We are once again inside that dark room with the eerie blue wall. 
Nothing in here has changed at all, save the popcorn in the goofy Bugs
Bunny bowls has gotten a little staler.  The ugly chairs are still ugly,
and the three remote controls for the fic-viewing screen are still ten
years out-of-date.
	The door opens to admit our friends (to each other, at least) Susie,
David, and James.  They are still bored, having taken a break from
working on their lambasting of A-Kun's really long fic-type thing.

Dave:  Well, reality hasn't fallen apart on us yet.
Susie: Are you sure?  We're only into chapter 3 of that thing...
<shudders>
Dave:  I never said Hell hadn't come to earth.
James: <clearing throat>  What are we doing here anyway, Davey?
Dave:  <steaming> Don't call me that.  Anyhow.  I ran across this little
slip of a fic-ling the other day on the FFML, and it just cried out
"CRITIQUE ME!"  So, having nothing better to do, and with you two
needing a break from that other "thing"...
Susie: You mean YOU needed a break.  I was ready to finish the other
twelve chaps.
James: <smorts>  C'mon, Susie.  You were foaming at the mouth and
clenching your eyes shut.
Susie: That was just from those enchiladas this idiot made.  <whacks
Dave with her remote>  Whatever posessed you to use an entire *bottle*
of tabasco sauce AND jalapeno extract?!
Dave:  <trying to regain a little control>  Can we get back to the
business at hand?  <waits patiently>  Thank you.  Here we go... <points
his remote at the screen and hits play>

The Best of Intentions

Susie: The Mediocre of Titles.

A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic by Hibiki Ryouga

More mundanely known as Kevin Kelly

Dave:  'Nuff said.

Ranma 1/2, all characters from the series, and all other such things, 
are owned by their respective owners. Since I didn't feel like copying 
someone else's disclaimer, and I'm always too tired to come up with 
legal junk when I write, you'll have to live with the above sentance. 
Sorry. ;) :P

"Thoughts and speech in Japanese."
<A language other than Japanese.>
*A sound*
_EMPHASIS_


Chapter 1
------------------

A young red-headed gaijin, wearing a blue and black checkered headband, 
stepped out of the airport with a sigh, and took a short look around, 
choking slightly on the polution clogged air. 

James: Must be one of those new self-propelled sighs, if it can walk out
of an airport.
Susie: Wow... He got that all in one sentence.  I'm... unimpressed.

"Even if it is polluted, it sure is good to be back in Japan again... I 
wonder if anyone is at the house."

Grabbing his baggage, he hopped into a taxi, and instructed the driver 
to the Hibiki home.

Dave:  The Hibiki Home for the Wayward and Pathetic: The Lost Souls Inn.
Susie: I'm gonna count all the commas in this fic, just for giggles.
Dave:  Gotta amuse yourself somehow...

--

A few days later, as Kasumi was bringing in the mail, she noticed a 
letter for Ranma. 

Susie: Oooh.. I bet it's an A.
James: That'd be a first.
Dave:  <cheering>  Gimme an R... Gimme an A....

"Ranma-kun!" she called. "You have a letter!"

This soon brought Ranma racing down the stairs. He was wearing one of 
his blue chinese shirts, and seemed to be depressed. He did, however, 
seem to be brightened by the prospect of a challenge. "A letter? Who's 
it from?" Taking the letter from Kasumi, he opened it, and began to 
read. "This is from a.. Kevin Hibiki.. A challenge to restore his 
family's honor? Great, I haven't had a good fight in some time!"

Dave:  Kevin?!
Susie: Well, it is an SI, after all.
Dave:  Or Daddy Hibiki *really* got around.

The words challenge and fight brought Genma to the room instantly, as 
Nabiki peeked around the corner of the doorway. For once, Genma had been 
playing Go as a human, and so was able to evoke a speech. "Ranma my boy, 
you must meet this Kevin Hibiki in combat and defeat him for the honor 
of the Musabeta Kaketou Ryuu!"

All: Gesundheit!
Dave:  Genma's human?
James: Barely, but yes.
Susie: An American Hibiki in a fight?  What's his style,
Hide-A-Thousand-Miles-Away-And-Call-In-An-Air-Strike Martial Arts?
Dave:  That would fit the nationality...

Nabiki snatched the letter from a newly depressed Ranma, and read. "It 
says here that he's from the Hibiki school of Everything Works Martial 
Arts. Is that some cheap hack of Anything Goes? I didn't even know the 
Hibiki family had a school." Everyone blinked at her, as she realized 
her mistake. Admitting she didn't know something. 

