Draxon's Review Corner Presents
A Holiday Review
Of
Tiger Claw, pt. 1
By MadamHydra

I am going to give separate reviews for each chapter of Tiger Claw to
increase my ability to provide in depth C&C and to avoid vague commentary.
This should give everyone a pretty detailed idea of what to expect from this
story should they decide to give it a try.

Storyline: 6
	Tiger Claw thus far has lacked in interesting character developments.
Ranma has landed himself an 'enemy' (who seems bent on testing his power
rather than killing or hurting him) that is at once exceedingly in control
of everything, has access to magic and high tech devices to help her scheme,
and is totally intangible for the length of chapter one.  I think showing
some of the nearly chapter-consuming fight from this woman's perspective
eroded the mystery and possible newness of the situation.  The first chapter
of a fanfic needs to be a 'grabber', in that it interests people in all of
the great plot devices  authors plan on unleashing in the story.  I think
that with some more smoothness this chapter could have that effect.

Drama: 4
	"New bad guy comes along.  Said bad guy twists events to her liking,
triggering the release of a new level of power in Ranma."
	Well, it's not quite that bad.  I guess since I don't know what Yonoko's
motivations are in going after Ranma it detracted from the story.  The
introduction was great.  Short, simple, and to the point.  It is my belief
that putting Yonoko into the fray directly afterward was a mistake, in that
those neat effects she crafted for the following battle would have been less
expected and more effective.

Originality:6
	So far events seem to fall under the new technique/buffed up power/villian
of the week category.  As a reviewer, I'm looking forward to the after
effects of the Tiger Claw (as I assume the beefed up Cat Fist will come to
be called) as an opportunity for the story to show what it's made of.  It is
not terribly uncommon to start a story right before a major turning point
happens, but in most cases this invariably leads to a little confusion until
events have a chance to smooth themselves out.

(Realism and Humor have been cut from this review.)

Characterizations:8
	Pretty standard fare here.  Occasionally something seems a little off but I
cant offer very much of an explanation.  After I've read some more I'll see
what I have to say here.

Grammar:8
	There are a few minor errors in your grammatical composition, nothing
serious though.

Descriptions:6
	This is the make or break part of a fanfic for me, as I absolutely crave
every little detail to be fed to me with perfect clarity and perfection.  I
consider fight scenes to be a chance to see some pretty heavy description in
action, but I've been let down thus far.  Ranma's feline opponents can heal
themselves, which is described as instant... Allow me to quote.

In spite of repeatedly hitting his opponents, Ranma's attacks ultimately had
no effect.  Any wounds suffered by the tigers healed instantly, no matter
how severe.

In this, you describe how the battle tends to develop, and in doing so you
tell the reader to visualize something to the tune of, "Wow, Ranma's not
getting anything done."  You describe the combat like that several times,
yet for a truly effective fight scene it is my believe that you must
describe every action of the fight.  If Ranma slashes, tell us that he
slashed, maybe where he was targeting, and what effect it had.  If that
slash left him open to another attack or had some other effect, take your
time and tell us about it.  If you have ever seen Final Fantasy 7, take a
technique like Omnislash, which is basically a series of 15 or so sword
slashs followed by one overcharged bash.  If someone is writing an FF7
fanfic, they can probably get away with resorting to that kind of attitude,
but if they want to keep the awe of the game's Limit breakers intact they
are going to go all out, telling us just how powerful the strike is each and
every time it is landed.  The same detail can be afforded to less powerful
levels of combat, and usually works beautifully.

The Tiger Claw seems to be similarly powerful, and thus deserves to be
shoved down the reader's throat.  You've got a battle aura-ish
tiger-extension to start with, which could emanate light and cast shadows to
get the mood set.  Following that up, everyone is likely to have their own
reaction to seeing this, be it in thought or action.  When Ranma uses it, I
would think he would be putting his all into it with unheard-of fury.  You
seemed to have toned his anger down just as his power grew, which didn't
really bode well with me.

Overall: 6
The dramatic effect of the story pulls it down here, but with some more time
that problem could be alleviated.  Chapter one encompasses a little setup,
one fight scene, and a little closure to prepare for chapter two.  When some
of the background, puppetmaster-style story devices come into the forefront
and Ranma has to conscously deal with them as well as his excessive violence
in chapter one things should pick up.

Draxonx@bellsouth.net

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