Subject: [FFML] Reviews List for the week of November 7-13, 1998
From: "Shunsuke" <shunsuke@mailcity.com>
Date: 12/21/1998, 11:06 AM
To: ffml@fanfic.com


 


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                   The FFML Reviews List
                   =====================

For the week of: November 7 - 13, 1998
Reviewers:
      Paul Arezina <arezina@acad1.stvincent.edu>
      Helen Szeto  <Helen@eiw-ca.com>
      Shunsuke     <shunsuke@mailcity.com>
Synopses Submitted: 26 + 1 from October 1 - November 6

* * * * *
[BubbleGum Crisis]

- - - - -
Title: Bubblegum Rift, Chapter 1
Series: Bubblegum Crisis/Crash, Rifts
Genre: X-over
Author: Damien Hailey
Email: SAMAS_1@hotmail.com

Date Sent to FFML: Nov. 13, 1998
Size: 54 Kb

Summary:

The Knight Sabers deal with a possible new threat while
Nene meets an old friend.

{Shunsuke}
   Bringing in concepts from RPGs or other information based sources 
   can't hurt, since there's no storyline or character behaviour to 
   worry about, people can be defined as the author goes along.  But, 
   in this case, I'm not entirely sure if this swords and sorcery 
   element fits; sometimes it does (Chris Davies' Best Of All The
   Years, but SM magic is part-scientifically based), though I have
   doubts about this story.  

   As far as bringing in a group that offers a direct and equal 
   challenge to the Knight Sabers (without being another Mason/Largo 
   puppet) isn't new, but is fairly well executed here.  Where the 
   KSs would walk into such a situation blind or would be unable to 
   handle it, I don't know if it works (personal opinion), but 
   certainly there's nothing so "out there" as to be beyond belief.

   The wordwrapping error throughout (70 is the standard line length,
   not 75) makes this hard going, as do the other style errors.  Also,
   the descriptions of fight scenes are accurate, but are sometimes
   more detailed than necessary which slows down the pace.  This 
   could use a little more care on the technical side, though overall 
   the ideas and telling of events is fairly reasonable.

* * * * *
[Crossover]

- - - - -
Title: Magic Shop
Series: Xover
Genre: Humor
Author: Phillip Masters
Email: PhilMasters@webtv.net

Date Sent to FFML: 11-13-98
Size: Short

Summary:

Why is it that no one trusts an evil Magic Shop owner anymore?
This might explain it.

{Paul}
   Ah, it's always good to laugh. Wonderfully eldritch setup, nicely
   ironic conclusion... 8 of 10 on the short scale.

{Shunsuke}
   Old joke, new telling...I read it once as "the dungeon master's
   wife" when I was into D&D.  Short description: people have prior 
   knowledge of things they shouldn't.  Seen some better, seen a 
   lot worse.

* * * * *
[Patlabor]

- - - - -
Title:  Patlabor: Personal Files, Episode 06
Series:  Patlabor
Genre:  Um... Continuing, I guess
Author:  David A. Tatum
Email:  desaix@sysnet.net

Homepage:  http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/7872/fanfics.htm

Archive #: 379
Date Sent to FFML:  11/14/98
Size:

Summary:
A day in Gomioka's life...

{Shunsuke}
   Mr. Murphy, it's your cue, I think...

   _A_ day?  Just the wrong one, or every day?  (Now that would be the 
   very image of hell.)  This one's better than the last couple of 
   parts, more amusing and a little faster paced for easier reading, 
   and just as readable as all the other parts.  Although, I was 
   surprised the Y2K issue never turned out to be more than an 
   inconvenience, I thought it would be a plot device for more things. 
   (Not criticism, that bit.)

{Helen}
   Progressively getting better? Yes... there's not much that I'm
   willing to write...but I'm looking to see where this story is
   going...

* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2]

- - - - -
Title: How Do You Spell HALLOWEEN 1/2?
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Halloween Comedy
Author: Sailor Alpha
Email: AlphSailor@aol.com

Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bay/7233/

Date Sent to FFML: 10/31/98
Size: 50K

Summary:

A Halloween comedy based on Ranma 1/2, as the entire crew spends
Halloween party at the Haunted Nekohanten, at courtsey of Cologne. However,
things go awry as an evil oni intrudes and kidnapps Ranma (who actually is
Akane)! Follow the gang as they set out on one of the hilarious  Halloween-
based Ranma 1/2 fanfic!

{Shunsuke}
   I like the idea, and I like the start and end, but the bulk of the 
   middle is such a mish-mash of events that it doesn't do as much as 
   it should.  A lot of unnecessary extraneous action could be removed
   and events key to Ranma, Akane, Shampoo, the oni, and maybe one or 
   two other people, could be more detailed.  It's a good idea, it's 
   just too scattered to work.

   Oh, and as I recall, Azusa called Genma-panda "Oscar"...

- - - - -
Title: Downward Spiral
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Sadfic
Author: Jed Bidwell
Email: jedediah@tricountynet.net

Date Sent to FFML: 11/13/98

Summary:

        Ryoga Hibiki committs suicide, leaving Ranma to wonder why. Ranma's
quest for answers leads him somewhere he wouldn't expect...

{Paul}
   Goodness. Just... well, you EXPECT it, on some level, but you don't
   want what happens in this story to happen. To anyone. This story
   does a fairly good job of filling in most of the external details...
   the mind is then free to contemplate motive, and try and find a
   reason... though Ryoga's journal seems a bit TOO concise of a way
   to get all the details.... The story leaves us hanging as to the
   real reason why Ryoga slit his stomach... it drops clues, but never
   says outright what was running through the lost boy's head.  Could
   be anything... just the way it should be. Death isn't a clear-cut
   thing, death by suicide even less of one. The ending leaves a few
   slivers of hope and a legacy, but no sense of absolute closure...
   which is as it should be. 15 or 16 out of 20... nice work for
   someone whose name I didn't instantly recognize.

{Shunsuke}
   The start of this and throughout part one is a strong buildup, all
   the necessary details included with no wasted space.  The emotional 
   side works, and it cuts off to part to at the exact right moment, 
   leaving the obvious question "why?" 

   Parts two and three are still good, but not as deep into the whys 
   as they could go; Ranma as forensic psychologist works, but the 
   reasons for the suicide don't deviate from the standard Ranma 1/2 
   storyline.  This needed an extra kick, something unforeseen, to 
   make it shocking.  I like it, but an ending as unexpected as the 
   finish to "The Bitter End" would be better (I don't mean it needs 
   violence, but something surprising).  Overall, much better than
   most of the "Ryouga offs himself" fics.

- - - - -
Title: At The Movies.
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Stream of Consciousness
Author: Carlin92
Email: Carlin92@aol.com

Homepage: none

Date Sent to FFML: 11/12/98
Size: 7k

Summary:

One night when Ranma's home alone, he thinks
about his life.

{Paul}
   Stream of consciousness is difficult to pull off, but you've
   managed to do it pretty well. Although there were a few flaws in
   the narration (Neko-ken training was a pit of cats... you can't
   walk out of a pit like you can out of an alley) and a few more
   things that sent my own mind down tangents (Bruce Lee respecting
   the Art? Didn't he sucker-punch some old man who'd devoted his
   life to mastering chi just to prove a point?) but, overall, it was
   a nice read. Nice to see someone can make Ranma streetwise without
   making him a genius... but 6 of 10 on the short scale. Stream of
   consciousness fics should drag the reader into the stream, not
   force him to stop and start streams of his own.

{Shunsuke}
   This didn't start out like Ranma talking about martial arts and
   reverence for Bruce Lee, more like Chuck Norris. ^_^  It doesn't 
   really fit Ranma, though it is a nice bit of prose.

   What really is an interesting snippet to take away from this is the 
   way Ranma views Nabiki; take this view and wording, develop it into 
   a storyline unto itself, and _that_ would make for an interesting 
   concept.

