Hello Alan,

First off, I just wanted to say that I've been enjoying this
story immensely.  I love epic type stories like this and say,
Pratt-sama's The Song of the Phoenix.

The last few chapters have been especially good, although
I've sort of been waiting to see Tarou again.  I actually
want to see him beat the crap out of Tofu...

But I digress...

(Bless me father) though I do not wish to wish these things
>From the wide window towards the granite shore
The white sails still fly seaward, seaward flying

You've got an > in front of From.

    "I always seem to do this eventually," he said quietly.  "I
always end up hurting every girl I meet in some way or another."
    Wiyeed didn't say anything for a long time.  Her hands
gripped the chair's back tightly; long white hair, blue-slashed,
hung about and hid her face.

Could use an extra line between the paragraphs.

    "I remember roses, for some reason," she answered, cupping

Waha, it's Le Black Rose!

    *Lady of silences, Lady of peace, Lady most fair, cradle us,
hold us, shelter us, Lady, Lady, Lady of silences.  Calm and

The Lady is Mother.  The Lady is Father. ... er, sorry.  ;>

    She glanced back to him.  "You are forgiven for it.  I know
that the Musk have very little experience in how to properly
address women."
    Herb looked almost angry for a moment, and then caught the
glint of humour in her eyes.  He laughed then.  "I am learning
quite rapidly, it seems."

Need an extra line in there.

    "You did it," she whispered numbly.

Yea!  I was hoping you'd get to that in this chapter.  =)


Keep up the great work my friend!

Warr

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My webpage, ever under construction:
http://welcome.to/nifflheim
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"The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well."
Joe Ancis