Well, it probably won't get any more work done on it.  The
high-tech/psionic
stuff was made up for the story.  I'd also like to know, did you see any
major
differences betweent he first seven chapters and the last three.  As I
said I
wrote them close to a year apart, and I'm curious as to how much the
writing
style changed and if its better.  I think it is, but my opinion is too
subjective.
Hayama Akito wrote:

Ok,

after reading all 10 chapters of this fic, I couldn't resist the C&C.

Here we go:

1) There are still a few spelling mistakes here and there. Nothing a
spellchecker won't fix.

2(and the biggest problem I had) There was a ton of psionic and
technological refrences used in the story.  Now, maybe its just me but

the

average joe isn't going to know this kind of thing, created for the

sole use

of the story or not.  So, explanation or maybe even cutting it to

lamen's

terms would be a helpful addition.

3) Somewhere along the storyline, I got a tad lost. Maybe it was just

me,

maybe it was the story. Regardless, it did seem to move at a very fast

pace

for the size of the story you were telling.  Once again, explanation

and

adding more scenes would be a helpful addition.

4) The sudden disappearance of the Senshi after the attack was a bit

sudden.

I would've liked to see more of Usagi dealing with the fact she lost

her

teammates and how her life would have to change to keep her idenity

from

them.

5) Yes, as some, I do have a thing for the original names and attacks

but

that's just a personal opinion.

Now, the good:

1) The overall plot was good, thought out somewhat and would be a very

interesting storyline, maybe even a new canon.

2) The idea of Usagi having latent psychic abilities that were kept

from her

was something I haven't seen in the fics I've read so it was a nice

change

for me.

Overall, a good try. With some work and maybe even some expansion,

this

would be another good fanfic ^_^

- Hayama Akito
Mahou Shoujo Collective