- - - - -
Title: Things To Do:
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Stream of Consciousness
Author: Carlin92
Email: Carlin92@aol.com

Homepage: none

Date Sent to FFML: 11/12/98
Size: 3k

Summary:

A sad woman has had enough and makes a
decision.

{Paul}
   Insert economy-size evil villain laugh. Someone else who thinks
   Kasumi Knows More Than She Lets On, and acts on it. This one's a
   much better stream of consciousness; I can almost trace the leaps
   from here to there, hither and yon through the mind... a very nice
   interpretation, some oddly poignant flashbacks, and a work than
   tugs at the deeper emotions just a bit... 8 of 10 on the short
   scale.

- - - - -
Title: Nabiki:Streetwalker part 1
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Lemon
Author: P-R-P-Chan
Email: prpchan@colba.net

Homepage: http://www.crosswinds.net/japan/~prpchan/little/index.htm

Date Sent to FFML: 11/12/98
Size: 7 Kb

Summary:

Nabiki will do almost anything for money, what if we take out that
almost?

{Shunsuke}
   Hmmm...the sex scene here (and there ain't much else) is rather 
   minimalist, with little description and buildup.  Given what the 
   author says in his notes about the plot filling the spaces between 
   the hentai bits, that make it a bit disappointing.  (Hey!  *Both* 
   my hands are _always_ on the keyboard when I read lemons!)  The 
   descriptions and the writing fit the story, but the feel...er,
   depth...er, *style* need some polishing.

- - - - -
Title: The Party's Over part 3
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: continuation
Author: P-R-P-Chan
Email: prpchan@colba.net

Homepage: http://www.crosswinds.net/japan/~prpchan/little/index.htm

Date Sent to FFML: 11/15/98
Size: 8k

Summary:

Alcohol removes inhibitions, destroys barriers.. and cause
fights.. everyone is completely soused.. no more to be said.

{Shunsuke}
   Yes, everybody says what they feel, but is this what they really 
   feel?  If you read with an open mind, no problem, if you read with 
   a strict idea of who loves who, you'll be disappointed.  Personally, 
   I can see the matchups the author lists, but I doubt whether alcohol 
   would be enough to make people do what they do, though it is fairly 
   believeable (except maybe Shampoo).

   My only real knock on this is that it needs some cleaning up of 
   errors.  The story is consistent with the first two parts, though,
   and the jump in time between scenes at the end of part two and the
   start of part three are nicely timed.

- - - - -
Title:  Another Time, Same Place: Chapter 5
Series:  Ranma 1/2
Genre:  Next Generation
Author:  Donny Cheng
Email:  chengd@ucalgary.ca

Homepage:  http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Ginza/4537

Date Sent to FFML:  November 12, 1998
Size:  20k

Summary:

Memories of the past resurface as events in the presents move
forward.

{Paul}
   Goodness... this is proof positive that next gen fics can and do
   work.  The scene with Mikado and Asuza in love was absolutely
   priceless, if cloying. I'm trying to keep the names straight after
   a few weeks' delay, though... perhaps a guide to who's who and
   who's whose kids included in every chapter would be in order. The
   backstory is slowly building, and it doesn't seem at all forced...
   you have it all planned out somewhere, likely.  Your characters act
   like you do, at least. Looking forward to the next installment...
   14 or 15 out of 20 for this one.

- - - - -
Title: Journal of the Ages: Ranma Ch. 3
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Alt. Worlds/ a bit Dark
Author: Jusenkyo Guide
Email: jusenkyoguide@mailcity.com

Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/~jusenkyoguide/

Date Sent to FFML: Sat. Nov. 15
Size: 55k

Summary:

The third chapter of the Journal of the Ages finds Ranma as a priest in 12th
century England

{Paul}
   Let me say first that Father Ranma is more than a bit of an
   incongruity to me... Ranma and Akane are Japanese names, after
   all... then again, the journal may be transliterating or some such.
   But Ranma makes as good a priest as he does anything else, and you
   somehow manage to instill romantic chaos in a situation where
   romance seems to be an impossibility. Dark is right, though... the
   demon Ranma fights is certainly an evil one, and Ranma's death
   seems to carry with it a touch or irony, or is that a hint of
   poetic accompaniment? Either way, a nice story, one which I
   DEFINITELY want to see more of. 16 or 17 out of 20.

