[We see Ukyou duking it out with Genma and Nodoka, who
both look totally crazed. She is totally naked, and
blushing beet red all over]
Ukyou: Don't make me fight you! [thinks a moment] Well,
I suppose killing you wouldn't be so bad, Mr. Saotome.
Genma: [sounds zoned] Have to kill you to save my
son! The red haired lady told me to. Have to...
Ukyou: I really shouldn't have left all that food lying
around the kitchen.
Genma: [locks up] Food... [starts to move again] Have to
kill you... [locks up] Food! [starts toward the door, then
stops] Have to kill you to save... [starts toward the door
again] Food! Food!
Ukyou: [knocks him out the door] I left all that ice cream
downstairs, too.
Genma: FOOOOOOODDDDDDD!!!!!!! [runs off down the hall
and down the stairs]
Ukyou: [turns back to Nodoka] I don't suppose you'd let
me get dressed?
Nodoka: [slashing wildly with her katana] GIVE ME BACK
MY SON!
Ukyou: I'll take that as a no.
*************************
Furinkan Summer #14
"Reckonings."
By John Biles
"Summer Fields"--The FS Theme.
My anger hides a loving heart;
My anger drives us far apart.
Only your love can heal the pain,
For it's your smile that brings the rain
That helps love's fields to grow.
Walk with me through summer's field
So we can help our hearts to heal.
Stride through the grass and smell the air
Under the sun without a care.
I want to walk with you.
We hid our love behind our pride,
Never letting others inside.
To end those lies must be our task;
Tear down the walls; Throw out the masks
We used to hide from love.
Walk with me through summer's field
So we can help our hearts to heal.
Stride through the grass and smell the air
Under the sun without a care.
I want to walk with you.
Love does not end with "I Love You",
Not if what the things we said were true.
We have to strive to make it grow.
We have to let our feelings show
Else love will fade like dew.
****************************
[We see Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi and a groggy Susan having
a war council]
Susan: I can get us into Desire's fortress, but...
Nabiki: She'll instantly kill us all?
Susan: That about sums it up. The only reason I can get
us in is that I made a backdoor for myself. But since she
IS her fortress, she'll almost certainly know we've come
in.
Nabiki: If she IS her fortress, then why doesn't she know
about the backdoor?
Susan: It's protected by spells that prevent any being of
pure spirit, such as Desire, from finding it. [thinking] I
hope. [speaking] I can only find it because I made it.
Basically, I can attune myself to it and move to it
whenever I want, carrying things with me. But once
we're in, she'll know we're there. That's the problem. I
have a second one in my apartment, which is how I can
get out once we get in. The tricky part is going to be
that once we get in...
Akane: So how powerful is she?
Susan: I'm not sure. Kasumi took her down with a frying
pan at my house, but she's mostly indestructible in her
fortress, and omniscient with regard to it. Still, she
rarely kills. It's too dangerous. She might accidentally
kill a family member, and then the Furies would munch
her like they did to Morpheus.
Kasumi: What?
Susan: I'm not sure who Morpheus killed or why, but the
Furies hunt anyone who slays anyone related to them,
especially if the people involved are supernaturals.
Morpheus had to kill someone he was related to, and then
the Furies hunted him and killed him. He was the old
Dream. [pauses] Or something like that. I wasn't there
and the craziest rumors get spread around the spirit
community.
Akane: I don't think we're descended from any gods.
Susan: Well, you'd be surprised how many people are.
Still, that won't help us now. There's only one that I'm
certain of that lives in Japan.
Nabiki: And probably wanted Ranma to marry her at some
point. So who is it?
Susan: Well, Delirium was the mother, and the name is...
[thinks]
Akane: Delirium?
Nabiki and Akane: Kodachi?
Susan: No, no. This guy...suffers from fits of amnesia as
a result. Shinji. No, that's not right. She used to talk
about this guy all the time. Fought giant animals...
Akane: Shinnosuke!
Susan: Yeah. You know him?
Kasumi: I'll call Ukyou.
************
[We see Ukyou fighting Nodoka. She finally manages to
disarm Nodoka. Then the phone rings. Shinnosuke springs
awake and runs to the phone. Nodoka and Ukyou both
watch him run in surprise]
Ukyou: ...
Nodoka: ...
[Ukyou whacks Nodoka in the head while she's distracted
and she collapses]
Ukyou: [quickly gets dressed] Better go deal with Mr.
Saotome.
**********
[We see Gosunkugi's house. He and Akemi are curled up
together on his bed. There is a line of salt around the bed
and the bed is covered with a bed sheet with about fifty
different runes drawn on it with crayon. The windows
are sealed with Elder Signs, and the door has furniture
piled up against it. Two water pistols lie on the endtable
just outside the circle of salt. The closet door opens,
and the Bishonen Kitsune (the male member of the
married pair of Kitsune) steps out. He quickly darts
forward and grabs the pistols, then levels them at the
bed.]
Bishonen Kitsune: Get up! Should have put the pistols
inside the line of salt.
Gosunkugi: [very muffled. He is face down in the bed] Go
away. Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for
violators will be toad.
Bishonen Kitsune: Get up, kid. The game is over, the jig
is up.
Akemi: [also face down and muffled] Come back in the
morning.
Bishonen Kitsune: Last warning, or I shoot.
Gosunkugi: [muffled] Go right ahead.
[He fires at the bed. Sheets get wet, but nothing happens.
Then twin streams of water fire out from under the bed.
He turns into a mouse. Akemi and Gosunkugi crawl out]
Akemi: See, I told you rigging up the dummies would
work!
[There is a flash of light and the mouse turns back into
the Bishonen Kitsune]
BK: That doesn't work well on a shape-changer, you
know.
Akemi: [points at the closet] Ack! Type III demon!
BK: They get mad when you call them that, you know. But
I'm not dumb enough to look; who keeps demons in their
closet?
Gosunkugi: I guess this calls for plan 2.
BK: What?
Gosunkugi: [starts to reach into his pocket] I pull out
the Ultimate Nullifier and shoot you.
BK: [laughs] You'd die too.
