Ben looked around.  Yeah, it looked like the right place.  Stone walls, 
little washer woman (what was her name, anyway?), P-chan walking past 
with Ryouga's clothes in a pile, Mousse flying over head.  Yep, it was 
Nerima. Now, since he was probably going to live here from now on, he'd 
have to get used to the rules.
	1) Forget all laws of physics and chuck most of your knowledge of 
almost everything save Math, spelling, grammar, English and Japanese.  
Everything else is useless.
	2) You will, against your will or not, become romantically involved 
with someone.  It does not matter whether or not you want this.
	3) You will gain a rival.  It doesn't matter if you fight or not.  It's 
just a matter of time.
	4) Anything that can go wrong will go wrong and it'll most likely 
involve YOU.
	5) It's dangerous to think rationally.  It might do you good, but it's 
still dangerous.
	6) For kami-sama's sake, make sure that you can dodge REALLY well when 
entering a fighting oriented world or one that has a lot of fighting.
	7) If you're going after someone who already has followers or fiancees, 
make sure that you can at least defend yourself against them.  Some can 
and WILL go psycho and you'll most like wind up wearing 'Cement Shoes'.
	8) If Akane, Shampoo, Ryouga, Genma, Soun, Kuno and/or Kodachi think 
you're wrong, they'll believe you are wrong, even if you give them 
undeniable proof that you're right.
	9) Never eat Akane, Shampoo or Kodachi's cooking; Never follow or 
listen to Ryouga for directions; Don't get into a rivalry (if it can be 
avoided) with the stronger fighters; Try not to get a standard Jusenkyo 
Curse (I.E. what's been seen in the series.  It's all been done to 
death); and finally, if there's an invasion of aliens, demons or 
tentacle creatures, make sure you have sufficient rations, weapons and 
shelter, you'll need it.
	And 10) If you accidentally wind up in an alternate world, forget 
everything you know about the world.  It's probably completely wrong. 
(If this rule comes into play, listen to gossip to find out if the other 
rules still apply).
	So long as Ben remembered these things, he should be able to survive 
three whole days in Nerima.  Of course, this was if he was feeling 
pessimistic.  He'd probably stay alive for about a week, if he were an 
optimist.
	Ben decided that first things should be done first.  His background 
needed to be established, should he manage to actually LIVE in Nerima.  
So, he headed off for the nearest Police Box.  The police officer 
directed him to the appropriate govenment building.
	After waiting eighty-two hours in line (government red tape makes 
EVERYTHING slow, regardless of what country it is), Ben headed off to 
find a job.  After all, you had to be able to support yourself in this 
town.  If you couldn't, you'd wind up slave to someone.
	An hour later, he managed to find a small tea shop to work at.  The pay 
wasn't awesome, but it was work.  The next thing for him to do was find 
a place to live that wouldn't be disturbed.  It was relatively easy to 
find an empty lot, especially in Nerima.
	After that, he had to get enrolled in school.  He was a senior, so the 
chances of him meeting the Ranma 1/2 cast were low (Thank Kami-sama).  
It wasn't that he DIDN'T want to meet them, it was just that trouble 
seemed to follow them.  (Wow, talk about summary.)

	Ben sighed as he listened to the teacher, a Mr. Touji Fujisawa.  He had 
messy black hair, brown eyes, wore a black jumpsuit of an odd nature and 
occasionally called for a Nanami or Makoto to answer a question.  When 
he did that, the class pretty much remained silent as apparently no one 
was named Nanami or Makoto.
	At least the man knew his history and his geography.  Unfortunately, 
this was supposed to be Remedial Japanese.  A class that Ben needed as 
he could only make choppy-Shampooish sentences.  At least he knew the 
Kanji and Romanji.  Now if he could only speak it properly.

	It was now Math class.  Ben struggled to keep from yawning.  At least 
the teacher was oblivious enough so Ben could read a book.  Ben decided 
that maybe taking Geometry to restart his brain wasn't the best idea.
	Then, Ben noted some giggling off to his left.  He ignored it and 
continued to read.  Just as it was getting to the good part where Phalse 
was thrown into the Elemental Plane of Positive Energy when the giggling 
just got too damn annoying to continue reading.  He turned to see two 
girls looking at a book and giggling uncontrollably.  Ben sighed.  When 
would he finally get into a class where people were MATURE?
	He decided that the situation that he desired would probably be at the 
end of the world.