- - - - -
Title: Hard To Say Goodbye, chapter 10
Series: Ranma
Genre: Drama
Author: Kayu-chan
Email: k-chan@rocketmail.com

Date Sent to FFML: 14th November, 1998
Size: 37kb

Summary:

Kasumi confronts Nabiki over the letter as the guilt-laden writer lies in a
hospital bed downstairs. The strain of recent events and revelations haunts
the eldest Tendo sister as the youngest sister's behaviour forces each of
them to make a decision about what to do.

{Paul}
   Drama indeed. With tragedy on top, much of the time. On the surface,
   this story seemed to be so much marking time, but things have
   finally managed to work their way to a head. Part of me is railing
   against seeing Kasumi being anything but calm and happy, but another
   part of me is quietly humming "Everyday People" and chuckling to
   itself. Rather like it did for Palmer-san's "Black", actually. This
   is only the names of Ranma... superpowers are notably absent, but
   what results is a lot more... human, because of it. More real,
   somehow. And with a story like this, real is the best you can hope
   for. 18 and up out fo 20.

- - - - -
Title: CMD Chapter 8 - Throw Another Ranma onto the Barbie
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Continuation
Author: Jim Lazar
Email: jimlazar@earthlink.net

Homepage: http://home.earthlink.net/~jimlazar/anime

Date Sent to FFML: 11/12/98
Size: 60 Kb

Series Summary:

A series chronicling sixty years of Akane Tendo's life.
Some happy moments and some sad. Akane and Ranma love each other, but is
that enough to keep them together? Will James Davidson ever finish the
book on Akane's life he is writing? Not if his fiancee, Hanaki Ono,
keeps distracting him.

Chapter Summary:

The mysterious black monolith from chapter 7 sucks our heroes into a
nightmare world. Separated and alone, what will they do to survive the
attack by an unseen enemy. In the words of Ranma: "How the hell can you
hit something you can't see? Ouch!" If Akane manages to escape, will she
want to pay the price?

{Shunsuke}
   Jim...what are you doing, Jim?  I think you should sit down, think
   calmly about writing this story, and take a stress mallet. ^_^

   It seems kind of unfair to bring another new person into the tale 
   just to kill her off immediately.  If it was a stranger, it would 
   be easier to swallow, but being who she is (#3), I didn't want to 
   see her die.  (I'm not heartless, I'm as horrified as anybody else
   at strangers being killed.)  The story in itself fits with the rest
   of the series, and the background/present events make an
   interesting contrast (comparison?) to the events James is thinking
   about.

- - - - -
Series: Ranma 1/2
Title: Nabiki Tendo Must Die
Genre: Ludicrous
Author: Matthew Lewis
Email: maybeso@ican.net

Archive #: 227
Date Sent to FFML: 11/11/98
Size: 15 Kb

Summary:

I think the title and genre kind of sums it up rather
well, don't you? But if you must... Ranma has a revelation, but
must decide on how to put it into action.

{Paul}
   *piku* Ladies and gentlemen, we have here an example of Parodius
   Scribus, the fanfiction parody fic. Almost every little insane
   deviation from the norm, wrapped up in one writing package for your
   comedic convenience. Funny to read, in places, but not as funny as
   its individual parts. Perhaps distorting everything beyond belief
   is as unamusing as having nothing distorted at all. 6 of 10 for
   humor, 12 or 13 out of 20 overall.

{Shunsuke}
   Y'know, if you take away the out-there (attempts at) silliness, 
   this could work as a dark comedy, not just a parody fic.  The 
   ideas and elements would be much better served, and would be much 
   funnier by not trying to be funny, if you understand my meaning.

