TA'AVEREN 1/2: TALES OF THE RONIN
---
by John Walter Biles (rhea@maison-otaku.net)
 and Jeremy Blackman (loki@maison-otaku.net)
---
DISCLAIMER/CAUTION
This fanfic is a crossover between Rumiko Takahashi's Ranma 1/2,
which you all should be familiar with by now <grin>, and Robert
Jordan's _Wheel of Time_ series (6 books and growing!), which if
you aren't familiar with, you should be.  For shame.  Go buy the
whole set.  Right now.  Well, ok, finish this paragraph first.

While it is not necessary to have read _Wheel of Time_ to enjoy
this fanfic, if you have, we warn you that while we didn't follow
the plot of Wheel of Time exactly (in fact, we plan to deviate pretty
majorly by the time we reach the plot of book 3), obviously there will
be some spoilers.  Having warned you about that...

This was originally posted in late 1995 or early 1996.

***

CHAPTER 3
    Departure and Shady Logon

***


     Far to the north, the city of Saldea sat beneath the stars.  At the
docks, the silence was broken by the sound of heads being thumped--namely
the heads of the crew of the river boat Deus ex Machina, home to river
boat captain Bayle Tylor.  "Wake up!  We're out of here!  Cast off!  Man
the yardarm, pump the bilges, and uh...all that other nautical stuff." 

     The crew stumbled out of their hammocks.  "Eh what?  I thought we
were here for a couple more days?...But I haven't even gotten drunk
yet...Where's my radish?...Zat you captain?...Hamsters, hamsters,
hamsters...What?...It's a man's life in the Saldean Navy.  What am I
talking about?...Cast off your chains, you have...Right, Captain. 
Brains...Brains..." 

     Tylor said, "Where's my first officer?"  Tylor was a slender man in
his early twenties.  His brown hair was cut short in front and back.  Thin
eyebrows perched over blue, sparkling eyes, and a winning smile.  Though
he often appeared sleepy or distracted, this is only because those were
his natural states.  He was dressed in a brown longcoat that ran from
shoulders to ankles, with a yellow smiley face on the right side near the
collar.  Under the coat, he wore a red wool shirt, and brown woolen pants. 
His body could be described as thin, so we will.  He was a smuggler by
profession, not because he was criminal by nature, but because it was less
effort to not pay customs, than to pay them.  Too much recordkeeping.  It
was not that he was lazy...it was that he was extremely lazy.  How did a
man like this become the captain of a riverboat?  When you explain to me
how Isildur, a man capable of beating up Sauron in hand to hand combat,
could get killed by stupid orcs while carrying the One Ring of Power so
that it fell in the river and a hobbit found it, I'll tell you how Tylor
became the captain of a riverboat.  With that bit of dodging a lengthy
explanation behind us, on with the story. 

     The first officer, who was standing right behind Tylor, tapped him on
the shoulder.  "I'm right here."  Tylor's first officer was Lt. Yamamoto,
an ex-officer in the Saldean Navy, whose amazingly successful recruitment
motto simply states, "Fanboys can't swim."  However, Yamamoto was a man of
action, so he had left the Saldean navy in search of more dangerous
activities, like cow-tipping in the Blight, a common past time of bored
Saldean youths.  Eventually, he ended up as first officer of the Deus ex
Machina, when it fell into the hands of Captain Tylor, by means which I'm
still not going to tell you, but will endlessly refer to enigmatically
until book 7, when I might have time to actually explain it.  Or maybe
you'll have to wait until book 8. 

     Regardless of unexplained gaps in his history, Yamamoto was a huge
man.  He stood close to seven feet tall, and was made of pure muscle and
rawhide, to quote Ray Stevens from a different context.  He was dressed in
an immaculate Saldean Navy Uniform, from the white cap on his head, to the
black boots on his feet, with a white coat, blue shirt and blue woolen
pants in the middle.  His hair was clipped short like his captain's, but
unlike the captain, his hair was neatly combed, despite the fact that the
comb had not yet been invented in this age of the turning of the wheel. 
But he was the type of person whose hair would be immaculately combed and
his suit neatly pressed after being tortured in Shayol Ghul for a month,
so a petty thing like the non-existance of combs certainly wouldn't stop
him. 

     "Not that I mind leaving, but why in the middle of the night,
Captain?"  Yamamoto asked, expecting some answer along the lines of I'm
bored, or it seems like the thing to do. 

