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MSS Productions

A division of SIPP

presents

Twilight

an Ah! My Goddess
Fanfiction

by
wx721

Certain characters are copyrighted by Kosuke Fujishima and Robert Jordan.
Norse deities are lifted from the Eddas and other Norse resources.
Alterations are entirely the fault of the author's brain.

For more Norse information, please go to Yahoo and enter the search words
'norse myth,' or visit Encyclopedia Mythica at http://www.pantheon.org/

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= = = = = = =
Chapter One
= = = = = = =

	"Hehehehe--huucpk..." 

	Urd stifled a hiccup as she poured more sake into the glass. 
Drinking was so relaxing, she thought.  Then again, it wasn't fun drinking
alone.  Urd emptied the glass in one gulp and sighed. 

	Skuld was still mad at her for the trick earlier that morning. 
The brat had locked herself into her room after some mediation, thanks to
Belldandy.  Not that it mattered to Urd.  Seeing Skuld chased by a horde
of mallet-wielding bugs was worth the price, and it was a great way to
kill time other than watching TV or brewing up love potions.  The bugs
were harmless ethereal projections, of course, with some minor
adjustments.  Whenever Skuld had squished a 'bug,' it had come back as a
ghost holding a nasty cousin of Mjolnir.  Urd chuckled and unsteadily
poured another shot. 

	Belldandy was a bit stern in criticizing Urd even by her
standards.  Well, Urd didn't care.  Her thirty-day suspension was almost
over, and the brat was stuck in Midgard for her training period.  That
would keep Skuld out of her hair for a year at least.

	Urd snickered in drunken glee.  She might have gone overboard with
the joke... but the memory was priceless.

	*Memory*

	Urd shuddered.  The Voice was back.  She grabbed the sake bottle
and drained it.  The more drunk she was, the better, she reasoned.  The
past incarnate should leave her alone.

	*The Past*

	Urd hurled the bottle and curled up into a fetal ball.  "Gooo
awaaa"  She hugged her legs and rested her flushed face on her knees. 
"Gooo awaaa." she slurred.

	*Accept*

	"Leev m' aloon...."  Urd swayed and fell on the veranda floor as
she attempted to stand.  "Hehehehe... owwww."  She pushed herself off the
floor and leaned against the wall, fighting down the bile creeping up her
throat.

	Urd chuckled.  She wished she had couple shots of Jack Daniels and
a pack of fine Heineken.  That would trash her and knock her into that
warm fuzzy void, where the Voice wouldn't reach her.

	*Remember*

	Urd swallowed her running saliva in a desperate attempt to settle
her stomach.  As the world spun around her, Urd tried to chant the spell
her friend-- her enemy had taught her. 

	"Deevls in dee boolz,
	Queench ur daance... 'cid...." 

	*Become*

	Urd cursed; she couldn't remember the rest.  Urd gave up and
allowed nature to take its course.  It was too bad, she thought.  Urd
could chant the daemon runes in those carefree days when she bar hopped
across the continents.

	The stream of fluid erupted....

	Urd vomited. 

= = =

	"I-Is she alright?" 

	Belldandy nodded absently at Keiichi as sorrow and embarrassment
weighed her heart.  Urd tended to take things to the extreme; drinking was
one of them.  Belldandy and Keiichi had been awoken by the sound of
shattering glass.  Fearing an intruder, Belldandy had prepared a seal
spell, only to find Urd passed out on the veranda, covered with vomit. 

	Belldandy wiped Urd's face clean with a damp cloth, wondering if
Skuld was also awake.  She was frightened and *very* upset by Urd's prank,
so much so that Belldandy had to hug her to calm her anger and coo like...
like when their mother-- their mother--

	Urd stirred and coughed out the remaining muck from her throat. 
As Belldandy silently clean up her latest mess, Urd croaked out, "Leeev me
aloon."

	A flash of frustration marred Belldandy's face.  Why would Urd do
such a thing to Skuld, her own flesh and blood?  It hurt so much... 

	Belldandy firmed herself and said, "Urd, I'm going to change your
clothes.  It won't harm you."  Urd weakly nodded in response. 

	"Fibers of air,
	Weave the strands,
	Cover the soul,
	In comfort and warmth."

	Urd's soiled clothes shimmered; instantly, she was dressed in a
clean set of long pajamas.  Slurring under her breath, Urd clumsily stood
up and nearly fell, if not for Belldandy's support.  "Keiichi-san," 
Belldandy requested, "Can you please help Urd to her room?  I want to
check on Skuld.  It won't be a moment." 