- - - - -
Title:  Three Souls, One Heart, Chapter 7
Series:  Ranma
Genre:  Continuation
Author:  David A. Tatum
Email:  desaix@sysnet.net

Homepage:  http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/7872/fanfics.htm

Archive Number: 322 (I think)
Date Sent to FFML:  11/13/98

Summary:

Ranma and Akane work themselves closer for a couple of days.

{Paul}
   Well, it's building to what can only be lemon. Unless there are a
   few surprises along the way.... But as for the story itself, rather
   than the overhanging plot line... it reminds me a bit of the later
   chapters in the Shadow Chronicles, as far as Ranma and Akane's
   relationship goes. Although Ranma seems a lot more intelligent than
   normal when he's telling Akane about how they have to keep things
   secret... he seems a lot colder than he is in the rest of the fic.
   And his tone varies a bit throughout... he seems detached in places,
   which I rather doubt would be possible. You've put down what needs
   to be said... but, having said that, you need to work a bit on
   exactly HOW it's said. 12 or 13 out of 20.

- - - - -
Title: "Let's Try That Again"
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Original Flavor
Author: Tonbo
Email: tonbo@onramp.net

Homepage: http://rampages.onramp.net/~jet/anime/fanfics/

Date Sent to FFML: Nov 12, 98
Size: 18K

Summary:

A Sequel to "Why Don't You Try Me For Real Some Time?"
Akane grows increasingly frustrated when Ranma won't
initiate another encounter like their first one.  The first
story is available at the site above & should be read first.

{Paul}
   Nudge nudge, wink wink, saynomore... 'S about how I felt through
   the whole story. This is coming off rather like Bob Barnes's
   "Masks"... only with a slightly different thing to hide from the
   prying eyes of family. Heh.  A good sequel, if not so long or so
   intense as the story that it follows. 13 or 14 out of 20.

{Shunsuke}
   Is this Klingon foreplay, or what?  This kind of fic makes me
   think we need another fruit word for fics with sexual
   suggestiveness...maybe we can call them "oranges" as compared to
   lemons and limes.

   Nothing too silly here, and nothing that seems to go beyond the 
   normal bounds of the characters or series aside from how far the 
   two main characters have progressed in their relationship.  I 
   didn't read the previous fic but even this isn't that much of a 
   leap in events.  (That's a good thing, 'fcourse.)

* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2 / Gold Digger]

- - - - -
Title: Neko Can't
Series: Ranma 1/2 and Gold Digger
Genre: Crossover
Author: James Lee
Email: JLee100441@aol.com

Homepage:http://members.aol.com/JLee100441/page/index.htm

Date Sent to FFML:13 Nov 1998
Size:14K

Summary:

The Nekoken training goes wrong and Ranma is hospitalized. A
warrant is put out for Genma's arrest. What happens when Ranma wakes up
still under the effects of the Nekoken?

{Shunsuke}
   In the "Next" section at the end, the author mentions what he has 
   in mind for the next chapter, and I think that's the problem...not 
   in telling us what will happen, but in doing too much too soon.
   This idea is the type that needs more buildup and background.  I 
   definitely like the concept for the storyline, I'd just like to see 
   better execution and more detail.

* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2 / Reboot]

- - - -
Title: Wild Boot v1.8.3
Series: Ranma/Reboot
Genre: Fusion
Author: David Farr
Email: djfarr@ihug.co.nz

Homepage: http://homepages.ihug.co.nz/~djfarr

Date Sent to FFML: 14 November 1998
Size: 31K

Summary:

Ranma, Shampoo, RyoGA and Ukyo must hunt down the web creature that has
invaded Mainframe before it escapes and calls in more of its time. However
with

Akane off-line they must turn to Mainframe's most secret organisation for
help.

The Sprites in Black.

