Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Twentythree - The Hangover
--------------------------------------------------------------------
^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Scene: The set for "Waiting for Minako". The cleaner is sweeping
away empty bottles and other ancillary party type objects. From
behind one of the props, an arm appears.
Cleaner: What the f....
Makoto: Oooooohhhhhhhh......
Makoto lifts herself up from behind the prop and stares blearily
around the set.
Makoto: Would you mind doing that a little quieter?
Cleaner: Had a bit too much of the holiday cheer, did we?
Makoto: I had exactly as much as I wanted to, thankyou very
much. Now where did I put the Berocca?
Cleaner: You left it back at your orgy.
Makoto: .....
Cleaner: .....
Makoto: Be careful.... You'll break the illusion of all the
sensitive, newbie readers that I'm anything other than a
simple girl whose only interests are cooking and
housekeeping.
Cleaner: You mean they aren't your interests?
Makoto: No, actually.... I'm a phone sex operator who collects
art deco dildos and small fuzzy white things which hang
from the ceiling.
Cleaner: .....
Makoto: .....
Cleaner: But only in your spare time.
Makoto: Of course. What do you do in your spare time, apart
from sweeping up messes created by others?
Cleaner: Oh, I torment young children with psychologically
disturbing put-downs and jokes. It makes my day
worthwhile to see a child crying, utterly traumatised
for the rest of their lives due to my total lack of
social conscience.
Makoto: .....
Cleaner: .....
Makoto: You're a creepy little weirdo, aren't you?
Cleaner: That's what they all say. By the way, where's your bed
buddy?
Makoto: Who?
Cleaner: That blue-haired slag with the severe social disorder.
Makoto: Oh, you mean Ami. I wouldn't describe her in those
terms.
Cleaner: Why not?
Makoto: She has this really vengeful side. Strange things will
start to happen to you when you least expect it.
Cleaner: Oooh. Sounds like fun. Does it involve razorblades?
Makoto: Yes, but only before you die.
Cleaner: Aww.... You mean I don't get to play with all the pus-
filled wounds and weeping sores afterwards?
Makoto: .....
Cleaner: .....
Makoto: Bugger the psychological torment, Ami. Just pour the
boiling oil on him, now.
Suddenly, from above comes gallons of boiling oil. With a short,
strangulated cry, the oil covers the cleaner, and he melts away.
Makoto sighs and flops back down behind the prop as the oil flows
away. Ami jumps down from the rafters, hands on hips.
Ami: That seemed to work really well.
Makoto: Hmm. You should have thought of that when we were
taking Galaxia on.
Ami: Nah, that bitch would have absorbed it. Anyway, what is
happening with this fic?
Makoto: It's still the break in the storyline. Whatever story
there is. Until DDFA wakes up, we're stuck here, unable
to do anything.
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: What did you go so quiet for?
Ami: Just practicing.
Makoto: For what?
Ami: For the long period of us not being able to do anything.
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Baka. It won't be THAT long.
Ami: Well, you never know. The entire chapter could be a
whole lot of nothing happening.
Makoto: I very much doubt it.
Ami: Why?
Makoto: Very little has actually happened since DDFA started
writing this series.
Ami: True. True.
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Hey, I've got an idea.
Makoto gets up from behind the prop.
Ami: What is it?
Makoto: Let's kidnap Minako!
Ami: Eh?
Makoto: It'll mean DDFA really WON'T know where she is, and give
us more control over our destinies.
Ami: I don't think he'll like that very much.
Makoto: Yeah, but what is he going to do about it?
Ami: He could write us into a tentacle lemon.
Makoto: .....
Ami: .....
Makoto: Be a first for him. He's thus far avoided doing
anything vaguely lemon.
Ami: Yeah, but he's a sick, depraved bastard. You never know
WHAT he might write as a first effort.
Meanwhile, in his little hovel in Adelaide, Australia, DDFA is lying
in bed, having dreams about rubbing wet teabags into peoples' hair.
His eyes suddenly snap open at the point where large earplugs are
floating around on concrete columns, and hazily realises he is not
alone in the room. He tries to move, but can't.
DDFA: Who.... who's there?
There is a soft giggle, and he swallows, his senses becoming more
alert with fear. He manages to sit up, but everything in his
bedroom is swimming about in the darkness.
DDFA: That's it! I'm NOT going to have someone try the
psychological fear routine on me. Who are you, and what
are you doing in my house?
Voice: Oh honey, dearie.... I'm sooooo sorry. I didn't mean
to frighten you.
He can see the vague outline of a woman, sitting atop his shelf
desk. He rubs his forehead, sighing.
DDFA: Listen, Morrigan, how many times have I told you....
Morrigan: Aww.... You know who I am.... Damn.
DDFA: Of COURSE I know who you are. No other woman greets me
in my bedroom at this time of the morning. No other
woman is LIKELY to greet me at this time of the morning,
let's face it.... However, that is beside the point. I
can't constantly have you creeping in here, giving me
new and evil ideas for my stories. Having the Youma
Usagi dig out the guts of all her friends in "Usagi is
Dead" was bad enough.
Morrigan gets down from the desk and starts to pace the room. DDFA
brushes the succubus's wings away from his face as he does so,
trying not to stare at her butt.
Morrigan: And I thought it was a good scene. Lots of gory
fighting and stuff.... My kind of tale. You know, I do
have another idea....
DDFA: Ooooooh no you don't. I am NOT writing a Sailorsenshi
versus Darkstalkers crossover....
Morrigan: Why not?
DDFA: Because any fight between yourself and Sailormoon would
be short, sharp and to the point. Not to mention
extremely messy.
Morrigan: So says the person who killed her off by putting an
arrow through her head. *Sigh* So, are you any closer
to continuing "Waiting for Minako", or are you going to
leave the poor human plebs waiting?
DDFA: Shhhh.... Don't talk like that.
Morrigan: Talk like what?
DDFA: The "poor human plebs" line....
Morrigan: Why? Don't you want people to know you're not human, or
something?
DDFA: I said NOT to say it, for the love of....
END OF PART 23
--------------------------------------------------------------------
^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^ ^_^
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Is DDFA really a Darkstalker? Will Makoto and Ami kidnap Minako?
Does any of this really matter to the main plot, which will
supposedly restart in the next chapter? For questions to these
answers, see the next chapter of "Waiting for Minako". Not a
tentacle lemon. They're sour and they wriggle all over the place.
_________
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@merlin.net.au
/</ w \>\ Chief Propoganda Officer, Keeper of
\/ \/ the Tapes and Co-Founder of the Saitou-chan
\___________/ Appreciation Society - Adelaide Japanese
/_/ \_\ PU Animation Society
DT 1.0 - Friday, 1st January 1999 (Waits patiently for September
13, when the moon shall go flying off into space. ^_^)