	"S-Sure, Belldandy."  With help from the worried goddess, Keiichi
draped Urd's right arm onto his shoulders while ignoring her protests.  He
dragged her into the temple. 

	"Uuughh...."

	Keiichi winced as he caught a whiff of Urd's reeking breath, an
unpleasant contrast to her fragrant hair.  He hated to admit it, but he
was very aware of Urd.  Although Belldandy captivated him and made him
feel content, Keiichi couldn't ignore the feeling of Urd's body pressing
against him.  Trying to keep his mind out of the gutter, Keiichi
hesitantly asked, "Feeling better, Urd?" 

	"'Lot bettr.  'N stoop toouchn' mee.  I caa waalk."  Urd tried to
push Keiichi away, but he firmly held her. 

	"Let mee goo." 

	"Y-You'd fall down.  Belldandy wouldn't want you to get hurt." 

	Urd grunted and hoarsely whispered in response.  "Baatr'm." 

	"Huh?" 

	"Baatr'm." 

	Keiichi blushed.  "Bathroom?  You want to go to the bathroom?"

	Urd nodded.  "Gotta goo.  'N waatr.  'Sm waatr."

	"You want a drink of water too?"

	"Uuhhuhh...." 

	Keiichi led Urd into the restroom and carefully settled her on the
floor.  "I-- I'll get the water."  Keiichi fled to the kitchen in relief.

	Urd blinked.

	"'Raap.  Were's dee fuuggn' dor?"

= = =

	"I'll take care of her, Keiichi-san."

	"Good night, Belldandy.  Good night, Urd."

	Belldandy closed the bedroom door, grateful for the darkness.  If
her beloved had clearly seen her face, he would have insisted on knowing
what was wrong. 

	Belldandy stilled her thoughts and gazed at her sister, prone on
the futon.  "Urd, you have to call the Central Office tomorrow.  You
shouldn't have drunk so much."

	Urd moaned.  "Pshaaw... 'll bee fine.  Daay oon't knoo." 

	"Have you finally accepted the Incarnation?" 

	"Goo awaaa." 

	For a brief moment, Belldandy considered staying in the room until
Urd answered her question. 

	"Urd." 

	"Goo awaa, Veerdandr... 'othering mee... Saaidrr... teeche uuu
lessn'...." 

	Belldandy gasped.  "Urd?"  She gently shook her sister.  "Urhild? 
Is it you?" 

	"Goo awaaa, Bell." 

	Belldandy sighed.  She knew it was pointless; her presence would
only make her sister more upset.  Urd will accept the Incarnation in due
time.  Belldandy sadly stared at Urd and rose to leave the room. 

	"Good night, eldest sister." 

= = =

	"Uuughh." 

	Urd blinked her bleary eyes and rolled over to her side, turning
away from the sunlight.  Back to sleep, she thought.  The reddish-yellow
haze of the sun meant it was too early in the day. 

	Her body was in an alcohol-induced stupor -- the joys of the
hangover. 

	Urd groaned.  She couldn't reach back to that dreamless void of
deep sleep.  Her random thoughts only grew louder within her mind, not
dissolving back to the unconscious.  Nevertheless, Urd stayed under the
covers, locked in pseudo-sleep, for it was far better than waking up. 

	Screw the morning.  Screw the birds chirping outside.  Screw
everything.  Sleep was all that mattered to her. 

	"Urd?  Urd, please get up.  It's half past eleven." 

	Urd cracked open her eyes.  The sunlight was different.  It was an
intense yellowish-white.  The birds had stopped chirping.  Had she fallen
asleep? 

	"Urd, please.  You have to call the Central Office." 

	Belldandy.  Annoying younger sister.  Go away. 

	Urd muttered back, "Wanna sleep, Bell." 

	"Urd." 

	"Few more minutes, Bell." 

	"Urd." 

	Urd groaned.  "Oh alright.  I'm awake.  I'm awake."  She forced
herself off the futon and blinked at Belldandy, who pleasantly smiled back
at Urd.  "Satisfied?" asked Urd. 

	"I saved some breakfast." 

	"I'll pass.  Don't feel hungry." 

	"It's not good to skip breakfast." 

	"Stop worrying, Belldandy.  I got a heck of a boost from the sake
yesterday."

	Belldandy knelt beside Urd, traces of her smile melting away to a
serene expression.  "Urd, do you want to talk?" 

