Hello hello,

Well, I'll try this again.  I sent C&C on Chapter 1 but never got any sort of
reply (seems to be the rule and not the exception anymore from most
members of the FFML)

BTW, that midi didn't work.  Error 404 and all that.

I love this story and eagerly wait to absorb each new chapter as they come
along.  Keep it up.

Well, it took me four weeks. But itsbigger than all of chapters one and two
put together. So that's what you get. Speaking of which, what you're getting,
that is:

it's bigger

_I_ was reading college level texts about violence and bloodshed when
I was six, so I don't see that I;ve got a very good grasp on what might
or might not be 'appropriate'.

So was I.  And it's I've.

If you get too squicked, just grep for the nearest
screen-line:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
----
like so. That'll get you to the next part. But please do C&C. Even the
squicky bits.

I'm wondering if what you think squicking means and what I think squicking
means are the same thing...  (bleah!)

"A St�r Mo Chro�"

I see funky boxes instead of funky letters...

Warning: This part is [Dark] and may very well be [Squicky] as well.

Again, I wonder if you're really going to add Squicking to this fic...
Although, as far as I can tell Ranma is not able to do brain surgery,
but I would not put it past her.

  They had made her body agree, but they had made a mistake. Her body
had agreed, had plead, had begged.

Past tense, yes?  Should not plead be pleaded or pled?

  And that was why, as the demon thrust into her; as it's malformed

its

I love Akane fretting over falling in love with Ranma.  <G>  It's just
so evil.  Especially when we know it can, and will by the looks of the
title, work out.  But only, as you say, after much angst and "Why did
you put me through this?!"  Looking forward to every sentence of it.

       Rally Vincent
       Gunsmith Cats

Yet another cameo! waiwai =)

  "Wonderful," Nabiki blew out her cheeks and turned to Akane, "now
what?"
  "Now you do what she told you, Oneechan. You keep anyone from touching

Should be an extra line in there, neh?

  "Ahh ... but, I thought that you weren't _supposed_ to eat anything
that you found here," wavered Akane.

That's Greek myth isn't it?  ... Course, I don't know nearly as much
about Japanese myth as I do the Greeks so maybe I'm just remembering
Persephone when there in a comparable one that fits here...

  "Down is easy. Up is hard."

Ever gone hiking?  On a mountain covered in loose shale?  ^_^

Her efficiency was not as high as Ranma's. but her greater strength made up

I don't know that efficiency sounds right.  Maybe control?
Also, did you want But to be capitalized or to remove the period after
Ranma's?

No human _could_ have sufficient power, the laws of creation forbade it.

*snicker*

...Ranma called upon the power of an ancient
bargain, sending it flowing down into the wound and flashing out to all
the dark corners of his body and soul, filling them with a certain truth.

A la "Sword of Truth" in the Shannara series?

  And then came upon her, not a few demons, but dozens.

Hey now, you're breaking a rule of anime.  <G>

Second Corrallary - Whenever a 'Good Guy' is faced with insurmountable
odds, the 'Bad Guys' line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to
take them all out with a single burst of automatic fire and then
escape.

The time for killing had arrived.

*rubs hands with glee*  Did I mention this whole battle scene was
just excellent?  No?  Well, it was.

  "As she reached the rear of the canyon, Ranma stopped and whirled.
Concentrating all the power she had remaining from the storm that had

You don't need the quotation mark.

"So," she panted, "what's the plan?"

"Fuck if I know," Akane responded, "I hoped _you'd_ have one."

Nice, shock language for dramatic effect.  BTW, where are the
"I realized I love you" lines?  ;>

I can't get _to_ him, and there isn't _anywhere_ he can't go after us!'
...
'_Oh_ no. We gotta save Acchan's life here.

First person then a switch to third person?

As Ranma did it now, the floor of the canyon
for a hundred yards in front of the two girls broke apart into small
square surfaces which vanished like bad CGA effects,

I may be thinking of something else, but isn't it CGI effects?

  Paddles snapped and contacts closed. Sayuri's body jerked in reaction,
and then moved, slightly, on its own. Monitors jerked off flatline and
began to *beep*. And the watchers around the bed slumped slightly in
relief.

Ahh, one of the few people to get it right.  :)  Flatline has no sound,
which is why the doctors freak.  Noise is good, means patients are alive.

  And in a clean, well-lit room in the sewers under New York City, another
meditator came awake.

And shook his head when he heard, "What a bodacious feeling!" drift in from
the next room.

       Darkness.
                       It was dark,
                                       and she
               was falling
                                               all alone.

There's a pattern here, I just know it...  Pi?  ;)  Oh wait, according to
Carl Sagan that's a circle...

  There is a place that is not a place. In that place there is an Ocean,
that is not an Ocean.

Bah, member of the set whose members include everything but itself.

Ranma suddenly boosted her toward the gunwale and she grabbed it
and scrambled over, 'Don't look at her for a minute, dummy, you don't
need the distraction of seeing her all wet in that silk shirt. And this
might not be a good place to confess to being in love with her. And
_don't_ think about where she just put her hand!' into the bow of the
twenty foot long lateen-rig. "Ranchan! Where'd _this_ thing come from?"

  Ranma reached up and grabbed, then heaved herself over the side, 'Don't
look at her, dummy, you don't need the distraction of seeing her all wet
in that silk shirt. And you need to get moving if you're going to get
her back in time. And _don't_ think about where you just put your hand!'
into the stern. "Huh. Funny, it's gotten a little bigger."

Did you mean to repeat those thoughts?

I was expecting Ranma to hear Death singing and use that as a guiding
beacon.  Ah well.

Ranma the waded out into the river to
her knees, and turned back to Akane and held out her hand.

then waded

Ohh! A r�n, a r�n, won't you come back soon,

Again, I see funky boxes instead of funky letters...

And cools, we did get to read/see/hear Death sing.  :)

  Tracing the lines of their faces, and following the new scars, Nabiki
made a silent pledge.

Did she step inside the circle?  I thought she was going to wait 48 hours
before she did anything?

Sayuri's coming back to Furinkan.

And of course she won't be having any nightmares from being raped over and
over and over - ad infinitum.  I know, because there has been no trace of
realism in this story.  ;)

Loved it! Loved it! Loved it!  The battle scenes were wonderfully described,
it was long and epic <on a miniature scale>, and I'm waiting for _M O R E_!

Keep it up.  :)

Warr

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Today is not your day.
Tomorrow doesn't look good either.
Have a nice day.