X 1/2 

By Adrian Wong

A Ranma 1/2 and X parody that warps the mind . . . might need to watch the
X movie to get it though J

Of course Ranma and X belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Clamp respectively. 

########################################################################

[Tokyo Tower, very LATE 1999]

[Facing off above a city in ruins were two groups of 'Dragaons': The
Dragons of Heaven sworn to protect mankind, VS the Dragons of Earth sworn
to revitalize nature.  Leading the seven Dragons of Heaven was Cologne, who
was locked in visual combat with Happosai, leader of the seven Dragons of
Earth.]

Cologne [desperately]: Happosai, stop!  Mankind deserves a chance to
survive and atone for their mistakes!

Happosai [arrogantly]: Yeah?  I say mankind sucks, and that NATURE shall be
revitalized once and for all! Dragons of Earth, get ya butts off the ground
and tango with those losers!!! 

Cologne [with tears in her eyes]: Happi . . . [crying out] HERB!  Raise
your Kekkai!!!  

[With that, a barrier of power was raised over the tower, as the older
versions of various R1/2 cast shifted into their own stances as the two
sides stand off.]  

Herb (now White Kamui), wields a dagger of chi in his hand as he stared at
his opponent with a hurt look on his face.  He really didn't want to fight
one that he owed his life to.

Herb: Ranma, I'm your friend!  Don't do this . . .

Ranma (now possessed by Black Kamui since Genma offered him as a sacrifice
to the dark lord), simply sneered as he fingered the magical katana that he
had ripped out of his mother's body with a twisted look on his face.

Ranma: Humph, I see I have to do more than killing off Mint to show you
that I am not that pathetic mortal boy. I AM KAMUI!!!

Plum (now a blossomy girl of thirteen, pulled out the secret sword of
Jusenkyo from her arm and held it in a surprisingly competent stance.
Behind her, Mousse (now a monk from the Amazon shine), juggled his
enchanted yoyos while glaring at their enemies.

Nabiki (now a computer expect in hacking into people's bank accounts . . .
and else) simply smiled as she typed into Chibi-beast, her laptop, as
behind her, the wires of Tokyo Tower twitched like a nest of serpents.
Behind her, Kuno stood with a katana ready.

LinLin (now a beautiful teen sorceress guarded by the invisible ghost of
the deceased RanRan) stood with a hurt expression in her pretty eyes as she
stared at the last man that she would have liked to be her opponent.

Linlin : I don't want to fight you!  You're the first man to see my dead
sister's ghost, and you've been so nice to me all along . . . Wo ai Ni!!! 

Kumon Ryu [looking away from her delicate form]: Dammit!  I love you too!
I don't want it to be this way . . . but our destiny can't be denied.  Only
one of us can leave this battle alive!

The Jusenkyo Guild  (who used his wind powers to avoid getting splashed by
stray pool waters in his daily job), simply waved a welcome sign around
like a dork, as Konatsu (the killer kunoichi trapped in a man's body)
sweated as he leveled his kodachi in front of him.  He didn't want to be a
killer, but an order from Kenzan headquarters cannot be denied.

Kilma (who had left Mount Phoenix to open up the most successful brothel in
Jusenkyo), spread her wings in a battle stance, ready to spout chi blades
with them.  Her opponent simply smiled back gallantly at her as he waved a
skeleton around.

Tofu: Such fine chi that you have . . . let's just see if you can counter
my chi-reduction pressure points!!

Lastly, Shampoo (now the successor of Cologne in the art of sorcery and
combat), pulled out two bonboris from out of thin air as she glared at her
intended enemy with hurt and hate in her eyes.

Shampoo:  WHY?!  Why did you have to kill her?  Ukyou was one of my closest
soulmates!  Why? I . . . I thought you were OUR FRIEND!!!

Akane: Humph, who wants to be your friend, Chinese bimbo?  I don't care
much for Ranma . . . but he's MY property, and I own him.  The day when you
sluts claim yourselves to be his fiancees was the day when I started to
hide my true abilities while quietly plotting your destructions.  Why, do
you think a heir to Anything Goes would be as incompetent as that 'mallet
girl' facade whom I passed off as the real me?  Who's the weakling now,
huh?  Hahahahahahaha!!!!!