All: <groan>
Susie: Everything Works?!
James: Well, they had to think of something.
Susie: I think I liked *my* idea better.
Dave:  A cheap hack of Anything Goes?  How can you hack a hack school?
James: I didn't think a Hibiki could GET to school...

"That is, I didn't know they were still practicing it," Nabiki 
deadpanned, as everyone in the room facefaulted.

Susie: Nabiki Tendou: Mistress of the School of Anything-Goes Calm
Demeanor Reputation Recovery.
James: Loosely translated for the un-worldly-wise, the art of "Removing
One's Foot From One's Mouth."

-- The Day of the Challenge --

"Ranma, please promise me you'll be careful, okay?"

Dave:  <as Akane>  I wouldn't want to lose my official taste-tester.  I
still haven't made you my world-famous gulash yet!
Susie: <as Ranma>  Gulash?  Why's it called that?  Probly the sound it
makes comin' back up.
Dave:  <as Akane>  Jerk!  <whacks Susie with his remote>

"Jeese Akane, will you lay off me for a second?"

James: Does that mean she's laying ON him?  Hey, this could be good
after all!
Dave:  <sniffing the air> Funny, I don't smell lemon.

"I WAS JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU, YOU _JERK_!!!" *slam*

"Oww.. thanksforthehelp Akane."

James: <as Ranma> I think you got out that annoying loose tooth I was
working at.  Of course, now three more are loose..

"Oh, Ranma, I'm so sorry!"

Susie: <as Akane> I used the wrong mallet! Here, let me get my new one. 
I got it from some crazy American.  He was mumbling something about
watermelons...  <pulls out the Sledge-O-Matic>  Come back here, Ranma!!

Genma sighed quietly as he and Nodoka entered the lot behind the two 
arguing teenagers. He wished the two would hurry up and get married 
already. The sight of the sword on Nodoka's back was beginning to make 
him nervous, and he wished he had gotten splashed 'accidentally' on the 
way here.

Susie:  I say cleave 'im in two!
Dave:  <shaking head> Nah... Then we'd have twice as much of him to
despise.

Ranma sighed as he entered the lot. He wanted to get this challenge over 
with. He blinked once, and suddenly, there was a red-headed gaijin 
standing in the lot opposite him, wearing a blue and black checkered 
headband, like the one Ryouga wore.

Susie: <blink> Ryouga wears a blue and black checkered headband?
Dave:  Apparently so, according to the author.

"Saotome Ranma! On behalf of the Hibiki family, I challenge you to 
regain my brother's honor!"

James: Never knew he had any to begin with.
Susie: The swine.
James: <groan>

Ranma blinked again. Brother? He was related to Ryouga some how? Not 
likely, but still. "I never done nothin' to Ryouga!" Ranma yelled to his 
opponent.

"Shutup and fight Saotome!"

Dave:  This Kevin dude wants Ranma to beat up his father?
James: He did tell him to fight Saotome.
Susie: About bloody time, if you ask me!
Dave & James: We didn't.
Susie: ... <whacks them both with their remotes>

And with those words, the fight was on. Ranma hung back and decided to 
let the gaijin attack him first. If his style was anything like 
Ryouga's, the battle would go best for him if he just waited for 
openings. The self-proclaimed Hibiki closed the gap between them in a 
few steps and tossed a couple quick punches at Ranma, leaving his side 
wide open. However, when Ranma moved in to attack, he was rewarded with 
a cry of "TADASHI KEN!" and a super ki-charged punch to the gut which 
sent him flying into a nearby fence.

James: Another Gap closing... Whats the world coming to?
Susie: Better retail outlets?
Dave:  I never knew Ken Tadashi was in this fic.
Susie: Who's he?
Dave:  Owns an adult video store in Islington.
Susie: I had to ask...

Ranma stood quickly, and shook off the punch. "He's alot quicker then 
Ryouga, but that punch was only just as strong as one of Ryouga's normal 
punches, even though it was a special technique," Ranma thought. "Time 
to bring out a special technique of my own."

James: <yelling> Use the "World-Rending Regurgitation Wave!"
Dave:  He can't.
James: Why not?!
Dave:  Akane hasn't cooked anything in this fic yet.
Susie: Just feed him some of this popcorn... <picks at the bowl on her
sidetable.  The popcorn is an interesting magenta color.>

"You call that a special technique?" Ranma yelled. "Try this on for 
size!" And, running towards the Hibiki, he yelled, "KACCHU TENSHIN 
AMAGURIKEN!" The chestnut fist was effective, and he got in twenty or 
thirty good punches, sending the gaijin flying in return. "Take that!" 
He turned to smile to Akane, but was suprised when he heard her yell, 
"Ranma, look OUT!"

