D.B. :(looks at the time) *SIGH* I can't believe I'm still up. I'm going to
keel over from exhaustion at work tomorrow.


Freemage wrote:

Iliked the way McSpon-san broke down the chapter than I'm going to steal 
it outright--is that plagiarism?

Plagiarism is the highest form of flattery. Basically it says, 'if I didn't
think your work was wonderful, I wouldn't be stealing it.' ^_^

And With Naught But My Flesh, I Dared to Challenge the Gods 

Themselves

  My only problem is that it gives away a little too much.

Hmm. I never really thought of that, but I have to agree with you 

there.

Still, it seems perfect though.

I suppose you could always have stuck it at the end of the chapter....

That might work in the FFML, but I would still need something for the title
on the webpages. 

 Fortunately that's not really necessary
here.  So, taking it scene-by-scene instead:

Works for me.

Me, too. ^_O

Heh!

Comb and Cologne:
You've made Cologne a complex character over the series, 

And a perversely interesting one, at that.  Every time I would make up 
my mind that I had figured out how I felt about her, you'd change tack 
and I'd wind up doing a 180.

Nice to know I could still keep you on your toes even after all this time.

Shampoo after injuring Perfume:
The sudden, shocked realisation of what her training _means_.  Nasty.

Thanks. It was meant to be. And for Shampoo, it raised the question of 

is

she really willing to deal with the sacrifices one has to make as a 

leader?

At the moment, the question seems moot, but it could be one she still 

has

to answer.

For me, this was probably the weakest scene. 

Curiously, I had lots of different reactions to a lot of the flashback
scenes. Some sequences people lauded for one reason, others said they
didn't like it for the same exact reason. Go figure. 

I think you could have 
pared it down a bit without losing too much

Most likely with Cologne's remincing. 

--I got the point of it after 
the first time Cologne spoke.  While I didn't skim it (your writing is 
too good for that, even in "weak" scenes), 

Thanks!

I was glad when it ended.

That's a reaction I would certainly like to avoid. I'll see about cutting
it slightly.

Indeed. You got the main point of the scene once again. I love the way 

you

can render these in relatively simple terms, yet hit on the key point
exactly every time. When I try to explain things, I tend to drone on 

and on

and on...

Heh.  Occupational hazard--like first-time grandparents on an airplane.

I had that happen to me once. NEVER AGAIN!!!

Shamps' musing over the advantages and disadvantages of a male form 

is

lovely... :)

Heh. Thanks.

Yes, it was well-done, but... 

It was ground I seem to recall having been covered before.  If not in 
detail, at least in impressions throughout the series.

Really, hadn't been aware of it. Still, that was only a small part of the
scene. Hopefully it didn't drag that part too much for you.

Working out, and pondering the upcoming play:
So, gradually she admits that she loves him.  But there's Kasumi on 

the

side-lines...

Right on the nose again. It was yet another, and now one of the most
important, events in her life.

Kudos on this one.  Nicely done, and it gave us a better fix on the when 
of her changing emotions.  Here I felt the scene complemented the 
earlier chapters, rather than summarizing them.

Thanks.

The Lemon scene:
Well, nice to have all _that_ cleared up. 

After Kasumi's confession that 'Ranma' (Shampoo-kun) was a man among 

men

because they slept together, pretty much sealed the coffin there, 

though as

you say, this means that there are no doubts.

An eminently believable
demonstration of how those two could end up together.  

Thanks. Shampoo/Kasumi under any circumstance is difficult at best, 

even

here. 

Hell, man, you did a great job of it then!  I've been half-rooting for 
that as the final match-up.

It is oddly appealing under these conditions. Surprised myself a little
there.

Heck, it was almost as hard as creating 'Kasumi the Dominatrix' back in
'The Veils We Must Wear' (Yes, that was a plug as well as a general
comment. Cheap, I know. ^_^)

Tch.  I would never go so low as to plug 'Illuminations'.  ^_^

I know you wouldn't. That sort of behavior is beneath you ^_^

But it does leave
a _major_ thread hanging. 

Oh?

Don't even try to claim you were unaware of that!

Aware of what? You aren't the only people that have mentioned this
so-called thread, and I have no idea of what any of you mean!

^_^

Well, there really isn't any doubt she does love Kasumi. The catch is 

she

loves Ranma more, and with the reservations Kasumi has about Shampoo's
'female' form, that makes it all the more difficult for anything to 

come

about.