{Paul}
   Oh my goodness. Another wonderful parody, some very nicely
   maintained tension throughout the script, and just when you think
   you've won... it's over. And you've lost. And no matter how much
   you scream it's unfair... dang it all, I kept paging down looking
   for the Old Dream Ending or something and didn't find it... abrupt
   tone change there. You can't just cut this off without an
   epilogue... unless the epilogue IS the introduction to the next
   season, in which case I understand... but this was a great closer.
   16 or 17 out of 20.

* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2 / WOD]

- - - - -
Title: Daiblerie:Nerima part 7
Series: Ranma 1/2/WOD
Genre: crossover
Author: P-R-P-Chan
Email: prpchan@colba.net

Homepage: http://www.crosswinds.net/japan/~prpchan/little/index.htm

Date Sent to FFML: 11/13/98
Size: 6k

Summary:

Nabiki wakes up rather painfully, Kuno loses in a batle of twits,
and Happosai starts feeling his age.

{Shunsuke}
   Like the earlier parts, this reads like it was haphazardly put 
   together, and seems written to be deliberately so over the top that 
   it's only believeable as a spamfic.  I can't dictate how to write, 
   but could I suggest a more serious at this series?  With a proper 
   effort and without the ridiculous exaggerations, this could be 
   something worth a read.

* * * * *
[Sailor Moon]

- - - - -
Title: After School Part 2: The Silver Kimono Wedding
Series: Sailor Moon
Genre: Continuation
Author: Ajax
Email: breaker@technologist.com

Date Sent to FFML: 12.11.98
Size: 16 Kb

Summary:

Mamoru finally gets to marry the woman of his dreams.

{Paul}
   Hmm. Seen the wedding done before, never really seen it done so...
   ordinarily. But ordinary is good. Two things. One: You write
   entirely in prose or entirely in script. Meaning you don't give
   flashback cues, you have characters remember things. Two: If you
   use Japanese names, use them consistently. Yuuchiro (correct me
   if I'm wrong) is the boarder at the shrine in the original. Other
   than that, it was a nice story, if unspectacular... 11 or 12 out
   of 20.

- - - - -
Title: Stories of Life -  Wet Boardwalk
Series: Sailor Moon
Genre: Flashback
Author: Ajax
Email: breaker@technologist.com

Homepage: -

Date Sent to FFML: 11.14.98
Size: 12 Kb

Summary:

A story of Haruka, of Michiru, and of horses and water

{Paul}
   Hmm. Thing 1: s/he and him/her are the WORST (or at least most
   grating on the eyes) ways to refer to someone of indeterminate
   gender. Gender unknown persons are referred to with male pronouns,
   usually. Thing 2: Haruka and Michiru live together, don't they? Or
   is that just a manga thing? Thing 3: Could you not use the word
   "sea" so much when you talk about Neptune? If you're going to keep
   referring to it, you may want to take a page from SME and call it
   the Onesea, and occasionally swap "water" in and out for all the
   references to "sea". Thing 4: Skye and Zee... took about five
   seconds to register, and it seems kinda corny, but it IS the
   original Japanese... I suppose Distant and Rising would be even
   cornier names. Thing 5: Nice take on their various pastimes in the
   past Silver Millennium. Thing 6: Tag this sucker WAFFy when you
   repost/send it elsewhere. Thing 7: 9 or 10 out of 20... higher if
   you can correct the shortcomings.

- - - - -
Title:    Interlude, with Stars
Series:   Sailor Moon: Circles of Time
Genre:    Serious
Author:   Angus MacSpon
Email:    macspon@ihug.co.nz

Homepage: http://shell.ihug.co.nz/~macspon/

Date Sent to FFML: 10 Nov 1998
Size: 18K

Summary:

A sequel to Richard Lawson's "That Time Will Come".  After Sailor Pluto's
death, her life becomes a lot stranger.

