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-- Name : synp1120.txt
The FFML Reviews List
=====================
For the week of: November 20, 1998
Reviewers:
Paul Arezina <arezina@acad1.stvincent.edu>
Helen Szeto <Helen@eiw-ca.com>
Shunsuke <shunsuke@mailcity.com>
Synopses Submitted: 27
* * * * *
[Ah! Megami-sama!]
- - - - -
Title: "In Search Of A Wish" - Chapter 1
Series: Ah, My Goddess!
Genre: OVA continuation
Author: Michael McAvoy
Email: mmcavoy@acm.vt.edu
Homepage: www.acm.vt.edu/~mmcavoy/
Date Sent to FFML: November 15, 1998
Size: 42K
Summary:
Three years after Belldandy's wish was granted to Keiichi, a shakeup
is beginning to occur in Hell with Mara at the center. At the same
time, Kami-sama directs the Goddess Relief Office to grant a wish to a
young woman. These events are the start of a quest that will hold the
fate of one of Hell's most spectacularly damned in the balance.
{Paul}
Hmm. Nice one. There's a little bit, oft-ignored, in the earlier
going of the Bible, about how God and "the Devil" are both playing
for the same team, so to speak. I was reminded of that as I read
the introduction... very nice setting and such, interesting minor
demon who will never be used again, etc., etc.... Stuck with the
whole OMG ideal of deities being people too and like that. This is
one heck of a setup, I must say... so much text, and yet all of it
seems to serve no other purpose than to set the stage... but what
a stage it sets. You don't give this thing any concrete direction,
but it doesn't really NEED a concrete direction, as it's developed
fairly evenly in all of them. An all-around solid story... one
small quirk, though, in the early goings. "Morale" is the word you
were looking for in a few places, and the dropped e gave it
connotations that made it rather noticeable. But aside from that...
14 or 15 out of 20.
{Shunsuke}
Aside from the rare grammatical error, this is painless reading, a
rarity nowadays. Though it seems to jump into Bonnie's life with
too little preamble, it does a good job of describing things, with
not too much or too little detail.
When it came to the description, it sounded like a large, wide open
city, whereas I always think of it like a cave or a level in DOOM.
It may not meet my own physical expectations, but the wording is
so very ominous and dark, not a mice place to visit and you
definitely don't want to live there. Strangely, those cells and
the victim of Lucifer's anger sounded a lot like Bonnie sitting
in her car....
A very nice effort. Why, oh why, aren't more stories like this?
* * * * *
[Gundam Wing/Sailor Moon]
- - - - -
Title: Pretty Pilot, Gundam Moon
Series: Sailor Moon & Gundam Wing
Genre: spamfic, humor/spoof
Author: Scriviner
Email: ebon@i-manila.com.ph
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Temple/1227/
Size: 10 kb
Summary:
Who is the mysterious figure running towards the scene of carnage?!
Who is this mighty defender of the right? Who is the PRetty Pilot of
the Gundam Moon? Read it and find out!
{Shunsuke}
Hmm...nah, it's more or less just an idea at this point. Nothing
happens here, it's just a description of the the main character and
Luna, the story trying to combine two silly ideas into something
worse. O_- Mind you, I can think of a better mecha call..."Knight
Saber Activation!"
Right now, there's not much here, but if something more were done
with it, sure.
* * * * *
[Megacrossover]
- - - - -
Title: Together Again: Silver Millenium Chapter
Series: Tenchi Muyo/Sailor Moon/Gall Force/Star Wars/Urusei Yatsura (sort
of)/Other.
Genre: Epic
Author: C. Richard Davies
Email: cdavies@gpu.srv.ualberta.ca
Homepage: http://www.fortunecity.com/tattooine/banks/277/index.html
Date Sent to FFML: November 16, 1998
Archive Number: 495
Size: 88K
Summary:
The final chapter in the Together Again saga takes place around 10,500
BCE, and brings together yet another cast of heroes, villains, and
semi-innocent bystanders into a tale of high adventure, set against an
invasion of the Jovian moons by the armies of Mars.
Episode Summary:
The invasion begins, sending shockwaves throughout the Solar System.
Meanwhile, three groups of people who are from outside of the conflict
make their appearance on the stage. Events begin to escalate.