	Urd rolled her tongue inside her sticky mouth, grimacing at the
taste.  "No.  I don't feel like it." 

	"It doesn't help to delay the Incarnation.  It's overdue by--" 

	"I don't need you on my case, Belldandy," snapped Urd.  "Don't be
like father." 

	"It might help if we talk...." 

	"Maybe later." 

	"..." 

	Urd stared at her sister and instantly regretted it.  Belldandy
was giving her the *look*.  She didn't want to get on the bad side of her
younger sister, since her power ratings were unlimited.  The eldest Norn
sighed.  "I'm sorry about last night, whatever I did."  Urd frowned.  "Did
I puke last night?"  The acidic taste of her mouth screamed yes.  "I-- I'm
sorry." 

	"It's okay, Urd.  Please don't say anything about it."

	The silence between the two sisters stretched.  Finally, Urd broke
the tension.  "So... what was it like to become one with your
Incarnation?" 

	Belldandy responded with a mysterious smile.  "I felt timeless,
and the warm glow of the spirit enveloped me. I relived the lives of my
past and realized I was not alone.  And love...." 

	Urd started in surprise.  "You weren't changed inside?"  Her
sister nodded.  "For me, it's like...."  Urd struggled to find the right
words.  "It's like it wants to melt me and form something completely
different."

	Belldandy gently touched her sister's hand.  "You are what you
are, eldest sister.  Nothing can change that, not even your Incarnation. 
Only you can change yourself.  The mind knows only what lies near the
heart.  Search your feelings, and you will know." 

	Urd rubbed her red eyes and wiped away the excess moisture. 
"Yeah, uhhh...."  She abruptly changed the subject.  "So where's the
little runt?"

	"Skuld is in her room." 

	Urd inwardly cringed.  Her sister was giving the *look* again. 
Belldandy was probably still simmering from the prank yesterday.  Beneath
that beautiful mask of serenity.... 

	Urd slightly shuddered.  Maybe she shouldn't have called her
youngest sister a 'runt.'  Urd forced a grin.  "I guess I should say
goodbye to Skuld before I leave."

	The hallway telephone rang, interrupting Belldandy as she was
about to reply to her sister. 

	"I'll get it, Urd.  Why don't you get ready?" 

	Urd nodded.  "I will."  Belldandy gracefully rose and exited the
room. 

	The eldest Norn stood up and stretched her muscles.  She didn't
feel altogether bad.  Urd had worse hangovers when she was young.  She
rubbed her temples.  Thankfully enough, the headache was minor, and the
dizziness was almost gone.

	Urd yawned and peered at the wall mirror; she frowned at her
reflection.  Her hair was tangled, while her smooth, tanned skin glistened
with sweat. 

	This won't do, Urd thought.  Drawing upon the Seidr, the eldest of
the Norns prepared a spell.  She had to look her best for her entrance
back home.

	"Rays of Sol,
	Illume this body,
	Burn the weary,
	Leave beauty to reign."

	A bright light embraced Urd; the rumpled pajamas transformed to
her goddess uniform, while her hair untangled to its natural curvy state. 
Mists of faint, pleasing perfume enveloped her, dissipating the pungent
odors of alcohol and sweat with its fragrance. 

	Urd stared at her reflection in the mirror and grinned. 
"Perfect."  All she had to do was call the Central Office and reregister
as an active goddess.

	"Urd." 

	The refreshed goddess started at Belldandy's voice.  Her grin
faded as she turned toward her sister.  A puzzled expression had replaced
Belldandy's calm.  "Urd, it is Hugin from the Palace.  He wants to speak
with you."

	Urd's brow involuntarily creased in consternation.  Hugin was
Odin's Number One, the Thought that peered into the minds of all from
Gladsheim, the Palace of Odin.  Why was *he* calling her? 

	Urd controlled her apprehension.  "O-Okay.  I'll get it."  She
walked into the hallway, drew a deep breath and picked up the receiver. 

	"Hello, Sir." 

	"Hi, Urd," an odd, cawing voice replied.  "No need to use
formalities.  I hate them.  Makes me feel old." 

	Urd blinked.  "Y-yes, Hugin." 

	"Don't worry.  I'm just calling to congratulate you on your
reinstatement.  It must've been tough down there." 

	Urd guardedly answered.  "I actually enjoyed staying in Midgard. 
It was nice to escape from Sys Admin for a while."

	"I know what you mean," Hugin nonchalantly said.  "Well, Urd. 
Drop by Gladsheim for a bit when you have the chance.  I can't shut
Munin's blabbing mouth for the life of me." 