     "There's a lagman or twelve after my head, so I suppose it is time to
leave.  Everyone to their posts...or whatever.  Cast off and all that
jazz.  Off we go.  I think we'll go to Illian this time."  Tylor said,
scratching his head. 

     "We always go to Illian."  One of the crew said.

     "We're on a river.  That kinda limits our choices.  Unless we go by
land." 

     "Don't even mention that...brr.  It might happen..."

     "Why is there a lagman after you, captain?"  Yamamoto was worried. 
What were lagmen doing inside Maradon?  That should be impossible.  They'd
have to be after something big. 

     "I think I found his cracker jack prize or something."  Tylor fished
in his voluminous pockets.  He pulled out a round yellow button with an
icon of a black CM, with a red circle around it, and a slash over it.  It
felt like soap almost, a bit slick to the touch.  There was a pin attached
to the back, of the same material.  You could in fact wear it as a button. 
Realizing this, Tylor pinned it to his trenchcoat on the other side. 

     "Found his crackerjack prize?"

     "Yeah.  I was at that curio shop I like to visit.  Some spooky fellow
had apparently just made a purchase shortly before I left.  I didn't think
anything of it at the time.  I got this neat little statuette.  "  He
pulled out a second item, a seal made from what looked like polished
ivory.  "The guy tried to tell me it was one of the seals of the dark
one's prison, but even I know better than that.  But is is heartstone.  I
payed a pretty penny for it...a lot of pretty pennies in fact.  Anyway. 
As I was heading back towards the ship, I saw this creepy fellow standing
on a horse in the middle of the next intersection.  He seemed to be
waiting for something.  Well, I saw this in the middle of the road." 
Tylor pointed to his button.  "I discarded the peel from the banana I had
been eating and picked it up.  It looked valuable, so I decided to go see
if the fellow had dropped it.  Well, I finally almost caught up with him,
and he bolted off down the road at high speed.  He was halfway to the gate
when he suddenly stopped dead.  I suddenly realized he was a lagman." 

     The entire crew was listening carefully.  Yamamoto turned to them. 
"GET TO WORK!  We have to get out of here!"  They all fell down from the
force of his voice and scrambled to get the boat ready. 

     "So I decided to head back to the boat and skip town.  Especially when he 
turned around and started staring at me."

     "I thought lagmen don't have any eyes," one of the crew said.

     "You're not gonna have any eyes if you don't get to work!"  Yamamoto 
bellowed.

     "So I sauntered on down to the ship and asked you to get the boat
going."  Tylor seemed to think he was done. 

     "You got away from the lagman that easy?"  Yamamoto's eyes widened with 
disbelief.

     "Well, I was walking down the street, and every so often, it would
zoom about a block, getting closer every time.  But when it got to where I
had found the button, it hit that bananna peel in midzoom, and slid
several blocks past me into a haywagon.  When that happened, I took off
running.  I probably lost it."  Tylor shrugged and headed for his cabin. 
The boat shook a bit as the sailors cast off from the docks. 

     "Probably lost it?"  Yamamoto eyed the captain, mentally willing him
not to have been so stupid as to not check to make sure he didn't lead a
lagman back to the boat. 

     Once again, Yamamoto proved to positively lack mental powers.  Tylor
shrugged.  "We're leaving.  What does it matter?  Well, nap time for me. 
Have a nice night!"  He wandered off into his cabin, leaving his first
officer staring mindlessly after him. 
     
     Yamamoto shook his head once more, wondering how he had ever gotten
into this.  But he knew his duty and did it.  Soon the boat was heading
downstream.  Far off, a lagman howled with rage and prepared to sneak out
of the city.  It slipped on the bananna peel again and skidded off towards
the other end of the street.  This time it woke up half the neighborhood. 
There was about to be one less lagman in the world. 

*****************************************************************************

     Ranma awoke to find himself lying in bed.  The room was nice and 
warm, quiet and peaceful.  Breathing a sigh of relief, he sat up and 
rubbed his eyes.  "I must have dreamed all of this."  He rubbed the lumps 
on his head.  "I must have slipped sometime on Winternight and bumped my 
head and dreamed all of this."

     An amused voice spoke from about arm's reach to the left of his 
head.  "If that was a nightmare, you haven't woken up yet, boy."  It was 
Eleanor's voice.  

     Ranma looked over and frowned.  If Eleanor was here, then some of 
all that must have been real.  But yet, he was male!  Like he always had 
been.  Had it just worn off?  

     Eleanor looked him up and down.  "Yes, you are still male.  I am not 
sure why, but I have a theory now."

