In a message dated 12/31/98 8:12:00 PM, ryogahabiki@juno.com wrote:

To: ffml@fanfic.com
Date: Thu, 31 Dec 1998 15:22:35 EST
Subject: [ffml] [fanfic] [ranma1/2] no title yet chapt 1

Aside from the fact that I find it hard to believe that all of the sudden
Mousse's a top-notch martial artist after his field of vision was corrected
(even with his glasses, he didn't perform as well as he did in this fic), the
fic has serious verb tense problem. You kept on switching between past and
present (perfect?) tenses. which confuses the hell out of people. Not to
mention the unexpected switching of POV in the beginning.
Since this fic centers around Mousse, maybe you should consider sticking to
the first person POV? I think it would work better that way. 

Mu-tzu vice president, Tendocorp/Kuno Enterprises. 

Hrm. A potential time-travelling fic? A fusion of Psicorp of Babylon 5 and
Wyane Enterprises, controlled by Nabiki and Kuno respectively.
Hrm.


Dark Alpha <AlphSailor@aol.com> formerly Sailor Alpha
Fanfics at http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bay/7233/
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