	Ben yawned as he sat under a tree near the school.  It was currently 
lunch time.  Furinkan was just too dull on off days.  Of course, all of 
the class were taught by people who either had nothing left to lose or 
were the only ones available.
	Then, he took note of someone sitting down nearby.  He glanced and 
realized that it was one of the girls who had been giggling 
uncontrollably in Math class. though she was calmer now.  She was 
shorter than him (as he had found out after class) by about seven 
inches.  She had light brown hair that was and had blue eyes.  Next to 
her was the other girl, who had been giggling hysterically.  She had 
black hair that seemed to defy gravity, brown eyes and was the same 
height as the first girl.
	Then, a young man carrying what looked like a staff rapped in cloth 
walked over.  He was about the same height as the girls, if not slightly 
taller, had spiky black hair and brown eyes as well.
	"Asako-chan, Mayuko-chan, what was with that giggling fit earlier?" the 
boy asked.
	"Nothing." the black-haired girl replied, though her face said she was 
ready to burst into laughter again.
	"Asako-chan, you shouldn't lie to Ushio-kun." the brown-haired one 
scolded the black-haired girl
	Asako frowned, then sighed and pulled out the book from earlier.  She 
held it up to Ushio.  Ushio looked at it, then burst into laughter and 
fell onto the ground, clutching himself as he laughed himself to tears.
	Ben shook his head and went back to his book.  He was nearing the part 
where Giogi Wyvernspur killed manages to kill Flattery's Blue Dragon 
form.

	After school, Ben watched as Ranma-chan and Akane walk home as he 
headed for his new job.  Ranma-chan was reading something.
	"....signed, Kurenai Tsubasa.  Hey, is Tsubasa a boy's name or a girl's 
name?  Ah, I guess it could be both." Ranma-chan commented.
	"Don't tell me your father got you engaged AGAIN." Akane said, 
irrately.
	"Don't ask me." Ranma-chan replied.
	Ben sighed.  So, they were only this far.  And, as expected, a pop 
machine suddenly charged Ranma-chan and slammed into the wall.  And a 
young 'woman' fell out.  Ben decided to just get to work.  No point in 
wasting his time right now.

	After a long (and boring) day at the Tea shop, Ben headed for his tent 
and crawled in.  He made triple-sure that no one was sleeping in his 
tent (you were never sure in Nerima), got in his sleeping bag and did 
his darndest to get to sleep.
	Of course, when he did, he had a dream of being a break-dancing pirate 
on a ship full of beautiful women, but enough about that.

	The next day, Ben watched in boredom as Tsubasa and Ranma-chan had a 
'sell-off'.  Ranma-chan didn't, of course, do so well until she decided 
to put on a bunny outfit.  Then, Tsubasa appeared in a tree costume.
	"HA!  Looks like you lose!  You still have an okonomiyaki left to 
sell!" Tsubasa laughed.
	"That's because I asked her to save one for me.  That last okonomiyaki 
is mine." Ukyou Kuonji declared, pulling out a five yen coin.
	Tsubasa's heart fell as she saw Ukyou take the last okonomiyaki from 
Ranma-chan's bin.
	"Darling Ukyou.....," Tsubasa began, her eyes tearing up, "....all 
right.  If that's the way you feel....I'll go away now"
	"Tsubasa!" Ranma-chan said, leaping after her.
	"Ranchan!" Ukyou exclaimed.
	"Ranma!" Akane yelled.
	"How dull." Ben muttered, having known what was going to happen since 
the whole thing began.  At least he won at Nabiki's betting pool.  And 
at the odds that Nabiki offered, he was going to get triple what he bet.  
Especially since he made an extra bet that one of the losers would run 
off crying and the other would chase her.
	"I don't know how you knew, but I'd like to know your secret." Nabiki 
said, handing Ben his winnings.
	"Let just say I am lucky at these things." Ben said while smiling 
evilly.
	"Uh-huh.  And I'm a giant purple iguana." Nabiki replied.
	"You might be.  I am farsighted." Ben joked, leaving.
	"Man, he really needs to learn how to speak Japanese." Nabiki 
commented.
	"<I heard that.>" Ben replied in English.
	Nabiki blinked and tried to translate the sentence.
	"What?" Nabiki asked.
	"<Huh?  Damn, slipped back into English,>" Ben muttered to himself 
before speaking up, "I heard that."
	Ben left, counting his money.  Nabiki glared after him.
	"I'll find out how he knew or my name is Mud." Nabiki said.
	"No, that's my name." Mud replied.
	Nabiki rolled her eyes and left Mud to his stupid joke.

