A scrambled call on a secure line.

*reads first few lines of scene* Ohoo. At last! (I hope, anyway)

  "That is for us to determine now.  Good-bye."

IMO, either cut the "now", IMO, or possibly separate/move it
to emphasise instead - "Now, that is" or "determine, now."

  A phone was slammed into its cradle.  "Shit!  Opportunistic
little backstabbing worm!  Rot in Hell!!"

I'd say something more like "The phone fell/slammed/foo
back into its cradle" works better.

  Nabiki wasn't sure which was more responsible for her
embarrassment:  her father's exuberance; Nodoka's obvious
amusement; or the way Soun's hand fell a little too far south on

commas rather than semicolons, imo.

  {That jerk!  How-how dare he take off like that!?  That's just

I'd put in a space ("How- how" or even "How - how" or "How... How");
"How-how" sounds like a name of a chinese dog, or something like
that. ^_^

  Thinking idly, she began moving slowly around the room again,
brushing the duster along without really watching what she was
doing.  A thump and splash brought her back to the real world. 

A thump and a splash

She realized with dismay she had knocked over a vase onto
Nabiki's computer tower.

over and onto sound a bit imcompatible here - scratch the first.
Or something like "she had knocked over a vase, making it fall
onto Nabiki's computer tower."

Ranma back... after I've made a copy or two.... Not that I want
hentai pics of that pervert, but, hey, I've got a right to see
what the other girls at school are checking out, right...?}

If I were Akane, I'd be more concerned about said other girls'
right to see that which they are checking out.  ^_^

  Nabiki groaned as Akane and Kasumi came rushing in.  Grimacing
in pain, she bit back her initial reaction, which was to light
into her father for all she was worth.  Looking over her

light? You sure you got the right verb?

  "Of course, Tendou-san.  It was a simple accident, nothing
more.  Now," she continued, sniffing the air delicately, "is
that miso soup I smell?"

Hm. My experiences of miso soup tell me that it's not something
worth getting excited over ... of course, that doesn't guarantee
it's not something highly valued; I'm no expert.

  Soun, sitting bleary-eyed before the shogi board, two empty
saki bottles next to him and a third, almost-empty one in his

sake?

hand, slurred, "Thas' right, K's'mi!  Iss a wunnerful thing!"

I had to think about this a bit before I realized that it *is*
actually possible to correctly trace "slurred" to "soun" here -
but more natural at the first glance is to connect it to "hand",
which doesn't quite make sense. I suggest a rewording/reordering.

   "To continue, I would be glad to help out.  I can leave the
pack down there, and I will also leave Ranko some food in a
basket and a gift I had one of the local craftsmen make for
her--to try and patch things up."

"to try to" or "to try patching"

   Nabiki could tell the older woman was near the point of
weeping openly, and she wasn't sure she could handle that, just
yet.  "I think she'd like that, Auntie.  Thanks."  She moved to

that just yet.

anyway--I've noticed that he always puts up a fuss when Ranko
tries to bathe him.  I'll just leave a robe for you when I come

*guffaw*

   "Pretty good, I guess.  It's an American movie, actually, and
I don't think the translators did a very good job.  It's called
'Insomniacs in a Big City'.  Kind of a sweet love story."

*extended giggling*

   Akane wasn't really sure what to make of that one.  "Ummm...
Okay, Auntie Saotome....  Thanks, (I guess...)."

I guess the paranthesises there are supposed to indicate a more
subdued tone, but it doesn't really work, IMO.

   "For now, anyway.  But I still don't want you taking
advantage of it.  We'll try to keep you human, and failing that,
I'll try and keep you out of Akane's bed.  Got it?"

try to

   He swallowed hard, then nodded his adolescence.  She

Huh? Nodded his *adolesecence*?

   Ryouga nodded, started to get up, then sat back down in a
hurry.  "Nabiki!" he hissed, "That wasn't funny!"  He could tell
by her barely stifled snickers that she disagreed.  

*totally fails to see what is supposed to be funny*

   "In order for you to change back," she continued, whispering,
"you'll have to get out of the furo.  Now, I'm not about to shut
my eyes so you can peep while you go over to get the shower. 
Once your out of the furo, I'll dump the bucket on you and shift

you're

   "After everyone's asleep, I'll take you downstairs, get one
of your spare outfits and use the teakettle to shift you back. 

outfits, and

   It took him a moment to realize that he, Nabiki _and_ Akane
were all naked.  The resultant blood flow (into blush, nosebleed
and major-league erection) left his brain somewhat starved for
oxygen, with a predictable outcome.