Gosukugi: Maybe I don't care.
BK: Go ahead, kid. I'll take my chances.
Gosunkugi: [pulls out a piece of gum] Get back!
BK: [laughs loudly] Tell me another one.
Gosunkugi: Then Akemi kicks you in the head while you're
looking at me.
[*WHAM!* Akemi is in the air, doing one of those
impossible anime multiple kicks all over BK's head while
hovering in one place. *Thunk*, he collapses]
Gosunkugi: Good thing he didn't bring his wife.
[The bedroom door opens and the Bishoujo Kitsune steps
through, carrying an Uzi]
Bishoujo Kitsune: He did. I just stopped to raid the
refrigerator.
Gosunkugi: Hey, how did you get past the Elder Sign on
the door?
Bishoujo Kitsune: You're the first person who ever
mistook me for Cthulhu, kid.
***************
[We see the Tendo house War Council, which now includes
Soun, Akane, Ukyou, Hitomi, Shinnosuke, Kasumi, Nabiki,
and Susan]
Shinnosuke: My mother is WHAT?
Susan: Delirium. One of the endless.
Shinnosuke: Grandpa's told some crazy stories about her,
but...
Hitomi: I find this disturbingly plausible.
Shinnosuke: So this makes me a demi-god?
Susan: I have no idea what the going term is. Something
like that. Anyway, you can go into Desire's fortress with
me, because she can't risk you dying.
Akane: I want to go!
Susan: That would be a BAD idea.
Akane: [frowns] Why?
Hitomi: Besides the likelihood of your instant death?
Nabiki: Because Desire would tapdance on your head. And
she already showed she could play you like a violin,
Akane.
[They glare at each other]
Kasumi: Hmm. If Akane is still invulnerable from the
Styx, then she might be a good choice to send.
Nabiki: We need someone stronger willed, or at least
less vulnerable to Desire. Anyone know any Buddhist
monks?
[Susan glances over at Kasumi, who looks scared]
Ukyou: [sighs] Nope. And I think I'd be too vulnerable
too, although I hate to admit it. [turns to Shinnosuke]
I'm sorry, Shin-chan.
Shinnosuke: [leans over and kisses her cheek] That's
okay, Ukyou-chan. I know you want to go. I'd want to go
if you did.
Akane: [thinking] He kissed her? They must be getting
pretty close. [smiles]
Nabiki: I think I have the willpower, but to be honest,
magic scares me sometimes, and this is one of those
times. [thinks] What kind of limits does Desire have?
Susan: She can tempt, but she can't MAKE you want
something. But if you have something you desire, she has
the knack for inflaming that to the point where you fall
easily into her power. And she can't remove desires from
people. Not that she would want to.
Kasumi: I don't suppose she can be driven off with a
cross?
Susan: It takes strong faith, and that's rare. And in her
own fortress, you'd just about have to be one of the
Apostles or Buddha or something to get away with it.
Kasumi: Is she bound by the promises she makes?
Susan: Most of the spirit supernaturals are. A freely
given oath cannot be broken by us. Just be very careful
about how you phrase it. [eyes narrow] You aren't
thinking of...
Kasumi: I suppose she'd be pretty bad at resisting magic
which makes you want something.
Susan: Actually, I think that you can't fight fire with
fire in this case.
Kasumi: No passion pancakes?
Susan: [shudders] I think that would be an exceedingly
bad idea.
Nabiki: Hmm. Is there some way we can summon our
friends out of her fortress? Conjure them the way you'd
conjure a genie or something?
Susan: It's hard to conjure up mortals; the usual spells
weren't really designed for people. Although I am pretty
good at conjuring. [thinks] We'd have to make her come
to us. Which given she wants revenge on me and probably
Kasumi...ahah! Anyone here good at taunting?
[Everyone looks at Akane]
Akane: Hey! I only insult people if they deserve it!
Nabiki: Well, Desire certainly deserves it.
Susan: Okay, here's the plan.
*************
[We see Ryouga, Gosunkugi, Akemi, and Ranma all strung
up in Desire's stronghold. She is paying off the Kitsunes]
Desire: Here's your blooming century lotus. [hands the
flower to the Bishoujo Kitsune]
BoK: Woo! Finally! Now, to conquer Earth!
Bishonen Kitsune (BNK): Try not to have a heart attack
from joy, dear. Thank you, Desire.
Desire: No, thank you. Good day. [gestures and they
vanish]
Gosunkugi: Why are you doing this to us?
Desire: You thwarted me long ago, and I never properly
got even. Now, I will. [pauses] Once I think of a good
revenge.
Akemi: [sarcastically] In 50,000 years of planning, you
haven't come up with one yet?
Desire: I didn't devote twenty four hours a day for
millenia to hating you. Even I can't be that obsessive.
Not every day.
Ryouga: Cut me loose and I'll show you obsessive!
Desire: [turns into Akane] Like how you kept climbing
into my bed.
Ryouga: You're not really Akane!
Desire-Akane: She wants to geld you, now. Maybe I
should do it for her.
Ryouga: ...
Akemi: Look, let them go. You can kill me, but Ranma and
Ryouga have nothing to do with this.
Desire: [turns back to normal] They have everything to
do with it. Ranma played a role in your escaping my
power. And Ryouga is my perfect key to break Akane
forever. Hmm, maybe I should take your form and have
my way with her. And make you watch. It's what you
really want, anyway.
Ryouga: [screams] IT IS NOT WHAT I WANT!
Desire: I know what people want. It's part of my job.
Just like Ranma wishes he could have all four of his
fiancees at once.
Ranma: I do not!
Desire: It makes him feel important to have so many
women after him. He waited so long to choose one
because he wanted more than one, but knew he could only
do it as long as he didn't choose.
Gosunkugi: [sighs] I'm sorry you're stuck here, Akemi.
Akemi: It's not your fault. Desire, when we get free, I...
Desire: No one and nothing can escape my fortress, or
even enter it against my will.
Ranma: Then how did Ryouga get in?
Desire: I had no need to keep him out. If I had actually
WANTED to bar his entry, he wouldn't be here.