     "Maybe it just wore off.  I mean, not everything Aes Sedai do lasts 
forever, does it?"  Ranma scratched his head.  

     "What happened to you was Aes Sedai work in only the most round 
about of ways, boy.  As well say a smith struck you when someone buys a 
hammer from him and hits you with it."  She paused.  "When exactly did 
you turn back to your male form?"

     "Uhh...." Ranma thought for a moment.  "I think it was just after I 
got in the bath with Akemi and Hinako and whoever those other women 
were.  I felt kinda tingly, but I thought it was just the shock of the 
hot water.  Until one of the other women screamed."  The memories were 
dim in Ranma's mind, perhaps because of all the blows to the head the 
event in question had lead to.

     "Hmm."  For a few minutes, Eleanor simply perched on her staff and 
stared Ranma in the eyes.  Slowly, Ranma's nerves began to jangle and he 
felt himself getting twinges in his arms.  The hair stood up on the back 
of his hands.  

     "Stop staring at me like that!"  Ranma waved his arms in a futile 
manner, as if he could somehow make her stop.

     "Do you see anything, boy?"

     "I can see you're staring at me!  Will you stop?  You're making me 
nervous!"  Ranma rubbed his arms, trying to get the tingly feeling to 
stop.  It reminded him uncomfortably of how he had felt when he had been 
turned into a girl.  

     Something stopped, not that Ranma could have said what it was.  "You 
intrigue me, boy.  Do you feel up to getting out of bed?"

     Ranma paused before answering, trying to get a feel for his own 
health.  "Yeah, I feel great."

     "Good.  You should have some clean laundry soon.  You've slept a 
large portion of the day.  Dinner will be ready whenever you chose to 
come eat."  She turned and headed out the door.

     Almost immediately after she left, Ranma realized he was in nothing 
more than his underclothes.  "Who dressed me?  I must have been naked in 
the hallway."  He blushed at the thought.  His reverie was interrupted by 
the door opening.

     A youth unfamiliar to him entered, carrying a pile of clean 
clothing.  "I'll just put this in the...Hey, you're awake!  I can come 
back later."  The youth turned to leave.

     "Wait, don't go!  You've got all my clean clothing!"  He bolted out 
of the bed over to the boy.  

     The boy blinked and said, "I can see that now."  He was tall with 
long black hair, flowing down to his mid back, gathered loosely into a 
pony-tail.  He had fine, some might say effiminate features, with 
brown eyes.  He was dressed in black trousers, and a loose white shirt, 
with a small spatula sown in both of the corners of the collar.  
Smiling faintly at Ranma, he said, "I'm Ukyou, by the way.  Nice to meet 
you."

     Ranma immediately began to get dressed.  "I guess you work here?  Or 
has Eleanor decided to draft you for this expedition too?"

     "Who, the Aes Sedai?  Taking all of you to Tar Valon, I assume?"  
Ukyou blinked with a look like he had said more than he intended to.

     Ranma paused in the middle of pulling up his pants and said, "How 
did you know that?"

     "How did you turn from a girl into a boy in the middle of the 
bathroom?  That's what I want to know."  Ukyou didn't quite look directly 
at Ranma, but rather off to one side of his head, as if some spectral 
plate of eggs and bacon was floating there.

     Ranma instinctively looked over where Ukyou was looking, saw no such 
plate and said, "Hey, don't change the subject!"

     "Answer my question and I'll answer yours.  Are you really a boy or 
a girl?"

     "What does it look like?  Yeesh, I'm in my underwear!  It ought to 
be obvious."  Ranma finished pulling on his pants and muttered almost 
words under his breath about people not seeing what was right in front of 
them.

     "Then why did you look like a girl before?"  

     Pulling on his shirt, Ranma said, "I got cursed by some weird Aes 
Sedai potion thing my dad got in the Aiel War."

     "Your dad keeps cursed things lying around the house?"  Ukyou blinked.

     "We didn't know it was cursed!  Anyway, it turned me into a girl.  I 
guess it wore off at a bad time."  Ranma fiddled with the ties on his 
shirt, then threw on his jacket.  "How's the food around here?"

     "Pretty good.  Although you'll eat better than I will.  Lemme show 
you your way to the dining room from here."  Ukyou opened the door and 
stepped into the hallway.  Following his lead, Ranma soon reached the 
dining hall where everyone else was.  It was only after he sat down to 
eat and Ukyou departed that he realized that Ukyou had not told him how 
he knew Eleanor was Aes Sedai.