	"I will." 

	"By the way... your first assignment is a wish trip," Hugin said. 
"You'll get the details when you arrive at Sys Admin." 

	Urd slammed her hand against the wall.  "WHAT?  A WISH TRIP?"  She
clamped her mouth in shock.  She had just shouted at Hugin, possibly the
second in command after Odin.  Shelving her worries for later, Urd
regained her composure and protested.  "W-wait, Hugin!  I'm a sys-op, a
graduate of the Service Academy!  I'm not some wishy-goddess--" 

	"Well, think of it this way, Urd.  Ease yourself back in by taking
the simple jobs first," said Hugin, his tone demanding obedience.  "You've
been lazing around, haven't you?"

	"I-- uhhh.  Yes, Sir." 

	"You don't have to call the Central Office.  The registration has
been taken care of." 

	"Yes, Sir." 

	"One more thing, Urd.  No matter how simple a wish trip may seem,
the Goddess Relief Office provides a vital service.  Got that?" 

	"Yes, Sir." 

	"Good.  Talk with you soon, Urd." 

	"Goodbye, Sir." 

	Urd hung-up the phone and sighed.  Just when she thought she was
back in the loop....

	"Is something wrong?" asked Belldandy. 

	Urd morosely replied, "Of course nothing's wrong, Belldandy. 
Hugin says I have to play the wishy goddess routine for a while." 

	"You know it's an important job," Belldandy admonished.  "The
people we contract through the wishes will someday preserve Hope beyond
Ragnarok." 

	Urd sulked.  Yes, she knew it was important, but she never wanted
to do menial work like giving wishes.  Urd pouted.  "But Belldandy, it's
so bor--"

	"Leaving?" 

	Skuld. 

	Wearing her red and white uniform with Mjolnir strapped to her
back, Skuld stood at the far end of the hallway, glaring at her eldest
sister with her puffy, red eyes.  Great, Urd thought.  What a nice way to
start the day.  Skuld was spoiling for a fight. 

	Urd hid her irritation at being interrupted and levelly said,
"Yeah, I'm leaving right now." 

	"Then I'm glad you're going, you-- YOU WITCH!"  Skuld stormed back
to her room and slammed the slide door closed. 

	"I already apologized," Urd muttered to no one in particular.  She
winced as a sharp pain stabbed her forehead.  Just my luck, she thought. 
Her headache was back with a vengeance; the hangover wasn't gone, yet. 
Urd pasted a sickly smile and turned toward Belldandy.  "Sis, could you
cast one of your spells of healing?  My headache is getting worse." 

	"No." 

	"But Bell," Urd whined.  "I'm not good with those sort of things." 

	"Then you shouldn't have 'hammered' yourself last night." 

	The eldest Norn huffed and cursed under her breath as her headache
dulled to a continuous, throbbing pain, just the type she hated.  There
was no doubt her sister was still angry at the prank, though her face was
expressionless.  Belldandy was so uptight, but immensely skilled with the
Seidr -- a baffling contradiction to Urd's opinion. 

	Urd crossed her arms and frowned.  "I just don't get it.  With
your talents you could've become a top Admin in the Central Office.  Why
didn't you apply there instead to the Relief Office?" 

	"It was my choice," Belldandy calmly replied. 

	"Some choice." 

	Belldandy ignored her sister's retort.  "Before you leave, Urd, I
have one more thing to say.  What you did yesterday was inexcusable.  I
haven't seen Skuld this upset since Mother passed away." 

	Comprehension dawned upon Urd.  So that's why Bell is so angry,
she thought.  Mother.  Urd had to tread carefully around her sisters
whenever Mother was involved. 

	"Again, I'm sorry, Belldandy.  It was just a joke." 

	"Skuld doesn't think so." 

	"Oh come on, Bell.  It was harmless, and Skuld doesn't have a
scratch.  Lets forget about it.  It won't happen again." 

	"Mother would have disapproved." 

	Mother.  Mother.  Mother.  Always Mother.  That woman couldn't be
pleased.  Urd hated it when Belldandy brought up their deceased Mother,
her standards, her expectations, her lofty goals -- the 'correct' way of
living as a goddess.  It reminded her of those confusing adolescent years,
when the pressures from her 'mother' and father literally drove her
insane.  Urd glowered.  "We've been over this before, Belldandy.  No. 
More."

	"..." 