Ryouga: I bet if I could move, I could get lost, and even
you couldn't stop me.
Desire: [laughs] I don't think so.
Ryouga: Unchain me, and we'll see.
Desire: [gestures. The chains vanish] Let's see you do it.
Ryouga: [runs straight at Desire, misses her, and goes
right out the door] Hah! I tricked you! [passes out of
sight]
Desire: Not really. You're still... [pauses] He's gone. He's
left. He...that's not possible!
Ranma: Just this once, I gotta admit to envying Ryouga.
Desire: [stares into space] There you are! I'm going to
GET you! [vanishes]
**************
[We see Ryouga come running into the Tendo Dojo, where
everyone is running around drawing an elaborate pattern
on the floor with chalk]
Ryouga: You shouldn't have...hey!
Nabiki: [sees him] RYOUGA! [runs over to him and hugs
him] How did you get away from Desire?
Ryouga: My getting lost curse has always been more
powerful than any of my desires. Although actually I was
just trying to trick Desire to get in a free hit.
[Desire appears in a non-poof of non-smoke]
Desire: There you are!
Susan: Shinnosuke! Strike now!
Shinnosuke: [who is wearing the helmet and carrying the
spear that the Dragon sent to Ryouga in an earlier
episode, charges Desire] Weren't we going to wait until...
Susan: Just do it!
Desire: [spins and produces a sword from nowhere
herself] Spear and Magic Helmet. How quaint. [begins to
sword fight with Shinnosuke] Not bad. Not good enough,
though. [knocks the spear aside and tries to run
Shinnosuke through. Instead, she simply pushes him
backwards] Bathed in the Styx, eh? Well, there's ways
to get around that as Hercules once demonstrated.
[grapples Shinnosuke and begins to strangle him]
Shinnosuke: You're...strong...
Desire: So who bathed you in the Styx?
Akane: He fell in with me. Everyone jump her!
[Ryouga, Ukyou, Hitomi, and Akane dogpile Desire while
Susan, Nabiki and Kasumi keep up drawing the chalk
pattern]
Desire: [easily bats Hitomi aside, sending her through a
wall, then punts Ukyou through the roof] You people are
good, but I've been around longer than your civilization.
[gets nailed with the spear by Shinnosuke, who he lost
his grip on earlier] Hmm. Not much point in sticking
around for this pointless fight really. I'll just take
Ryouga and Akane's soul and be gone.
Akane: What?
Desire: [holds up a contract] You signed away your soul
to me earlier.
Akane: I...I was insane!
Desire: Sadly, the insanity defense doesn't apply to soul-
selling contracts. Luckily for me.
Akane: But...but...
Susan: Everyone withdraw! NOW!
[They all run back to where Susan is, except for Akane,
who finds herself unable to move]
Desire: Well, I have tortures to conduct and plenty of
time to deal with the rest of you. Let's go, Akane.
[nothing happens] What?
Nabiki: [points at the floor] We were going to try to
summon you into this, but since you were nice enough to
oblige us...
Desire: Release me at once!
Nabiki: [holds up a long contract] Sign this first.
[throws Desire a copy]
Desire: [reads through it] This is ridiculous! I won't
sign this!
Nabiki: You want to sit in that circle for eternity?
Desire: I'll escape. You pathetic mortals can't hold me
for long! You'll never get your friends back as long as I'm
trapped here! Never!
Susan: [vanishes and returns a few seconds later with
Ranma, Gosunkugi, and Akemi. She sags to her knees]
Really?
Desire: You...you...I WILL DESTROY YOU! [rushes at the
side of the circle, but is thrown back] Let me go, or I'll
kill your precious Akane.
Ranma: No! [rushes forward]
Susan: Don't enter the circle, Ranma! She'll just trap you
too!
Desire: Hmm. Perhaps I'll make you all watch me have
my way with her.
Ranma: [froths] You BASTARD!
Desire: Hmm. Akane, do a strip tease.
Akane: [starts to grind to an imaginary beat, then tosses
off her blouse] Help me!
Shinnosuke: AKANE! [takes the spear and charges right
at Desire, impaling her] DIE! DIE! DIE!
Desire: [pulls the spear out and tosses Shinnosuke aside]
Good. But not good enough. That's only an imitation
Gungnir, not the real thing. [stalks over to Shinnosuke
and begins to strangle him] It DID hurt.
[That is simply too much for our little band of hotheads.
Everyone dogpiles Desire again. In seconds, unconscious
martial artists are tossed everywhere. Akane gets hit in
mid-strip and falls down when Ranma gets tossed at her.
Being as invulnerable as Shinnosuke has certain
advantages. She continues her routine once she gets back
up while Desire swiftly chokes Shinnosuke to the point
of unconsciousness. Kasumi, meanwhile, runs out of the
room]
Desire: Hmm. You take longer to asphyxiate than most
people would.
Susan: [growling] Perhaps because he's Delirium's son.
Desire: [gets big eyes and tosses him to one side as if he
was a poisonous snake] Well, that was just a little too
close for comfort. [pauses and her wounds close up] Now
I have more of your friends. Release me. I'll break out
eventually.
Susan: Not if you're weakened enough, you won't. You
can't regain your strength while bound.
Desire: And who else is going to fight me? Who here can
hurt me enough to trap me?
Susan: I can.
[Kasumi runs back in, now holding a frying pan]
Desire: With that pathetic mortal body?
Susan: I am a spirit, housed in flesh. My strength is
dwindling, but I can tell they hurt you more than you
admit. Now, I will hurt you more than you can bear.
[turns to Kasumi] Pray for me.
Kasumi: Susan...
[Susan charges forward, becoming a being of blue light,
lifting the spear that Shinnosuke is still clutching,
which transforms into a ray of pure white light]
Susan: This is for everything you ever did to me! [hurls
the spear at Desire and her entire essence flows into it.
It strikes Desire, who is flung across the circle and now
looks crispy charred like Wile E. Coyote after an effort to
use dynamite. Akane is still doing the striptease nearby;
she is now down to her underwear]
Desire: Damn you, Debbiegibson.