{Helen}
Ohh.. gods ... finally. It's been about six months since the last of
the Together Again: 1996 Chapter was released by Mr. Davies and some
(but not all) of us have been waiting (on tenterhooks?) for the
"final" chapter of Together Again. Perhaps it's the fun in looking
at the 'cameos' played by various members of FFML... or the
'introduction' of the characters of Urusei Yatsura. ^_^ Whatever
subtext context attached to the Benten-Oyuki relationship has become
maintext...<shrugs> I'm looking forward to reading this story... just
to see how Tenchi and Co. turn out. ^_-
{Shunsuke}
Here's a good example of why I don't like fanfics in script format:
it's so rare that they're readable like this one. The descriptions
aren't overdone or short, and the writing is clear and concise
without leaving anything out. Nice to look at, nice to read. (Back
to scripts: a paragraph format can at least hide bad writing; in a
script, everything wrong sticks out like a sore thumb.)
The series starts with the assumption that characters from the
various series are already aware of each other, not implausible
doesn't require waste time trying to introduce them to each other.
It does require familiarity with the series and movies borrowed
from, which is a big disadvantage in some segments (like the Sailor
Moon section).
I still can't figure out if everything's happening in the same
universe or as alternate realities in the same location; at times
this gets a little confusing about what's going on, but the extra
effort it takes to read this should be worth it.
* * * * *
[Original]
- - - - -
Title: Macho Caballo Chapter 29 - Let Us Cry Havoc
Series: Macho Caballo
Genre: Humor/Drama/Original
Author: James Eades (James and the Bluejay)
Email: jeeades@cei.net
Homepage: http://www.cei.net/~jeeades/macho/macho.htm
Date Sent to FFML: Nov 12 1998 (Better late than never...)
Arhive no: 318 (?)
Size: 35K
Summary:
Cornsilk gives Machita a lesson in letting go, Espuma calls for
reinforcements, and Sandy has a rough day. Meanwhile, Wolfwalker has
not returned...
{Paul}
...and let slip the dogs of war, hmm? Though they've been let slip
already... now we just have to catch up. This chapter is a bunch of
scenes, no apparent connection between one and the next... the
plots have been running apart long enough to allow that, though. I
see this as more of a motion picture than an anime... just because
of the way it feels, and perhaps because of the setting as well.
Pulp westerns were never so real, though. I can see the people,
know their personality, understand their motives... those whose
motives are meant to be understood, that is... and paint the world
with special effects and overlays and a million dollars worth of
budget on a few cents of electricity. You do a very nice world, my
friend, and these little parts of it are easily worth 18 and up out
of 20.
- - - - -
Title: My Gift To You, Part 001: prelude
Series: Original w/Various Cameos
Genre: Original Fanfic(?)
Author: Theo "Captain Bungie" Mintesnot
Email: http-www.no.tomorrow.com@juno.com
Date Sent to FFML: 11/20/98
Size: 8 Kb
Summary:
A young man on the job discovers a fatally mysterious cyborg.
{Shunsuke}
Given the descriptions, I was expecting a hologram of Nene pop out
of the thing and say over and over "Leon, you're our only hope."
How events are portrayed is a little slow, but not a death march
pace, and it's easy to visualize what's being said. The writing
is unusually clean and very readable, my only knock being this is
too short, that it reads like a scene, not a story. It needs more
at one go to make it worthwhile.
- - - - -
Title: My Gift To You, Part 002: ein hast du
Series: Original w/Various Cameos
Genre: Original Fanfic(?)
Author: Theo "Captain Bungie" Mintesnot
Email: http-www.no.tomorrow.com@juno.com
Date Sent to FFML: 11/20/98
Size: 13 Kb
Summary:
The creature from Part 001 roams the streets; and a young hacker hides
from assassins.
{Shunsuke}
This part takes multiple readings to get what's going on; details
are spare and new people are introduced rapidly. With a second or
third read, things make sense, though a little more information
might make things clearer.
Better than the first part, and the character backgrounds are far
more interesting (the e-assassin monologue is _really_ well done),
this is promising; if I'd had to wait to read this part rather
than both parts 1 and 2 at once, I may not have been so favorable.
Also, part way through, the author stopped indenting. My advice:
don't indent in the first place unless you're going to reformat the
paragraphs, wrapped lines are so annoying.