	Urd calmed her growing frustration.  "Look, Belldandy.  I won't do
any more pranks on Skuld or tamper with Keiichi's mind, okay?  I promise." 
There, that should shut her complaints, Urd thought.

	It was too bad though.  Urd was certain that without her help,
Belldandy and Keiichi will never... 'consummate their love.'  Wait a
minute, she thought.  Urd mentally slapped herself.  Not tampering with
Keiichi's mind?  Consummate?!  What was she thinking? 

	Urd shuddered.  Even a slight mention of Mother was making her
think of 'proper' action in 'proper' words.  Urd glanced at her sister and
sighed.  Belldandy had a somewhat dubious expression.  Urd had already
given her promise; she couldn't take it back.  "I'll keep this vow, Bell. 
You can trust me.  I won't even get near Keiichi with any of my potions." 

	"It's okay, Urd.  I understand." 

	"Now, ummm, I'll get going."  Urd paused in sudden realization and
screwed up her face.  She knew she was forgetting something, something
important.  Then it hit her.  Skuld. 

	Well, Skuld was her sister after all and as the Elder Deities
would say, 'Blood is thicker than water, the life giver.' Urd had to admit
that the runt had a lot of spunk and intelligence for her age; she
couldn't deny she had a grudging respect for the brat, no matter how
annoying she was.  Urd reluctantly instructed Belldandy.  "Say goodbye to
Skuld for me and tell her I'm sorry."  Belldandy nodded in response. 

	Closing her eyes in concentration, Urd embraced the Seidr and
chanted the teleportation spell.  Just before the activation of the spell,
Urd mouthed the words 'goodbye' to Belldandy. 

	In a flash of light, Urd was gone. 


	For a long moment, Belldandy stood in the hallway, staring at the
vacant space where Urd once was.  A single tear escaped from one of her
eyes.

	"Farewell, eldest sister." 

= = =

	It was cold. 

	Urd shivered as the merciless winds whipped her body, chilling her
to the bone.  It was utterly ridiculous, trudging through the Alaskan
wilderness when her proper place was in the War Room of Yggdrasil. 

	Rubbing her freezing fingers, Urd took out the info folder of the
wish recipient. 

	This info file current as of 172345012410293

	Name:  Haegmann, Karl
	Gend:  Male
	Age:   29 cycles
	Occp:  N/A
	Home:  Gradient 326, Alaska
	Desc:
		Height:   six feet, one inches (American length system)
		Weight:   164lb (American weight system)
		Race:     Swedish-German
		Features: hair color, blonde.  eyes, blue.
	Addit: N/A
	Hist:  N/A

	Urd sighed and struggled through the snow storm.  Her assignment
made no sense whatsoever.  The file indicated practically nothing about
the man.  No personal history, no reason for being a recipient, no home
address, nothing. 

	Urd frowned then winced in pain as a new headache assaulted her. 
She clenched her jaw until the stabbing needles withdrew like a receding
wave.  Great, that's the fifth time since I left the temple, she thought. 
Stupid hangover.  It was strange, however.  Urd had never experienced
headaches that lasted so long. 

	Urd plowed ahead, ignoring the latent pain in her skull.  The
Relief Office had given her the cold shoulder.  She had immediately gone
to the Relief Office after affirming the temporary transfer from Sys
Admin.  When she had arrived, a lone novice, fresh out of the Service
Academy, was assigned to help her familiarize with her assignment.

	Some help, Urd bitterly thought.  The novice had dumped a stack of
manuals and left her, *left* her without a single word of explanation. 
She had expected a far better treatment, since Belldandy was their best
field operative. 

	Such rude conduct from the Relief Office had angered Urd.  The
headaches didn't improve her temper.  She had briefly wondered if the
office personnel were conspiring against her, but dismissed the notion.
She was positive her secret was safe.  Only a small circle of individuals
knew the truth of her origins; they would never reveal the secret, for it
could threaten the very fabric of Asgard....

	Her teeth chattering, Urd stuffed the file back into the folds of
her uniform.  She closed her eyes and concentrated, remotely querying
Yggdrasil through her link for the whereabouts of the recipient in the
forsaken wilderness of pine and snow.  An impression filtered down from
the Tree.  Beyond the knoll, nestled in a gully, beside a small creek. 

	Grunting in irritation, Urd quickened her pace.  She was itching
to complete the troublesome assignment.  The recipient not having a TV
made her job only more difficult. 