Susan: [just a voice, rapidly fading] My name is Raguela.
Goodbye, my friends...
Kasumi: Susan! [stares angrily at Desire] You ARE EVIL!
Desire: [coughs] Where would humanity be without
Desire? And if I am evil, it is you who has made me so. I
did not create myself. [calmly] You must free me. The
results of me being confined here would be catastrophic
if it lasted for long.
Kasumi: [raises the frying pan] I guess we're going to
get to find out how catastrophic it will be when I bash in
your skull. [shivers] Because I'm going to KILL you.
Desire: [staggers to her feet] Having turned you into a
homocidal maniac would make me happy if I wasn't the
target, but... [smiles faintly] Come and get me.
Kasumi: [raises the frying pan over her head like a
sword] DIE! [charges forward, physically shaking with a
mixture of fear, rage, and disgust at her own anger] DIE!
Desire: [to Akane] Kill her.
Akane: No! I won't! [Despite her protestations, her body
leaps at Kasumi, disarming her in a few seconds, then
taking her frying pan and raising it high to bash Kasumi
in the head. She is sweating intensely, frozen in mid-
swing] No! I won't! I won't!
[Ranma moans nearby and begins to stir. We see Nabiki
staring into the circle, clearly hesitating]
Nabiki: [thinking] If I go in and fight, it won't do any
good, but...Kasumi...Akane...Oh God or Buddha or Elvis or
whatever is watching over us...DO SOMETHING! Don't let
Kasumi die! I'll...I'll...I'll give you my first million! First
two million! Well, starting from today. I already spent
the...um, anyway...
Ranma: [starts to sit up] Let...Akane...go.
Desire: Back off boy, or I'll make her kill herself.
Kasumi: [blinks] You can't. You don't own her body. You
might have tricked her into selling you her soul, but the
soul is not the same thing as the body. Fight it, Akane!
[Akane turns very, very slowly towards Desire]
Desire: [pulls out the contract again] No, it says pretty
clearly that [Nabiki begins sneaking towards Desire with
a very desperate look on her face] she sold herself to
me, body and soul. [pauses] Hmm. Why did I put this
clause about eight-tracks in here? [peers intently at the
contract]
Kasumi: [leaps at Desire to grab the contract] You can't
buy someone's soul!
Desire: [holds the contract up out of Kasumi's reach, then
winces] Ugh, I hate pain. Naughty, naughty. [holds
Kasumi at arm's length with the other arm] You won't
surprise me this time. How you banished me with that
frying pan...I still don't understand.
Nabiki: [leaps up, grabs the contract from Desire's hands,
and eats it, then coughs and spits] BLEAH. That tasted
more disgusting that paper usually does.
Desire: Hey! Fine! I'll just kill you all! [starts to
strangle Kasumi]
Akane: NO!!!!! [charges at Desire, pulling a mallet from
nowhere and bringing it down on Desire's head. Desire's
eyes widen and he/she/it loses his/her/its grip on
Kasumi]
Desire: Damn rule 52. [quietly topples over]
Ranma: [rubbing his head] Rule 52?
Gosunkugi: [waking up] Nothing can stand before the
wrath of a woman with a mallet. Or a frying pan. Or
some other suitable instrument of beating in the head.
Ranma: [stands up] Is it over?
Nabiki: [shakes her head] We still gotta get Desire to
sign a contract or something. We can't keep her
imprisoned here forever, so unless we kill her, getting
her to bind herself is our only other option.
***********
[Somewhat later, we see Desire signing a contract. She
doesn't look too happy about it. Everyone is lying around
looking battered.]
Dream: [walks into the dojo with Delirium] If you like, I
can keep a copy of that for you, Kasumi.
Kasumi: [starts] ...
Delirium: [runs into the circle, over to Shinnosuke]
SHin-cHAn YOu'rE oKAY I WAS so wORrIed, WHy AREn't yoU
SAYIng aNytHing HELLO IS AnyoNe hoMe Hey wHO duMPed you
IN the STYx?
Shinnosuke: [mumbles] That you, Hitomi?
Kasumi: [hands the contract to Dream] You'd best keep
this. I don't know how to...um...register it in Immortal
law court or whatever.
Dream: [reads through it] Hmm. Quite thorough. [blinks]
Hmm. Desire, you didn't really read through this, did you.
Desire: What? I'm rather in a hurry to leave. I need to
rest and recuperate.
Dream: [laughs and gestures, making a copy of it] Here,
read it.
Desire: [begins to page through it] ...
Kasumi: [breaks the circle by sweeping away a bit of it
with Shinnosuke's magic broom] There you go. Free to
go.
Desire: [turns to Nabiki] And how exactly am I supposed
to implant the knowlege of the entire Kama Sutra in
Ryouga's brain? It isn't big enough.
Ryouga: ...
Nabiki: [blushes] Hey, you're the god...goddess..whatever!
It should be EASY!
Kasumi: [blinks] Let me see a copy of that. [starts
paging through the contract] Oh my.
*****************
[We see a MASSIVE feast in progress in the Tendo Dojo
proper. The Tendos, Hibikis, Saotomes, Ukyou,
Shinnosuke, Hitomi, Gosunkugi, Akemi, and yes, all of the
Endless (Almost all, anyway), are here. Desire has been
dressed up in a French Maid outfit and looks quite disgruntled, while
Destiny is standing off to one side, simply observing. Death looks
rather amused by all this, and even Despair looks less grim than usual.
Only Destruction cannot be seen anywhere. Many, many simultaneous
conversations are going on]
Shinnosuke: But Mom, why did you leave us?
Delirium: I HAD TO make tHe flOWErs BLUe. I AsKeD yOuR
FATher tO go BUt he HAD to gUARD tHe hApPy BIG animals. I
mEANt to cOMe BAck but THE sEa Was TOo GrEen. [sighs]
I'd aLmOst FORGoTten I'm A bAd mOther wOUld You LIKE to
bE puRPLe?
Ukyou: So does he forget things because of the curse on
his dad or because you're his mother?
Delirium: YEs.