*****************************************************************************

     Later, after eating, they adjourned to Eleanor and Roland's room 
upstairs.  "We shall have to leave very soon.  The SubNazis are looking 
for us," Eleanor said.  "Luckily, they have no physical descriptions of 
us, yet.  We shall leave with the dawn.  Everyone will need to get some 
rest, so I'd advise going to sleep soon.  Although I need to talk to 
Akemi and Hinako first."

      Shinnosuke nodded.  Ryouga scratched his head and said, "How do you 
know they are looking for us?"

     "I have my sources, boy."  Roland got up and looked out the window.

     "Like that boy you were talking to earlier, Eleanor?  Or should I 
call you Cologne?"  Akemi said, frowning.  "Anything else you haven't 
told us?"

     Cologne narrowed her eyes.  "I see you have good ears."

     "I grew up in an inn.  You get used to overhearing conversations.  
So what's really going on?"  Akemi stood with her arms folded in front of 
her.  Ranma recognized this as often being a sign that the beatings were 
about to commence.  

     Hinako frowned.  "I always said you can't trust Aes Sedai."

     "We had our reasons to travel incognito.  The SubNazis, among 
others, are easily fooled by tricks such as changing one's name.  My true 
name is Cologne Sedai, and Roland is actually known as Soun."  Perching 
on her staff, she smiled faintly.  

     "And how do we know that's true?"  Hinako said.  "You could really 
be named something else entirely."

     "An Aes Sedai cannot lie.  The Oaths forbid it, even to survive."

     Ryouga coughed.  "Oaths?"  He scratched his head.

     "Upon becoming a full sister, an Aes Sedai swears three oaths.  To 
never use the One Power to kill anyone but shadowspawn except in the 
extreme of defense of one's warder, one's self, or other Aes Sedai.  
Never to make weapons with the One Power.  And to never lie.  These oaths 
are sworn on the Oath rod, a ter'angreal that binds those who swear on 
it.  A person who swears on the rod can never break that oath, ever."
Cologne stared hard at Hinako.  "An Aes Sedai can never lie."

     Hinako glared back.  "Then how did you tell us your name was Eleanor?"

     "I never said my name was Eleanor.  I merely said you could call me 
that."  

     Hinako spluttered.  "But...isn't that the same thing?"

     "Not at all."  Cologne paused and looked around the room.  "I 
suggest you all go get some sleep now.  Well, the men anyway.  I need to 
talk to Akemi and Hinako."

     Ranma started to open his mouth, then shut it.  He nodded and headed 
out with Ryouga and Shinnosuke.

     As soon as the door closed, Shinnosuke said, "Let's go see the town!"

     Ryouga blinked and said, "Didn't Eleanor say to go to..."

     Interrupting him, Shinnosuke said, "Her name's Cologne!  Weren't you 
listening? The girls are gonna be up. It won't hurt to go see a little 
bit of the town!  Come on, when has any of us ever been in such a huge 
town before?  Real tile roofs!  Uh, what town are we in again?"  He 
frowned as his mind blanked on him again.

     Ranma laughed.  "I feel like celebrating being a guy again.  Sure, 
let's go see the town."  They headed down the hall and down the stairs 
into the common room, where Ranma spotted Ukyou.

     Ranma walked over to Ukyou.  "You never did tell me how you knew 
Cologne was an Aes Sedai.  Now 'fess up."  Ryouga and Shinnosuke blinked.

     "He knows Cologne is a...mrhph."  Ryouga slammed a hand over 
Shinnosuke's mouth.  

    "Why not just tell the world, you idiot!  There's a lot of people 
who don't like Aes Sedai, you know."  Ryouga shook his head.  I may get 
lost, but at least my brain doesn't, unlike Shinnosuke.  He's probably 
forgotten what an Aes Sedai is.

     Ukyou turned around and smiled faintly.  He stared at Ranma again, 
then at his two friends.  "I suppose if I'm right, now is as good a time 
to tell you about it as any other."

     "Huh?"  Ranma stared at Ukyou, wondering if this was somehow all 
part of some elaborate joke.

     "Were you three on your way outside?"

     "Yeah!"  Shinnosuke said.  "We all wanted to see the sights."

     Ryouga nodded.  "None of us have been to a big city before."

     "I'll show you around then, and tell you a little story."  Ukyou 
lead them out the door and into the streets of Baerlon.  The first thing 
that hit them was the smell.  Ryouga screwed up his nose, while the 
others just coughed a bit.  

     "What in the name of the Creator is this smell?"  Shinnosuke said.

     Ukyou smiled faintly.  "All the farmboys complain about that.  It's 
the smell of the city.  The walls trap the air and the smells.  Plus 
there's a lot of metalworking around here.  Miners bring the ore down 
from the mountains, and we forge it into tools and weapons."

     They started down the street, looking at the huge three and four 
story buildings with tile and slate roofs.  The windows in the buildings 
had real glass.  As the sun dropped below the walls, they could see a man 
going down the street with a wagon and a long pole, hanging up lanterns 
at some of the intersections.  Slowly the smell faded.

     "So, are you gonna tell us or what?"  Ranma asked.  

     Ukyou laughed.  "I see things, you see.  And there's always more 
things to see around an Aes Sedai than around everyone else."

     Shinnosuke turned from watching the man hanging up lanterns.  "Uh, I 
see things myself, and I can't tell the difference.  It's not like any of 
us are blind, ya know."

     "I see images by people sometimes.  Usually just to the left or 
right of their head.  Things about them, or things in their future or 
past.  But for some reason, Aes Sedai always have some kind of image by 
them.  And usually it's pretty obvious they are Aes Sedai.  With Cologne, 
I saw her calling down lightning, and...well, a few other things.  With 
you, I saw you as a boy when you were a girl, and fighting some really 
scary looking person, and..uh..."  Ukyou blushed slightly.

     "What, what?"  Ranma asked.  If he really could see things, Ranma 
wanted to know what they were.

     "They always come true.  What I see, I mean."  Ukyou spoke rapidly 
as they walked down the street.  Up ahead was a knot of men in white, but 
the little group did not notice them.  "When I was little, I didn't 
realize that others couldn't see these images.  In fact, I used to tell 
on my sisters before they did things they weren't supposed to.  I got 
pummelled for that enough times."

     Ryouga laughed.  "It's a good thing for Shinnosuke here that none of 
his sisters had that talent."

     Shinnosuke frowned.  "What's that supposed to mean!?  I don't get in 
trouble any more than you do!"

     "I see.  That's why you're the only person in the village who has 
been hit by Akemi more times than Ranma has?"  Ryouga laughed some more.  
"Like the time you hid outside Yuka's window in the middle of the night 
whispering that you were Be'lal coming to get her, then threw a handful 
of frogs into her room.  You couldn't walk for a week after Akemi threw 
you through the wall."  

     Shinnosuke turned red, waving his arms wildly as he talked.  "No 
sense of humor!  Women just have no sense of humor at all!  Yeesh, it's 
not like they were death toads from the blight, croaking the name of the 
Dark One or something."  

     A man grunted nearby.  Shinnosuke blinked and realized that he had 
just struck the man in the face as he was walking by him.  The man was 
dressed in scale armor, with a white cloak pinned in place by a small 
button with the letters DUB in the center, surrounded by a circle and cut 
across by a slash.  One of the SubNazis, accompanied by several of his 
angry brethren glared at Shinnosuke.  "So you think you can just slap us 
around, do you, boy?"

     "It was an accident!  An accident!"  Shinnosuke said.  "I didn't 
mean to hit you!"

     "He probably likes Warriors of the Wind,"  one of the SubNazis 
said.  "Do you walk in the light, boy?"

     "Yes, of course I do!  If you walk in the dark, you bump into 
things.  Uh, I mean..."  Shinnosuke spluttered.

     "He's making fun of us.  I think we need to teach this dubfriend a 
little lesson."  The SubNazi started to reach for his sword.

     "Hey, calm down.  Shinnosuke does stupid stuff like this all the 
time."  Ryouga smothered Shinnosuke's mouth as Shinnosuke began to draw 
breath to deny it.  "He's a little feeble minded.  I'm really sorry he 
accidentally hit you.  It won't happen again."

     The SubNazi paused and moved his hand away from his sword.  "Maybe 
I'll just give him a friendly beating, then."  

     Shinnosuke ripped loose from Ryouga's grasp.  "I am not 
feebleminded, and noone is giving me a beating!"  He swung his broom 
around and clonked the SubNazi on the head.  For a moment, the SubNazi 
stared back at him, then quietly collapsed without further protest.

     The remaining SubNazis reached for their weapons.  Ryouga hefted 
his umbrella, Ukyou pulled out a pair of tiny odd weapons, and Ranma 
drew the panda blade.  The SubNazis stopped and stared.  "The little 
boy has a panda blade."