	Bypassing the small hill, Urd almost lost her footing as she tread
down the gully, nearly slipping on a hidden patch of ice.  Levitation was
dangerous, since the trees and snowfall were too thick; she was more
likely to get hurt by flying.

	Urd checked with Yggdrasil again.  Upstream.  She marched through
the snow paralleling the creek as the impression of the recipient grew
stronger with each step.  It was not long when Urd spotted a log cabin. 
She sighed.  She had finally found it. 

	Urd ran through the thick snow.  She had to get inside fast.  Her
arms and legs were numb, and she was shivering only occasionally.  She
knew the cold was overwhelming her.  In her haste and confidence, Urd
hadn't bothered to check the weather conditions and change into winter
clothing.  Even worse, Urd couldn't cast a heat spell, since she had to
conserve her power for the wish fulfillment.

	Urd furiously knocked on the cabin door. 

	Silence, except the moans of the chilling winds. 

	She pounded the door.  "Anyone in there?" 

	"..." 

	Urd decided to act.  She tried twisting open the knob.  Locked. 
This isn't the time to turn into an icicle, she thought.  Distancing
herself from the door, Urd threw a tiny force bolt into the lock.  It
exploded with a pop, ejecting a small cloud of shrapnel.

	Urd forced open the door, rushed inside and closed it.  The spell
had only slightly drained her energy reserves.  Urd felt she had enough
power for granting the wish.  Relieved to escape the storm, she shook off
the snow from her hair and scrutinized the cabin. 

	It was a mess. 

	Dirty clothes, trash and empty bottles littered the dirt floor.  A
lone gasoline lantern was on a low table at one corner, dimly lighting the
claustrophobic interior.  The room smelled of unwashed bodies and
something unpleasant.  A large cot was at another corner of the room,
easily occupying a third of the cabin. 

	A man was lying on the cot, wrapped inside a grimy sleeping bag. 

	Urd blinked.  "Karl Haegmann?"  The man was staring at her. 

	"Karl Haegmann?" 

	The man closed his eyes and muttered, "Must be dreaming." 

	Utter befuddlement struck Urd.  A dream?  He thought she was a
dream?  She'd show him.  Shuddering, Urd went outside, made a snowball and
rushed back into the cabin.  This will wake him up, she thought.  Urd
aimed and threw it at the man.

	The snowball splattered onto his face. 

	The man jolted up from the cot, only to get tangled in his
sleeping bag and fell down to the floor. 

	Urd snickered, briefly forgetting the numbing cold.  "It's no
dream, Karl.  I'm Urd from the Relief Goddess Office, and you've been
chosen as the recipient of one wish."  Urd rubbed her arms, trembling as
the warmth prickled her skin.  "Say, you wouldn't have any liquor in this
stink hole, have you?" 

	Karl glared at her.  He barked in a harsh voice.  "Goddess?  Wish? 
Liquor?"  Without warning, he erupted in roaring laughter. 

	Urd frowned.  Her first assignment wasn't going all too well. 
Maybe she should've thoroughly read the manuals, especially the one on the
interaction with mortals during first contact.  No matter.  It was too
late for regrets.  "Come on, Karl.  I don't have all day.  Make a wish." 

	Karl laughed even harder.  "Oh this is rich.  This is rich!  In
the middle of nowhere, a sales woman!"

	Something isn't right, thought Urd.  The man was a nutcase.  Why
did he get chosen as a wish recipient?  She placed her hands on her hips. 
"Are you finished?  Get on with it.  Make a wish." 

	Karl's laughter changed to disturbingly high-pitched giggles. 
Eyeing Urd, he crawled out of the sleeping bag cradling something with his
arm.  He wore a thick winter underpants and an undershirt, which were
probably white as snow in the past, only if the yellowish-brown stains
were gone. 

	Revealing a gun hidden under his armpit, Karl stood up and pointed
it at her.  "I don't know who you are or how you got here, but you're in
my house.  Get out before I kill you."  Karl wasn't giggling anymore. 

	Urd knew something was seriously wrong.  Yggdrasil would never
choose such a man as a candidate.  He should've never made the cut, yet
here she was, being threatened by a mere mortal with a crude projectile
weapon.

	"Take it easy, Karl.  I'm not here to harm you." 

	"Shut up.  Keep your hands where I can see 'em."  Karl motioned
with the gun.  "Open the door." 

	Urd's mind raced.  She had to do something fast.  Goddess or not,
the gun could hurt her.  Keeping her eye on Karl, Urd slowly reached
toward the door handle, all the while muttering a spell of Seidr.

