Ok,

after reading all 10 chapters of this fic, I couldn't resist the C&C.

Here we go:

1) There are still a few spelling mistakes here and there. Nothing a
spellchecker won't fix.

2(and the biggest problem I had) There was a ton of psionic and
technological refrences used in the story.  Now, maybe its just me but the
average joe isn't going to know this kind of thing, created for the sole use
of the story or not.  So, explanation or maybe even cutting it to lamen's
terms would be a helpful addition.

3) Somewhere along the storyline, I got a tad lost. Maybe it was just me,
maybe it was the story. Regardless, it did seem to move at a very fast pace
for the size of the story you were telling.  Once again, explanation and
adding more scenes would be a helpful addition.

4) The sudden disappearance of the Senshi after the attack was a bit sudden.
I would've liked to see more of Usagi dealing with the fact she lost her
teammates and how her life would have to change to keep her idenity from
them.

5) Yes, as some, I do have a thing for the original names and attacks but
that's just a personal opinion.

Now, the good:

1) The overall plot was good, thought out somewhat and would be a very
interesting storyline, maybe even a new canon.

2) The idea of Usagi having latent psychic abilities that were kept from her
was something I haven't seen in the fics I've read so it was a nice change
for me.


Overall, a good try. With some work and maybe even some expansion, this
would be another good fanfic ^_^


- Hayama Akito
Mahou Shoujo Collective