Ronny Hedin <thark@hem2.passagen.se> wrote:

Yeah, it's been ... a while since you posted this. :-) There might quite
possible be a few comments before already made by others, since the
slight "delay" also means I've missed those.

No problem, I appreciate the commentary!

I've snipped most of the wording corrections, which are much appreciated
but I don't think I need to comment on each one.

	"Hope you have a good day upstairs, ma'am." The guards that
worked down here actually had no idea what went on up in the executive
offices, nor did they ever really seem to care. Nabiki sometimes joked
to herself that she could be plotting the domination of the world
upstairs, and all they would want to know would be whether they'd still
get paid.

You mean she ISN'T plotting the domination of the world? :-)

Nah, she ALREADY dominates the world. :p

	"Okay, Mommy." She wasn't sure whether she really believed it or
not, but when a parent promised something you had to take them at their
word.

Hmpfh. No, you bloody hell didn't. :-)

Well, Nabs did. Maybe the rest of us don't have moms who are as innately
trustworthy as Mrs. Tendo....

	"I have a cleaning service that comes in twice a week."

	"Oh."

"Oh" can mean a lot of different things depending on the tone with
which it is spoken, and I can't help but wonder what *kind* of "oh" this is.
In this situation, I could see it about as well as either a neutral,
unloaded "oh, I see" "oh", or a disappointed "oh, you *should* do it
yourself" "oh"...

It's a sort of neutral matter-of-fact kind of "oh," but with a barely
noticeable tinge of disappointment. Guess I need to explicitly indicate
that.

[fighting-spirits-in-clothes-scene]

Hm. I really must ask "Why?"; Why give Kasumi a way of holding
her own in a fight?

Ah, but who says Kasumi *accepted* Kaede's offer to make her a fighting
suit? In fact, you'll see in a flashback in HaM 2 (I think) that she
turned it down, out of a need to be true to her own nature. Now, you
might ask why I bothered to talk about it at all if she's not going to
*get* the fighting suit. To this I reply, "I have my reasons. You'll
find out later! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!"

As always. thanks for the commentary!


Gary Kleppe
http://www.execpc.com/~kleppe/comics