On Thu, 17 Dec 1998 04:22:26 PST, you wrote:

  So, now that Akane--{And the others,} she reminded himself
forcibly--were out of the line of fire, she could focus on
cracking the puzzle that surrounded this place.

  {But that'll have to wait til morning,} the redhead reminded
herself with a bit of reluctance.  {There's one more piece o'
business that needs tending to, first.}

Try not to overdo it with the {}. A lot of these things could be
worked into the narration and it would probably read more smoothly.

  And suddenly, he felt the fiery agony in his battered bones
and bruised flesh fade like dew before the rays of dawn.  His
blood seemed to course with electricity, invigorating him with
new life.  He could feel it flood his head, rushing through his
temples like an undammed river.

  {this is but a fraction of what i offer}

Ah, it's the Viagra demon!

  ... and stopped.  Sitting down hard enough to feel a new pain
shoot through his tailbone, he thought fiercely to the voice,
{Listen, whatever name you wish to go by is, I will NOT do this
thing.  Even as weak as I am, I have my limits.  I have fed you
on my own base desires, but it will go no further.  I know that
you might be able to overcome my will eventually, so I make this
vow to you now:  If you persist in forcing me to contemplate
this course of action, I shall cast myself down the deepest,
most abandoned mine shaft I can find, and seal us both in there.
Am I understood?}

Nice. I can just imagine Soun saying this. He may have his weaknesses,
but deep down he does have some dignity.


OK, I don't have much to say about this one. The writing is good, and
the characters all seem well-handled. The mystery didn't advance much
in this part, but there were some good character development moments. 

As always, I'm looking forward to reading more of this. Soon. :)


Gary