Ukyou: ...
Delirium: I DIDn't MEAn tO mAKe hIS fatHER fORGet
evERytHINg but He stAYEd wITh ME tOo loNG becAUSe we
lOVeD EAch otHER and tHEN he STARTED forgetting
evErYtHinG aND I dIdN't Know WHAt to DO and tHEN I foRgOt
to COme bacK THIs FoOd Is gOoD. [munches on the food]
Desire, YOu reALLy cOOk wELl.
Desire: [frowns] I'm just being forced to be the serving
maid. [shakes his/her head] I can't believe I signed that
stupid thing...cater five family meals. Feh.
Shinnosuke: You just...you don't seem old enough to be...a
mother.
Delirium: [briefly becomes an adult, then reverts to
normal] I AM what I nEEd To Be.
Ukyou: Is there some way for Shinnosuke to stop
forgetting things?
Delirium: I can't EvEn stop mysElf from FORGeTTING
thiNGs. I HaD FoRGoTTeN aBouT You aND YouR FaTHeR uNTiL I
WaS ReMiNDeD aND I DoN'T KNoW HoW LoNG THaT WiLL LaST.
[sighs] I knOw I'm nOt mUch Of A mOther. WOuld TUrning
YOu INto A DOve HElp?
Shinnosuke: [reaches into his pocket and pulls out a
ribbon] Try...try this.
Delirium: [makes a bow in her hair] OH, HoW vErY pReTtY,
thANk yOU!
Shinnosuke: I mean, tell it to use its magic.
Delirium: Use YOUr maGIC, ribBON! [There is a shimmering
and suddenly her hair stops being a multicolored mess
and her eyes both turn the same color. They widen
tremendously and she stares in shock] I remember. [her
voice no longer has the same changeable, sing-song
quality] I remember everything.
[Five heads crane around and stare at her]
Desire: ...
Death: ...
Destiny: [simply smiles]
Dream: I wouldn't have thought that possible. Make the most of it while
you can, sister.
Despair: For nothing lasts forever.
Delirium: [hugs Shinnosuke] Thank you. For just a
moment, I am who once I was. Thank you, my child.
Shinnosuke: You can use it once a day, for fifteen
minutes.
Delirium: If I can manage to hold onto it. Likely, it will
end up as a butterfly or something. But for a few
minutes at least, I am Delight once more. [stands up]
Come and dance with me, my son.
[Music starts up and they begin to dance together around
the tables. Shinnosuke is slow and unsure, while Delight
is swift and graceful. Sweet scents fill the room, and
everyone visibly relaxes. Conversation picks up as they
dance around the room, then several of the other couples
present begin to dance. Delirium, for just a moment,
sees Destruction across the room, smiling at her, and then
he is gone. Soon, the room is awhir with bodies whirling
to the music, and laughter and peace settles upon Nerima
for just one short moment]
***************
[We see Ukyou, Hitomi, and Shinnosuke walking back to
Ukyou's shop]
Hitomi: Grandpa's gonna freak if your Mom takes you up
on that offer to come stay with you and him.
Shinnosuke: [laughs] Well, the forest can't get much
weirder than it already is.
Ukyou: [nervously] Will you be going home now?
Shinnosuke: I agreed to help Gosunkugi get his father
back. Then I'll have to go back to Ryugenzawa. [pauses]
You'll come visit us when you can, won't you, Ukyou-
chan? And I can come visit you.
Ukyou: [very nervously] I..do you...I saw how you...
Shinnosuke: I'm not much good at subtlety, Ukyou-chan.
Can you be more clear? I don't understand.
Ukyou: When you saw Akane was in danger, you...
Shinnosuke: I...I would have done the same thing if it had
been you. It just wasn't. I...I love you, Ukyou-chan. But
that doesn't mean I can just forget how I felt about
Akane. [pauses] Forget where we're going...now that's
another story. Where are we?
Hitomi: [rolls her eyes] We're on our way to the Emerald
City.
Shinnosuke: Cool. You can ask the Wizard for a brain,
Hitomi. Or maybe a heart.
Hitomi: [waves her broom] SHINNOSUKE!!!!! [chases him
off down the street]
*************
[We see Akemi and Gosunkugi, back at the Dojo, talking to
Dream]
Dream: I release any claim I might have on you passed on
to me by my predecessor in this position. May your life
be long and happy, Akemi.
Akemi: Do you think Desire will really back off?
Dream: She has to. That Nabiki girl was rather thorough.
Desire can't even enter Japan unless Nabiki approves it.
[laughs faintly] Not much chance of that.
Gosunkugi: I'm just afraid she'll find a loophole to
meddle with our trip to China.
Dream: I think she'll probably be wanting to b e alone for
a while after this. Good luck on your trip.
Akemi: Thanks. We're going to need help.
**************
[We see Kasumi and Desire busily cleaning up the mess
from the meal. We can see Despair standing off quietly
in one corner,watching them.]
Desire: [mumbles] This is pathetic.
Kasumi: Oh shut up. At least you're not dead.
Desire: If you people had somehow killed me, the results
would have been horrible. [the stack of plates he is
trying to carry tip over on him] This is horrible enough.
Kasumi: [angrily] Just pile them in the kitchen. I've had
enough of you for five life times.
Desire: It's mutual. [hauls them off to the kitchen]
Kasumi: [sits down, buries her face in her hands, and
cries]
Delirium: [wanders in] Why are you crying so sadly when
you won?
Kasumi: My friend is dead. We screwed up her plan and
she had to die in order for us to...And I couldn't do
anything about it! [cries more] And the worst part was
that her sacrifice didn't even stop Desire! It took...
[pauses in her crying] Where did Ranma get that box
anyway?
Delirium: [puts a hand on Kasumi's arm] Should I help
you to forget maybe if you were a cute little bunny and
the ocean was purple...
Kasumi: I don't want to forget! I want my friend back!
Delirium: I'm sorry I can only make people THINK the
dead came back to life. Was she nice?
Kasumi: [quietly] She gave her life for a group of people
she had just met. She was very nice. I...I couldn't have
done it in her place.
