----------
		From:  The Eternal Lost Lurker
[SMTP:EternalLostLurker@worldnet.att.net]
		Sent:  Monday, November 30, 1998 9:36 AM
		To:  Orlando Pedrajas
		Subject:  [FFML] [C&C][Ranma/Dragonball Z] [X-over] A
Human Super Saiya-jin Chapter 1

		Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to our brand new game
show: Name That Error!

		I don't think I'll join.  Lurker, if I had been the
author of this fic, I'd be very incensed at your insensitive attempt at
humorous C&C.    


		Error #4: Pandas do not have opposable thumbs.

		Actually, Great Pandas have a modified wrist that allows
the animal to use its wrist as a semi-opposable thumb.

		Error #5: Even if they did, the digits on a panda's paw
are not configured
		for hand-to-mouth coordination. He would end up sucking
his entire paw.
		Even if he did manage to suck only his thumb, he would
mostly end up
		sucking claw, not hair.

		That's why Pandas cannot eat bamboo.  They can't grab it
and pull it down.  :-)



		Error #6: A completely unneccessary line of thought.

		Very Gubbyish.  The author thought it was helpful to the
feeling he was trying to build.  An explanation of why it was
unnecessary (See spell-checker, use of) would have been helpful, to say
the least.  



		Error #7: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new
sentence with
		"imagining".

		Imagining that the work day was over, Mike planned what
he would do that evening.

		Error #8: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new
sentence with "her
		porcelain face".

		Her porcelain face was turned towards her window,
allowing the sun's rays to gently caress it.


		Error #12: Sentence fragment. You should not begin a new
sentence with "not
		even".

		It would have helped Orlando to know why he shouldn't
begin a sentence with not even.
		For me the phrase. "Not even noticing" and the phrase
"Not noticing" mean the same thing and adding the word "even" makes it
look more like natural speech and less like prose.  

		Not even using proper grammar, the author disregarded
standard conventions. 

		Not using proper grammar, the author disregarded
standard conventions.

		See, the meaning is the same.

		>Kasumi's cry of "Oh, my!" When she hit the ground
firmly on her butt,


		Error #13: Capitalization. "When" should not be
capitalized here.

		The other error here is that Kasumi does not have a
"butt".  She has a "tush". :-)


		>movement precise and calculated.  As the speed and
grace of the kata
		>increased, his hands and feet became a blur. A strike
became a block, and
		a
		>block became a strike. He moved to a hidden rhythm. A
rhythm that he alone


		Error #14: Clunky sentence structure. The last two
sentences would really
		work better as a single sentence.

		C&C with a reason!  Good work, Lurker!  I'll stop now.
On second thought, you're game was fun.

		Mike Allen