The cold wind blew softly across the horizon, past the serene sunset 
illuminating the darkening sky.  Most people, now fast asleep in warm

        You change  tense in the first sentence. A better way to phrase that
would be:
"The cold wind blew softly across the horizon, past the serene sunset that
illuminated the darkening sky." 
        I'm guilty of that myself =)!

beds, enjoyed peaceful, undisturbed sleep.  Of course, not all are as 
lucky as these.  Take the young man sitting on the cold steps in front 
of atavern.  His short black hair, tied in a braid from the back, blew 

        Put a space between "a" and "tavern." Also, the sentence itself
seems too conversational for the narrative tone you're setting, IMHO. Maybe
starting the sentence with "One of those unfortunate people was..." instead
of "Take the..." The rest of the sentence works as is.

in time withthe wind.  His red Chinese shirt, barely coving his arms, 

        Space between "with" and "the"

seemed torn and slightly dirty from travel.  He could only dream about 

        This is just a minor nit, but the word "seemed" just doesn't really
fit in that sentence. "Was" would be a better word, IMHO.

warm beds andpeaceful sleep, and was far from anything he could call 
'home'.  Goose bumpscovered his arms and he struggles to keep warm.  

        I could be wrong, but I always thought "goosebumps" was one word.
Regardless, put a space between "bumps" and "covered."

Silently, he curses his luck.

        Again, you changed tense here. It would fit better if you change
"curses" to "cursed."

"Stupid old man.."  Ranma whispered under his breath, as he blew into
his cupped hands, "Drunk-fu, what a laugh.  He just wanted an excuse to 
godrink sake 'til he passes out.  Well, forget it!  He can drink all he 
want cuz I ain't waiting for him!"  The boy said while lifting his cold 

        You may want to change "want" to "wants" in that sentence.

body from the pavement and shoving his hands deep into his pockets for 
warmth. 

A home.  A family.  What a laugh.  It was something he'd never have. 
Sure, he had his stupid father, and childhood friend Ukyou, but it just 
wasn't enough.  He missed his mother and wanted to go see her more 
thananything.  But, due to his father's stupidity taking him to those 

        Space between "than" and "anything."

damn cursedsprings, he could never face his mother now.  How could you 
call him a 'Man among men' is he was a girl half the time?  She'd 
probably make him commit honorable suicide or something.  As long as his 
mother had a chance of finding out his curse, he had no home.  Sure, 
living on the road hadsome advantages.  He had become one of the best 

        Space between "had" and "some."

martial artists on theplanet.  But, it still left something empty inside 

        Space between "the" and "planet."

of him.

Ranma stopped short when he caught sight of a few people deeper back in 
an alley to his left.  7� no.. 8 or 9 people, dressed in dark clothes 
were surrounding a young girl who stood with a relaxed stance, deep in 
concentration.  Her dark hair was done up at the back and only a few 
strands strayed down her neck.  She wore black slacks, tied at the 
bottom and a loose fitting shirt.  Ranma edged closer in the shadows, 
readying himself to fight if the people had the gull to attack the girl.  

        People who had a bird? =) Sorry, I couldn't resist. Anyway, the word
you're looking for is "gall."

He strained his ears to hear the conversation.

"Listen, how can I help it?  I stay outta the old man's business."

"Shut up, wench!  You're 'old man' was the one who burned our family 

        This is another thing I've noticed that happens a lot in fanfics.
People often use the wrong spelling of "your/you're." The right spelling
here is "your."

business!!  We have no way of life now!!"  One of the taller gang
members spoke.

"You should not have borrowed money from father then."  The young 
girl said in a relaxed tone.

Ranma's eyes narrowed as he couldn't quite hear what they were saying,
but he could make out the scenario.  9 to 1.  Not great odds.

"That's enough talk!!  We'll make your father sorry he ever messed with 
us!!"  Another shouted, and advanced the attack.

Ranma steeled himself, waiting for the right moment.