Delirium: You should sleep you'll feel better.
Kasumi: I can't sleep.
Delirium: Yes, you can. [Kasumi slumps over] That much
for you I can do.
**************
[We see Ryouga talking to his parents, Nabiki, and Mr.
Tendo in the living room]
Ken: Well, that was much nicer than our last visit.
[pauses] How exactly did we get here?
Ryoko: That nice pale lady with the Ankh came and got
us.
Soun: The goth woman?
Ken: So when will you be trying the marital tests,
Nabiki?
Nabiki: Maybe when we're closer to getting married. It's
going to be a few years.
Ken: Well, we must be going. If we can find our ride.
Ryoko: Where's the bathroom? I need to freshen up.
Ken: Good idea.
Nabiki: [points] That way.
[Ken and Ryoko go the other way, vanishing out of sight
through a doorway]
Soun: [points the direction they just went] Actually, the
bathroom is...oh.
Nabiki: [smiles] I'm starting to get the hang of this.
*************
[We see Ranma and Akane tucked away in a corner of the
house]
Ranma: [kisses Akane] I gotta go. My parents are
waiting.
Akane: Ranma, do you think I should...
Ranma: Should what?
Akane: [sighs] I nearly killed Ryouga and my sister. I
need to apologize.
Ranma: Yeah, good idea. [sighs] Too bad Nabiki didn't put
a clause about getting my family back in our house in
that contract.
Akane: Maybe if I ask really nicely, Nabiki will let you
move back in.
Ranma: I sure hope so. [kisses Akane again] Goodnight,
Akane.
Akane: Goodnight, Ranma.
*************
[We see Akane on fire. No, actually, it's just a gray misty
void where Susan is floating, looking bored. She is
naked, not that anyone can tell]
Susan: I would die the one day that Death falls behind
schedule. [sighs]
[A pale figure strides out of the darkness. It is Dream]
Dream: Well, you're not dead yet, for one thing.
Susan: I threw everything I had at Desire!
Dream: Not quite. You are weak, very weak, too weak to
do more than talk, too weak even to make mortals hear
you. Spirit beings do not easily die, Raguela, although
they can be dispersed across the cosmos, or fade until
they are too weak to do anything, or be consumed by
other spirits. Still, unless you gain a new patron, you
might as well be dead.
Susan: I'd rather be dead than trapped alone here for
eternity.
Dream: That is why I have come; to offer you a chance to
work for me.
Susan: [big eyes] What...you'd hire me? But I'm so...I
mean...I haven't...um, I'm not too experienced at...uh...
Dream: Is that a yes?
Susan: YES! I don't care if I have to make dreams of
Gerber baby food for six month old infants! I just...why
are you hiring me?
Dream: It will remind Desire to not meddle in my realm.
And I could use an expert on angels and demons.
Susan: [stretches out her hand] Let's go, sir.
Dream: [reaches into a fold in his robes and pulls out a
handful of tiny five pointed stars and blows them at
Susan. They whirl around her] I name you Elu-Raguela,
the Dream of Angels. [The stars become bursts of light,
and the light suffuses her. Wings of light sprout from
her back and her eyes shine like tiny stars. It is hard to
tell if she is clothed or naked; if she is dressed, she is
dressed in light]
Elu-Raguela: Thank you, Dream.
Dream: Thank you. [takes her hand and they vanish]
*****************
[The next day, we see Dr. Tofu at the Tendo house. He is
in the living room. Akane and Soun are there also]
Dr. Tofu: She hasn't woken up since some time last
night?
Akane: Yeah, we found her asleep in the dojo in the
middle of cleaning up.
Dr. Tofu: And she doesn't respond to any effort to wake
her up?
Soun: Nope. Even screaming didn't work.
Dr. Tofu: Show me where you found her, exactly, then I'll
go up and take a look at her.
************
[Things are slow at Ucchan's Okonomiyaki. Shinnosuke is
upstairs with Hitomi, calling some relatives who can
send a message to his grandfather. Ranma and Ukyou are
lounging around downstairs]
Ranma: So I take it Shinnosuke is...um...officially your
boyfriend now?
Ukyou: [stares at the table] Uh, yeah.
Ranma: [looking off at the front door] I guess it's gonna
suck pretty hard when he goes back to Ryugenzawa.
Ukyou: A LOT. [looks over at Ranma] You don't...um...
Ranma: I don't what?
Ukyou: [twiddles her fingers nervously] I mean...Uh...I'm
scared about having a long-distance relationship. I want
to make this work, but I just...I wanna finish school and
stuff, and everything.
Ranma: Just take it one day at a time. I know I can't plan
nothing in advance with the way my life whacks out all
the time, so I try not to worry about the future. If you
love each other, you can find a way. [turns and smiles at
her] Just remember the forest is full of traps, and you
can't rely on him to show you where they are, because
he's already forgotten.
Ukyou: I can't believe his mother is...I mean, she's
a...which makes him...
Ranma: As long as he doesn't start turning into her,
you'll be okay.
Ukyou: [laughs] It'll be interesting when my Dad meets
his Mom.
Ranma: As long as they don't get married and you two end
up like the Brady Bunch.
Ukyou: ...
Ranma: [laughs] Not much chance of that. I hope.
Ukyou: Let's not tempt fate.
**************
[We see Dr. Tofu, Akane, and Soun in Kasumi's room.
Akane and Soun look nervous, but Tofu seems to be fine,
though tense]
Tofu: [taking her pulse] Strange, there isn't anything
physically wrong, and her chi balance is okay. Unless
something is effecting her mind... [looks around the room
and spots a two foot sphere of iridescent basalt sitting
in a large cosmetics box. A bottle of purple hair dye sits
next to it] Urk.
Akane: What?
Tofu: Kasumi doesn't normally have Cthonian eggs in her
room, does she?
Akane: What?
Soun: Ever since the guppy disaster, Kasumi hasn't had a
pet.
Tofu: [picks up the sphere] Well, here's our culprit.
Soun: A bowling ball put her to sleep?
Akane: Well, I can see how BOWLING would put someone
to sleep.
