[It's here!  It's here!]

TA'VEREN 1/2: TALES OF THE RONIN
---
by John Walter Biles (rhea@maison-otaku.net)
 and Jeremy Blackman (loki@maison-otaku.net)
---
DISCLAIMER/CAUTION
This fanfic is a crossover between Rumiko Takahashi's Ranma 1/2,
which you all should be familiar with by now <grin>, and Robert
Jordan's _Wheel of Time_ series (8 books and growing!), which if
you aren't familiar with, you should be.  For shame.  Go buy the
whole set.  Right now.  Well, ok, finish this paragraph first.

While it is not necessary to have read _Wheel of Time_ to enjoy
this fanfic, if you have, we warn you that while we didn't follow
the plot of Wheel of Time exactly (in fact, we plan to deviate pretty
majorly by the time we reach the plot of book 3), obviously there will
be some spoilers.  Having warned you about that...

***

CHAPTER 4
    Tylor, The Most Irresponsible Man!

***

      Ranma was miserable.

      Not that this was particularly unusual of late.  In fact, she
reflected as she sneezed violently, it seemed about par for the course. In
fact, she wouldn't be all that surprised if the Wheel of Time itself ran
over her.  At least then she wouldn't be stuck here in the rain.  The
freezing cold rain.  And the mud.  No, she wouldn't miss the mud.  In
fact, being dead was beginning to sound quite nice.  It would probably be
warm, at least. 

      With a long-suffering sigh, she stopped slogging through the
muck and leaned back against a tree, trying to stay dry under the shelter
of its branches.  This can't be happening, she told herself.  Fanboys did
not attack me.  I didn't get doused with magic water.  I'm not standing
in the middle of Creator-knows-where, soaking wet, up to my shins in cold
mud, following an obnoxious shriveled up Aes Sedai and her pet Warder to
the ends of the earth.  And most of all, I am NOT a girl!

      Cologne's voice drifted back through the rain.  "Are you coming,
girl?  We haven't got all day."

      Ranma snarled.  "I'm not a girl, you Aes Sedai ghoul!"  She
shivered, rubbing her arms to keep warm, accidentally brushed her chest,
and finished rather lamely, "...I just, uh, look like one right now." 

      "Boy, girl... I don't care what you are, child.  If you don't catch
up soon, you'll be a frog."  Cologne's voice grew slightly fainter as she
kept moving.  Ranma, however, remained where she was.  After all, the Aes
Sedai wouldn't REALLY turn someone into a frog, would she?  And even if
she did, at least frogs didn't mind the rain.

      Cologne's voice drifted back.  "If you're not back with the group
within the next two minutes, I'm sending Soun back to get you.  You don't
want to have to end up tied to the horse to keep you going, do you?" 

      Deciding that Cologne probably meant what she said this time, Ranma
hurried onward through the thickening rain, ignoring the mud that sucked
at her boots and splattered up along her clothes.  Finally reaching the
party, she gasped for breath while glaring at Cologne.  "There.  Are
you... happy now?" she wheezed. 

      Cologne looked back at Ranma levelly - or as levelly as someone who
was two feet tall could.  "You had fifteen seconds to spare, girl.  You're
getting better at keeping up." 

      Ranma was about to comment, when Shinnosuke noticed her and blinked.
"Hello."  He smiled charmingly, transferring the jewelled broom to his
left hand and holding out his right in greeting.  "You're pretty cute...
have we met before?"  Then he hit the mud as Ranma decked him hard enough
to knock him out as she muttered something incoherent, but which would
probably have earned her a mouthful of soap had Hinako heard it.

      Hinako, meanwhile, was trying to confront Cologne.  As her
child-like self, she could almost look the Aes Sedai in the eyes. 
Petulantly, she intoned, "As the Wisdom of Nerima's Field, I demand that
we go find Ryouga Aybara and Akemi al'Vere!"  She gazed fiercely at
Cologne, trying to stare her into submission.  Ranma would have found the
sight of the young girl in a glaring match with the living mummy funny if
she hadn't been soaking wet and female at the moment. 

      Cologne gazed back silently, and finally Hinako had to flinch away. 
Cologne made a small 'V' for victor with the fingers of one hand at Soun. 
"Still champion,"  she intoned dryly.  Then she turned back to Hinako. 
"Child, there is no way to find them in this weather.  They also know we
are going to Caemlyn;  we stand a better chance of meeting up with them
there than we do tramping around this sodden forest trying to find them." 
She paused.  "Or have you forgotten that there are fanboys chasing us?" 