{Paul}
   Oh dear, yes. I'm reminded of something I saw in biology class, how
   a DNA strand with the right pairings can manage to cut off a loop
   of itself and send it spiraling out, free.... *ahem* At any rate, a
   very nice chapter, very heavy on the imagery, almost surreal...
   scratch that. Definitely surreal. Also definitely the interlude it
   claims to be... can't say that much happens, but oh the
   possibilities from here.... A wonderfully poetic work, easily worth
   17 or 18 out of 20.

{Helen}
   Dagnabbit! Just when I thought that there would be a lull in
   SM-fics... along comes this fairly written story by Mr. MacSpon --
   who's better known for his SM-fic SM4200 or his Ranma fics...  It's
   a good read and nothing like Pluto's umm... inscrutability works
   here... ^_^

* * * * *
[Tenchi Muyo!]

- - - - -
Title: Aikan Muyo Chapter#11: No Need for Two Swords, Part 3
Series: Tenchi Muyo
Genre: Lemon, Drama
Author: Happosai
Email: happosai@jps.net

Homepage: http://ucsu.colorado.edu/~andersor/fanfic/fanfic.html

Date Sent to FFML: November 14, 1998
Size: 239K

Summary:

Kintarou, a minor member of the Jurai Royal family, visits a
pirate and smugglers' outpost to meet with Nagi, who reveals that she's
making preparations to attempt to capture Ryoko again. Meanwhile, on
Earth, Tenchi attempts to deal with Aeka's decision to leave, and his
request for her and Ryoko to become friends has unexpected results.

{Paul}
   Lemon? What lemon? You take out maybe one page in the first part
   and there is no lemon... Odd, that. Or perhaps not so odd. I've
   come to expect it from the series, after all. The bulk of this
   chapter is spent tying up a lot of loose and not-so-loose ends from
   previous chapters, sweeping out all the untruths, half-truths, and
   misconceptions laying about the Masaki home.  Well, most of them,
   anyway. A few of the remarks that get made are bursting with
   dramatic irony, a few more with the more prosaic kind, and a few
   provide living proof that science jokes can be done and done to
   comedic effect. And Noboyuki wins the coveted Silver Mihoshi for
   Most Incongruous Statement of the Year. All in all, a chapter that
   proves yet again that lemons with plot work. 18 and up out of 20.

[Helen]
   <Mweh. Heh. Heh.> My apologies to Andrew Haung. ^_^  I'm happy to
   see that Aikan Muyo is back on track.  The story although a lemon,
   does combine some of the best writing styles that I have seen
   within the plot and character development.  The scene between
   Kintarou and Nagi is one of the most... ummm.. interesting
   portrayals of Juraian culture... <snap! Hai! Oujo-sama....>

   But even if I disregarded the underlying contextual basis for this
   lemon story, there is more than enough plotlines introduced that
   we, as readers must scrabble to catch.  We can see the differing
   aspects of the relationships between Ryouko, Tenchi and Ayeka...
   and the difficulties encountered when two very strong
   personalities consciously diminish themselves for love... ^^

- - - - -
Title: Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki Plus One/Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-ohki+1
Series: Tenchi Muyo
Genre: Remake
Author: Trakal
Email: trakal@map.com

Date Sent to FFML: Nov 12, 1998

Summary:

Part one of a remake of the OAV series including a revamped version of
the Operative.

{Shunsuke}
   Though said to be a remake, this reads much like a preamble to the 
   standard OAV storyline.  That's not a bad thing, it makes for nice 
   reading and logically fills in the blanks that exist.  I suppose in
   future parts we'll see differences in how and when things happen,
   and what seems like the big question, is the scientist actually
   Washu?  No names are mentioned, so I wonder....

- - - - -
Title:   Jurai's Debt part 4
Series:  Tenchi Muyo
Genre:   Sci-fi
Author:  Douglas Whiddon
Email:   Doug_W@geocities.com

Date Sent to FFML: 11-13-98
Size:22k

Summary:

Tenchi travels to Jurai and stops at the GP station on the way.
And a new furry creature joins the cast.