James: <as Ranma> What?  Your try at meatloaf escape again?

"TADASHI HOUKOUDAN!" the blue-headbanded teenager called as he sent a 
column of blazing ki towards Ranma.

Susie: Lemme guess... The guy who owns the porno video shop has a
brother.
Dave:  He sells adult toys next door.  How did you know?
Susie: Lucky guess.

Ranma, taken aback, spinned and quickly shot off a Moukou Takabisha, 
countering his foe's attack. "Kisama... You're pretty good!"

Dave:  When was he taken afront?
Susie: I wouldn't mind taking his front...
James: Susie!

"You haven't seen anything yet, Ranma!!"

"This guy is pretty angry," Ranma realized. "The Hiryuu Shouten Ha 
oughta take care of him pretty quickly." Darting in and starting the 
gaijin attacking, Ranma started the familiar spiral dance.

Dave:  He just has to show off his dancing skills, I see.
James: Isn;t that "unmanly"?
Susie: <as the Queen of Hearts> OFF with his head!

"Uhoh," Kevin noticed.. "The Hiryuu Shouten Ha.. Time to show Ranma who 
he's dealing with." He then began to close the spiral quickly, in 
earnest, flooding the area with as much hot ki as he possibly could.

James: Oh know...  Another Earnest movie.
Susie: Earnest saves Akane?
Dave:  Earnest Vs. Ranma!
Susie: Jimmy, Sue, and Dave Go To Hell?
Dave:  Story of our lives, Susie...
James: <chuckling, as Earnest> Hey, Nabiki! Know whut I mean?

The bystanders all watched as they noticed the battle rage. Things 
weren't looking up for Ranma. But then again, they weren't looking down, 
either. Until the gaijin shouted, "HIRYUU SHOUTEN HA REVISED!! DRAGON'S 
DRILL!!"

All: <blink> <blink>
Dave:  SEA SPRITE'S SAFETY SAW!!
Susie: ELVEN SCREWDRIVER!!
James: AMERICAN-MADE ELECTRONICS!!
Dave & Susie: <looking James over carefully>
All: <uncontrollable laughter>

As Kevin completed his revised technique, a large mass of cool air came 
slamming down onto Ranma, driving him into the ground, replacing the hot 
ki that had since risen from his opponent. Ranma, was, to say the least, 
down for the count. A loud cheer of triumph could be heard from behind 
the fence, as Ryouga could be seen leaping off in a direction quite 
opposite that of the battlefield. "Allright KEVIN!! You did it!!! 
YES!!!"

Dave:  Ranma can count?
Susie: At least to four.
Dave:  Four?
Susie: Fiancees.
Dave:  Ah, yes.
James: And Ryouga once again leaps off into the sunset...
Dave:  <as Ryouga>  Ow! Ow! That's hot!! RANMA, THIS IS ALL YOUR
--OWW!-- FAULT!!!

"Ryouga-kun?" Akane wondered. "What did he have to do with this?"

All: <massive facefault>
Susie: Ow..  <rubs her jaw>  That hurts more than it seems to.

The End of Chapter One

James: Theres more?
Dave:  Not if theres a God..

----


This is the first chapter in a badly written Self Insert Fic. Why is it 
a self insert fic? And why is it badly written? You will need to read on 
to find out.

Susie: Read on?  Does that mean this fic is a write-off?
James: I'd certainly say so.

Next Chapter:

We find out ALLLLLL about who Kevin is, and why he did what he did.

James: Cuz he's the author and thats all there is to it.
Dave:  Darn tootin'!
Susie: <groans>  Please Dave.. No more Mexican food...
James & Dave: Susie! <gag>

Tune in next time, for more mindless torture!

Dave:  Couldn't have said it better myself.
Susie: Don't you think mindless is a little...
James: Harsh?
Dave:  Cruel?
Susie: I was gunna say "kind", actually...

--Kevin Kelly

aka Hibiki Ryouga

C&C welcomed, but the author reserves the right to C&C any C&C

Susie: C&C all you want, but we're not lookin' for a review of our
misery.
Dave:  Yeah.  We know how miserable we are already.
James: Until next time, blokes...

All: GET BENT!

-- 
"Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?"
--
Red Death
Reddeath@lvdi.net