At 10:04 PM 11/13/98 -0500, Paul Arezina scrawled:

 >> Before Tybalt-sama bans all replies to this fic, let me get this in... and
 >> bring up a slight stumbling block in my reading of this fic. Cologne, who

I would hope Tybalt wouldn't ban the actual story critiques--character debates,
OTOH...

I'll just comment a little on the story since I don't know if I'll ever have time for
an indepth C&C.  I really liked the use of Ukyou's dreams/nightmares to reveal
Ranma as a puppet.  It was really spooky.  And Adrian asked a very good 
question--why *are* the girls so attracted to Ranma?  In this case, Ukyou
can't stop dreaming about him even though she's determined to get over him.

The denouement was exciting and unexpected, but somehow lacking.  So
much attention is paid to the Genma's secret, that you do little to explain
Ranma's charm.  

 >> Also, since the body is being controlled by someone from an
 >> objective view, the wizard can make it act and talk in an effectively
 >> flawless way to achieve its own ends, thus explains Ranma's 'charm'.
 
I think this needs to be explained more.

I'm also interested in why Ukyou's dreams seems so prophetic.  A side
effect of the drugs?  She's a psychic...or is her subconscious trying to
tell her something she refuses to accept?

*snip*

 >> Somehow, I find it implausible that Genma - particularly THIS Genma, who's
 >> even more self-serving than the one in the original series - would subject
 >> himself, even by proxy, to the absolute rational-thought-killing terror of
 >> the Nekoken. And don't go telling me that Genma was only faking it... even

Interesting point.  I don't think Genma is directly in control.  Think of him as 
manipulating the strings from the outside.  The little piece of his soul gives 
Ranma some semblance of life and autonomy, but it doesn't mean that 
Genma is inside Ranma's body.

*snip*
 
 >> Hmm. Or perhaps, even better, the Neko-ken shreds Ranma's mind and Genma has
 >> to use this technique to give himself something other than a feral child?
 >> Perfectly in character for Genma.

That's an interesting idea.  I prefer Adrian's way, though, 'cause the story is
so much weirder.  It reminded me of a certain episode in Vampire Princess
Miyu--particularly with the description of Ranma as marionette in Ukyou's
dream...and later of him lying bonelessly in the wheelchair.

Venkarel
(who'd like to see what this 'fic looks like revised *hint hint*)