     "And I know how to use it!"  Ranma proclaimed, hoping none of them 
could tell that he really didn't know what he was doing.

     "Who did you steal that from, boy?"  The oldest SubNazi said.  "No 
one achieves blade mastery at your age."

     "I got this from my father!  Now back off!"  Ranma said, waving 
the sword about.

     The man laughed.  "And who did he steal it from?"

     "My father is no thief!"  Ranma raised his sword and waved it 
about.  "And this blade is rightfully mine!"

      The SubNazi drew his sword in a fluid motion.  "Then let's see if 
you can keep it."  He moved into a fighting stance.

      Ranma faced off with him, holding his sword out in front with 
both hands.  "Who are you, anyway?"

     "Ah, yes, my name, oh thief and defender of the dark, is Bato 
Robis.  No doubt you are one of those who thinks Hikaru's real name is 
Rick Hunter."  The man slashed at Ranma, who parried desperately.

     "My name is Ranma al'Thor.  You have insulted my father.  Prepare 
to die."  Ranma unleashed a hail of blows, which Robis parried, yawning 
loudly.

     "I could beat you in my sleep, but it's too early to go to bed."  
He began to drive Ranma back as his men watched and laughed.  

     Soon, Robis drove Ranma down the street, right past his friends.  
Shinnosuke waited until Robis advanced past him, then turned and 
clonked Robis in the head.  Robis stumbled and Ryouga swept his legs 
with his umbrella.  As Robis fell, his men drew their swords.  Ukyou 
yelled, "Let's get out of here!"  The group took off down the street 
with the SubNazis in hot pursuit.
 
     Through the winding streets of Baerlon, they fled, following 
Ukyou's lead.  The walls of slate and stone flew past them, one muddy 
street after another, through alleyway and byway.  Finally, the 
footsteps fell behind them.  Ukyou paused, listened, then put away the 
strange weapons the others had seen him holding in each hand.  

     "I think we should be safe now, but it would be best if you 
all got out of town quickly.  The governor here is rather afraid 
of the SubNazis, and if they find out you three are with 
Cologne..."  Ukyou shuddered.

     "What about you?" Ranma looked back the way they had come, 
then turned to Ukyou again.  "They saw you too."

     "Don't worry about me.  I have friends who can hide me.  And 
I know a few disguise tricks."  Ukyou smiled.  "I've fooled people 
before."  He started off down the alleyway.  "I've even made 
people think I was a different sex..."  Ukyou's voice trailed off.

     "Not as effectively as I did, I bet,"  Ranma said.  Ukyou 
laughed.

     "I'm not quite that good." 

     "No one's normally that good,"  Shinnosuke said.  Everyone 
laughed and they headed back towards the inn.

          
*****************************************************************************

     When Cologne got the news, she hurled the group into a frenzy of 
activity.  Soon, they were packed and ready to go.
  
     "But how are we gonna get out?  The gates are closed!"  Shinnosuke 
said.  "Not to mention we haven't had any sleep."

     "Sleep makes you weak," Soun said in such a tone that no one dared 
to challenge him, although Hinako did make googly eyes at him.  She found 
him very attractive, but he seemed to think of her as a child.  Of 
course, being half his height most of the time didn't help.   

     And then of course, there was Cologne.  Crazy old biddie, but 
powerful as all get out.  What ever possessed me to let her drag off all 
of us?  What possessed me to come along?  Evil old channeler, like some 
kind of spider in the middle of a web.  She's got something horrible in 
store for all of us.  I should leave, but I can't leave the children to 
her power.  

     Hinako sighed.  This was going to be a long night.  Akemi smiled at 
her and whispered, "I'd rather sleep too, but I don't want to meet the 
SubNazis if I can help it."

     Hinako sighed again.  She should be the one offering comfort.  The 
Wisdom isn't supposed to need comforting.  Sometimes she felt like such a 
little child.  Shameful.  How would she get any respect that way?

     Soon, with Soun taking the leading, the group slipped out into the 
streets.  Ranma saw Cologne whispering back and forth with Ukyou in the 
doorway, then it shut behind them and she hopped out and up onto her horse.

     Heading through the silent streets, they moved through the shadows, 
avoiding the light of the street lamps.  Soon, they reached the 
gatehouse, where several extremely bored guards where lounging around.

     "Gates are closed until morning.  Governor's orders.  Especially if 
you're an Aes Sedai named Cologne.  Are you?"  One of the guards said, 
looking up from his card game.
 
     "Now why would the governor want to stop a group of innocent 
travellers from going about their business?"  Cologne said, batting her 
eyelashes.  Shinnosuke tried very hard not to be sick as Cologne tried to 
act seductive.
 
     The guard blinked, apparently trying to decide whether or not to 
be ill.  "Answer my question, ma'am."  

     Cologne looked the man right in the eye.  "These aren't the 
travellers you're looking for."

     The guard blinked and turned to the other guard.  "These aren't 
the travellers we're looking for."

     "Who cares!  I wanna know if you're gonna see my bet!"  The other 
guards nodded. 

     "You'll just let us go on our way,"  Cologne continued.

     "We'll just let you go on your way,"  the guard said.

     Glancing at the man's cards, Cologne said, "You'll see their ten 
and raise them fifteen."

     "I'll see your ten and raise you fifteen."  He sat down at the 
card game and started playing again.

     "Let's be on our way,"  Cologne said, turning to the others.

     "Um, Co...Eleanor..."  Akemi began.

     "Yes, Akemi?"  Cologne replied.  

     Akemi pointed to the gate.  "You forgot to ask them to open the 
gate."

     Everyone face-faulted.

*****************************************************************************
           
     
     The travelling band fled east along the margins of the road, hoping 
to avoid pursuit.  Well, they weren't really a band, as only one of them 
had any musical instruments, or particular musical talent for that 
matter.  And he wasn't quite a one man band.  But anyway, the lagmen and 
fanboys were on their trail, so they were trying to get out of Dodge..uh, 
Baerlon.  They had been travelling for a day or so, paralleling the road, 
so as not to get lost, except for Ryouga, who could get lost trying to 
get out of bed in the morning.  Currently, he was tied to the back of a 
horse, which was itself being led by Soun when he was not scouting 
ahead, and by Ranma when Soun was out ahead.  

     Ryouga grumbled.  "I feel like a pig being dragged to the 
slaughter."  He looked about through the woods.  All was silent, except 
for the occassional sound of animals off in the distance.  He could hear 
deer moving through the brush, birds singing in the distance, and all the 
other normal noises of an early spring day.  Not a hint of fanboy 
activity, or anyone else for that matter.


     "They hunt us, but they shall not have us.  Not while I live, "  
Cologne declared.

      "What if you get killed?"  Shinnosuke asked.

     Cologne cocked her head to one side and turned to face Shinnosuke.  
"Pray they kill you first in that case."

     "I'd rather not..."  Shinnosuke fell silent, staring off nervously 
into the woods.

     Far off, Ryouga heard a distant cry.  Then another.  Another.  
Another.  Something about Rick Hunter.  He shuddered faintly.

     "Taking cold, Ryouga?"  Hinako asked.  "Do you need a scarf or 
something?"

     "I can hear them...I must be imagining things."  Yes, definitely 
something about Rick Hunter, whoever that was.

     "Them?"  Hinako blinked and listened carefully.  All she heard was 
Ranma mumbling something about being happy to never leave home again.

     "The fanboys.  I must just be paranoid."  Ryouga looked about 
nervously.  "I think it's going to rain soon, too."

     Hinako looked up and scanned the sky.  Yes, the signs were there.  
It would indeed rain.  "I think you're right.  It will rain soon.  How 
could you tell?"

     "I dunno.  Just an instinct.  It...It just kinda smells like rain."  
Ryouga paused, forced by the question to think about how he knew.  
"Yeah.  It's in the air."

     Hinako nodded.  I wonder if the boy somehow is able to listen to the 
wind as some Wisdoms do.  Well, it's nothing to do with the power, so I 
suppose it is possible.  No one ever bothers to see if men can do it.  "I 
understand the feeling."

     "You...you do?"

     "Wisdoms learn to listen to the wind, but it's hard to explain how 
we do it.  You just sort of start doing it one day..."  Hinako trailed 
off.  Ryouga was listening attentively.  It was nice to get a little 
respect from someone.

     "It's channeling," Cologne said without turning around.  "The ones 
who aren't just making it up are channeling, mark my words."

     Ryouga paled slightly.  Hinako frowned.  "It most certainly is not 
channeling."

     "I haven't time to argue with you, girl, but you know I'm right."

     Hinako turned red with anger.  "You are not right!"

     "Don't yell at Cologne Sedai,  Wisdom.  I'm sure she knows how to 
tell channeling when she sees it."  Akemi said.

     Hinako grumbled, but subsided.  It is not channeling.  It's not.  