The young girl's stance stayed relaxed and waited for the first to reach 

        That sentence jsut doesn't read well with me. Perhaps, "The young
girl's stance remianed relaxed as she waited for the first to reach her."

her.  With inhuman speed she was gone, just as one attacker filled the 
space where the girl had just been.  The pack looked frantically around, 
but the girl was no where to be seen.  They hastily threw shurikan and 
other weapons through the air, fear rising in the pit of their stomachs.

Ranma blinked.  She was so fast.  Maybe even matching himself.  His
trained eye caught her movement as she moved from the initial attack and 
bound into the air high above.

"ANYTHING GOES FINAL ATTACK!"

Ranma's heart thumped in his chest, *Did� did she say 'Anything Goes'? 
I thought only the Saotome family practiced that� *

The girl held out her arms and gathered a significant amount of black
chi in the palm of her cupped hands, "You guys pissed me off!  You must 
be stupid to have the gull to attack me!!  SUFFER!"

The pack barely had time enough to hear the attack name being called as 
the girl descended back to the earth.

Her fingers spread wide, as did her eyes as all color drained from them, 
"KURAI SHINZO!!!"

Ranma gaped as balls of black chi were sent down to the ground at the 
attackers.  Each member was, in turn, knocked to their backs and out
cold.  Some sported burn marks, while others had broken bones.  The girl 
touched down lightly, and all her hair spilled down over her shoulders.  
She flicked it back over, and rolled her eyes, "Childs play�"

Ranma's eyes widened as the girl dropped to her knees, while pulling one 
of the shurikan out of her shoulder.  Blood soaked through her shirt as 
she struggled to keep the flow down.  He stood, readying himself to go 
help her.

The girl's head snapped up as she grabbed the bloodied shurikan and
threw it into the dark.  She tried her best to stand, ready for an 
oncoming attack.  The girl gaped when Ranma walked from the shadows, the 
starheld carefully between two fingers, "W-who are you?!"

"Whoa, whoa, I'm not trying to hurt you or nuthin�," Ranma tried
reassuring her, "I just saw your fight.  You're pretty good."

The girl looked skeptical, "Why the hell should I believe you?!"  She
took a fighting stance, despite her injury.

"Well, for one thing, you're in no condition to fight.  You're bleeding 
all over�," Ranma winced as he closed in on the girl.  The wound was 
worse than he had expected.

The girl backed off slowly, "For all I know, you're one of those guys."

"Listen, do you want some help or not?"  He said while ripping the
sleeve of his shirt off.  He approached the girl again, only to have her 
lash out an arm.  He caught it and started to wrap the cloth around the 
girl's shoulder.

The girl yelped as Ranma tightened the makeshift bandage.  Ranma backed 
off a bit and grinned lopsidedly.

"Well, it's good enough for now.  You okay?"

The girl frowned, "Why are you helping me?"

Ranma looked thoughtful, but could only shrug, "I dunno.  Guess I can't 
stand to see guy pickin on a girl like that.  My name's Ranma," he said 
while extending his hand.

        "guys", plural.

The girl waited hesitantly, but gave in and shook his hand, "Heh, I must 
be a fool.. but I trust you.  Thanks Ranma, you're not so bad yourself.  
My name's Akane."

        All in all, it's looking good so far. Do you use a pre-reader? A
pre-reader would have picked up many if not all of the grammar mistakes I
did. Possibly more.

        I take it you're writing in an alternate universe genre. One trap
that some alternate worlds authors fall into is that they try to hammer  the
original script into the new world they're creating. One of the more
frequent occurrences is when an author tries to re-tell the beginning of
Ranma 1/2, as you are. Most Ranma fans know the beginning by heart, and
won't read a re-make of it that is overly close to the original. I'm glad
you haven't fallen into that, and I hope you never will. Another trap that
some fall into is that they change so much of the story that the fanfic
loses the feel of the series. My advice to you is not to adhere too
slavishly to the original script, but not to change the characters so much
that they become unrecognizable. 

        Okay, that's enough of my opinionated, self-righteous drivel!

Looking forward to more,

Jed