Waiting for Minako
by DDFA (Mark A Page)
Part Seventeen - The Dinner
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But before we start.... An award
DDFA's Non-Correspondence of the Month of November goes to....
"John C Gormley" <joregormley@email.msn.com>
"Why do you hate Sailor Moon"
Well, John, it's this complex I have.... My father used to nail me
to the kitchen wall, and I've never been able to recover....
Ahem... On with the show.
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Scene: A restaurant in Hades. Usagi is sitting at a table, staring
around at the other patrons. She tunes into a conversation between
a couple sitting at the table next to her.
Woman: How do you prefer you fuzzy cute animals, darling?
Man: Well, when I eat my Pikachus, I like to have a thick,
electrified cheese sauce.... But with Ryo-oh-Kis, I
think a light gravy goes best.
Woman: And what about Roast Mokona?
Man: Well, since Mokonas are made, predominantly, of
marshmallow, I prefer to leave them for dessert. But
they do go well with fruit, usually as part of a
pavlova, garnished with a side serving of steamed Mikan.
Woman: A side serving of Mikan, eh? Interesting. I always
prefer to have my Mokona with a Hikaru.... They seem to
go so well, together.
Man: I prefer my Shidou Hikarus alone, usually hasslebacked
with pepper.
Woman: Hmm.... You're making my mouth water.... Redheads are
a particularly favourite dish of mine.
Man: Yes. Can you smell that mashed Onna-Ranma, coming from
the kitchen?
Woman: Oh, I detected the faint aroma of that most delightful
dish when I walked into the establishment.
Usagi turns as a waiter pushes a large trolley from the kitchen,
atop which lies a freshly cooked Ayanami Rei in a blueberry sauce.
She watches this gruesome sight wheel past her and over to a table
where a grim-looking man with a small beard and dark glasses is
sitting, hands linked across his mouth.
Waiter: Your Ayanami a la Japonaise, sir.
Gendou: Hmm.
Waiter: Would you like any LCL with that?
Gendou: Hmm.
Usagi goes extremely pale and starts to shake, uncontrollably.
Usagi: I've gotta ditch this afterworld, and soon.
Another waiter arrives at Usagi's tableside with a covered dish on
a platter. She looks up at him as he dramatically lifts the cover
off.
Waiter2: Your black jellybeans in soy sauce, ma'am. Bon appetit.
He places the bowl on the table and walks away, leaving Usagi to
stare disconsolately at her meal.
Usagi: Black jellybeans.... There is nothing in the world I
hate more than black jellybeans.
Jellybeans: Well excuse us for existing.
Usagi facefaults as the jellybeans stand up in her bowl.
Jellybeans: We have sacrificed a life's worth of happiness just to
be eaten by you. The very least you can do is show some
appreciation.
Usagi: Ano....
Jellybeans: And besides.... Just because we're aniseed jellybeans
doesn't give you the right to judge us by our colour,
you jellybeanist slime, you!
Usagi: Now listen here, I wasn't given any choice over what I
could eat in this stinking underworld....
Usagi looks around the restaurant at the other patrons, who are
eating various anime characters with relish.
Usagi: The alternative doesn't bear thinking about. Now sit
down and prepare to be digested.
Jellybeans: We oughta call in the jellybean union on this one....
Usagi: I said....
Jellybeans: Alright, already... Jeez, you're not the one who has to
lie down in this friggin' soy sauce.
The jellybeans disappear back into the dark sauce. Usagi closes her
eyes and summons up all the energy she can muster. She then picks
up a pair of chopsticks and opens her eyes, staring into the bowl.
Usagi: Death or Glory....
She dips the chopsticks into the sauce. A jellybean jumps out of
the sauce, giggling.
Jellybean: Missed me.
The jellybean disappears back into the sauce. Usagi stares into the
bowl with surprise, sweatdropping. She tries to pick up another
jellybean, this one also jumps out of her way.
Jellybean: Nyah nyah nyah.... Can't catch me!
Usagi is now as mad as hell. She whips the chopsticks through the
bowl, desperately trying to catch one of the jellybeans, which are
thrashing through the sauce like demented pirhana. After several
minutes of this, Usagi takes a breather, still empty handed.
Usagi: What the hell are these friggin' beans on?
Waiter: What can I say? They're full o' beans.
