Andrew wanted me to forward his comments to the list, so they're
included in this reply with no snippage (though I did cut out some
quoted stuff).

andrew norris <mage2099@dtgnet.com> wrote:

It's not a question of "valid." It's a question of what's going to grab
and keep readers' attention. Do you think that this opening will do
that?

Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics

I hate to disagree... what the "opening" was set to do was EXPLAIN how Ranma got
those "gifts" (Side note I saw Empathy and Telepathy) so it is NOT a standard
opening.... it's called foreshadowing or set up (forget which terms... been a
while since I took dramtic writing...)

Explanations are fine, but I've always been taught that it's more
important to establish the major conflicts that are happening in the
story *now.* He could easily have told us a little later how Ranma had
ended up in the hospital, by flashing back to that scene. Actually, in
this case, it's such a standard thing that a short reference to it
would've told the readers what they need to know:

Ranma rubbed the bump on the back of his head. How had he gotten here?
That's right, Akane had pounded him again. When would he learn not to
open his big mouth at the wrong time?

Though I do argee with you that it is a "standard" opening for too many fanfic
writers.... (So far I have NOT fallen into that Trap.)  I personally give ANY
fanfic at least a page before I make the call to drop or fully read....
Also on "standard" openings... If a fanfic writer ALWAYS uses them, then you do
have a point... Greg doesn't... so judge him on the total work not the opening
(if I judged writers by their opening PG/pages... I would have tossed MOST if not
all my TOm clancey books...)

I'm not judging Gregg here... just suggesting changes that I think would
improve his story.

Gary... while you don't do that trick (using a standard opening to set up the
fic...) you go back and show a "standard sence" a lot (Lost, where you explained
how Ranma got the way he did....) Greg is just doing it at the start.... Diff.
styles of doing things... you seem to like "Memory" style while Greg likes it up
front "Prologue" style... Both good thoguh. (Lawson seems to be between both, I
tend to do the latter... thoguh with a fic that I am working on I might go Memory
route.) Starmage is still going to be foreshadowing style.
To summarize. Both ways (Foreshadowing (this fic in question) and Memory work.
Never JUDGE a fiction or any writing until you have read it...

Again, "judge" is too strong a word. I'm only making suggestions for
changes. As to whether both ways work, I can only repeat that in my
experience, good writing starts by establishing the central conflict of
the story. Sometimes this might *seem* like a "prologue," but if you
look at it closely, the conflict is coming into being.

For example, Ranma 1/2 has two central conflicts: The Ranma/Akane
relationship, and Ranma trying to deal with his curse. The series
doesn't start by showing the trip to Jusenkyo. It starts by talking
about the engagement, and showing the characters' reactions to it. It
also shows Ranma very angry at Genma; we don't know why at first, but
it's clearly not just the engagement. Then the second conflict comes
into full force as a girl shows up at the Tendos' where a boy was
supposed to.

Since you mentioned it, I'll use my fic "Lost" as another example. The
central conflict in that fic is Ranma trying to survive life as an
amnesiac in Los Angeles. Thus, the story begins with him arriving in
that city, and ends with him leaving it. Showing him taking the drug at
the beginning of the fic would've been totally wrong, because that
would've made Ranma being drugged the central conflict, and the story
would've been over when he recovered. (Okay, in this case it would've
been wrong for other reasons too.)

Off thread.
Have you read Starmage yet? I would like your comments on it... (Byron has put it
on his read list... WOW! and since i do like your stuff.. and Gregs... I would
like your CC....
if you haven't go to http://silver.sdsmt.edu/~atn6581/fanfic.htm

Haven't read it yet. I'll take a look at it and see what I can do.

ALso to ANYONE else (Greg, LL, Lawson, and others...) Please CC.
Flames are turned into carrots to feed my cabbit.

Andrew Norris
mage2099@dtgnet.com
atn6581@silver.sdsmt.edu
ICQ on request.
Homepage : http://silver.sdsmt.edu/~atn6581/

Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics