The Dream

A short, WEIRD Ranma-fanfic By Adrian Wong
(and no, it's NOT Shamp-chan biased!)

All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi and some others

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It's a dream about him . . . again.

Sometimes, he would appear amidst a shower of sakura petals, allowing the
elegant pink to fall upon the dramatic crimson of his Chinese shirt, his
dark eyes narrowing in a gallant smile . . .

Other times, he would appear against a fading sunset, allowing a sheen of
fading gold to fall across his exposed chest, lean muscles glistering in a
thousand sweat drops that glistered like shattered glass upon a marble
statue . . .    

This time, he simply appear under the shades of a corpse of a tree,
allowing a spider web of shadows to fall across his androgynous face,
adding mystic to beauty.

She could felt her heart beating faster just by the simple act of staring
into that face.

The tempting, bubble lips, still devoid of facial hair, pursed sensuously
as the tempter whispered his question, a question that had been haunting
her dreams night after night ever since . . .

"Ucchan . . ."

". . . do you love me?"

"R-Ranchan?" she had asked back in shock and barely contained excitement. 

" . . . do you love me?"

"I-I . . ."

"You've fought for me, cook for me, transform back into a woman for me . .
." the glint in his eyes became increasingly intense as he pressed on, "so
now I'm asking you . . . do you love me?"

"I-I . . ." Ukyou stammered like an idiot.  Really, how could a guy ASK a
girl such a thing?!  It's not proper . . .

Softening his eyes, Ranma continued on in a pleading voice. 

"Please . . . Ucchan, say that you love me."  Leaning even closer towards
the trapped girl, he whispered, "This means the world to me . . . don't you
know that?"

"I . . ."  Ukyou turned away and forced herself to whisper out between
gritting teeth, her face blushing, "I do . . . yeah. I love you . . .
Ranchan."

And as in all the other dreams concerning him, Ranma would began to laugh
at this point.  Wildly, sultrily . . . tauntingly.

"Hmhmhmhm . . .hehehaha . . . HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"  Ranma spread out his
arm as he twirled around like a dancer as he proclaimed: "I knew it!  I
KNEW IT!!!"  Pointing a finger at Ukyou, he continued on despite his
laughter, "you love me, Kodachi love me . . . even Akane love me!!  I'm
still attractive . . . I'm STILL the man that every woman in town is after!
 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"  Looking up towards the sky with a wild, possessed
look in his dark eyes, he yelled: "SHAMPOO!  JUST YOU WAIT!  YOU'RE MINE
BEFORE, AND YOU SHALL BE MINE AGAIN!!!  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!"

 Ukyou would always be shocked at this point, despite her familiarity with
this dream.  "What are you talking about, Ranchan?"  She would whimper,
"What about me?"

Controlling his laughter, he turning towards her with a half-smile on his
handsome, brilliant face. 

"You?  YOU just keep on keep on loving me, dear Ucchan.  Bye."

With a flick of his ponytail, he leapt up into the air, and disappeared,
leaving behind her behind like he had done so many time before.

"R-Ranma? Ranma!!"

A chorus of laughter brought the okonomiyaki chef out of her dream.
Looking up from the table that she was perched upon, she sighed as she saw
how her two helpers were going at it again.  Oh well, at least those two
managed to wake her up from her nightmare.   

Months had passed by since the incident with that damned Reversal Jewel.
Ranma had reverted to his normal, I-shall-run-a-mile-to-escape-a-fiancee
self after succeeding in getting Shampoo to confess her love for him in
public.  Not long afterwards came the wedding between the Tendo and the
Saotome.  After wrecking it up together with Shampoo out of her anger at
being betrayed, she had finally managed to get the self-restraint to stop
chasing after the boy for the first time in the ten years that she had
known him. After all, she had a living to make: her father had long since
stopped sending her money after she had stupidly told him that she had
decided to be re-engaged to the Saotome boy.  She simply couldn't afford to
play the jitted, bitter woman in distress.

Well, not everything was going downhill for her, at least.  Last month, she
had finally moved into this new store place in plaza street.  It is at
least three times the size of the old Ucchan's, and was located at a spot
that was much more convenient for the working class to drop by and have a
quick but elegant meal of okonomiyaki.  Ukyou's daily income has increased
by at least five times after the new Ucchan's had opened, thus allowing her
to finally pay Konatsu at normal rates.

But still, the dramatic increase in workload, combined with her own
schoolwork, was forcing her to get additional help to help carry on the
business of the restaurant . . .

. . . and guess WHO sighed up for the part considering the minimum wedge
being offered?     

 "Aiya!  Get out! You expect Shampoo believe that?" The Chinese girl
giggled as her gloved hands absently scrubbed on a dirty dish. 

"It's true, Shampoo-sama!"  Konatsu's ponytail bobbed up and down in a
rather lively manner.  "That weird guy actually burned his hand on the
griddle without knowing it while watching me adjust my top!"

"Hahahaha . . . and you have already stopped cross-dressing!"   
	
"Shampoo . . . I don't believe you." Ukyou sighed as she strode  up to the
pair.  "You've been here for an hours now, and you're still washing that
same dish.  Some HELP you are.  Why not just cut the charade and admit that
you only came here to flirt with my waiter?"    

Immediately, Konatsu blushed.  "Ukyou-sama!  It's not what you think!"

Shampoo, however, simply draped an arm over the embarrassed boy and purred
coyly at Ukyou.

"Well, Shampoo definitely not come for cheap pay rate.  Why? Jealous,
Ukyou-chan?"

"I don't believe you two!"  Konatsu shrugged off Shampoo's arm and escaped
into the backroom of the restaurant with much embarrassment.  "I am going
to take out the trash now."

Chuckling as she stared after him, Shampoo said:

"Him very high quality husband.  No wonder Ukyou give up on Ranma with such
ease."

"Konatsu is just a friend!"  Ukyou snapped.  "Besides, I'm better off
without Ranch . . . I mean, Ranma, to distract my career anyway.  He's too
much of a tease for the peace of my mind.  But deity, if I knew that you
were into cross-dressers, I'd have introduced Tsubasa to you a long time
ago just to get him off my heels."

"Shampoo no understand why Ukyou said word #cross-dresser# as if disease,"
the Amazon snorted.  "After all, Ukyou do wear boy's clothes to school even
now."

"It's different!"  Ukyou spat.

"Of course," Shampoo replied, "most girl manage look good in boy's getup,
while only few very beautiful boys look good as girls.  That's why
good-looking boys in village sometimes pride themselves in being able to
pass as girls: show them they are beautiful -"

"Okay!  I don't want to know anything about your weird Amazon culture!"
Ukyou raised her hand in a sigh of surrender.  "Just take him and go if you
want him that much.  Though I'll never understand how you would prefer
Konatsu over Mousse."
	
	"Cause Mousse always force self on Shampoo, telling world that Shampoo his
property.  He even have good grace to act insulted back when Shampoo repeat
for 100th time that she no want him."  The girl snorted.  "Stupid duck."

	"But he has changed a lot through the time I've known him . . . the last
time I saw him, he was actually sincere when he told you that he'd
patiently wait for your love without ever forcing himself on you again."
Ukyou added as Shampoo sighed.

	"You mean that time at Shampoo's place right before we wreck Ranma's
wedding.  Well . . . guess so.  But is too late.  Over 10 years of being
harassed by same person did incredible things to your views regarding him.
 Konatsu, on other hand, simply hope for the best for the one that he
loves, never asking for anything in return . . ." Eyeing Ukyou
meaningfully, Shampoo continued on, "it not every century that such
selfless boy comes along.  If Ukyou really no want Konatsu, Shampoo take
home back to village, where he be treated right for once.  Our men have
much to learn from him."

	"Take him then."  Ukyou sighed wearily.  "I've okonomiyaki to cook, school
work to deal with, business connections to makes . . . I have no time for
ANY man if I'm ever going to average my family's lost honor by making the
name Kuonji shine out in the world of Japanese Fast Food!  Talking about
honor . . . " Ukyou turned to Shampoo, "what's gonna happen to you, now
that you've failed to corner Ranma into marry you according to your law?"

	At hearing this, Shampoo sighed.

	"It no so much that Shampoo no snare Ranma in marriage according to
outdated law, than the fact that Shampoo screwed up big time in village
when accepting Ranma's challenge, making village lose tournament price for
first time ever.  Being so easily provoked like that probably stupidest
thing Shampoo ever done in life."  She sulked.  "But still, there other
ways to satisfy Shampoo's lost honor . . . at the Saotomes' expense, of
course."

	Ukyou raised an eyebrow at hearing that. "Do you mean what I think you
mean by your last sentence?"

	Shampoo simply smiled secretively in return. "That my own business, please
no pry into."

	"Whatever."  Ukyou sighed.  It was indeed none of her business.  After
all, she didn't owe Ranch . . .ma any duty or friendships, not anymore.  If
anything, that old panda still need to pay up for stealing her dowry!  Let
the Amazons do what they want with them.  Genma, for one, will deserve
whatever that he is going to get.
	
A ghost of boy, forever smiling at her with that enticing glimmer of light
within his dark eyes, appeared at the back of her mind.  

/* Don't kid yourself, Ucchan.  You still love me . . . I can tell.  After
all, who else but me could find you kawaii? /

Ukyou gritted her teeth, and shatter the ghost with considerable effort.
She had more at stake than a good-looking, sweet-tongued boy, she won't be
dragged back into the beautiful, painful dream again . . . if she can help it.

As if reading her thoughts, Shampoo's coy expression softened, as she
patted the other girl on her back.  

"Earth to Ukyou?  Earth to not-nice Spatula Girl? Still longing after
pretty pigtailed boy?"

"Be quiet!"  Ukyou snapped as she indulged herself in mixing up some new
ingredients for the coming dinner crowd.  After a while, she softened up
and sighed.

"God . . . just WHY does he have to be so damned . . . ATTRACTIVE?!  Why
can't he please grow fat, or ugly, or like his father so I can actually
stand giving up on him?"

"Konatsu better looking than him."  Shampoo pointed out, "even your
customers say so.  Ranma's attraction come from . . . something else."

"Yeah . . ." Ukyou sighed as she stirred up her starch.  "He's so brave, so
strong . . ."

"Not just that," Shampoo interrupted her again, "Ryoga and Mousse just as
brave as him, and Saffron and Tarou both stronger . . . is something else
that drew us to Ranma in beginning."  

"Well?  What is it?"  Ukyou asked as she sprinkled spices down into the
starch.  "Tell me, tell me so I can find a way to counter it."

"You want know?"  Shampoo asked, suddenly playful.  "Then Shampoo need
Ukyou help do something."

"What is it?"  

"Shampoo need Ukyou to invite all Saotomes over to Ucchan's for dinner
tonight."  Shampoo said matter-of-factly as Ukyou almost hit the roof.

"Are you INSANE?!  After all this time I've spent avoiding that bunch, and
now you just me to bring them back into my life again?!"

"One night dinner no bring anyone back to Ukyou's life."  Shampoo retorted,
"it just social call."

"Well, no how, no way!"  Ukyou growled.  "Besides, what's the point of it?
I'm not on friendly terms with any of them anymore."

"Well, if nothing else, Shampoo can show you what Ranma's attraction is  .
. . once and for all." She smiled mysteriously. 

"How?"

Smiling, Shampoo whipped out a small paper-package of powder and showed it
to the other girl.

"By mixing it into okonomiyaki you use tonight."

"You want me to ^&(&*&( DRUG them?!  No, Shamps, no way.  NOT in my
restaurant.  Do you know how much trouble this could get me into?"

"This no drug!  See?"  Shampoo scoped up a bit of the stuff and put it in
her mouth, licking her lips and swallowing it, "no reaction."  

Studying the girl suspiciously, Ukyou asked.  "Well . . . what is it then?"

"To all modern science, this normal Chinese sweetening spice.  But to
trained magic user, this something that will temporarily stop  whoever eat
it from using magic for a while.  It no have any effects on normal people."

"Okay . . ."  Ukyou looked at the package dubiously.  "So . . . what's the
point of me serving this to the Saotomes?"

The girl adapted a mysterious expression on her face as she replied.

"If Shampoo tell you everything now, you think Shampoo insane, and will not
help Shampoo.  But if this works out, then tonight is night when Ukyou
finally be free of Ranma's temptation once and for all."

Ukyou blinked, them laughed so hard that she surprised even Shampoo.  "Are
you TRYING to tell me that Ranchan is using magic to bewitch all the
members of his fiancee club?  Geez, you're worse than Kuno!"

"Shampoo can't tell you everything now,"  she insisted stubbornly, "but
will Ukyou do as Shampoo say and mix this into Saotomes' dinner?"

"Why don't you just put this junk into your own deliveries and make a round
to Tendo Dojo?  It IS beneath me to get involved in something like this
pathetic."

"Stupid tomboy throw away everything Shampoo deliver there.  But Saotomes
always trusted Ukyou . . . even back when they lost dojo in gamble, you the
one they all went to for help."

"That was a long time ago . . ."    

"Please, Ukyou . . . Shampoo's honor at stake here,"  the Chinese girl
suddenly took up a sad expression as she leaned towards Ukyou. "You know
how it is like to have a man steal away your honor, don't you?"

Ukyou was silent as she heard that.

"We on same boat, Ukyou."  Shampoo said.  "If this works out, both our
honors regained."

"And if this spice is some kinda weird magic junk, I'll be the one taking
the blame.  Is that it?"

"You no trust Shampoo?"  the girl asked, casting her starlit, violet eyes
upon her . . .

After a long moment of silence, Ukyou relented, and sighed.

"God, I must be insane or something.  But alright, just this once, I'll
help you on your weird plan . . . and if you have lied to me, not even your
granny can prevent me from using you as the ingredient of my new batch of
Chinese Neko-okonomiyaki!"

"Deal!"  Shampoo took a look at the clock, and said, "Shampoo's work shift
over, will call Ukyou tonight after your dinner with the Saotomes, okay?
Oh, and say Bye-bye to cute Ninja boy for Shampoo?"

"Yeah . . . yeah, whatever."   

With that, Shampoo gathered her stuff and left Ucchan's, while Ukyou looked
at the package of power in her hand.

Well . . . why not?  If Shampoo can swallow that stuff herself, then it
probably won't be too harmful.

Besides, she deep down inside, she did want an excuse to see Ranma again,
if nothing else . . . Picking up the phone, she made a call to the Tendo
Dojo as she idly sprinkled the power into her mix of ingredients.   

*		*		*		*		*		*  
 
"Wow, your okonomiyaki has certainly improved a lot since the last time we
met, Ucchan!"

"Thanks . . . Saotome-kun." 

Sitting on the same table with her object of desire for the first time in
almost a month, Ukyou was straining to appear gracious and nonchalant as
her guests enjoyed their meal.  The Saotomes had come . . . together with a
new member, none the less.

"A big place you've got here," the soon to be Akane Saotome commented
rather tensely as she looked around at the vast number of dinners that
night.  "Hopes it keeps you busy enough from doing anything . . . hasty at
my upcoming wedding next week."

Okay . . . so the Tendo girl was still holding a grudge against the
okonomiyaki chef for the flash bombs at the wedding.  Well, she'd be damned
if she was going to feel guilty over something that was mostly the fruition
of her frustration at Ranma for stringing her along all this time. 

"Thank you," she replied pleasantly.  "This place could have been better,
had I devoted more of my time in making a living instead of living a lie
for the past year.  A woman is a fool if she would choose a beautiful
promise over a solid career . . . I can see that now.  After all, the men
these days are too fickle to be trusted.  One moment they're flattering you
to hell and back, and the next . . . they're off to higher grounds with
their own interests in mind.  So, Tendo-san, what would you like as a
wedding present?"

Akane, who had already quit high school in her preparation to become a full
time matron, tensed up at hearing that.  Nodoka remained oblivious as she
ate demurely while her son continued to pig out like there was no tomorrow.
 Her husband, however, managed to top them all by saying the following line
out loud:

"See, Wife?  Even as a failed ex-fiancee, Ukyou-chan here is still nice
enough to invite us all over for dinner!  Says something about the
manliness of our son, doesn't it?"

And still, Ranma ate on without stopping, wolfishly . . . almost
automatically, without batting an eye.

< How utterly Saotome, >  Ukyou thought to herself dejectedly.  < That's
Ranma for you: handsome, tough . . . and with a skull thick enough to
ignore whatever embarrassment that comes his way. >

The rest of the dinner passed by uneventfully, saved for a few more
"pleasantries" exchanged between the two former rivals.  Akane might have
won Ranma, but in the arena of verbal sparring, she wasn't even close to
being her match.

It was only after she had closed up the restaurant for the night that she
remembered about the Chinese spice that she had put into the okonomiyaki.
What was it supposed to accomplish anyway?  Ranma had inhaled at least
twenty of the spiced okonomiyaki, and he was still his usual, thick-headed
self.  Oh well, time to clean up and get some much needed sleep in prepared
for tomorrow's work . . . 

Just then, the phone rang.  Picking it up, she heard Shampoo's excited voice:

"Nihao!  Ukyou feed Saotomes spice yet?"

"Yeah . . . it doesn't seem to have any effect on ANY of them though -"

"Is alright!  As long as they actually ATE it!  Thanks, Ukyou!  Now
Shampoo's honor's regained!"

"WAIT!"  Ukyou shouted before Shampoo hang up.  "Just WHAT is that  junk
supposed to have accomplished anyway?  And you said I'm supposed to find
out the source of Ranma's attractiveness?!"

"Ukyou want answers?  Meet Shampoo at 6am tomorrow at front door of Tendo
Dojo, and find out for self!"

"6am?!  It is Saturday tomorrow!  I -  HELLO?!"

Too late, Shampoo had gleefully hanged up on her already, leaving Ukyou to
curse into the receiver before slamming it down with much violence.  

< Crazy Amazon bimbo!  Humph!  If she expect me to wake up early just for
this nonsense, then she has even less brain cells than I gave her credit
for! >

*		*		*		*		*		*

Goddamit!  It's YET another dream about him again.

This time, he appeared stark-naked amidst a web of crimson ribbons.
Sitting on it like a spider, he reached out a hand towards Ukyou and spoke
up sensuously:

"Ucchan . . . even being rejected like this, you're still lusting after me,
aren't you?"

"Stop it . . ."  Ukyou shuddered in rage, yet unable to keep her eyes off
his splendid form.  The tempter persisted on, devilishly, sultrily.

"Come to me, Ucchan.  Do not deny your own heart, do not deny your own body
. . . come over and nourish me with your love."

"I DON'T LOVE YOU, DAMMIT!!!"  Ukyou screamed in denial.  "Go away, you . .
. you . . . SAOTOME!!!"

Ranma laughed at hearing that.

"You hated the name of my father, don't you?  Can't blame you, considering
that incredible trick that he had pulled over you when you were five . . .
but still, you won't escape me . . . for I am invincible in battle and in
love.  From the moment that you've set your eyes on me, I have already
marked your heart . . ."

Suddenly, the red ribbons snapped at Ukyou, tying the stunned girl up in a
crucifix pose.  Flowing towards her, with layers of ribbons trailing around
his body, Ranma advanced upon the stunned girl as the latter scream in horror.

"I have your heart . . . and you're bound to provide for me, if not with
your fighting skills, then with your food . . . if not with your food, then
with your money . . . if not with your money, then with your -"

Abruptly, Ranma froze with a stunned look on his face, as a horrible
transformation began to take place upon him.  His arms, slender and
well-toned, slowly began to change into the ugly, segmented ones of a
crudely made marionette.  Opening his mouth, he attempted to scream, only
to let out a shrilly mechanical sound, as his face shifted into that of a
puppet, with  his jaws opening and closing in the jerky, abrupt motion of a
doll.  His dark eyes, once the objects of her desire, were now two deep,
sightless sockets as two plastic eyeballs fell out from them.  Suddenly,
Ukyou noticed the fine threads that were connected to his limps, threads
that were stretching towards a crowd of darkness within this horrid dream.
One by one, they began to snap, until the long-haired puppet fall lifeless
down from his floating position, and into the dark abyss beneath her . . .

And Ukyou woke up with a scream, gasping for breath as he pressed down upon
her chest to keep her heart from leaping out.  Looking at the clock beside
her bed, she realized that it was 5 in the morning.

*		*		*		*		*		*

As Ukyou arrived at the front door of the Tendo Dojo, she saw Shampoo
already there, together with Cologne.  The girl smiled at her and said:

"Pleasant dreams last night, Ukyou?"

"You . . . you knew?!" she choked as the Amazon smiled.

"Shampoo suspected."

"Just . . . JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" Ukyou screamed in
frustration.  Shaking her head, Cologne sighed.

"Be patient, child.  The mystery behind Saotome Ranma's allure is about to
be revealed."      

With that, she leaped over the fence and into the Tendo Garden, followed by
the girls.

The sight that greeted them was not one that Ukyou would expect.

Genma, tied up in chains, was brawling his eyes out as behind him, the
usually maternal-looking Nodoka was now icily looking, as she made some
practice swings with her katana.  Akane was looking on nervously, while
Soun was brawling his eyes out.  The tied man screamed.

"WaHHH!!!!  Don't kill me, dear wife!!"

"You . . . you've failed me for the last time!"  Nodoka hissed as she cut
off his bandanna with a swift swing of her sword.  "I've only allowed you
to take Ranma away from me because I thought you would have CURED him!  And
now . . . and now . . . ALL THESE YEARS OF PAIN WERE WASTED!"  The woman
growled as she kicked her husband savagely.    

"ESCUSE ME!"  Ukyou interjected as she stepped up to the frantic pair,
blocking the Saotome matriarch's katana with her Spatula.  "But whatever do
you mean by curing him?  Was Ranma sick as a child?"

Nodoka appeared to struggle with herself for a moment, before finally
collapsing onto the ground in a sobbing mess.

"Sick . . . oh . . . how I wish that it was all there is to it.  Ever since
he was born, the doctors had told us than even as he grow up, he won't get
past the mental age of a baby due to the defection of his brain structure .
. .."

A stunned silence soon followed, as everyone waited for the information to
sink in . . .

"Okay,"  Nabiki shrugged, "so what else is new?" 

"WHAT?!"  Akane gasped in horror.  "I'm about to marry a retard?!"

Soun simply cried a river.

"HOLD IT!"  Ukyou said.  "No way in the seventh hell can Ranma be a retard!
 He's so . . . so . . ."

"Charming?"  Cologne asked.

"Yeah!"

Chuckling, the old woman stepped up to Genma and raised his chin with her
staff.

"Well, you who delight in exploring amoral, forbidden techniques in your
quest for power, who have you got to say to that, huh?"

"BUT IT WORKED!!!"  The man wailed.  "It gave Ranma the ability to become
normal again . . . no, not normal, a stunner!  A man among man!!"

Cologne laughed harshly at hearing that.  "Who do you think you're kidding,
Genma Saotome?   I have been wondering about just how on earth did that boy
manage to absorb martial arts techniques and women's love with such
expertise despite his young age, until finally, I realized the truth.  All
of the boy's skills in both martial arts and  seduction . . . they are not
his at all, are they?  Saotome Ranma is but a beautiful, empty shell,
incapable of thought, incapable of even squashing a fly . . . all this time
. . . all this time . . . it was YOU who had been controlling this puppet
of flesh and blood through the deadly, forbidden pressure-point technique
of MARIONETTE'S SHADOWDANCE!!"

Everyone but Shampoo was shocked at hearing that, even Nodoka, who had
gotten back up from the ground.

"Marionette's Shadowdance . . ."

Nodding, Cologne continued on. 

"It was a magical chi-technique that allowed a wizard to put part of his
own soul into a dead body, usually that of a freshly deceased person, to
control it as one would control a marionette.  Through the mental strength
of the wizard, the dead body can breath, eat, and appear in every possible
way to be alive, just like that normal person.  Even as the wizard is
sleeping, or unconscious, as long as he is alive, his soul can manipulate
the possessed body like it was his own.  In fact, with this technique, the
wizard can control the dead body with even greater ease that that of his
own body!  Also, since the body is being controlled by someone from an
objective view, the wizard can make it act and talk in an effectively
flawless way to achieve its own ends, thus explains Ranma's 'charm'.
Through his manipulation of this beautiful puppet, Genma had gotten money
and free food like no other father could ever have . . . not to mention
that he got to see what his son sees . . ."

