Before I put forth any C&C, I'd just like to mention that I'm not in the
habit of reading stories into the 5th chapter and beyond if I don't like
them. I do like this story, it's just that...
Glad you've been enjoying it.
At 03:30 PM 11/23/98 -0600, Allen, Michael wrote:
I've enjoyed "Relentless" up to this point, but found the
characterization of Ranma as an SOB a little too much o take and enjoy.
Mike Allen.
Actually, it wouldn't be so bad if Ranma wasn't so oblivious to it.
Antagonizing Ryouga, and by extension, Ukyou, like he does is probably the
best way possible to motivate the lost boy to learn the technique. (And the
chestnuts/acorns debate was a riot.) What really bugs me though is how
Ranma is written as being so disdainful of Ukyou's and Ryouga's little
"games". Considering all the similiar things Ranma does throughout the
series, like walking on the fence to improve balance, or working as a
waitress at the Nekohanten to improve his speed, I really don't see him
disapproving of this. And making Ukyou allergic to bee stings just seems
like a cheap shot by the author.
Criticism noted. I didn't quite mean it to come out so hard on Ranma, but
everybody has some growing up to do during the story, and I'm working towards
that with him. Part of what I tried to get across as well (evidently without too much
success, alas) is that Ranma is a bit punchy at the moment. He's doing some
sort of dream training which is depriving him of his much-needed beauty rest, he's
stuck in the mountains, and there's a monster on his tail. It's wearing down his
nerves a bit. Ranma does have the capacity to be a jerk - he also has the capacity
to be a hero. Over the whole of the story, I hope to have a balanced portrayal.
This chapter evidently concentrated on his "jerk" side more than it maybe should
have.
On the other hand, this IS how Ranma was trained by his father, (something
he should probably mention to his two "students"), but I don't recall Genma
displaying such raw contempt as Ranma seems to here. Perhaps this isn't the
author's intention, but if it isn't, we, the readers, need some indication
of this, perhaps another paragraph of Ranma's thoughts sometime after the
bee incident?
Er... scheduled for the next chapter. The idea here is that Ranma is (without
really realizing it) emulating his father's training style. He may even be doing
it overkill (as teenagers often do, untried in the art of moderation as they
generally are). In any case, Genma seems to base his training on almost
complete negative reinforcement. Ranma's must (and - spoiler - will) learn
to moderate his approach.
One final thing I would really like to know is what the author's biases for
and against certain characters are. Chapters like this one make me suspect
a strong anti-Ranma bias. Ukyou's thoughts seem especially typical of the
pro-Ukyou, anti-Ranma stereotype. So far the author has done a good job of
walking the fine line between an obvious bias and good storytelling. It's
kept me on edge and is part of the reason I keep reading, admittedly. It's
paragraphs like this that make me wonder though:
I try not to show much bias - certainly, I am very fond of young Saotome Ranma.
I'm mildly pleased that the bias which seemed to show through doesn't actually
reflect any REAL bias I have, but that's sort of a thin silver lining.
I plead guilty to liking a great many of the Ranma characters a great deal, and
wanting to portray them well. Ryouga, for instance, gets a nice bit of work in
this training segment. One of my observations about Ryouga (which most
authors don't seem to dwell upon much) is that he does appear to be a very
good trainer. In the anime and manga, he does a nice job with Akane during
the Rhythmic Gynmastics thing, and in the anime episode with the two false
Tendou sisters, he really helps Akane out with her martial arts. Ranma, on the
other hand, seems to be a very lousy trainer, judging by the way he always
cuts Akane down whenever she's trying to practice or improve. Not that Ranma
can't improve, of course.
-------
"Ukyou stomped through the forest, grinding her teeth and
flexing her grip on her spatula. She couldn't decide which
one of those two jerks had her more pissed off. Part of her
wanted to take heart from the whole thing - if Ranchan treated
Akane that way, he couldn't possibly be serious about her as
a fiancee. That's how she wanted to see it, anyway. But she
couldn't help but think that if the positions were switched,
and if she was the one who was unknowingly inviting a disguised
boy into her bed every night instead of Akane, that Ranma
wouldn't react any differently. Not for the first time on
this whole trip, she wondered what kind of jerk she was engaged
to."
-------
Now is this the author's bias, or good storytelling?
Good storytelling, of course!
Is the author ranting,
or showing off Ukyou's susceptibility to that common Nerima ailment,
delusions of romance? After all, this *is* Ukyou's thoughts, so they're
going to be biased anyway. It's wierd, but this is what keeps me reading
this. A sorta morbid curiousity I suppose.
It's supposed to be the latter. Taken as a whole, I hope "Relentless" doesn't
seem too slanted towards any one character. After all, if you look at the last
chapter, Ukyou did a pretty lousy and selfish thing to Ryouga. She's no
saint, but her internal dialogue is likely to favor her own impressions.
(Who *will* be here next chapter, regardless!)
I hope it doesn't take so long!
Grayson Towler
grayson@rigroup.net
http://www.rigroup.com/~grayson/relentless