	"<Damn Conjunctions.  I wish I could speak Japanese as well as I can 
speak English.>" Ben muttered to himself as he wiped the tables at the 
Jinnai Tea Shop.
	"<Maybe if you spoke Japanese more, you'd learn it better.>" the 
store's owner, Ms. Nanami Tsuki, said, causing Ben to yelp and jumped 
into the air briefly.
	"Hai, Tsuki-san!" Ben said, bowing.
	"You tend to forget that I lived in the US for a few years.  Anyhow, 
I'm not one to scold you.  After all, I know how tempting it is to slip 
back into your own language.  The first lesson you must learn is that, 
no matter HOW tempting it is, never do so.  Speak in Japanese, think in 
Japanese.  Do everything in Japanese and you'll learn Japanese well 
enough." Ms. Tsuki told him.
	Ben nodded.
	"Are you done cleaning the tables?" Ms. Tsuki asked, brushing some of 
her premature grey hair out of her face.
	"Hai, Tsuki-san." Ben said, bowing.
	"And don't call me Tsuki-san.  Call me Nanami-chan.  Or I'll break your 
fingers." Ms. Tsuki said, before laughing briefly.
	Ben laughed along too until he noticed she was glaring at him with her 
piercing blue eyes.
	"Gomen nesai." Ben said, bowing.
	"It's okay.  I just hate people who call me Tsuki-san.  It makes me 
feel eighty.  And I'll have you know that this hair is from stress.  I 
happen to be twenty-five." Nanami replied.
	"Hai, Nanami-chan." Ben responded.
	"Make sure you close up." Nanami said.
	Nanami smiled and left, muttering something about 'that damn 
Demon-Goddess swiping her man' and 'her damn ex-brother and that bug 
queen bitch'.  Ben paused briefly, then decided that he REALLY didn't 
want to know.
	Then, a burst of light filled the room as Nanami left.  A blond man 
stood in the middle of the room.  His hair seemed to grow straight up.  
He had on a purple jacket with a sword strapped to his back.
	"Damn, wrong time." Trunks cursed as he vanished in the same burst of 
light that brought him here.
	Ben decided he REALLY didn't want to know and just closed up the shop.  
He put on his jacket and hat before locking the door.
	As Ben walked back to his empty lot/home, he noted there was some 
activity in the park.  He walked over in time to see Umino start 
declaring his love for Naru just before the Dark Kingdom monster 
attacked.  Ben sighed and decided to just let thing be as he walked 
home.  The senshi would handle things here.  Of course, he was a bit 
baffled as to why that was happening here.  Wasn't Juuban district 
somewhere else?