Akane and Ukyou, both having been naked in front of Ranma in the past,
gagged, while Shampoo simply rolled her shoulders in an "I don't mind" sort
of way.  Coughing, Cologne continued on:  

"Anyway, this also explains Ranma's stunning agility, considering that
Genma's own incredible speed had been multiplied within the boy's body.  He
also managed to pick up quite a few of my tribe's techniques . . . the
stuff that a martial artist's dream is made of.   However, the reason that
such an impressive technique remains obscure is that, aside from its insult
upon the dead, it is also an incredible strain upon the user of the dark
art.  In order to manipulate the dead body, he will need to sleep and eat
five times the amount of a normal man in order to keep up his physical and
mental strength . . . not to mention that he will suffer server hair loss
as a result . . ."

"I didn't know that was gonna happen!"  Genma cried.  But no one was
listening to him, as Akane and Ukyou had both turned very . . . very green.

"So you see, Mrs. Saotome,"  Cologne said as she turned to Nodoka, "your
son has never been cured to begin with.  The boy that you've been reunited
with for the past month was just a puppet of your husband."    

Nodoka was gripping so tightly onto her katana that her knuckles were
paling as a result.

"So all this time . . ."  Akane whimpered.

"I've been in love with . . . A ZOMBIE?!?!"  Ukyou screamed, faintly
grateful to the fact that she hadn't had breakfast that morning.    

"Not quite," Shampoo said as she wriggled her finger, "since Ranma's brain
damaged to the point of no have soul, panda man can just put half of his
own soul within empty body to make it functional.  So basically, glomping
Ranma means glomping young, handsome version Genma."  Smiling coyly, the
girl continued on, "Oh well, Shampoo no can say it wasn't satisfying . . .
considering it Ranma's beauty that draw Shampoo to him in first place.
Shampoo could do worse for a brief fling.  Now that Panda Man, beginning of
all this mess, is getting justly punished at wife's hand, Shampoo's honor
finally regained.  Heh, no more staying in sexist hellhole for Shampoo."   

"Wait!"  Soun exclaimed.  "All is not lost yet!  As long as Saotome-kun can
mind-control Ranma again, the wedding next week can still -OOF!!!"

Slapping her father, Akane ran straight into the house.  Sounds of vomiting
could be heard from the kitchen soon afterwards.

 Licking her dry lips, Ukyou hissed.

"Ranma, where is he now?"

"He's here."

Smiling with her usual, oblivious smile, Kasumi rolled Ranma out to the
garden on a wheelchair, who was lying bonelessly upon it.  He was still
handsome as ever, of course, but the tempting spark of light within his
eyes were gone, replaced by a dull, unattractive blankless.  This is the
real Saotome Ranma: a beautiful, vacant puppet of flesh and blood.  Seeing
the lost look of sadness on Ukyou's face, Shampoo sighed.

"That no is one you've been loving, Ukyou."  Pointing at the groveling,
pathetic man on the ground, she said, "THIS is man you have been loving . .
. Shampoo hope Ukyou now finally have good sense to let go of false love .
. . or Shampoo need slap some sense in you." 

Gathering herself, Ukyou walked up towards Genma, and surprised everyone by
gently cupping his bloated, saggy face within her hands, and said with
genuine emotions:

"Farewell . . . Saotome, I can truly let go of our past now."

Releasing the stunned man, she turned to Nodoka, and handed her own
giant-spatula to the woman.

"Here, use this instead of the katana to execute him: its thick edge can
inflict much more pain that that of a sharp blade.  Use this to end his
miserable existence, and I'll gladly forget about the family yatai that
your man has stolen from my family."

Amidst the shouts of frantic pleas, the young Kuonji gently kissed the
soulless, but still handsome Ranma on his forehead . . . and started to
walk away into the morning rays of the rising sun with a light smile on her
face.  Now that the beautiful, deadly lie was done with, she can finally
let go of the faux dream after all these years of pain.  She now has a new
dream to chase . . . a dream that shall regain her family's honor once and
for all . . . a dream that does not involve the mercy of another man.   

For the old dream, the deceitful, worn out dream truly did not matter . . .
not anymore.    

THE END