Happosai/ Cologne: The time has come: BEGIN!!!!

[And the battle was on.]

[Shampoo and Akane, both glowing with chi, charged at each other, and
disappeared in a huge explosion of aura and chi.]

Cologne [screaming]: Shampoo!!!!

[Happosai looked strangely disturbed, but quickly put on his mask of cold
arrogance before Cologne could have noticed.]

Happosai: Black Kamui, ATTACK!!!
[Ranma began to attack Herb with savage ferociousness, as the dragon prince
tried desperatedly to dodge, not willing to hurt one that he owe his life to.]

[LinLin and Ryu were both fighting with incredible strength and speed.  As
Ryu flung a chi-blade at her, she abruplty stopped, and allowed it to cut
open her stomach.  Bonelessly, she slumped down to the ground]

Ryu [shocked]: LINLIN!!!  

LinLin: I . . . I can't kill you.  Kumon Ryu, thanks for letting me
experience love with you.  Even though my happiness is short lived, I've
already gotten what I wanted the most out of life . . . Bie Liao.  
 
[She died.  Letting out a howl to the heavens, Kumon Ryu exploded in a
self-induced chi-blast.]

[Meanwhile, Tofu's finger hit a death point on Kilma . . . but not before
she had already decapitated him with her wings.  Both died.]

[Grabbing Konatsu in a dead lock, The Jusenkyo Guide cried out to his
daughter.]

Jusenkyo Guide: Plum!  You're on your own now!  Be strong and protect
mankind for Daddy!!!

[With that, he leapt off the tower, plugging to his death together with the
deadly yet kindly cross-dresser.]

Plum [wailing]: DADDYYYYYY!!!!!!

[At her distraction, Nabiki sent a hail of electrocuted wires at her,
intending to end her misery.  Mousse however, countered with his own chains
and yoyos, strangling Nabiki as the electric current flied him alive.]  
 
Plum: Mousee!!! Why did you sacrifice yourself?!  Why?!

Mousse [gasping]: You . . . have . . . Shampoo's . . . hair . . .

[With that, he died, as Plum dropped her sword and cried on his chest.]

Plum: Mousse, I -

[A katana nailed her through her heart, killing her instantly.  Retrieving
his weapon, Kuno smirked.]

Kuno: Fools, how can they allow themselves to be distracted during battle?
Now I, Tatewaki Kuno, 21 years old, shall triumph over ALL!!
  
[As he was making his speech, Ranma missed a cut meant for Herb, severing
the main support of the tower's top instead.  It collapsed, squashing him
like a bug and catching Cologne and Happosai with it.  Dying together,
Happosai said . . .]

Happosai: Col-chan, forgive me . . . I know you'll never love a scumbag
like me. But I want you so much . . . so much that I'd settle for dying
together with you instead . . .

Cologne:  Ha-Happi!!

Happosai: I am a selfish man.  As long as I have you . . . nothing else
matters . . . Aoi . . . you . . .

Cologne [taking his hand in hers as she sobbed]:  Fool . . . I've always
loved you.  But it's improper to show it in front of the young . . .

Happosai: Shh . . . nothing else matter.  Now we'll be together forever . . .

[Both died as the entire structure collasped upon them.]

[Meanwhile, the two KAMUI's continued to battle each other.  Suddenly,
Ranma's feet slipped on Kuno's pool of blood . . . and fell right in the
path of Herb's chi-sword.]

[Snap . . . and he was decapitated.]     

Herb [screaming]: RANMAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
        
[Pulling back his Kekkai, he ran up to his friends body, and cradled the
pigtailed head in his arms, wailing in impotent fury at the cruel fates
that had killed off ALL that was important to him.  Beneath them, Tokyo
stood still, as if nothing had happened.]

The end 

So . . . did I manage to capture the "everybody dies" theme that was
running throughout X (if in a somewhat pathetic manner) in this 1 hour fic?