	The next day was a free day, so Ben decided to spend some time just 
lunging in the park.  Ranma-kun was waiting for Tsubasa at the fountain.  
As usual, the pack of cats ran by, causing Ranma to latch onto Tsubasa 
for dear life, who in turn, launched Ranma into the fountain.  Ben 
watched in amusement as Ryouga walked out of a grove of trees, in front 
of Ben and behind Akane, and into another grove of trees as Tsubasa 
noted that Ranma-chan was now in the fountain.  Tsubasa yelped and 
grabbed Ranma-chan and raced out of the park.
	Ben WOULD have just ignored the whole thing, but he saw Kei and Yuri, 
trouble consultants for the WWWA, chasing a suspect and firing at 
boomers.  He decided that maybe it would be better and safer to follow 
Tsubasa and Ranma-chan.  Besides, this would be another sign that he 
might not be in the right universe.
	As he and Akane chased after Tsubasa and Ranma-chan, he heard 
Ranma-chan mumble something about a 'hot bath'.
	"Your wish is my command!" Tsubasa declared, taking off faster.
	It wasn't hard following Tsubasa and Ranma-chan, especially seeing as 
Ben had spent the morning finding all of the more important places in 
Nerima, especially the Tendo Dojo.
	Soon, the four arrived at the Tendo Dojo where Tsubasa tossed 
Ranma-chan into the bath where Soun was currently relaxing.
	"Um, young lady...." Soun began.
	Ranma burst out of the water.
	"Oh!  It's just YOU." Tsubasa said.
	"Look, why can't you just like guys?" Ranma asked.
	"Cause I don't!  I've got to get going if I'm to see my dear Ukyou!" 
Tsubasa snapped.
	"But-AAAAH" Ranma yelped as he slipped and tore the front of Tsubasa's 
dress.
	Akane and Ben looked in.  Then, Akane noticed Ben.
	"Hey, who are you?" Akane asked.
	"Innocent bystander.  The park was getting dangerous, so I decided to 
follow you." Ben replied as an explosion was heard in the distance.
	"Good point." Akane replied, glancing in the direction of the 
explosion.
	"Um, you might want to given her something to wear.  He just tore her 
dress." Ben commented.
	"Oh, yeah." Akane said.
	Akane took off her school jacket and put it over Tsubasa where the 
majority of the tear was.  However, as much as Ben didn't want to 
notice, he couldn't help but notice the evidence that Tsubasa was indeed 
a girl.
	"Why do not I help her home?  It would seem that your friend will need 
an ice pack." Ben said, gesturing towards Ranma, who was currently 
clutching his jaw.
	"Thanks a lot.  Ranma, you're such a jerk!" Akane said, heading off to 
get an ice pack.
	"Thubaha?" Ranma asked through clenched teeth.
	Tsubasa turned back to Ranma.
	"Thorry about that." Ranma said.
	Tsubasa sighed.
	"It's all right.  I guess I AM weird.  But it's the way _I_ want to 
live my life, okay?" Tsubasa asked.
	Ranma nodded.  Tsubasa smiled slightly.
	"I'm sorry I called you butt-ugly Ranma.  See you tomorrow." Tsubasa 
said, leaving Ranma and Ben a bit confused.
	Ben lead Tsubasa home to make sure no perverts or thugs tried to take 
advantage of her.  As they reached Tsubasa's house, Tsubasa turned to 
Ben.
	"Thank you for leading me home." Tsubasa said.
	"It is nothing." Ben replied.
	"No, seriously, thanks.  I don't think I could've made it home." 
Tsubasa replied.
	"You are welcome." Ben said.
	"You never said your name." Tsubasa said.
	"Ben.  You?" Ben asked to be polite.
	"Kurenai Tsubasa." Tsubasa replied.
	Ben waved as he left.  Not the canon Ranma 1/2 world, but then again, 
he never assumed that it was.

	Ranma-chan yelped as she ran to school.  Tsubasa was chasing her in a 
sign outfit while managing to carry a bouquet of roses.
	"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Ranma-chan yelled.
	"I should have known." Ben muttered to himself.

	That afternoon was a bit more lively at the Tea shop as people came in 
to enjoy some hot tea on such a cold and wet day.  Ben almost didn't 
hear Nanami scream and the evil laughter of a perverted old man.  Ben 
growled to himself as Happosai leapt out of the Manager's office and 
began running for Ben, no doubt to steal some tea and snacks.  Ben hoped 
that his limited karate training would help here.
	Ben slid to the side, delivered the rest of the tea and snacks while 
snap-kicking Happosai in the face.  Ben then spun around and swatted 
Happosai outside with his tray, sending the old pervert into the wall.
	"Wow.  Maybe I should make you a bouncer too." Nanami commented, 
looking at Happosai's downed form as everyone in the resturant clapped.
	"Maybe.  Then again, maybe not.  I'll go dispose of him." Ben said, 
walking outside.
	He grabbed the tiny form and noted that Happosai couldn't possibly 
weigh more than a football.  Smiling evilly, he kicked the pervert 
skyward just like he used to do with his old football.
	[Hmmm, maybe I should go out Football.....nah.  With my luck, it'll be 
Martial Arts Football.] Ben thought to himself.

=====================================================================

  Standard SI, I know, but I could probably drag this out for some good 
laughs.  Maybe make it into a satire about SIs.

Comments?  Requests to continue?  Requests to quit?  Opinions?  Wanna 
say "HEY!  You stole my idea!"?

Ben McCrillis <aka. A-kun> <aka. Sailor Scottish>
reply at akun15@hotmail.com

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