	"Shut your mouth." 

	"... and vanish!" 

	The gun dematerialized in a kaleidoscope of colors.  Stunned, Karl
blankly stared at his empty hand, then collapsed as Urd kneed him in the
groin, hard. 

	As Karl writhed in pain on the dirt floor, Urd kicked him again
for good measure.  He made small, squirming sounds of intense discomfort. 

	Urd chanted another spell of Seidr.  Weaves of air roughly lifted
Karl off the floor and pinned him against the ceiling, holding him spread
eagled.

	Urd calmed her frayed nerves.  The immediate danger was gone.  It
was pure luck when she instinctively kneed him there, since years had
passed when she had last done it.  Her friend-- enemy had told her the
tricks of self-defense in rowdy bars and parties overflowing with raging
hormones. 

	"H-Hey!  Hey you!"  Urd glanced up.  His eyes bulging, Karl's face
flushed red with anger as he struggled against the weaves.  "G-Get me down
you bit--!"  Urd gagged him with another weave of air to silence him. 

	She had to think. 

	"Mmnphhfmmn!  Mmnnmmnnmpnnm!  Mmpppmmphf!" 

	"Will you just be QUIET?  I'll turn you into a FROG if you don't!" 

	"MMNNNMMPHHHF!" 

	"That does it."  Urd moved her hands as if casting a spell; Karl
ceased struggling.  "That's better.  Now be a nice guy and stay like that
for a while." 

	Urd grabbed her forehead and groaned as the enormity of her
actions came crashing upon her.  It was her first assignment for the
Relief Office, the first, and she screwed up big time.  But it isn't my
fault, she thought.  The man didn't believe she was a goddess, and he
wasn't up to the standards of a wish recipient anyway. 

	Yggdrasil must still have bugs from her tampering, Urd feared.  It
was the only logical explanation.  Yet she was positive Sys Admin
personnel had resolved the problems.  They had notified her days before
that all the corrupted nodes were replaced and the affected subroutines
were debugged, even without the help of the Bug-Killer Champion Skuld. 

	A thought entered her muddled mind.  Her messy assignment could be
easily taken care of if she altered certain records and logs.  She could
sneak back to Asgard and... no.  Urd squashed the idea.  The Central
Office would know, and the All Father would not be pleased.  She had to
solve the messy situation by the book.  She was in trouble. 

	"Mmmnphmmnnm." 

	Urd growled back to Karl.  "Quiet!"  He warily stared down at her. 

	Muttering some choice words at Karl, Urd cleared her thoughts and
focused to contact the Yggdrasil. 

	emergency situation notify relief office page belldandy and head
	of office flag yellow

	A message rumbled down her goddess link. 

	PROCESSING PLEASE STAND BY

	Urd tapped her foot as she waited for the Yggdrasil to respond. 
The seconds stretched like taffy until she could withstand no longer.
"What's taking so long?" she wondered. 

	Pain. 

	Urd shrieked as her head exploded in pain.  Her knees gave way,
and she fell to the ground gasping.  The headache was back.  This time it
was a steam roller flattening her brain. 

	Her sight blurred as her eyes filled with tears.  At the very
edges of her vision, Karl seemed to wiggle against the weaves holding him
up in the air.  Urd didn't care.  The pain.  The steam roller mashed her a
second time.  The pain. 

	*Accept*

	The Voice.

	Darkness rolled in.

= = =

        Marllar gasped in pleasure as she soaked in the scalding waters of
the spring.  The near boiling soup of minerals did wonders to stress and
old injuries.  It was a pity she could only take such short vacations to
Midgard, especially Japan.  Its islands were literally pocked full of hot
springs. 

        The relaxed demoness sank deeper into the pool until the steaming
water lapped her chin.  Ohhh yes, Marllar thought.  It was too bad she
couldn't visit often. 

        A squeal of laughter pierced Marllar's serene calm.  She glanced
towards the entrance to see two drunk women staggering toward the pool. 
Great, just great, she fumed.  Why couldn't these chits go some place
else?  It was past midnight, and most mortals in Japan were dead asleep. 

        "Oohaayooo!" greeted one woman.  Marllar languidly waved back and
watched them jumping in at the far side of the pool.  Strangely, they
didn't gawk when they saw her.  The Japanese mortals always eyed her in a
way that made Marllar feel squeamish inside; she hated them for it. 

