| Has the reviews list for the second week of November been posted yet?
| If so, then I must have missed it. Could somebody please forward me a
| copy?
|
| It's just that two of my stories are due to be on it...
|
| Thanks,
| Ajax
|
|
|
|
| _________________________________________________________
| DO YOU YAHOO!?
| Get your free @yahoo.com address at http://mail.yahoo.com

Well, I sent my portion to the maintainer a few days back. Either it was
lost in transit or we're both being held back due to *dread fanfare* FINALS
WEEK! Exams and relentless studying get to you... hopefully, things will be
back to normal in a week's time. Here's how I reviewed yours, at least...

* * * * *
[Sailor Moon]

- - - - -
Title: After School Part 2: The Silver Kimono Wedding
Series: Sailor Moon
Genre: Continuation
Author: Ajax
Email: breaker@technologist.com

Date Sent to FFML: 12.11.98
Size: 16 Kb

Summary:

Mamoru finally gets to marry the woman of his dreams.

Hmm. Seen the wedding done before, never really seen it done so...

ordinarily. But ordinary is good. Two things. One: You write entirely in
prose or entirely in script. Meaning you don't give flashback cues, you have
characters remember things. Two: If you use Japanese names, use them
consistently. Yuuchiro (correct me if I'm wrong) is the boarder at the
shrine in the original. Other than that, it was a nice story, if
unspectacular... 11 or 12 out of 20.

- - - - -
Title: Stories of Life -  Wet Boardwalk
Series: Sailor Moon
Genre: Flashback
Author: Ajax
Email: breaker@technologist.com
Homepage: -

Date Sent to FFML: 11.14.98
Size: 12 Kb

Summary:

A story of Haruka, of Michiru, and of horses and water

Hmm. Thing 1: s/he and him/her are the WORST (or at least most grating on

the eyes) ways to refer to someone of indeterminate gender. Gender unknown
persons are referred to with male pronouns, usually. Thing 2: Haruka and
Michiru live together, don't they? Or is that just a manga thing? Thing 3:
Could you not use the word "sea" so much when you talk about Neptune? If
you're going to keep referring to it, you may want to take a page from SME
and call it the Onesea, and occasionally swap "water" in and out for all the
references to "sea". Thing 4: Skye and Zee... took about five seconds to
register, and it seems kinda corny, but it IS the original Japanese... I
suppose Distant and Rising would be even cornier names. Thing 5: Nice take
on their various pastimes in the past Silver Millennium. Thing 6: Tag this
sucker WAFFy when you repost/send it elsewhere. Thing 7: 9 or 10 out of
20... higher if you can correct the shortcomings.

--G. Falconar