In a message dated 1/3/99 2:27:44 AM, dje@progress.com wrote:

At long, long last, here's the revised first part of
The Togetherness Factor.  (Rumours of my death have, to
say the least, been a little premature. :-)

Ah, about the time you resumed your work on Togetherness Factor. I've been
waiting for months since I read this.

I'm looking forward to future chapters, but there's two bits that I'm not so
sure about in this chapter:

    There was a pause.  Then Nabiki said, "So... from what you

two are saying, if you get too far apart you start to hurt."

Like Agnus had mentioned earlier, R&A seems to be accepting this problem bit
too easily. So far we've had was few insults and a push into the Koi pond.
That's it? And I'm bit curious about Nabiki's reaction to this problem.
She seems to be unsatsifed, for the lack of a better term. Nabiki I know would
be slightly happy, especially since she now has some juicy news to sell to
others, especially the Amazons, Kuno, and Ryoga.

    Kasumi smiled brightly at the pair.  "I'm sure you two will

work it out," she said.  "I think you two love each other, but

have always been too embarrassed and too proud to admit it."  She

gave them each a look that made them feel like small children,

then left.

It may be just me, but this just doesn't feel right to me. I mean, I don't
think Kasumi would have replied so bluntly that R&A love each other. Sure,
they'll figure it out on their own. "I think this would be a nice opportunity
for you to share your feelings and find out how you feel about each other," or
something like that.

Other than that, good work and i'm looking forward to part 2!


Dark Alpha <AlphSailor@aol.com> formerly Sailor Alpha
Dark Alpmped as of 01/01/99, 15:00:00 hours
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