Usagi gives the waiter a murderous look as he walks past her table,
then stares into the bowl from close range.
Usagi: Alright, you bastards! You've forced me to use
desperate measures.
And with that, she plunges her face into the bowl. There is the
sound of screaming and thrashing, then all goes quiet as Usagi
raises her head, her cheeks bloated. With one gulp, she swallows
the lot.
Usagi: *Urrrrp* Shit, that tastes horrible!
A large spiny anteater suddenly appears at the window of the
restaurant, staring in at Usagi.
S.Norman: D I N S D A L E ! ! ! !
Usagi freaks.
Meanwhile, by the wall in Tokyo....
Haruka: *sniff* Can you smell something?
Michiru: Yes, there is a bit of a pong in the air.
Haruka: I wonder what it could be....
Michiru: Probably the sewerage treatment plant, again.
Haruka: But the sewerage treatment plant is on the other side of
town.
Michiru: It's the inversion layer, you see.
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: What's an inversion layer?
Michiru: Hmm?
Haruka: What's an inversion layer?
Michiru: An inversion layer?
Haruka: Yes. What is it?
Michiru: You want to know what an inversion layer is?
Haruka: Yes. What is an inversion layer?
Michiru: Why do you want to know?
Haruka: Because you mentioned it.
Michiru: Did I?
Haruka: Yes, you did.
Michiru: When?
Haruka: Just a few moments ago.
Michiru: How very interesting.
Haruka: Well?
Michiru: .....
Haruka: Well?
Michiru: Well what?
Haruka: Are you going to tell me what it is?
Michiru: Tell you what is what?
Haruka: The inversion layer.
Michiru: What inversion layer?
Haruka: The one you were talking about.
Michiru: Why would I be talking about an inversion layer?
Haruka: Because of the pong.
Michiru: Yes, now that you mention it.... There is a bit of a
whiff in the air.
Haruka: You said it had something to do with an inversion layer.
Michiru: Did I?
Haruka: Yes.
Michiru: Well, it's true.
Haruka: What is?
Michiru: It does have something to do with the inversion layer.
Haruka: Well, what is it?
Michiru: Hmm?
Haruka: What is the inversion layer?
Michiru: The inversion layer?
Haruka: Yes! What is it?
Michiru: You want to know what an inversion layer is?
Haruka: Oh Kami, YES! YES, I want to know what an inversion
layer is.
Michiru: No need to shout.
Haruka: I AM NOT SHOUTING!
Michiru: Yes you are.
Haruka: NO I'M NOT! I'M NOT SHOUTING, DAMN YOU!
Michiru: Well, I'd hardly call that whispering, would you?
Haruka: WILL YOU JUST BLOODY WELL TELL ME WHAT A BLOODY
INVERSION LAYER IS BEFORE I LOSE MY COOL?
Michiru: Looks to me like you've already lost it.
Haruka breaks down and starts to cry.
Haruka: I only *sob* want to know *sob* what an inversion layer
is.... Please tell me.
Michiru: Well, come on....
Haruka: What?
Michiru: Say please.
Haruka: Please.
Michiru: Say pretty please.
Haruka: Pretty please.
Michiru: Pretty please.... what?
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: Pretty please.... my great and powerful Queen and
Master.
Michiru giggles.
Michiru: Kami, I love these power games....
Haruka: Yes, my Queen.
Michiru: So, you want me to tell you what an inversion layer is,
do you?
Haruka: Yes, my Queen.
Michiru: Well, it's....
END OF PART 17
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Will Minako ever arrive? Does Minako even exist? Will Usagi
have indigestion? Will Haruka ever discover what an inversion
layer is? For no answers to these questions, stay tuned for the
next exciting chapter of the interminable saga of Ami and Makoto in
"Waiting for Minako". Just follow the links to the pong. ^_^
_________
/ @ \ DDFA (The Right Dishonourable Mark A Page)
/ / ^ ^ \ \ ayanami@merlin.net.au
/</ w \>\ Chief Propoganda Officer, Keeper of
\/ \/ the Tapes and Co-Founder of the Saitou-chan
\___________/ Appreciation Society - Adelaide Japanese
/_/ \_\ PU Animation Society
Michiru: Just kidding. ^_^
Haruka: .....
Michiru: .....
Haruka: AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
VeRsIoN 1.0 - Friday, November 27th, 1998 (Were you expecting
sometime else?)