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2]
- - - - -
Title: Addicted pts 1-3
Series: Ranma
Genre: Continuation/Alternaverse/Lime
Author: Gregg Sharp/Christopher J. Olsen
Email: tagan@pacbell.net
Date Sent to FFML: 11-17-98
Size: 56 kb
Summary:
Mousse and Happosai hatch a plot to humilate the ones that prevent
their happiness. Ranma and company suffer the consequenses of their
wrath... it all starts with a large batch of hypnosis mushrooms, and
degenerates from there.
{Paul}
Ah yes, another bet among hundreds of thousands. Though this can't
be all too much of a bet, as it could conceivably take place
outside of the existing timeline. The lime tag is warranted,
though, and it's getting quite lemony soon... although it does
tend to reinforce what a lot of fans have thought all along, that
Akane, while she might be the best choice, is certainly not the
only one. It'll be interesting to see how this pans out after the
shock wears off... I only hope it CAN pan out after the shock wears
off, as this has the potential to be an exceedingly good story
about relationships and nothing else. 13 or 14 out of 20, though,
because no one seems to spend all that much time considering the
personal ramifications of what goes on.
{Shunsuke}
Is this story typical of all stories in The Bet? If it is, I don't
think I've missed much. <wry grin> Admittedly, this is Ranma 1/2
we're talking about, but even still, there's going to be _some_
rationale to the things they do; here, nobody's going ape-crazy
over the pregnancies, and no one's making plans for roast duck.
The formatting midway through this one leaves a lot to be desired,
making it hard to follow. The writing isn't bad overall, if not
any way remarkable. The wording is minimal, but not lacking in
detail.
One last thing not just about this story or its author, but about
*any* story that involves "Amazon Law": why does it always end up
everyone becomes an amazon? I may know very little about Japanese
culture, but I do know it's somewhat insular. Yes, there are many
people married to non-Japanese (I even know one locally) but would
the Tendos and Saotomes so readily head for China just because of
some foreign custom? Where the heck did this fanfic convention
come from?
- - - - -
Title: ...Cats and Dogs
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Action/Character Sudy
Author: Carlin92
Email: Carlin92@aol.com
Date Sent to FFML: 11/12/98
Size: 93k
Summary:
While Akane's out of town, Ranma gets challenged by Kunou and things
quickly spin out of control.
{Paul}
Sequel, sequel... NEED SEQUEL NOW! This doesn't even have the
decency to end properly... sure, there's a nice fight scene, and a
good little bit with Gosunkugi and his sometime functioning magic,
and a couple of nice moments with Ukyo and Neko-Ranma, and more
between-chapter cliffhangers than you can shake a stick at, and a
portrayal of the characters more consistent with the first episodes
of the manga when they were all actual people and not caricatures.
But I was left awfully unfulfilled by the ending... only 13 or 14
out of 20 because of that.
- - - - -
Title: Double Trouble
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Alternate Timeline
Author: Andy Searls
Email: searlsa@jps.net
Homepage: http://www.jps.net/searlsa/atspage.html
Date Sent to FFML: 11/16/98
Summary:
Continuation of alternate timeline episodes. Ranma finds a cure, but
is it worse than the curse?
{Paul}
You know, I'm starting to like this alternate universe. Ranma
actually has a shred of sense and, perhaps unfortunately, a slightly
less strangling sense of honor. Though the premise (they'd post a
cure to Jusenkyo on the Internet? Well, if you can find bomb
instructions and drug recipes, I suppose...) is a bit shaky, and
the events have certainly happened before, but the twist is
certainly... well... different. It just all seems a bit too cut and
dried, but then, this whole series has been more focused on events
rather than on people's reactions to them. Still, it wouldn't hurt
to slow things down a bit. It just feels like the story is moving
from plot point to plot point, without pausing in between. Though
the writing is solid and engaging, and most certainly descriptive,
the story itself feels rushed. 14 or 15 out of 20.
- - - - -
Title: For Love or Money: The Cost of Loving
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Continuation
Author: Donny Cheng
Email: chengd@ucalgary.ca
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Ginza/4537
Date Sent to FFML: November 20, 1998
Size: 21k
Summary:
Life on the road with Ranma.
{Paul}
Heh. Just goes to show that, if you don't think too hard, you can
match ANYONE up with Ranma. And the author of "Life and Times" is
no slouch at doing just that. Nabsy doesn't qualify as quite the
extreme of "anyone", and there's definitely a premise to this story
which more than frees the mind to concentrate on what's going on.
And what's going on is nothing. But nothing in the good sense, the
relationship sense, the "Orange" and "Black" and "Autumn" sense.