     Hinako fumed quietly, but subsided.  She wasn't used to losing
arguments, and wasn't sure how to deal with it.  She was, however, getting
a lot of practice - she hadn't come out on top in a discussion with
Cologne yet.

     Mousse, who had remained silent throughout this, shook his head
quietly.  Assuming they all survived this, he'd have material enough for
an epic saga, though he wasn't entirely sure anyone would believe it.
Some of the fanciful ancient yarns about King Moroboshi sounded more
realistic than what he'd lived through the past few weeks.

     He had led Shinnosuke and Ranma through the woods for several days
after they fled Shady Logon, trying to elude the fanboys.  This was made
difficult by the fact that Ranma was sullen and withdrawn, and Shinnosuke
kept forgetting where they were - or indeed, why they were even there.
Mousse suspected that if Shinnosuke's name had not been pounded into his
head since childhood, he'd probably forget that, too.  After nearly a week
of trying to keep them from falling into the sweaty hands of their
pursuers, Mousse was actually glad to see the Aes Sedai and her Warder
when they ran across each other.  That had been several days ago, and the
fanboys had been getting steadily closer ever since.

     Suddenly Soun cocked his head, motioning for silence.  Then he turned
back.  "Fanboys.  We must hurry..."  Without waiting for a response, he
lifted Shinnosuke's wet and muddy form off the ground where the boy still
lay unconscious, and hefted him across his broad shoulder like a sack of
grain.

     Sighing, the party trudged forward into the rain and haze, pursued
by the eerie calls of the fanboys.

*********************

     Lt. Yamamoto was not a happy man.  Though the Saldean Navy's
recruiting slogan - 'Fanboys can't swim' - had been proven true many a
time, the Saldean recruiting official who came up with that campaign
obviously neglected to add '...but when properly prodded by a lagman,
they're remarkably good at running along the bank of a river waiting for
your boat to land.'

     For this was the situation that the Deus ex Machina found itself in.
While Yamamoto found this turn of events highly disturbing, what was far
more disturbing was the evident lack of worry that his captain displayed.
In many crews, the captain choosing to take a nap during this
situation would indicate that he had it well in hand and was extremely
confident...the crew of the Deus ex Machina, however, knew their captain.
While he had an uncanny ability to lead them out of disaster by doing
nothing, he usually led them deeper into it first.  When Bayle Tylor
displayed even less motivation to do anything than usual - a difficult
task, given that he often made granite look motivated - it was generally
an omen that things were about to get worse.

     Not that he could picture how things could be WORSE, Yamamoto
reflected.  He shivered as he listened to the lagmen urging the fanboys on
with promises of strange and mystic objects, such as 'inflatable Minmei',
'autographed cel', and other such Darkly named things.  Presumably, all
were artifacts of great and Dark power, and Yamamoto shuddered to think
what would happen to them all if the the lagmen actually did give the
fanboys these mystical objects.

     Not for the first time in recent days, he glared back at his captain,
sleeping peacefully at the helm, and wished that he was still back in the
Saldean navy.  Or fighting Aiel.  Or anywhere but on the Deus ex Machina.
He'd considered trying to land and giving the lagmen back the little
statue that Tylor had taken from them, but - being a practical man - he
realized that the lagmen would merely take the statue and then give them
to the fanboys.  Unfortunately, if the boat got close enough to the shore
to toss the statue to the bank, it would be close enough for the fanboys
to wade out to.  And Yamamoto thought it likely that tossing the statue
into the river would only make the lagmen and fanboys angrier.  He sighed
to himself.  No, it really could not get worse.

     Then Yamamoto was forced to admit he was wrong, as the entire boat
was shaken by the force of an explosion somewhere further along the river.
     
*********************

     Cologne cursed in some foreign language as the fanboys gathered for
another lunge at the party.  They'd emerged from the woods along a river,
only to encounter a huge group of fanboys already present, who wasted no
time in attacking.  The fanboys had acted quickly and blocked the only
avenue of escape back into the woods, and were slowly forcing the party
closer and closer to the river's edge.

     Though Ranma, Hinako, and Shinnosuke (who had regained consciousness
some while back and pestered them with questions as to why they were out
in the rain, until Ranma threatened to knock him out again) could not
understand what she was saying, Cologne's expletives must have been fairly
colorful, for Soun turned a deep red even as he kept fighting the fanboys.

     "Girl, at least use your father's sword to block their blows!"
Cologne growled at Ranma.

     "I'm NOT a GIRL!" Ranma insisted back.

     "You'll be DEAD if you don't do what she says," Soun muttered over
his shoulder.  Ranma, conceding the point, pulled the panda-mark blade
from its scabbard and nearly fell over.  Apparently, though her female
form was for some reason stronger than her male one, her sense of balance
was still adjusting...and wielding a sword takes balance and precision.
Not to mention that Ranma's skills as a swordsman had always been somewhat
lacking.  However, the Wheel of Time was kind, and she staggered around
drunkenly with the sword and managed to block most of the blows directed
at her.  It helped that most of the fanboys were concentrating more on her
ample chest than on her admittedly lacking sword work. 

     Shinnosuke and Mousse stood back-to-back, trying to hold off their
own set of fanboys.  They were slightly harder pressed, as their chests
did not provide a distracting factor for the fanboys.  Shinnosuke parried
several blows with his broom; Cologne noticed with a puzzled but approving
gaze that his fighting style had improved markedly since Shady Logon.  He
was actually doing damage to the fanboys.  Mousse, meanwhile, had whipped
out a pair of chains with blades mounted on the end, and was whirling them
out at the fanboys.  One chain would wrap around the weapon of a fanboy
and pull it from their grasp shortly before the blades on the end of the
second sliced into the fanboy's arm.  Mousse smiled quietly as he fought; 
now *this* was the material of which songs were written. 

     "Eeeeeeeeee!" Hinako squealed as they were finally cornered at the
very edge of the river.  "That's it!  I've had ENOUGH of you delinquents!" 
She whipped a small coin out of one of her belt pouches.  "Wisdom
Delinquent Punishing Attack!!"

     The resulting explosion could be seen for miles down the river in
either direction, though it did leave a remarkable number of singed and
unconscious fanboys scattered around the party.  This was probably a good
thing; the fanboys, who had a fondness for well-endowed women, would
doubtless have gone berzerk when they saw Hinako now.  Filled with the
power she drained from them, she'd filled out into a much older woman and
her previously slightly loose travelling clothes were now strained tight.
Ranma and Shinnosuke had seen this many times before - though often from
the receiving end - and Cologne remained impassive, but Soun seemed
slightly taken aback, and had to catch his breath when glancing over at
the changed Wisdom.  Mousse, having lost his glasses in the explosion,
didn't notice. 

      "There.  The delinquents have been dealt with," Hinako pronounced in
a sultry tone.  She turned and loomed over Cologne, enjoying the chance to
abuse her height.  "Now that the fanboys are taken care of, we will go and
find Ryouga Aybara and Akemi al'Vere!"

      Soun turned, almost zombie-like, to obey Hinako.  Cologne stuck her
staff out in front of Soun, tripping him and sending him face-first into
the mud.  Impassive, she replied, "My argument is just as valid now as it
was before, girl.  And unless you want to face the fanboys who are still
behind us - and moving this way quite quickly - I suggest we keep moving
along the river.  This group of fanboys was after someone else... I wonder
who."

      The answer was provided a moment later as a boat floated down the
river and into view.  A huge man was standing at the railing, glancing
suspiciously at the bank of the river.

      "You, on the boat!"  Cologne shouted out.  "We are travellers in
need of aid!"

      The man at the edge of the boat shouted back, "There are fanboys and
lagmen along the banks of the river.  We can't afford a landing."

      Cologne gestured at the slightly charred fanboys lying around them
in a circle.  "As you can see, we've taken care of these ones.  If we band
together, we might be able to travel in more safety."

      Yamamoto gazed suspiciously over the railing at the shriveled up
woman, the cute young girl, the beautiful woman, the Warder lying in the
mud, the minstrel, and the boy with the mop.  He didn't trust them, not at
all.  How could this motley bunch have defeated a group of fanboys?  No,
he didn't trust them at all.  Better to keep them off the boat, better to
have one less unknown.  He opened his mouth to speak.  "We..."

     "...welcome you aboard!"  Yamamoto seemed almost to deflate at the
familiar, dreaded voice.

     Captain Bayle Tylor had woken up from his nap.

*********************

     Yamamoto leaned against a wall, fuming silently to himself as he
watched the newly aquired passengers converse among themselves.  Not to
mention the horses on the deck of the boat, who seemed about as happy to
be on the boat as Yamamoto was about having them there.  It wasn't his
place to contradict the captain, he told himself.  It was the captain's
boat.  The captain's decision.  But oh, it would feel good to strangle
Tylor... 

     Oblivious to the sudden expression of bliss that passed across the
daydreaming first officer's face, Tylor smiled lazily at Hinako.  Hinako,
however, had eyes only for Soun.  Soun, for his part, was trying very hard
to look anywhere but at Hinako, and was blushing heavily. 

     "We need to reach Caemlyn," Cologne told Tylor, trying to draw his
attention back away from Hinako's chest. "I'm willing to pay quite well." 

     Tylor shrugged lethargically.  "I'll take you as far as I'm going; to
Whitebridge, no further.  Too much trouble to help arrange any further
transport since this river doesn't actually come within 500 miles of
Caemlyn." He yawned. "And the SubNazis have been real active there
lately, so I don't want to be there too long."

     Ranma started to open her mouth to protest that anywhere with
SubNazis was the last place they wanted to be, but instead ended up merely
bugging her eyes out and making a strangled gargling noise as Cologne
whacked her foot with the heavy wooden staff.

     "That will have to be sufficient.  Thank you," Cologne responded
while Ranma nursed her injured foot and glared at Cologne.  Had Ranma been
an Aes Sedai, Cologne would probably have been incinerated on the spot.
As it was, the force of Ranma's gaze probably took several years off of
Cologne's considerable lifespan.

     Tylor nodded, and smiled slowly at Ranma.  "As long as we're going to
be travelling together, we should get to know each other!"  Before he
could react, he found himself treading water alongside the Deus ex
Machina somewhat bewilderedly.

     "Pervert," grumbled Ranma.

     Yamamoto stared.  Even if Tylor was a jerk... an obnoxious jerk... 
all right, a completely unbelievably obnoxious jerk... he was still the
captain.  It wasn't right to throw the captain overboard.  And it was
especially improper for a a young lady to do so.  Still, perhaps Tylor had
asked for it.  Clearing his throat, he moved over to Ranma.  "I'm sorry,
miss...  sometimes, the captain tries too hard with regards to girls. 
Especially when they're young, cute and... er, energetic."

     The next thing to go through Yamamoto's mind was that it was
remarkable that a girl was able to hurl a seven-foot tall ex-officer of
the Saldean Navy overboard.  Not to mention, he reflected as he hit the
water next to his captain, that most girls would have taken it as a
compliment.

     Shinnosuke blinked at the fuming Ranma.  "Wow.  If you ran into Akemi
in that mood, I'll bet for once you might not get the tar beaten out of
you."  He paused, remembering the monthly grouchiness that many of the
women of the village experienced, and asked, "Is it your time of the
moon?"

     As Shinnosuke sailed over the railing to join Tylor and Yamamoto,
Ranma whirled and glowered at everyone else on deck.  "Anyone ELSE have
any comments?" she demanded.  The crew made themselves busy and studiously
ignored Ranma.

     Even Cologne was quiet for a change, though Mousse smiled slightly. 
This was a scene that would definitely make an amusing verse in the epic
story this journey was turning out to be. 

*********************

     The journey to Whitebridge took several weeks, during which time
Tylor tried - despite Yamamoto's frequent suggestions not to do so - to
hit on Ranma several more times.  His attention was concentrated on Ranma
because the beautiful lady he'd eyed earlier had to 'mysteriously depart'.
Yamamoto and Tylor were fairly sure also that the young girl now
travelling with the party before hadn't been there earlier, but for some
reason, their memories were blurry on that point; perhaps one too many
dunks in cold water of the river had addled their brains.  That left the
only females as Ranma and Cologne - and whether Cologne was female, or
freeze-dried, was up for debate.  (Yamamoto and Tylor, in agreement for
the first time in recorded history, both cast their vote for
'freeze-dried'.)

     Ranma was extremely upset that she had to remain female, but Cologne
insisted that as Ranma had been female when they got on board the boat,
having one more of the members of the party vanish and be replaced by a
male would be more likely to raise more questions.  Specifically, more
questions about Channeling which - as they were heading into the heart of
SubNazi territory - were better left unvoiced.

     For someone unwilling to alter his route, Bayle Tylor was remarkably
lackadaisical about actually going anywhere.  As a result, the Deus ex
Machina travelled about half the speed that any other riverboat would
have.  It seemed that only Yamamoto, of all the crew, had much motivation
to do anything on time; when the wind changed, for example, the crew would
wait until it was a little less chilly out before changing the sails.

     Ranma, who wanted nothing more than to get off the riverboat and turn
back into a guy, was beginning to consider offering to get out and push if
it would help the Deus ex Machina get there any faster.  It seemed that on
this boat, only meals happened at the correct time.  Ranma and Shinnosuke,
who both had voracious appetites, were grateful for small blessings. 
Ranma, in fact, ate so much that it initially prompted comments about it
being amazing that she'd kept that girlish waist. 

     The comments stopped shortly after the beatings started.

     For the duration of the voyage, Cologne and Soun kept to themselves,
conversing quietly behind the backs of the others; presumably about deep,
arcane things that were beyond the ken of mortals.  Or maybe, as Mousse
suggested, they were just playing a private game of poker.  Ranma, who was
convinced the Aes Sedai was not entirely sane, was willing to believe that
theory.

     Hinako remained sullen and withdrawn after she reverted to her
younger form.  If Ranma hadn't known that Hinako resented the Aes Sedai
and Warder, she'd almost have thought that Hinako was jealous of the old
ghoul's close bond to the Warder, and was disappointed that he considered
her just a child. 

     Shinnosuke spent his time making several friends among the crew.  In
fact, he made friends with them several times, as he kept forgetting why
they were on a ship or that he'd met any of the crewmembers before. 
Despite this, Mousse observed that the young memory-impaired boy seemed
to be becoming steadily more and more... well, lecherous.  It was getting
to the point where Shinnosuke was hitting on Ranma almost as frequently as
Tylor was; and ending up in the water almost as often.  Perhaps the
captain was a bad influence on the boy.

     As for Mousse himself, the minstrel simply observed all through the
thick panes of his glasses.  Though it might seem he was merely taking
notes for his epic saga, there was something in his eyes when he looked at
the Aes Sedai and her Warder that spoke of emotions hidden beneath his
placid surface as he listened in to their conversations quietly.  Though
he had joked to Ranma about the private conversations, what he overheard
was enough to make him ill.  No child deserved to be taken to the Tower...

    The Aes Sedai was not concerned with the Minstrel, however, so she
ignored his attentions.  After all, it didn't matter whether he remained
with the party or not.

    That was where matters stood when the Deus ex Machina finally arrived
in Whitebridge. 

*********************

    "What is your cargo?"  The SubNazi officer tried, not for the first
time, to gain Tylor's attention.  Tylor, meanwhile, was daydreaming...not,
Yamamoto reflected from his position nearby, that this was an unusual
state for the captain.

    They'd arrived in Whitebridge to discover that a fairly large
contingent of SubNazis had indeed settled into the town, and were waiting
in the dock area.  Thus Tylor was forced to deal with the paperwork of
customs after all, because the SubNazis were apparently quite excited
about something and were inspecting all ships.  Well, the theory was that
Tylor had to deal with the hassle of customs; reality was that customs was
finding that they had to deal with the hassle of Tylor.  The SubNazi
standing on the deck of the Deus ex Machina was extremely frustrated; it
was the evening, this was his last inspection of the day, and the captain
was not cooperating.

    "Hrm?"  Tylor glanced over at the SubNazi officer, and noticed the
bulging veins in the man's forehead.  "You know, you seem very upset.  You
should take a vacation; it's not good to get stressed out."  He smiled
lazily.  The customs officer, turning even redder, appeared to be
considering what the penalty would be for killing Tylor...and from his
expression, his feeling was that it would probably be worth it.  While
Yamamoto could sympathize, Tylor *was* his captain, so he decided this
would be a good time to step in. 

    "We carry a load of cloth which we plan to unload here."  He paused,
glancing at the horse stamping the deck behind him, eager to get back to
solid land.  "In addition, we carried several passengers."

    The SubNazi turned to Yamamoto, relieved to be able to deal with
someone who would at least pay attention to him.  "The passengers will
need to speak with several of our people when they disembark."  He paused.
"Your ship last made port in Saldea, correct?"  When Yamamoto nodded, the
SubNazi continued, "Then there is one more small matter.  We're seeking a
small seal, made of heartstone, which was last seen in the area around
Maradon."

    Before anyone could react, Tylor blinked and pulled the heartstone
seal out of his pocket, presenting it to the officer.  "Is this it?"

   The SubNazi was rather stunned.  He'd asked the question merely because
he had been ordered to; he had certainly not expected to find the item on
one of the ships he was inspecting... least of all this one!  And to have
it revealed without a fight was unbelievable.  "I'm afraid I'm going to
have to confiscate that," he said hesitantly. 

   Tylor shrugged and handed it over.  It was a nice trinket, but if it
meant they could get through this obnoxious paperwork faster...  "I
thought it looked pretty, but it's too light to work as a paperweight, so
you can have it."  He yawned.  "Are we done?" 

   Yamamoto, caught by surprise, could merely gape like a fish caught out
of water.  He wanted to cry.  Tylor had stubbornly held onto the seal,
putting the ship at risk from fanboys and lagmen, only to hand it over to
a mere customs officer?  Lt. Yamamoto reconsidered his earlier action;
perhaps letting the SubNazi strangle Tylor would have been for the best.

   "Uhm, yes, you can go."  The SubNazi looked somewhat disbelievingly at
the seal he held.  This would almost certainly mean a promotion!  He stood
at the top of the ramp to the Deus ex Machina, dreaming of the glory and
power that would come with this small seal, when he delivered it into the
hands of his superiors. 

   He was still standing there, starry-eyed, when Tylor called out, "Shore
leave!"  He was never quite sure what hit him after the crew trampled him
to the plank flooring as they rushed down the ramp, boisterously shouting
to each other about how drunk they were going to get.

*********************

   Ranma sighed as they stood in line with other travellers.  She just
wanted to get to an inn, boil some water, and turn back into a guy.  And
then take a bath.  She didn't want to admit it to anyone, but she WAS
getting used to this body, and had been reluctant to bathe back on the
ship where there was little privacy, and an entirely male crew. 
Unfortunately, Cologne had insisted that their party be the last in
line for some reason.

   She stood with Cologne, Soun, Shinnosuke and Hinako as they waited for
the SubNazis to finish with the group of travellers in front of them.
Mousse said he had seen a fellow minstrel he recognized and wished to talk
to, and he and Cologne had agreed on an inn that they would all meet at
later.

   Finally, it was their turn to speak to the SubNazis.  Cologne said,
"We have nothing to declare."

   The man stared at her.  "You're alive?  Not just a puppet?"

   Getting hit in the head with Cologne's staff hardly phased him.
Grimacing, she said, "Of course I'm alive!  We're from inside Andor, so we
have no need to make a customs declaration."

   "And since when did the SubNazis run the Customs service in Andor,
ANYWAY?"  Hinako said loudly.  "Get out of our way!  If I don't get some
ice cream soon, I'm going to explode!"  

   Patting her on the head would have CERTAINLY made her explode if
Cologne hadn't knocked the coin out of her hand before she could use any
of her delinquent punishing techniques on him.  "Pardon my
great-granddaughter," she said.  "She's jumpy from the trip."

   The SubNazi smiled, a rare event.  Reaching in his pocket, he pulled
out a coupon for some ice cream at 'Whitebridge Lemon Sherbet and More'.
"Here you go, little girl."  He turned back to Cologne.  "Right.  Ne..."
Then someone caught his eye.  One of the people looked like...the boy.  A
tall boy who was compulsively sweeping the dock clean with a jeweled
broom.  Clearly stolen.  More importantly, Bato Robis recognized the boy.
They had met at Baerlon.  He was a Dubfriend!  "So boy, you thought you
could slip one past...BATO ROBIS?"  He loomed over Shinnosuke.

   Shinnosuke looked up.  "Do I know you?"  He frowned.

   "You assaulted me on the streets of Baerlon and dared to speak in
defense of..."  He paused.  Actually, he couldn't quite remember what the
boy had done, but it had to be bad.  "Everyone!  GRAB HIM!"

   Cologne sighed.  She pointed down the street.  "Look!  Someone's got a
copy of Warriors of the Wind!"

   The SubNazis froze in horror and turned to look.  Cologne shouted,
"Follow me!"  She took off down the docks with the rest of her band
following close behind her.  The SubNazis, being only mostly stupid, soon
turned and gave chase.

   The streets of Whitebridge collapsed into anarchy as the group ran
hither and yon, knocking down wagons, kicking over barrels, and twice
running across rooftops without being sure how they got onto the roof.
Finally, they reached the Whitebridge itself.

   It was a huge arch of white soapy stone, built by Aes Sedai millenia
ago, possibly even before the Breaking of the World.  It arched over the
Tomobiki river and had done so for endless ages.  As they charged up the
bridge, they could see a group of Subnazis putting up a roadblock in front
of them, rolling barrels and bales of hay into place.  Behind them, Bato
Robis led a screaming horde.  In the middle, Hinako asked, "How did the
SubNazis get control of a town in the middle of Andor, anyway?"

   Everyone in the universe paused for a moment of exposition.  "The
nations grow weaker and dwindle.  The Two Rivers haven't seen a tax
collector in six generations.  Baerlon is held only because it has gold.
The Queen's guards rarely go west of Four Kings anymore,"  Soun said.
"Queen Lum is a good Queen, but she has less resources.  Probably the
SubNazis bribed the local governor.  Or they may have just taken over the
town."

   "The local governor just joined us!"  Bato Robis interrupted, jogging
in place.  "Can we get on with this?" 

   "Ahh, right.  Just wondering,"  Hinako said.  She pulled out another
coin.  "Wisdom Delinquent Punishing Attack!"  Energy erupted out of the
unfortunate would be-barricade making SubNazis and flowed into Hinako, who
grew to full adulthood.  She smiled and turned to the ones chasing her.
"You want what they got?" she said with a sultry voice.

   "Bato Robis fears NO ONE!"  He charged forward, while his men expressed
their support by running far, far away or jumping into the river.  

   Hinako was about to blast him to kingdom come when Cologne casually
stuck her staff through the coin and hooked it away as well, then tripped
Bato with her staff, sending him into the river.  "Foolish girl.  You've
likely sent a signal to every lagman in a hundred mile radius.  They can
smell that.  Now, we have to get out of here and fast."

   Hinako frowned.  "If that attracted lagmen, the Two Rivers would be
overrun with them."

   Cologne said, "Tell her, Soun."

   He was too busy gazing upon her cleavage, however.  She sighed and
said, "There's at least five clubs of fanboys.  And lagmen can sense when
you use the Power."

   "I do not use the Power!" 

   "Do too!"

   "Do not!"

   This went on for a while, until Ranma said, "Sorry to interrupt you,
but the Subnazis are getting back up."

   Hinako pulled out another coin.  "I'll fix that."

   Splash.  The second coin hit the river as Cologne knocked it aside. 
"How many coins do you HAVE?" 

   "Will you STOP that?"

   "STOP FIGHTING!  THEY'RE COMING!"

   SubNazis to the front of them.  SubNazis to the back of them.  Bravely
ran the five hundre...um, the group looked around in a panic.  "What now?"
Hinako said to Cologne.  "Oh wise one?"

   "Blast them."

   Hinako rolled her eyes and raised the coin, only to see five hundred
fanboys charging down the streets of the city, led by ten or so lagmen.
Well, sometimes led by them.  The fanboys kept surging ahead, then the
lagmen would cover a hundred paces in a second.

   Bato swam out of the river.  "Fanboys!  KILL THEM!  KILL THEM ALL!"  

   The SubNazis charged past our little band of heroes (or something) and
launched into the fanboys without fear for loss of limb or sanity.  While
outnumbered, they fought with the bravery of the truly stupid.  

   Cologne said, "Run."

   "We can't just leave them to die!"  Ranma said, looking at the mob.

   "They won't die,"  Cologne said.  "Although the SubNazis will likely
WISH they were dead by the end of the day.  Now, RUN!"

   The last thing that Ranma heard was someone shouting, "I, DAMARAMU,
can not be hurt by such a puny attack!  You missed all my vital spots."
He appeared to have an arrow stuck through his head.

****************

   Mousse, departing Whitebridge in a different direction, heard the
shouting at the other end of town, but steadfastly refused to turn back.
He told himself that the children could take care of themselves; he'd have
no part of bringing them to the cursed Tower...

End Chapter 4.