Tofu: When someone steals Cthonian eggs, there tends to
be bad consequences. I can't think of why Kasumi would
have one of these. [looks at the purple hair dye] Unless
maybe Shampoo gave it to her for some reason.
Akane: So what do we do?
Tofu: I'll go consult my copy of the Seven Cryptic Books
of Hsan. I think they have the zip code for G'harne, the
city of the Cthonians. Then we can mail this egg back to
them before they come level Tokyo with an earthquake.
Soun: [blanches] They'd level Tokyo just because ONE egg
was stolen from them?
Tofu: Subtlety isn't one of their strong points. Normally,
when they come for you, they use their powers to make
the target gradually less able to move, until finally the
person can't leave the egg's vicinity at all. Something
must have happened to make her more vulnerable to this,
but I can't think of what. Anyway, I'll take care of this.
Soun: Shouldn't we warn the city of its imminent
destruction?
Tofu: I don't think the city government would listen to
me telling them that a bunch of earth-quake causing
subterranean squid were going to level the city. But feel
free to call them.
Akane: Are you SURE this will appease them?
Tofu: Well, I'll try that recipie for Cthonian Snacks in
the first appendix of the Seven Cryptical Books of Hsan
as well. Supposedly, they can't resist them. Like catnip.
Soun: If cats caused earthquakes, I'd be wary of giving
them catnip.
**********
[We see Nabiki eating lunch with Ryouga on the back
porch. Akane nervously opens the door]
Akane: I'm sorry. I just...I shouldn't have...I'm still not
happy with you, Ryouga, but I shouldn't have tried to kill
you.
Ryouga: [quietly] I'm not too happy with me either. I'm
sorry that I snuck into your bed all those times. I was
just so...I tried to stop, but I was too weak. I tricked you
and you deserve better.
Akane: [staring at the ground] And I'm sorry I got mad at
you too, Nabiki.
Nabiki: [stares at the ground] We all make mistakes. I
shouldn't have started throwing people out of the house.
I just...It's not easy keeping this family afloat.
Akane: I'm going to try and get some kind of part-time
job to help out. I know I haven't really contributed much
like that; I never really thought about where the money
came from. I just...you should have said something,
Nabiki.
Nabiki: [gets up and walks over to Akane] I tried, but you
never listened when you were younger. [hugs Akane] I
love you, sis.
Akane: [hugs her back] I love you too. [thinks a moment]
We need to recruit more students for daddy.
Nabiki: Hmm, we could do some pictures of you in action
and make a recruiting poster. And Ranma. That would
bring in the students. [starts blocking off photos in the
air] Yeah, we could put an action shot of you breaking
bricks here and Ranma and Ryouga going at it...you'd pose
for me, wouldn't you, Ryouga?
Ryouga: I would be glad to help. [looks over nervously at
Akane, who isn't looking at him] I should be doing my
part to help support the dojo, since I basically live here.
Once school starts again, I'll be able to help more.
Nabiki: Okay, let's see...what else to put on the poster...
***********
[We see Ukyou, Shinnosuke, Ranma, Genma, and Hitomi
hard at work at Ucchan's restaurant. Hayao enters]
Hayao: Hey, Ukyou-sam...Ukyou-san! Got a minute?
Ukyou: [nervously] Sure.
Hayao: [comes over to her] Wanna go to the movies with
me on Thursday?
Ukyou: I'm going to China.
Hayao: [frowns] Again?
Ukyou: [really nervously] I have to...look, I really AM
going to China, but...I'm seeing someone now.
Hayao: [looks over at Shinnosuke and Ranma and frowns]
I see.
Ukyou: [sighs] I'm sorry. You're a nice guy, I just...
[stares at the ground] I'm sorry.
Hayao: Don't worry. I'll be fine. [leaves. We hear
screaming outside]
Shinnosuke: [comes over] Is there supposed to be
screaming outside?
Ukyou: No. [sighs] Don't worry about it, honey.
Shinnosuke: Just making sure. Some old lady threw
water on me the other day and I thought she was trying
to curse me or something, but she was just...anyway, I
can't remember what she was actually doing, but if I
hadn't...um, I'll just go back to work now. [goes off]
Ukyou: [smiles faintly] Something like that.
*************
[We see Akane and Ranma sitting together under the night
sky on the roof of the Dojo]
Akane: I need to apologize to your grandparents but...
Ranma: [puts an arm around her] Pop's been claiming
they eat human flesh again?
Akane: [laughs] More or less.
Ranma: I'll go with you, if you want.
Akane: Thanks. I just...I'm not good at apologizing.
Ranma: Well, I ain't the person to ask for help. I'm not
too good at it either. [sighs] I really am sorry I didn't
tell you about Ryouga, I just...I really hate breaking
promises.
Akane: I know. It's something I USUALLY like about you.
[kisses his cheek] Just don't do it again. I mean...you can
understand why I got mad, don't you?
Ranma: [nods] Yeah. It made me mad too, what he was
doing, but I just...I dunno. I hate breaking promises and
since it was my fault he got cursed...
Akane: I dunno if I'll ever like Ryouga as much as I used
to, but I guess I got all my anger out. [sighs] I just can't
believe he just...he kept doing it. It just doesn't seem
like him.
Ranma: When you love someone, you do stupid stuff.
[pauses] I don't mean you specifically, I mean...
Akane: [hugs Ranma] I know what you mean. Just...are
there any other secrets? Anything I should know about?
Ranma: [thinks hard] I can't think of nothing. No more
curses, fiancees, or evil elves. [pauses] Did I tell you
about the weird book that Santa gave me? It sent me
through time or something to see the history of
Jyusenkyo. Pretty funky, but then everything in my life
is like that. [laughs] I can't remember what Santa gave
you.
Akane: A cookbook.
Ranma: The one you've gotten all your recent cooking
from?
Akane: [nods, smiling] Good food, eh?
Ranma: Yeah, keep this up and you'll be a great cook.
Akane: [smiles] Is it weird for me to find that to be
romantic?
Ranma: That's about as romantic as I get.
