I apologize in advance for doing this. I got the idea into my 
head, and now it won't leave me alone. So, just in time for the 
holidays, I present to you the following songfic:

Santa's Gonna Kick Your Ass
by The Arrogant Worms

(Scene: The outside of the Tendo Dojo. A light snow is falling. 
Suddenly the lights in the house turn on, and the music begins as we 
cut to the inside of the Tendo Dojo, where Ranma is getting trounced by
a large bearded Gaijin in a red suit.)
Oh, Santa's comin' and he's gonna kick your ass,
Kick your ass, he's gonna,
Kick your ass!
Santa's comin' and he's gonna kick your ass,
'Cuz you've always been a rotten little punk!
(Scene change to the Tendo's front door, where several reindeer have
gathered. They kick the door in.)
Reindeer're comin' and they're gonna bite you're wreath,
(The reindeer begin chewing on the house's straw floor.)
They're gonna chew on your welcome mat,
(Shampoo runs past, being chased by a few irate reindeer.)
Swallow your Kitty Cat!
(Reindeer begin snacking on the garden as Kasumi looks on in horror.)
Reindeer're comin' and they're gonna eat your begonias,
'Cuz Santa hasn't fed 'em for a month!
(Scene change back to Ranma attempting to fight Santa and failing, this
time the chorus is punctuated with Kuno, Ryoga and Mousse doing 
counterpoint, which is in *Asterisks*.)
Santa's comin' and he's gonna *KICK* kick your ass,
*KICK* Kick your ass, he's gonna, *KICK* kick your ass!
Santa's comin' and he's gonna *KICK* kick your ass,
'Cuz he's sick of shovellin' snow and reindeer poo!
(Scene change to a street corner. Kuno, Ryoga, and Mousse, dressed like
Dickensian carolers, sing the following to the tune of "Hark, the 
Herald Angels Sing")
Santa's loaded with attitude,
He's loud and drunk and smelly and rude.
(Scene of a man in a black suit locking Santa's workshop)
His shop was closed by an auditor,
(Mrs. Claus walks by, with Dr. Tofu on her arm. His glasses are foggy.)
And Mrs. Claus ran off with her chiropractor.
(Scene change to a group of elves helping themselves to everything in
Kasumi's kitchen.)
Elves're comin' and they're gonna steal your turkey,
(Elves destroying the Tendo's living room.)
Wreck your TV,
(Elves roasting marshmallows over a fire in the corner of the room.)
Burn down your Christmas tree!
(Elves causing general mayhem)
Elves're comin' and they're gonna trash your home,
'Cuz they ain't got nothin' else to do!
(Once again to a scene of Santa vs. Ranma, this time, Santa's gathering
Ki.)
Santa's comin and he's gonna kick your ass,
Kick your ass, he's gonna
Kick your ass!
Santa's comin and he's gonna kick your ass,
(Outside Tendo Dojo as it gets leveled by a Shishi Hokoudan.)
'Cuz he's had a really crappy year!
END.

Author's notes and general ranting:
	Ok, I probably shouldn't have written this, but I just couldn't
leave it alone. If you feel like flaming me for this, go right ahead,
you are perfectly justified in doing so. If you liked it, all I can say
is, "You are sick, man!" Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, and the
song belongs to the arrogant worms. Once again, I apologize.

If my sanity asks, I was never here.
Kurt Markuson
"Hold it! I have a tape recorder here, and unless someone lets me make
my holiday purchases, I'm going to play 'Frosty the Snowman.'"



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