   As he slowly sank to the floor, Akane slid the door shut. 
Nabiki barely heard her mutter something about their Auntie
Saotome's idea of "pleasant surprises".

   She looked at the unconscious boy wearing nothing but a
bandanna and said to the room, "For once, I know _exactly_ what
it feels like to be Ranma."

h0h0h0h0h0h0h! Almost *too* perfect. :D

   Ranma awoke with a sneeze, then slumped back miserably on the
hard examination table he had been using as an impromptu bed. 
It had been a lousy day;  his first foray into the realm of
detective work had proven a total bust.

...which greatly surprised all who know Ranma well. Or perhaps not.

   He had failed utterly to turn up any leads on the building
that he had adopted as his interim base camp.  And as far as the
mysterious figures Cologne and Happi had called "the Illuminati"
were concerned....

camp, and

   "... More like too many leads," he muttered to the shadows. 
In a haphazard stack lying in a shaft of moonlight, he could
make out the dozen library books he had turned up when he pulled
a search for the group.  A dozen books, and each seemed to offer
at least two totally contradictory views of this group that was
supposed to be his newest foe.  A day's study, probably more
intense than he had ever put into any assignment by
Hinako-sensei, had yielded a sheet filled with differing
viewpoints.

OTOH, it's pretty impressive to actually find any books with
direct references to the Illuminati at *all*.

   Depending on which self-declared "authority" he was reading,
the Illuminati were:  a long-gone secret society;  a massive
hoax;  responsible for the creation (and subsequent use) of the
atomic bomb;  devout pacifists;  the next level of human
evolution;  a catch-all name for any of a dozen groups;  alien
invaders;  magi;  all of the above;  or none of the above.

I'd settle for "all that and shitload more". ^_^

   It was just too much for him to try and fathom.  Looking at

try to fathom

   Akane practically stumbled into her room, one hand still
clutching the towels she had been carrying for herself and her
sister.  {Nabiki and... Ryouga?!}  Her mind just couldn't seem
to wrap itself around the concept.  Finally, she just gave up
and collapsed numbly on top of her bedcovers.

*giggle*

dojo, but then paused.  {I really oughtta make sure Ryouga ain't
takin' too much pleasure in his reprieve.}  Having completed the

Heh. What a shame Ranma didn't come jumping by while they
were still in the bath. ^_^

shafts cut right across her bed.  She was more visible than he
was expecting, in fact;  he realized this was because she was on
top of the covers, not underneath.  It was also because she was
naked.

...in fact, when she turned her head and unfortunately happend to
look right at him, it became obvious she was also not sleeping.

"Oops."

   He paused, uncertain how to proceed.  {Is she feelin' okay?
I know she doesn't usually sleep in the... like that.  Maybe I
should check--}  His mind came to an abrupt halt as he pictured
the result of Akane waking up, naked, with him looming over her
in the dark.

Awwww! *disappointed sigh* ^_^

   He dipped both arms in the water of the pond, simultaneously
triggering the curse and acquiring a lot of excess water on her
hands.  She then carefully scaled the back wall of the

Heh. You know, it becomes a *really* confusing read with "he"
in the beginning of the sentence, and "she" at the end.

considering the room currently had on display the cutest set of
cheeks in Japan, it was a reasonably quick look.  {Geez, Mom'd
be proud.}

*cheeks*? !"#%&!"#&!"#& *CHEEKS*? ^_^

   Akane was once again asleep, and this time she had made it
under the covers.  Ranma flushed at the mix of relief and
disappointment she felt at that fact.  Smiling at her once more,
Ranma dropped down again, deliberately this time, and headed for

dropped down

...and hopefully without the "ouch" at the end. ^_^

   On the floor were, not one, but two bundles.  She had been

were not one, but

   Shrugging with the carefree attitude that comes from no
longer giving a damn, she pulled her mother's gift, a Panda-skin
blanket, around herself to ward off the chilly night, and
slipped into the turbulent waters of her dreams.

...

*ouch*

                       End Chapter 20

Somewhat of a quiet chapter, wasn't it? Not that there isn't a need
for that.

At least it seems the Illuminati will get on the move again after
being perhaps a bit too passive lately - Ranma has been able to *act*
far too much (though it hasn't done him much good yet, admittedly);
now make him *REact*!

---