In a message dated 12/17/98 11:44:46 AM, hibiki_ryouga wrote:
Well, I figured it was finally time for me to post something, although
this has probably been done before. This is my first fic, and honest C&C
is appreciated. It will help ensure that I write better things from now
on :)
Good try with your fic, but I think you probably should have held on to this
fic until after posting a better fanfic than this one. Or better yet, don't
post it at all.
Don't get me wrong, you did good job, but in my opinion, this fanfic was a
poor choice as first fanfic to be posted, because first fanfics usually gives
the reader the first impression of what to expect from the author later on. I
could be wrong, of course.
Finishing off Senshi is *not* a good way to begin your fanfic carreer. Try for
more lighter note, rather than going for death-fics (which is IMHO, the
easiest type of fanfic to write). I made that similiar mistake with my first
fanfic, but luckily for me I had never heard of FFML and posted it in internet
which pretty much went by unnoticed (generally). (Though I was bit angry that
my 6 months of effort put into writing and 110K as my first fanfic went to
waste). I'd rather avoid death-fics whenever I can (unless it stronlgy
pertains to the story plot, of course). This fic struck me as senshi-bashing
type, because there's no point having them kill each other.
Besides, this type of fic tend to gather flames.
********
The Last Battle
The Senshi were all gathered at Rei's shrine. The cats had
called the
first group meeting in months.
"Its been six months since Galaxia was defeated," Luna said,
"and there
Six months seem to be too short for Senshi to take any major action, when you
consider that a major enemy activity occur at least once a year throughout the
SM series.
has yet to be a single evil menace that needed your attention. So
Artemis and I decided that it was time to tell you something important."
"What's that?" Usagi asked.
"Well," Artemis began, "You know all those times you died and
were
ressurected? It wasn't the ginzuishou that did it."
"What was it then?"
"You may want to sit down for this," said Luna. "And afterwards,
there
is something you will all need to do, and it won't be easy on any of
us."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
One week later the Senshi gathered again, having spent the last
seven
days coming to terms with what they had learned.
"It looks like this will be our last fight," Usagi began. Like
everyone
else, she was crying.
"Yes," continued Makoto, "But just remember what Luna and
Artemis told
us - There Can Be Only One."
Being bit too relaxed, it took me some time to understand the main point of
your fic (actually, it wasn't until someone threatened you when things
suddenly clicked together in my mind), but I don't like it.
This idea seems to be bit cheap, for a lack of better term, to me. Senshi
being unable to die unless slain by another senshi? Reminds me of Highlander
series.
Besides, this goes directly against the goal of Senshi in the first place- if
they cannot defeat their enemies alone without an united front, then how can a
single Senshi vicitor expect to defend the whole planet single-handedly?
And of course, there's always the future we saw in SMR. There was clearly
Mars, Jupiter, Venus, and Mercury in the future- that would contradict your
little fanfic, wouldn't it? ^_-
Sorry for rambling on here with technical details- you're free to disregard
them, of course.
End (and there was much rejoicing)
Not to me. I don't like people who finish off Senshi- after all, BSSM is my
favorite show after all.
Overall, with the fic being short and all, I really can't comment on your
writing style. The content seems to be too brief to be of any interest, and
the theme of killing senshi off already has been done to death.
I don't want to sound bit rude here, but try writing different theme. Go WAFFy
or whatever. Don't be discouraged.
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