        Marllar scratched her cheek and mused.  Maybe she could rid of
these mortals while squeezing some fun out of them.  She could cast a
dummy spell, make them neck each other into a frenzy and force them to
take their 'lovemaking' to some other 'private' place.  Marllar smirked. 
Yeah, that would be hilarious, she thought. 

        An intense moan snapped Marllar out of her thoughts. 

        She blinked. 

        "What the--" 

        The two chits were vigorously kissing and exploring each other,
something a proper Japanese woman would never do. 

        Marllar chuckled.  Well, *this* was a surprise, she thought.  It
could get very interesting.  She watched in growing amusement as the pair
pleasured each other, gasping and whining as they neared climax. 

        "Wait a minute...."  Marllar frowned.  Something was strange about
one of the women, the one with her hair dyed blonde....

        The blonde suddenly snapped her fingers.  Without warning, ear
jarring music shocked Marllar out of the spring. 

        ~~O  Sleep with one eye open,
        ~~O  Gripping your pillow tight.

        As the rock music assaulted her cranium, Marllar growled in pain
and threw a force bolt at the blonde, not caring for the mortal behind
her.  The blonde wasn't human, that Marllar was certain of.  True to her
guess, the blonde shot up to the sky while her partner took the full brunt
of the spell, exploding in a bloody shower of flesh. 

        ~~O  Exit light!  Enter night!
        ~~O  Taaaake my haaand.
        ~~O  We're off to Never-Never Land!

        Levitating high above the pool, the blonde snapped her fingers
again, dispelling the infernal music.  The woman crossed her arms and
sneered.  "Awwwww.  You killed Meiko.  That wasn't nice." 

        Grasping her pounding head, Marllar narrowed her eyes and glared
at the floating woman.  Marllar could recognize that sneer anywhere.  "Cut
the crap, Skammlaus!  I know it's you!" 

        A globe of darkness encompassed the blonde then dissipated,
revealing the true form of the hellspawn.  A powerfully framed incubus
floated down to the edge of the pool.  One could have called him handsome,
if not for the glowing eyes and the twisted pair of ram horns on his head. 
Like any other sexual demons, Skammlaus wore not a stitch of clothing. 

        "You must be getting rusty, Marllar, if you didn't detect me," he
replied in deep baritone. 

        "Can it!  Why are you here?" 

        Ignoring the angry demoness, Skammlaus fondly gazed at the ruined
form of his plaything and snickered. 

        "Alas, I knew you well, Meiko.  Your soul was delicious, so
divided, so ambivalent, trapped in the social mores, like so many virgins
of this realm of Nippon." 

        Marllar sniffed in disgust.  Skammlaus was into theatrics, to
strut around and show his stuff.  She knew it was just a cover though. 
Incubuses loved to act the 'intellectual' to make up for their feral
animal lust.  All the blood rushed out of an incubus's head whenever it
sighted a young, nubile female.

	In fact, Skammlaus was giving an *impressive* example as he leered
at her.  The annoying prick, she thought.  At least he wasn't as crazy as
the other hellspawn.  Most were pumped full of themselves with egos to
spare.

        "Stop blowing hot air you freaking bastard.  One last time.  Why
the fuck are you here?" 

        "Questions, questions." 

        Marllar prepared a spell he couldn't avoid; it would HURT.  Damn
the Doublet System for all she cared.  Skammlaus's counterpart in Asgard
could probably stand a wee bit of pain. 

        "If you don't have a good reason for 'interrupting' my
vacation...." 

        Skammlaus stammered, "H-Hey, hey.  Don't get so serious.  Anyway,
I'm here to give you a summons from Hel herself." 

        Dumbfounded, Marllar exclaimed, "What?  Mistress Hel?"  She felt a
cold knot of fear growing in her stomach.  The Queen of the Dead was no
one to be trifled with.  Marllar cancelled the spell and demanded, "Give
it to me now." 

        Skammlaus snapped his fingers.  Blazing symbols of ancient runes
materialized before Marllar's eyes. 

        As the demoness read the summons, her eyes widened in disbelief. 
"When did the Mistress give you this?" 

        "Oh, couple hours ago." 

        "WHAT!  A COUPLE?" 

	"Well, I got sidetracked.  I couldn't resist playing with this one
here."  Skammlaus pointed to the pulp that was once Meiko and licked his
lips.  "So tasty." 

        Marllar grimaced.  "Great.  Because of YOU, I'm late.  I'll get
you for this later." 

        Marllar immediately teleported to the bowels of Niflheim, leaving
behind the cackling incubus.