Perhaps not so extreme, of course. Again, once you swallow Ranma
and Nabiki being in love, the story works... and works fairly well,
might I add. Though the story seems like it could be written about
just about anyone, with very few changes, I suppose romance has a
rather universal appeal to it which makes it, if not perfectly
acceptable, at least moderately so. 13 or 14 out of 20.
{Shunsuke}
Hmm. Reminds me very much of a songfic about Ukyou and Akane
getting drunk while reminiscing about Ranma marrying Nabiki. Of
course, the details are a little different here.
It makes for a nice change not to have the author try to explain
everything, as if the reader needs handholding all the way through.
There's no preamble, Nabiki and Ranma just _are_, period. This
could use some cleaning up, there's a few word errors scattered
throughout and occasional broken phrases, but for the most part,
it does what it should and isn't overly longwinded.
- - - - -
Title: Much Ado About Ranma
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Really Silly
Author: Jonathan Lavallee
Email: newranma@hotmail.com
Date Sent to FFML: Nov. 17
Size: 63k
Summary:
Well, it's going to be in a few parts [you know 1 of whatever] but I
guess we can all live with this. What happens is that a director is
trying to put on Much Ado About Nothing and having little success.
While looking for two people to play the parts of Benedic and Beatrice
he comes across Ranma and Akane and dragoons them into playing the
roles. It's extremly silly and bound to confuse at least a few people
so read at your own risk.
{Shunsuke}
I don't think it's the storyline that's going to confuse people,
there's a lot structurally and grammatically wrong here. If this
isn't considered a draft version, I would suggest the author take a
bit more time before posting the next part.
The story itself seems a little overdone. The author knows the
major details and standard jokes of the series, but the humour is
forced and the character fitting the avatar/know-everything mould.
At times, "Dougal"'s appearances reminded me of the Philip K. Dick
novel "UBIK", being everywhere at once, and his influence getting
into everything. Without an effort to make this more palatable,
this really isn't worth a look, sorry to say.
- - - - -
Title: The Party's Over part 4
Series: Ranma
Genre: continuation/lime
Author: P-R-P-Chan
Email: prpchan@colba.net
Homepage: http://www.crosswinds.net/japan/~prpchan/little/index.htm
Date Sent to FFML: 11/19/98
Size: 12k
Summary:
Ranma learns just how much alcohol can rid you of your inhibitions..
{Shunsuke}
Sounds like a normal buch of teens this time around, watching vids,
drinking illicitly, playing footsie under the covers...when did
things get this weird? A nice sense of R&A's regret/frustration
over what happened, handled well and not overdone. But....
Errors, errors...all it takes is a little effort.
- - - - -
Title: The Ranma Preludes: Kunou
Series: Ranma
Genre: Serious
Author: Mark MacKinnon
Email: emmack@ibm.net
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Ginza/8225
Date Sent to FFML: Nov. 16/98
Archive Number: 490
Size: 56k
Summary:
A story written for the "Preludes" series, this story takes a look at
the Kunou family's past ... and some of the events that shaped their
lives.
{Paul}
You know... you can tell. You can tell this is the mind behind the
Shadow Chronicles, you know? Because of the way things are worded,
because of the introspection here and there and everywhere, because
you see thoughts in all their glory, because personalities bounce
off each other so very well... this is plausible. Eminently
plausible, and worthy of being made into canon. I understand the
characters better now, now that I've seen this... excellent work,
as always, well worth 18 and up out of 20.
- - - - -
Title: Shampoo 1/2 Chapter 37: The Dreams of a Dragon King
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Alternate Universe
Author: D.B. Sommer
Email: sommer@3rdm.net
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/~azatlan/Special-Series/shampoo.html
Summary:
Maelstrom, Last of the Dragon Kings, has been awakened, and it falls
to the last man standing to try to prevent the dragon's plan to wipe
out humanity.
{Paul}
I'll have to agree with a preliminary comment on this one: the
capital letters for the Dragon King's speech are Very Annoying
Indeed. It may save the trouble of having to decide what merits
capitalization and what does not, but that's hardly much of an
advantage to the general sort of numbness that sweeps over the
reader in the presence of all caps. And when the bulk of the story
IS backstory, told in all caps... ugh. And the final resolution
is a bit of an anticlimax, really. Perhaps a little more thought
and a little more analysis so the final saving of the world doesn't
seem to be quite so anticlimactic, quite so "it just happens". All
in all... this chapter is a lot less than what I've come to expect
from the series. 14 or 15 out of 20.
