Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Eighteen - The Dilemma
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Scene: A dim and distant plain, on some unknown and mysterious
vista. There is a cloud of dust on the horizon, and a figure can be
seen, running as quickly as she can. She is dressed in red pants
and a white shirt with a yellow strip running across her chest, with
a large cape flapping behind her. She has red-brown hair, and is
rather short. She comes to a sudden halt, looking from side to side
with much interest.
Lina: I'm sure I heard someone mention something about an
Inverse Layer....
Meanwhile, in a small house in Adelaide, Australia, at 6am, a large,
rotund figure is sitting in an equally large, brown tv chair, in
front of his computer, which is atop a large, wooden, light blue
painted table that had been built by his grandfather. The figure is
dressed in nothing more than a white shirt and underpants, having
failed, completely, to get any sleep due to something called SIU.
He briefly turns to the large Mokona plushie that is sitting on the
small table, next to the chair.
DDFA: What am I going to do, Mokona-chan.... How am I going
to get Usagi out of Hades, and Ami and Makoto back in
Tokyo, where they shall come face to face with the
terrible Zodin, and defeat her, aided by a small man who
travels in a blue police telephone box....
Mokona: .....
DDFA: .....
Mokona: .....
DDFA: .....
Mokona: .....
DDFA: .....
Mokona: .....
DDFA: .....
Mokona: .....
DDFA: Jesus, I must be tired.... Now I'm talking to stuffed
dolls....
DDFA stands and steps around the partition that divides the area
where his computer sits and the small, messy kitchenette,
resplendent with unwashed dishes, bits of paper, items of no value
and the occasional note stuck to the cupboards or the fridge. This
displays much of DDFA's state of mind as he ignores it all and makes
himself a cup of coffee. He returns to his computer with the
coffee, and saves WfM part 18 to see how big the file is, not
realising he has saved it under part 17, losing that part in the
process. After much ranting and raving, he retrieves part 17 from a
backup copy, and wonders why the computer didn't warn him about the
problem in the first place. he then saves part 18 under its own
name, and starts drinking the coffee. He then diverts himself from
the story to read through his mail, finding some interest in a list
of Rurouni Kenshin episodes, in the order of their release from
Hecto/Shin Sen Gumi, and wonders if they are EVER going to get it
right.
DDFA: Shitheels and Cocksmokers my foot. Can't get the timing
right, and the translation's up shit estuary without so
much as a raft.
He ponders.
DDFA: .....
He ponders some more.
DDFA: .....
He plays a round of golf, reads War and Peace, starts a new
conglomerate, becomes Prime Minister of Australia and retires on a
huge pension.
DDFA: Nah, that's just silly.
Suddenly, the spark of life enters the tender folds of his brain as
the coffee starts to take effect. Strange thoughts enter his mind,
and he starts to giggle in a strange and inane fashion, his fingers
hitting the keyboard with the manic glee of a piano maestro....
Meanwhile, on a beach in scary North Queensland, Mercury and Jupiter
have run into a slight problem in their efforts to find
civilisation, commonly called a river.
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: Well, if this doesn't take the cake....
Mercury: Hmm.... it's very wide.
Jupiter: What are we going to do now?
Mercury: Swim across?
Jupiter: Swim? I can't swim across there.
Mercury: Why not?
Jupiter: I'll get wet.
Mercury: Well, of course you'll get wet. It's full of water.
That's why it is a river.
Jupiter: I don't like rivers.
Mercury: Why not?
Jupiter: Because they go a long way.
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: Would you like to explain that little piece of useless
information?
Jupiter: I mean, it goes a long way that way.
Jupiter points upstream.
Mercury: So?
Jupiter: That means all that water is pushing down that way.
Jupiter points to the ocean.
Mercury: Yes, so?
Jupiter: Just think. You've got all of that water trying to push
you into the sea as you're swimming across it.... And
the sea is deep, dark and scary, and full of sharks and
giant squids and all kinds of nasty things that want to
eat you for dinner.
Mercury: Don't worry. You'll only give them indigestion.
Jupiter: I will?
Mercury: Yes, you will.
Jupiter: That's alright, then.
Mercury facefaults.
Mercury: Oh, for heaven's sake....
Jupiter: Hold on a moment, can I test something?
Mercury: What?
Jupiter puts her hands on Mercury's shoulder and leans close.
Mercury looks at her, strangely, wondering what perverted thing she
has on her mind. Jupiter then lifts back her head and headbuts
Mercury. They both fall to the ground, holding their heads.
Mercury: Owwwww.... Ow ow ow ow ow.
Jupiter: Ack, ah, ouchie ouch atatatatata....
Mercury: What the hell did you do that for?
Jupiter: I wanted to see if this was all a dream.
Mercury: Oh for.... Look, you've already done the dream bit.
This is cold, hard reality.
Jupiter: No, this is Queensland. They're an anathema.
Mercury: Look, we have to get across this river. Unless we do,
we'll have to backtrack and find another way out of this
hell.
Jupiter: But that would mean.... Heading towards Townsville.
Cue dramatic strains of evil-sounding music.
Mercury: Did you hear that?
Jupiter: Yes. There is an orchestra on a raft, floating down the
river.
Mercury: Forget that.... You know what will happen if we walk
into Townsville....
Jupiter: They'll put on reruns of The Heights?
Mercury: Even worse. We might have fawning fans mob us, calling
us Amy and Lita, and they will tear off our fukus as
souvenirs and demand the S season be dubbed, complete
with a watered-down relationship between Haruka and
Michiru because it might give the kiddies bad ideas.
Jupiter: Kowai!
Mercury: Then the hentais shall molest us and commit unspeakable
acts upon our young, pert bodies, and shall sell us into
slavery.
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: You sound as if you WANT it to happen.
Mercury: Everybody's got to have a dream.
Jupiter sighs and picks up Mercury, throwing her into the river.
Mercury: Oi! *Glub* What did you do that for? *Glub*
Jupiter: I thought it might help you cool down a little.
Mercury: But.... I can't swim.
Jupiter: What do you mean, you can't swim? You can swim as well
as Michiru. You can't fool me, you know.... I've seen
the episode where the pair of you face off....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: They used a double for that scene.
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: You're kidding me?
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: Yes.
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: Why you little BITCH!
Mercury: Come on in, Jupiter. The water's fine. *teehee*
Jupiter: I'm in the right mind to just leave you there, you
know that?
Mercury: Oh come on.... It was just a little joke.
Jupiter: Joke? Joke? What do YOU know about joking?
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: Well, why don't you join me?
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: Don't tell me YOU can't swim?
Jupiter: .....
Mercury: .....
Jupiter: No, actually. I'd rather take the bridge, just over
there. Seeya on the other side.
END OF PART 18
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Will Minako ever arrive? Does Minako even exist? Does DDFA exist,
or is he a figment of the writer's imagination. Will Jupiter get
across the river before Mercury? Will Lina ever find the Inverse
Layer? For no answers to these questions, stay tuned for the next
exciting chapter of the interminable saga of Ami and Makoto in
"Waiting for Minako". The non-viable alternative to caffeine. ^_^
_________
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@merlin.net.au
/</ w \>\ Chief Propoganda Officer, Keeper of
\/ \/ the Tapes and Co-Founder of the Saitou-chan
\___________/ Appreciation Society - Adelaide Japanese
/_/ \_\ PU Animation Society
Version 1.0 - Damn those Aussies! Damn them to Hell!