Insert general-purpose disclaimer here.
	{These are thoughts.}
	"This is someone speaking."


Merry Christmas
By Ryo Hoshi

Chapter 4: Hey, There's A Villain!  Sugoi!


	Somewhere in the small, dark, and dank pocket universe inhabited by madmen
(madwomen inhabiting a much larger, significantly brighter, and definitely
more preferable pocket universe of their own) a man sat, ranting.  This, it is
noted, is a given for this pocket universe.
	However, this man is significant in the story, so we'll have to listen to his
rant, as much as we might wish not to.
	It also makes his ranting a bit more significant, don't you think?
	What, you don't?
	Oh, stuff it.
	Now, can I get back to telling the story?
	Thanks.
	"...And I shall summon the cacodemon And and I shall take over the world!!!"
	Great.  We missed his rant, where he told us all what was going on and saved
me a lot of time covering background.  Now this will have to go on even
longer.  You happy?
	Well, isn't that special.
	No, I'm not interested in your scar.  Now pull up your pants.
	"Master, your grammar stinks.  You shouldn't use and twice in a row," a
shadowy figure near the man said.
	"Oh shut up.  What happened to that youma thing that I sent after my sister?"
	"Dead.  Too bad, it was bright for a ishi youma."
	"Ishi youma?"
	"Don't you speak your own language, master?"
	"No, not really.  Strange, isn't it?"
	"Yes, master."
	"Now be quiet.  I wish to do another rant."
	"Yes, master."
	"I SAID BE QUIET!"  The shadowy figure pressed his hands to his ears in
slight pain.  "That's better...
	"I will..."
	One of the shadowy figures cautiously looked up.  "Kill your sister and take
over the family dojo?"
	"Did I ask you?"  The shadow begged for mercy, then, seeing that it wasn't
working, shrugged as the master blew him up.  A new shadowy figure came into
being, taking its place.  "Now, back to my rant.
	"I will kill my sister and take over the family dojo!  I will..."  He
hesitated, as if he had just noticed something he hadn't noticed before.  The
shadowy figure looked at the door, estimating the time it would take to reach
it.  "I think I'll kidnap the guy who's reading this out loud."
	Hey, that wasn't there when I read this last...

*** *** ***

	Mamoru looked at the book, surprised.  "Hey, that wasn't there when I read
this last!"
	A large black portal opened behind him and a tall evil-looking man who looked
to be in his early twenties stepped out.  "Surprise!"
	Mamoru jumped to his feet and reached for a rose.
	"Oh no, you aren't going to get your hands on that rose...that would be
bad...for me!  Aax, hintha to!"  A tentacle reached out of the portal and
wrapped itself around Mamoru, pinning his arms.
	"What...do...you...want?" Mamoru asked, struggling to get enough air.
	"Why, nothing.  I just think it'll be funny to toss you into a tentacle rape
lemon..."
	"Nani?"
	"Oh, don't worry.  Aax, tessa to 'm'n."  The tentacle pulled Mamoru into the
portal.
	The audience's reaction was mixed.  However, three person's reactions are
worth noting.
	After a series of time-consuming transformation sequences, the evil man was
facing three Sailor Moons.
	He sweatdropped.  "Isn't there supposed to be only one Sailor Moon?"
	Serena-Sailor Moon sweatdropped and squealed.  "Three Sailor Moons?"  She
looked around and spotted two other girls who looked just like her.
	Usagi-Sailor Moon was significantly calmer.  "So I decided to get
cloned...that a problem?"
	Bunny-Sailor Moon was straight to the point.  "Why'd you do that to my
boyfriend?"
	As one might guess, there was a fight between the three Sailor Moons within
seconds.
	The villain cleared his throat loudly, hoping to get the Sailor Moon's
attention.  They froze.  "Thank you.  I am Maro Kuromizu, and I'm here to
deliver your monster due jure.  I hope you like fighting it."
	"FIGHT IT?  Who said anything about fighting it???" exclaimed Bunny-Sailor
Moon.
	"We wanna f*ck it!" Usagi-Sailor Moon and Bunny-Sailor Moon chorused.
	Everybody looked at Serena-Sailor Moon as she facefaulted, then, after
deciding that she was going to remain in facefault mode for a while, returned
to the subject at hand.
	Maro shrugged.  "Well, I won't argue with you.  Mind if I watch?"
	"Are you kidding?  I don't care if you decide to join in!"

*** *** ***

	Will Maro join in the orgy?  Will I bother writing the orgy?  Will we find
out what happens to Serena?  Will the plot ever go anywhere with the villain
being...busy?  Do I really even care?  For answers, read the next part of
Merry Christmas, the weird dark fic with new citrus flavor!

*** *** ***   *** *** ***   *** *** ***
	I'd like to note that Waiting For Minako has been an influence; that large
amounts of Monty Python, Muppet Show, and Tom Lehrer have mutated my sense of
humor into an unrecognizable mass; that I find De Sade's writings kinda funny;
and that I think Tybalt-sama should be sainted because of his good work at his
thankless job.
	This was written as an experiment in a new format, namely the format of
someone telling a story to a bunch of unruly listeners.  I'm not sure if it
works, but I think it is funnier.
	The cacodemon And is from Enochian tradition.  Can someone help me find more
info on Enochian tradition?
	All C&C is loved, flames will be C&Ced, and help would be loved.


		--Ryo Hoshi
Brush up your Yiddish!