Yes, but that doesn't do Kasumi any good, now does it? 

Not really.

And for the 
record, yes, I did notice that your Kasumi made it clear she would 
havedone the same thing in Ranma's position:  "Do whatever you have to," 
or words to similar effect, I believe.

Yep.

Shampoo and Death:
I thought about it for a while, then decided that I was relieved that
you hadn't used Neil Gaiman's death. 

Oh? I got a complaint that I didn't use her. Heh. Curious.

Given the "Death appears according to the perceiver" theme, who says you 
didn't? 

Hadn't thought of it that way.

Oh, and does that mean Death=Beauty?

Not always, though it does to some.

She wouldn't have fit here.

Yep. I do agree with you there. Happosi gets to meet a variation of a
'Death' used by someone else though (same physical appearence) and she
isn't Gaiman's either. Should be next chapter as Happi goes on to his 

final

'reward'.

I find this whole concept to be... disturbing.  Looking forward to it--I 
like to be disturbed.

I'm not sure if you would consider disturbing or not. Guess you'll just
have to wait a little while.

One thing bothers me about this scene, and that's the discussion of
Oblivion.  It seems unnecessary, unless it's a setup for something to
follow.

*Nods.*

It is.

I still wanted to make sure that was clear. Sometimes I can't tell if 

I'm

being too subtle, or if I'm bashing everyone over the head and not
realizing it. But I guess that's one of the reasons feedback is so 

valuable

though. Thanks.

Nah, you struck a good balance here.

Thanks again.

As for Tarou's death: I found it difficult to feel anything at all 

about

this. 

Really. No pity at all?

Actually, I think part of the problem is the parallel release of this 
fic and Loader's "Ill Met" (You should have known somebody'dfind some 
way to blame youfor part of this, Mike!)  

Well, he is to blame for everything.

Too many of Tarou's actions 
were just a hair shy of IMBS's Ranma

Hmm. Categorically Insane Ranma vs. Amoral Tarou. Didn't think they were
that close. (Well, in some ways maybe. The selling Ranma off as a slave
comes to mind.)

(manipulating Akane, threatening 
Nabiki) for anyone to feel too much pity for him.

Yeah. That's true.

But it does seem to leave Akane with nothing, 

At the moment. But she's only sixteen almost seventeen. It's not the 

end of

the world for her. It just seems that way, and not without good reason.

I do hope you aren't going to gloss over the fact that Ranma's decision 
really screws over Akane--loss of face as well as the emotional 
heartache.  Ranma's declaration about hurting others he cared about 
during the "oath" sequence (I don't know what else to call it) 

That is a good a name as any. 

should 
have some basis.

Yep. Actually, that's exactly part of what that question covered. Not that
we don't all end up hurting loved ones in some way, no matter how
unintentional. 

D'Amour and the boulder:
"Damn, I'm good!"  Oh, YEAHHH!  I want to see this filmed too.

I admit it, I love writing the crew of TWPOS. And D'Amour is such a
despicable lech, you have got to love to hate him. They get some time 

at

the start of the next chapter.

Next chapter?  Hell, man, give 'em a spin-off!

Heh. I'm not sure if they're strong enough to stand on their own. 

(But it raises
interesting questions about why Shampoo's Deathwas tall, dark and
handsome.) 

Actually, he was short (she commented on it), and I thought I wrote he 

was

rather plain looking.  He was dark, though. 

You know, Shamps' time in the land of Death caused me a major 
brain-spasm. 

Ouch!

When I read a fic, I'm usually reading on two levels:  the 
reader, who is just along for the ride, and the author, who's analyzing 
the technique and looking for good ideas to st--adapt.

Heh. I usually have to read a piece twice to get both viewpoints. The first
to enjoy it, and the second time to dissect it so I can get good ideas to
st--adapt too.

  Now, when you first declared that Shampoo was dead, I accepted it, 
because I've learned that arguing a major point like that is a waste o' 
time.

Same here. On more than one occasion too.

 But then when you started with the "walk into the light" schtick, 
I was sure, on the author-level, that I was about to be exposed to one 
of the most annoying cliches, to my mind:  "Someone we all care about is 
dead, but it's okay because we know she's really in Heaven and happy."

