On Mon, 4 Jan 1999, Richard Lawson wrote:

This is obscure.  I expect less than ten people to figure out the
crossover or even know what the heck I'm talking about.  :)  What
the heck; I had fun writing this up.

Less than ten?  Wow, I guess I should feel privileged.  ^_^;;

C&C of any kind greatly appreciated.

Oh, and the title sucks.  Yes, I know I say that every other
time.  This time I really mean it.  I'd love it if you could
think of anything better.

Well...it sounds like a description of a very negative act.
Almost like "To Prohibit the Spirit"  *shrug*  Is it meant
to be that way?  After a run through, I wonder...

-snippage-

"You hope."

"Yes.  I hope."

I feel like this isn't much of a dialogue...it doesn't feel like
different people.  IMHO, with this sort of approach, markedly
different pieces of dialogue must be juxtaposed and that's what
creates the feeling, the magnetic pull into the story and the
segue into a larger, broader juxtaposition of contrasts...

This was something else Ranma'd had enough of: the stupid curse
wreaking havoc with her life.  "Damn you, damn you, DAMN YOU!"
Ranma was furious now.  "You all want me to do things I don't
wanna do, and you keep trying to force things on me, and I'm sick
of it, LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"

She didn't conciously remember summoning her own chi, but the
blast ripped from her and sped towards Happosai with frightening
speed.  Happosai didn't even have time to blink before he was
struck and sent hurtling away.

I take it this won't be a very light fic, ne?  ^_^;;

With a sigh she lifted her head and decided to concentrate on
those things she had a modicrum of control over.  She headed
towards the locker rooms for a quick dowse before class.

Isn't it "modicum of control?"

The woman smiled, adding another touch to her almost-surreal
beauty.  She tapped her breastbone.  "Aya."

nice intro.

Happosai nodded happily.  "Not a chance."

Ranma blinked.  "What?"

"You will do everything I want you to... but on my terms, not
yours."  Happosai gestured with his hand.

Wow, definitely not the lighter side of things...I guess it's inevitable
for the xover...  *shrug*

~The way he acted just now, and you do not see him as a monster?~

You know, I really don't like those tildes.  Just my opinion, but
I think it would be a lot more effective if they were just plain
paragraphs, set away from other prose as new paragraphs.  Just
a thought.

~You are right.~  She folded her wings and floated to the ground.
~Maybe you are right.~

Like this, for example...why not:

You are right.

She folded her wings and floated to the ground.

Maybe you are right.

You still retain the idea that that's Aya's communication.  Of
course, there is the downside that the flow might be a bit
disjointed thanks to more and more paragraphs.

Aya tightened her lips.  "That's a question, isn't it?  I wanted
to kill him.  After what I went through in New York, I wanted to
kill him to make sure it never happened again.  But the question
is, was it me or the mitochondria that wanted to kill?"

I'm just wondering how you want to portray the mitochondria.  I'm
almost longing for the mitochondria to be personified, yet it remains
simply as it is.  *shrug*  I guess that's just me...

She quirked a corner of her mouth.  "And modest."

"Modesty has always been one of my points."

"Has it?"

Just wondering if you'd consider putting a period here.  It's nice
symmetery with the "Do you." which Ranma says a little back... *shrug*

"Yeah."  Ranma raised an eyebrow.  "Think the Doc can figure out
how to keep me male?"

Aya gaped.  "What?"

Uh oh.  ^_^;;

Some of what's said about mitochondria is true and some of it is
pure science fiction.  In fact, the game is a continuation of a
book published in Japan by the same name.  Thus the reference to
the two Eves - one's from the book, the other's from the game.

I did not know that.  ^_^  Factoid of the day...

Anyway, if you made it this far, thanks for reading.  Again, all
comments and suggestions very welcome.  I'd like to make this
better; I wanted it to work but I was very disappointed with the
result.  In short, I think this is one of the worst stories I've
ever written.  ^_^  But I'd like to improve it with your help.
I've been terrible lately about responding to comments, but I
promise I'll respond to everyone who writes me from now on.  :)

I dunno...maybe you should resist the urge and write even MORE?
Make it more talky and more descriptive?  Maybe I said this before,
but I find myself longing for more and more than what is given.
Oh well...in any case, I look forward to a continuation of this.

Sklathill