{Shunsuke}
   *Much* cleaner and easier to read than earlier parts, the only 
   thing wrong with the series has been fixed.  (Thankfully!)  A nice 
   logical progression of events, and good timing of when to introduce 
   certain elements like Mitsuki, Zelgadis (who?  tell me more!) and 
   other things.  Nice one.

- - - - -
Title:   Jurai's debt side-story 2 'The more the merrier'
Series:  Tenchi Muyo
Genre:   lemon
Author:  Douglas Whiddon
Email:   Doug_W@geocities.com

Date Sent to FFML: 11-13-98
Size:13k

Summary:

Tenchi joins the 'hyperspace club' with Mihoshi and Ryoko.

{Shunsuke}
   Side story?  It reads more like the writer's getting his jollies 
   from doing this. ^_^  Not that I begrudge him, at least this could 
   be called tasteful or even cute.  It doesn't really add anything 
   to the series and can be skipped without missing anything, but it's 
   kinda fun.

* * * * *
[Tenchi Muyo! / Evangelion]

- - - - -
Title: Angels, Heaven, and Earth #2
Series: Tenchi Muyou/Evangelion
Genre: Crossover
Author: Ken Arromdee
Email: arromdee@inetnow.net

Homepage: http://www.inetnow.net/~arromdee/fanfic.html

Date Sent to FFML: 11/14/98
Size: 31K

Summary:

It's Akuma's date with Rei, or so he hopes, anyway.

{Helen}
   <Heh!> I dunno... but the story is getting interestin' now... this
   is not the first story where descendents of Jurains have had
   problems explaining their families... but I like the character
   interactions... a tenable fusion between Tenchi and Eva... And the
   presentation of Asuka is very much in character.. ^_^

{Shunsuke}
   This really doesn't work for me because of the way events and 
   character interactions are described; there is a distinct something 
   "missing" all the way through.  Things happen, but there's no 
   reason or suggestion as to why.  Akuma asks for a date, Rei goes 
   with him, Gendou and Misato ask themselves questions about Akuma, 
   et cetera, yet there's no connections.  The events themselves 
   could make sense if the author filled in the blanks as to the whys.  
   Right now, it reads more like an outline than a story.  (No offense 
   intended, mind you. ^_^)

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

[And one from last week that was missed....]

[Crossovers]
- - - - -
Title:    Angel's Chronicles Book One:  Angel's Folly
           Chapter 19:  Final Sacrifices
Series: Ranma 1/2, Sailor Moon, Tenchi Muyou!, El Hazard,
           Oh My Goddess!, All-Purpose Cultural Cat-Girl Nuku Nuku,
           Magic Knight Rayearth plus Original Characters
Genre: Crossover, New Character, Action
Author: Nikholas "Radler" F. Toledo
Email: makoto@smarqweb.com, radler@tri-isys.com

Homepage:  http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Flats/3145/angelchr.html

Date Sent to FFML:    2315H-2318H 29 Oct 98 (+0800H)
Size: Totalling 206 KB (posted in four parts)

Summary:

Blood flows in the streets of Tokyo, as the forces of
good and evil break open the secrets binding and separating them.
Power erupts and denial is impossible.  The universe itself begins
to converge as God waits for the angels to bear wings and enact the
final movements of mankind.

{Shunsuke}
   Having not read earlier parts of this, I was surprised to find 
   things seemed coherent right from the top; true, I was scratching 
   my head not knowing certain details of what came before, but at 
   least I wasn't left saying "wha?"

   The jumping between fights is nicely timed, letting the reader see 
   a fair bit of each scene, neither staying too long to forget about 
   other events, nor too short that it wasn't worth the time.  The 
   fight scenes are also fairly well done.  Nothing over the top, and 
   nothing beyond the bounds of what the characters normally do with 
   rare exceptions (adding an unused stun weapon to Nuku Nuku isn't a 
   stretch, so it works).

   Also to the author, you might want to check your "reminders" at the
   start; I can see that you're changing names, but the error here 
   causes what you said to make no sense.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

End of the FFML Reviews List for the week of: November 7- 13, 1998