- - - - -
Title: Soul of Ice: Thesis
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Serious
Author: Matt Lewis
Email: maybeso@ican.net
Homepage: N/A
Date Sent to FFML: 11/16/98
Archive #: 479
Size: 42 kb
Summary:
If you've been following the Soul of Ice stuff, then you'll know that
this is theconclusion to what would happen if Ranma were to take
Cologne up on her offer. This is not the Ranma you know anymore, so be
warned. Includes an (quickly becoming) preface.
{Paul}
Brr. Just... just brr. This is one of those things which just rubs
you the wrong way. The phantom chapters are excellent... I can see
the anime equivalents, actually... the barely described spaces let
the mind fill in all sorts of things. The description of Ranma is
also excellent and very, very consistent. Of course, consistency
isn't hard with the equivalent of Ayanami Rei in Son Goku's body.
Though I, like many others, would love to see the training which
made Ranma into this... the fic seems incomplete without it. Ranma's
attitude was a vital part of him, and something happened to make it
go away... I want to know what. The fic is good as it is... 15 or
16 out of 20... but it would be much better with more flashbacks to
the training, showing Ranma's soul gradually ice over...
{Shunsuke}
Despite a strong start following two good earlier parts, the ending
to this part feels empty, with neither gain nor loss. The story
begins well, and Ranma's return truly feels ominous even without
what seems missing between parts two and three, but there's just
something missing. Maybe if I'd read the story the author refers
to, I might understand the point of this. This is good stuff, but
I just couldn't figure the purpose of the ending. (No offense.)
- - - - -
Title: Three Souls, One Heart, Chapter 8
Series: Ranma
Genre: Lime\Continuation
Author: David A. Tatum
Email: desaix@sysnet.net
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/7872/fanfics.htm
Date Sent to FFML: 11/16/98
Archive Number: 473
Summary:
Akane realizes she's ready. Shampoo and Akane-Oni get into a fight.
{Paul}
Hmm. You know, the whole scene with the Oni and Shampoo strikes me
as just a little too cut-and-dried. Stuff just happens, no
explanation. It may work for some people, but it doesn't for me.
Aside from that, though... no complaints. It's getting extensively
orangey/limey in parts, but that's to be expected. Though the whole
chapter seems to be rather short, in all honesty, but that's more a
matter of personal taste than anything else, I think. All in all,
this merits about 13 or 14 out of 20.
- - - - -
Title: Waters Under Earth - Chapter 29
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Continuation, Darkish
Author: Alan Harnum
Email: harnums@hotmail.com
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Bay/9758/
Date Sent to FFML: November 17th
Size: 109k
Summary:
Ranma has come at last to the third and final; to the Lady, and
further towards his destiny as the Lord of Waters. As he grows
towards a greater understanding of why he has become what he is, still
the question remains of what precisely he has become.
Also, Herb meets a girl, Kima achieves a certain kind of peace with
herself, and things sundry and hidden about the past are brought to
light.
{Paul}
Ranma has the Power. He gets the power, uses the power, and is no
doubt as high on endorphins as I was after reading this bit.
Finally, a chapter which is more or less unmitigated Good Things.
I have a feeling we'll be needing it in the near future, though.
Excellently poetic and powerful imagery, as always. Wonderful
insights into the characters, even those characters who aren't
canon anymore, and great dialogue and introspection, as always. 18
and up out of 20... as always.
- - - - -
Title: What it is to be like you - Chapter One "First Day"
Series: Ranma
Genre: Semi - Self Insertion
Author: Kahlil Noriega
Email: becknkal@addax.bc.ca
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/temple/9371
Date Sent to FFML: November 16, 98
Size: 8 kb
Summary:
My experiment with writing a semi S.I. fic.
I'm trapped as a girl in the world of Ranma. How wouldl I cope with
those kinds of changes when I'm a boy in the real world. Just my own
way of experiencing what Ranma feels when he's a girl.
{Shunsuke}
If this takes a different turn than Lawson's TOP, then try it; I
like TIL, but I wouldn't want to see the same territory covered.
This story doesn't accomplish much, it's merely a description of
the girl's first morning and difficulties at Furinkan. Insofar as
that goes, it's decently written and well described. There's not
much more to say until the idea is expanded on (that would be
welcome).