Nice to know I avoided that one, even though I wanted it to appear I might
be doing exactly that. Sort of like the cliche Ai almost fell into with her
apparent 'death'. Not that she still can't buy it, but it won't be right
away.

I actually had the scathing reply half-written in the author-mind, until 
the reader-mind suddenly interrupted and said, "Hey, asshole!  Take a 
look!"  And there was Shampoo, telling Heaven to go f**k itself.

Heh. Can't think of that happening too often in anything I've read. Thought
it might be kind of an uncommon twist.

Flamus interruptus is painful.  But it's a _good_ hurt.

Well, I'm glad you are in happy pain. ^_^

The dual speech segment was wonderful, 

That was one of the my greatest worries; if the unusual style would 

work or

if people would go, *BLECH!* As I said, my muse told me to do it. So 

far,

nothing but compliments on it, thankfully. 

And mine.  On both levels.

Cool.

Did you do something similar in 'Autumn and Spring'? I thought that was 

you

that wrote that wonderful piece. And I seem to remember two sets of
thoughts that were side by side until someone got decapitated.

I remember that scene as well, and this was another excellent use of the 
technique.

I agree as well. 

 Done right, it's wickedly effective.  I just hope I never 
see it done wrong.

I would have difficulty seeing it done wrong, really. It seems to be
something that could only be used under a certain circumstance. Presumably
the 'right' one. 

but the formatting

came out very uneven; you might want to look at this.

Allow me to vent here.

Feel better?

Yes. 

"I promise I'll be the first thing you see."  Yes.  Perfect.

Thank you again.

Sweet.  Very sweet.

And a hearty thank you to you too.

 Especially seeing that, when all is said and done,
Ranma is Ranma ...

Yep. As I said before, thank goodness others insisted I keep that 

ending.

It just FEELS right!

Yup.  Nice of you to give 'em the credit they deserve.

Oh yes. Every one of them. They helped craft a lot of this story, telling
me what worked and what didn't among other things. Without them this thing
would have not been as good as it was. 

Which reminds me, add Bloodblade's name to the thank you's at the end of
the chapter. He had somehow slipped by me when I sent out the chapter. Got
to give him credit too. He does LBL anaylsis for me as well, and those
always take a lot of time.

Overall:
Amazing.  The previous chapter was the one that I -- like, I suppose,
most other readers -- expected to be the climax of the story.  

Yes, I admit it was partially intentional so that this chapter would be 

the

clear cut climax of the series. Nice to see it seemed to work.

Of course, there's still enough detrius to build at least three 
continuations, but, hey, considering what I've got in mind as the end of 
Illuminations, I shouldn't gripe.

Can't wait to see that.

Instead
it was more of an anti-climax (though logically so -- there was 

really no

way that Maelstrom could have been taken out in any other way).

True. He was defeated not with force, but with a few words. I can see 

where

that would be anti-climatic. I counted on the fight with the Devils of
Kimone to suffice from the action standpoint since everyone got to 

strut

their stuff at one time or another. Hopefully, despite the contrast,
Maelstrom's end holds up in most people's eyes.

Yeah, although I did think of another option, but I won't kibitz.

Let me know privately, (although I think I can guess what it was)

 Instead,
this chapter is the climax, and far more dramatic -- and emotionally
satisfying -- than we had any real right to expect. 

Couldn't have said it any better meself.

Well, another hearty thanks to that compliment as well. 

Very well done indeed.
And now, I look forward to the winding-up episodes to come ...

Give it a little time. I have to shine a few things up.

"A few things," he says.  Sheesh.

Heh. Okay, more than a few things. 

Oh my! That's odd. I really thought the script format was weaker by 

far,

due in no small part to the fact I was still quite the fledgling 

writer.

Also far fewer people commented on those chapters as well. It was quite 

the

surprise to me to have the number of responses pick up when I switched 

to

prose as the series continued. 

Curiously enough, I started reading when you went to prose, but I found 
the script format excellent for the purposes of catching up.

Script reads a lot faster then prose, so that helps. (You can write it a
lot faster too ^_^)

--Freemage,
    Who now only has to provide feedback on Pencils, Line-by-Line on 
Addicted 4, and LBL on Chapter 3 (all five parts) of Mr. Seales work, to 
make up for not getting back intime on the pre-read.  *sigh*

Oh. Sound like you're going to be busy. Good luck. And thanks for the
comments. Hope to see the next chapter of Illuminations soon.

D.B. Sommer