com/RyanMercury/megane.html
(Regular Fanfics can be found at http://members.xoom.com/RyanMercury/megfics.html)
(Shizen was very nice to dedicate a page to my MSTings and let me post
my works on his site. In addition to my works, check out the many features
of Shizen's site, including his own fanfic works)
Gary Kleppe's Comics and Manga Page
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics
(Another author with a vast selection of terrific Ranma 1/2 fanfics and
a great human being.)
The Official Homepage of Jeffrey "Oneshot" Wong
http://www.li.net/~jeffwong/index.htm
(Author of the popular "Usagi's Usual Morning" and "The Least One
Can Do" series, He is also a great human being.)
Flashman's Flash Point
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/3105/
(Author of the popular series "Trio" and creator of the "Flash Point"
MSTings. Can you say great human being? I thought you could. ;P )
Website Number 9 MSTings
http://neylonpc.engin.umich.edu/mst3k/mistings.shtml
(Huge collection of MSTings, Anime and Non-Anime.)
Oscar's Anime MSTing Shrine
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Pagoda/7082/
(A new fan of MSTing, all of my works can be found there, along with a
growing number of other talented MSTers.)
A Sailor Moon Romance
http://moonromance.simplenet.com/
(The source of some of my MSTings and updated weekly with new fics.)
Jupiter Knight's Great Sailor Moon Fanfic Archive
http://www.dragonfire.net/~JupiterKnight/fanfics.htm
(A great source of Sailor Moon Fanfics.)
Zen's Fanfiction Page
http://www.mindspring.com/~databank/fanfics.html
(One of the most controversial fanfic writers today and one of my favorites.)
Webdragon's Lair
http://members.tripod.com/~WebDragon/
(The author of many wonderful short stories and the occasional lemon.)
Sakura's Lemon Fan-Fiction Archive
http://anime.muck.com/~sakura/main.html
(Ever growing collection of Lemon Fanfiction from all walks of Anime.)
SEASON ONE
------------------
101- "GAMES" by Artemis (SM Lemon)
102- "ARTEMIS'S LOVER" (Original Draft) by Oscar (SM Lemon)
103- "SAILOR JUPITER VS. GODZILLA" by The Flashman
(SM/GODZILLA CROSSOVER)
104- "JUDGE BRAINITITE" by Dr. Thinker (SM Fanfic)
w/short "RANMA 1/2: ACCUSED PT. 1" by Karmin (R1/2 Fanfic)
105- "THE WAR" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
106- "TRANSITIONS" by Richard Lawson (Nuku Nuku Fanfic)
107- "HELLRAISERS" (Original Draft) by Aaron Eaton
(La Blue Girl/Overfiend/Original Crossover)
108- "MEN OF BOKKEN" by M. Llave (R1/2 Fanfic)
109- "BISHOUJO SENSHI ROYAL RUMBLE" by Ken Hoinsky
(SM/WWF Crossover)
w/short "THE DINNER PARTY" by Chris Curzon (SM/RL Crossover)
110- "XMAS SPECIAL: SAILOR MOON MEETS FATHER
CHRISTMAS" by Dr. Thinker (SM Christmas Fanfic)
SEASON TWO
-------------------
201- "THAT GIRL" PT. 1-2 by Oscar (SM Lemon)
202- "VIRGIN WARRIOR SAILOR MOON" by Umino (SM Lemon)
203- "*R*P*M*" by Flynn (SM Fanfic)
204- "RANKO'S LIFE" PT. 1-2 by Hitomi Ichinohei (R1/2 Fanfic)
205- "TRAPPED" by Mr_Jazz (SM Lemon)
206- "OSCAR TOON" PT. 1-4 by Oscar (SM/DBZ/WB Crossover)
207- "CALIFORNIA DREAMING" by Shakari (Mutiple Crossovers)
208- "A RANMA 1/2 FANFIC" PT. 1-2 by Sheep (R1/2 Fanfic)
"Mina played furiously at the game. She banged it when she lost again.
Well who need thsi!"
Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 1994 by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
Keep Circulating the Fanfics....