- - - - -
Title: Wheel of Fire #11: Enter the Shadows
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Continuation
Author: Razorclaw X
Email: spiceoflife@hotmail.com
Homepage: http://www.crosswinds.net/anaheim/~slythe/ranma/ranff.html
Date Sent to FFML: 11/17/98
Size: 100kb
Summary:
The most valuable lesson: never leave loose ends untied, for when
those loose ends come to tie themselves, havoc is sure to break
loose....
The dark mastermind of the Wheel of Fire is revealed at last!
{Paul}
You know, I never expected this. I mean I NEVER expected this. I
mean... gad, my mind is whirling. This whole thing is reminiscent
of magical girl shows, but that hardly gets in the way... And
there's the occasional bit of exposition by people on the sidelines
who probably shouldn't have any idea what's going on, but that
happened in the original series, so that doesn't get in the way...
And then there's the final confrontation, which ends leaving as
many questions as it should have answered... but that shouldn't get
in the way. All in all, I give this about... oh... 15 or 16 out of
20. Not a bad story, particularly not if you're into the anime
laws of the universe.
- - - - -
Title: When Ranma Was Two (Too!)
Series: Ranma 1/2
Genre: Alternate
Author: Matt Lewis
Email: maybeso@ican.net
Date Sent to FFML: 11/1/98
Archive #: 584
Size: 33 kb
Summary:
The second part to When Ranma Was Two, a story of what if Ranma had
fallen into the Spring of Drowned Twins instead of Drowned Girl.
Genma gets a job and the appearance of Ryouga. Ryouga's curse is
revealed.
{Paul}
Okay, first of all, the hair thing is starting to scare me. Second
of all, Ryoga's curse is absolutely hysterical in its effects.
Matter of fact, this whole series has an air of light comedy about
it that I haven't been able to shake yet... not that I'd want to,
mind you. One thing that bugs me, though... Ranma suddenly remembers
Ryoga as they're walking home, without even saying anything to the
effect. Aside from that, though, this is good stuff... 13 or 14 out
of 20, and 8 of 10 for humor.
{Shunsuke}
So, Ranma's the heir to the school, but Genma's the hair...?
Silly but not stupid, this has some good scenes, a more reasonable
Kuno, and a more interesting Ranma/Akane relationship. Some scenes
are too short, it would be better to lengthen them or not go to
them at all (A Little Stroll, The Tendo Yard, et al), and there's a
number of errors. This can be good for a laugh if you're in the
mood.
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2 / Sailor Moon]
- - - - -
Title: A Different Viewpoint
Series: Ranma/SM
Genre: Continuation/SI
Author: Christopher J. Olsen
Email: gamers@pacbell.net
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/1449
Date Sent to FFML: 11-15-98
Size: 36 kb
Summary:
Ranma and company travel to Ryogensawa for the water of life. Nabiki
tells Dr. Tofu her plan... nothing goes exactly like anyone expects.
{Shunsuke}
The storyline here is pretty good, but the overall effect is hurt
by several problems, like choppy sentences several grammatical and
formatting errors. The scene in Ryugenzawa doesn't really work as
it is; it's either too long, since no action happens there, or too
short and requires some difficulty in getting the water. As well,
Mousse's attack seems too conveniently timed; true, anime and
fanfiction are full of coincidences, but this doesn't have a sense
of "rightness" to it, it just happens with no lead in or follow up.
I like the events and the plot, and with a better effort this would
be great stuff.
- - - - -
Title: Eye of a Stranger Chp 5 part 1 & 2
Series: Ranma/SM
Genre: Crossover
Author: Long Ngo aka CK and Lord Talon
Email: shortyes@aol.com and Talon@sgi.net
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/dojo/2881
Date Sent to FFML: November 21, 1998
Size: 30+ K
Summary:
Something tragic happens, Something stupid as well, and what a new
character? Plus a few battle scenes.
{Paul}
Hmm... the grammar is definitely something less than perfection...
may want to give this a good thorough proofread before you post the
final version. As for Vigilante Ranma... I can see him snapping
like he did, very easily, but it'd be nice if we got some sort of
warning, some sort of visual or narratorial cue before the dormant
warrior-soul awakened. But questions remain... why Earth? Aren't
there enough of them going around? Why the brand-new power without
any introduction to it at all? Things happen, but I can't find a
reason for them to happen, and I don't like that... 10 or 11 out
of 20. Clean up the grammar and flesh out the fic, and the score
will rise, hmm?