Akane: [giggles and kisses Ranma] That's about right.
Ranma: I've been thinking about my curse.
Akane: What about it?
Ranma: Been trying to figure out what I'm supposed to
learn from it. Besides the fact that cute women can get
free food pretty easily.
Akane: [smirks] Unless your father created Juysenkyo, I
don't think so.
Ranma: I just...I just don't get what I'm supposed to
learn. Maybe if I lived completely as a girl for a while, I
might learn something but... [shudders]
Akane: [frowns] What's wrong with living as a girl?
Ranma: If I waggled my fingers and you turned into a guy
for six months, would you like it?
Akane: [pauses] No.
Ranma: Exactly. I just don't get it. What I'm supposed to
get from this.
Akane: Well, when you DO get it, you'll be free.
Ranma: I can't even figure out HOW I'm supposed to learn
whatever I gotta learn. [lies back and stares at the
stars] And what the heck would Mousse learn from being
a duck?
Akane: If he already knew that, he wouldn't have had to
become one. [lies back and snuggles up to Ranma]
Maybe...maybe your curse is trying to tell you to marry
Kunou. [giggles]
Ranma: Bleah.
************
[We see Kodachi busily practicing a gymnastics routine in
her garden under the stars. Kunou approaches her]
Kunou: Can you see well enough to do that?
Kodachi: I'm training my night vision. [vaults off a pole
for growing tomatoes onto a small bush, then backflips
up onto Kunou's shoulders] Are you excited about college,
brother dear?
Kunou: I'm trying to decide whether or not to propose to
Akane or the pig-tailed girl before I depart. Or perhaps
both. However, that would be bigamy, which would cause
complications. [frowns] What do you think?
Kodachi: It is always reassuring to know that someone is
crazier than myself. What about that cheerleader girl?
Kunou: Even I do not have enough love to spread among
three different women. [pauses] Could you please get off
my shoulders?
Kodachi: [leaps to the ground] I suggest you marry
someone I don't want to see dead. That's my advice.
Kunou: [frowns] I could say the same to you.
Kodachi: The difference is that you'd never succeed in
killing my future groom, brother dear. Have a good night!
[bounces off among the plants]
Kunou: I would ask Father, but he would shave my head as
a reply. And he's in Hawaii anyway. But who can I talk
to? [shakes his head as he begins to walk towards the
house] It is truly a pity that I, the Blue Thunder of
Furinkan High, have no peers worthy of me. [sits down
and sighs] No truly worthy foes, only evil sorcerors. No
true peers and no true... [sighs more loudly] A madwoman
for a sister and an insane father.
Sasuke: [pops up] And your devoted follower!
Kunou: Indeed. You have served me with all your devotion
and skill. At least I have a worthy servant. So who do
you think I should marry?
Sasuke: Akane. You do not even know the name of the
pig-tailed girl. I'm not even sure if she really exists.
Have you ever noticed she bears a certain resemblance to
Saotome?
Kunou: She looks NOTHING like Saotome! [glares angrily
at Sasuke]
Sasuke: She may be but a demon summoned by him to
beguile you, with the ways she appears and vanishes.
Also, marriage to Akane would unite you with a long line
of skilled martial artists. And Nabiki would have to give
you the family discount.
Kunou: While money is not an issue that a samurai should
worry about, I see some of your points, Sasuke. Very
well, on the morrow, I shall propose to Akane.
Sasuke: Would you like me to get your suit ready?
Kunou: Verily.
***********
[We see Gosunkugi and Akemi packing various supplies]
Gosunkugi: [reading from a list] Eye of newt.
Akemi: Check. [puts a small bottle in a large fishing
tackle box]
Gosunkugi: [still reading] Toe of gingrich.
Akemi: [puts a wrapped three inch long cylinder in
another compartment of the tackle box] Check.
Gosunkugi: Six ounces of poisoned dragon's liver.
Akemi: [puts another small bottle in] Check.
Gosunkugi: Five gallon drum of synthetic blood of
Cthulhu.
Akemi: [hands on her hips] How am I supposed to put a
five gallon drum in a TACKLE BOX?
Gosunkugi: Umm...just check and see if we have it.
Akemi: [lifts a five gallon drum and reads the label]
This is powdered milk.
Gosunkugi: I had to rebottle it after it dissolved the lid
of the last container. Try not to splash it around.
Akemi: It's acidic?
Gosunkugi: [hands her some sticky labels] Just label it.
[Akemi does so] Ceramic cow.
Akemi: [puts a small ceramic cow in one of the
compartments] We leave tomorrow, right?
Gosunkugi: Assuming there's no problems. [sighs and
sits down] We need a plan, but I honestly have NO clue
what to do besides try to fight our way in, which is
almost certainly suicidal. I don't know ANYTHING about
fighting. Or planning commando raids.
Akemi: I'd suggest talking to Ranma. He knows about
fighting.
Gosunkugi: We need a strategist, but Cologne's the only
strategist I know.
[The doorbell rings. Gosunkugi goes to the door. There's
a man from an express mail service at the door]
Express Man: I have a letter for one Hikaru Gosunkugi.
Gosunkugi: Here you go.
Express Man: And here you go. [hands him a large
envelope sealed with a wax seal showing two crossed
swords over a pair of scales] Sign here.
Gosunkugi: [signs and hands it back] Hmm.
Express Man: Have a nice day! [leaves]
Akemi: [comes over] What is it?
Gosunkugi: [opens and reads it] It's a summons from the
Amazon Supreme Court.
Akemi: [reads over Gosunkugi's shoulder] Dereliction of
marital duties?
Gosunkugi: Well, we won't have to fight our way IN.
***********
[End of Chapter 14]
John Walter Biles : MA-History, Ph.D Wannabe at U. Kansas
ranma@falcon.cc.ukans.edu
rhea@tass.org http://www.tass.org/~rhea/falcon.html
rhea@maison-otaku.net http://www.maison-otaku.net/~rhea/
"It's a trap," Tuxedo Umino Kamen announced. "How can you tell?"
"It's always a trap." --Lemon Sherbert #11