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2 / Tenchi Muyou!]
- - - - -
Title: Falling for an Angel - Chapter One "Grieving angels descent"
Series: Ranma and Tenchi Muyo
Genre: Fantasy Romance
Author: Kahlil Noriega
Email: becknkal@addax.bc.ca
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/temple/9371
Date Sent to FFML: November 15, 98
Size: 17.3 kb
Summary:
This is a revised version.
The first war of heaven has come and passed...
Angels have fallen and died for heaven...
And now, the second war has come...
And the outcome of such a war will decide man's fate...
{Shunsuke}
The first third of this reads like a cross between the bible and
the final battle in Michael Moorcock's "Stormbringer". One of the
better descriptions of a battle I've seen, sparse but complete.
Ranko as an angel/valkyrie/whatever is easy to visualize, though
the usual personality isn't there; I think the character is named
to merely give the reader a mental picture, but all the better if
she retains her usual personality is further parts. Tenchi seems
his usual timid and likeable self.
And someone after my own heart...<sigh> nary a spelling error in
sight and nicely formatted. Oh, why can't they all be like this?
- - - - -
Title: Falling for an Angel - Chapter Two "From out of the storm..."
Series: Ranma and Tenchi Muyo
Genre: Fantasy Romance
Author: Kahlil Noriega
Email: becknkal@addax.bc.ca
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/temple/9371
Date Sent to FFML: November 15, 98
Size: 17.3 kb
Summary:
After the storm...
Angels have come to earth...
And the second war of heaven has begun...
And some WAFF thrown in at the end ^_^
{Shunsuke}
This continues in the same style and feel as the first, telling
events and details accurately without slowing. The two otherworldly
beings who have shown up fit right in with standard Tenchi insanity,
although they are definitely Ranko and Kuno in name only. That's
not a harsh criticism, but they could have any name and this would
work.
The first two parts should have been one complete piece to allow
them to flow together, but overall, there's not much wrong here.
* * * * *
[Tenchi Muyou!]
- - - - -
Title: The Day of Fools - Part 1 : "Morning Madness"
Series: Tenchi Muyo
Genre: comedy
Author: Aldrich "GenSao" Bautista
Email: gensao@geocities.com
Homepage: http://members.xoom.com/gensao/
Date Sent to FFML: November 14, 1998
Size: 19KB
Summary:
Sasami's other side is revealed in part one of this comedy.
{Shunsuke}
The concept itself has the potential for a lot of silliness (with
quite a bit so far), though I have to ask why Sasami would do this.
I could imagine Ryoko doing it to Ayeka and Ryo-Ohki, but then,
Washuu wouldn't give her the device.
The buildup to what is happening is good, though I guessed what was
going on by the second victim. Just gotta ask, *please* clean it
up, this averages a spelling error per paragraph. Why waste the
potential with a half effort?
- - - - -
Title: No Need For Romance
Series: Tenchi Muyo! (Television)
Genre: WAFFly, Short
Author: Matt Lewis
Email: maybeso@ican.net
Date Sent to FFML: 11/16/98
Archive #: 441
Size: 6kb
Summary:
A response to a challenge to do a WAFF Tenchi/Kiyone fic. This one
has, like the title suggests, no romantic inclinings between the two.
{Shunsuke}
A relaxed and quiet description of the wee hours, this is not just
an "end of the day" fic, but it only works for you if that's when
you're reading it. Pleasant, simple, and minimalist.
- - - - -
Title: Tenchi Muyo! Ryo-Ohki +1 Episode 2: Here Come Ayeka and Sasami (1/2)
Series: Tenchi Muyo
Genre: Remake
Author: Trakal
Email: Trakal@map.com
Date Sent to FFML: 11/20/98
Summary:
The TMR+1 version of "Here Comes Ayeka" While the events between
Ayeka, Tenchi, and Ryoko unfold, the Protector prepares for his
arrival on Earth.
{Shunsuke}
Though I like this author's writing, I'd prefer a greater focus on
the original character in this part, and a little less reiteration
of OAV events. Even though the retelling of OAVs 1 and 2 are well
done, it reads more like a transcript for those parts; it would be
better if only the key details were told, or a different series of
events happened on the Ryu-Oh. This is good stuff, but original
material is what I crave. ^_^
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
End of the FFML Reviews List for the week of: November 14 - 20, 1998