************************************************************************


     As they made camp, thunder began to rumble.  Even as Shinnosuke 
finally got a fire going, rain began to slowly dribble down.  Before 
long, the rain suddenly intensified and the wind began to blow.  Soon, a 
high pitched shriek broke the silence.  "AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!  I've turned 
back into a girl!"

     All heads pivoted and looked at Ranma, who was now quite wet and 
once again female.  "Don't stare at me like that!"

     "What am I supposed to do when you scream at the top of your 
lungs?"  Shinnosuke asked.

     "Yeah, Ranma.  It's not like you'd normally ignore someone who was 
screaming,"  Akemi said.  

     "Whatever.  I guess this curse is just gonna come and go.  That's 
gonna be a lot of fun."  She sighed and started munching on her bread and 
cheese.

     Akemi moved over and sat closer to Ranma-chan.  "Maybe it runs in a 
periodic cycle or something."

     "But I've only been a boy for a day or so, and I was a girl for 
weeks before that on the way to Baerlon."  Ranma-chan frowned.  "If I'm 
only going to be a boy for one day every few weeks..."

     "Better than being a girl all the time, Ranma,"  Shinnosuke said.

     "At least you don't get tied to a tree every night, Ranma,"  Ryouga 
said.

     "I'm sure the Aes Sedai will be able to figure out what is wrong."

     Cologne cackled.  "I think I already have."  She lifted a kettle 
from her saddlebags and filled it with water, then set it over the smoky 
almost entirely rained out fire. It blazed up and around the kettle. She 
then hopped over with the kettle after a minute and poured it on Ranma-chan.

     Ranma-chan yelped as she turned back into Ranma, then almost 
immediately turned female again.  "AAAAAHHHH!!!!! Hot! Hot!"

     "Hot water makes her a him, and cold water turns he into she."  
Cologne nodded her head contemplatively.  "Well, once it stops raining, 
we can make you male again.  Not much use now."

     "It had better not have to be that hot all the time...I'm gonna boil
myself alive if that's the case."  Ranma-chan rubbed her now red arms.  

     "Just wanted to be sure it would be hot enough."  Cologne nodded and 
hopped back to her previous spot.  "And now I can make some tea with the 
rest of this."

************************************************************************

     Days passed with the fanboys a far off presence.  It was as if they 
had been fleeing forever.  Slowly, the fanboys were catching up with 
them.  Cologne explained it was because they consumed some mystic 
substance known as Caffeine that made them think they did not need 
sleep.  Eventually the fanboys would collapse, but not until their supply 
of the evil fluid known as Jolt ran out.

     "I think we may have to leave the road.  And risk the one place the 
fanboys will not go."  Cologne announced.

     "Surely you don't mean..."  Soun began, then trailed off mysteriously.

     "Exactly.  They would never go there.  Of course, neither would any 
reasonable person, but this isn't a time to be reasonable."

     "Where are we going?"  Mousse asked. 

     "You would be happier not knowing."  Cologne said.

     Mousse frowned.  "I'd be happier not running for my life either.  
Where are we going?"

     "I'll tell you when we get there.  We might not live to see it."

     Ranma rolled his eyes.  Dripping sarcasm, he said, "You always know 
how to inspire good cheer, Cologne."

     "I try."

****************************************************************************

     After several hours of hard riding, they could hear the faint cries 
of fanboys in the distance, through the woods.  They were shouting 
something about over the river and grandma's house.  

     The forest opened up before them, and a vast urban eyesore stood 
before them, ringed by a wall with nine towers.  The city 
of...uh...actually, they had no idea. 

     "Yeesh, someone hit this place with an ugly stick,"  Shinnosuke 
said.  "Not to mention they don't seem to have had any colors but puce, 
fucia, grey, black, and off-black."

     "This was once the great city of Aridextradry.  But you probably 
know it better as Shady Logon."  Cologne said.

     "I've never heard of it,"  Hinako said. 

     "City of what?"  Ranma asked.

     "Nope.  Never heard of it,"  Ryouga said, scratching his head.

     Shinnosuke took a few swipes at the wall with his broom.  "Hmm.  
Caked on dirt."  

     "Don't touch that dirt!  It's EVILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!"  
Cologne shouted, knocking his broom away with her staff. 
      
     "Evil dirt?  You sound like my mother."

     "That dirt can kill!  Or worse..."

     Shinnosuke paled slightly.  "Worse than killing?  From dirt?"

     Mousse nodded.  "I know the tale of this city.  It is an evil 
place.  I shall tell you the tale of Shady Logon, once known as 
Aridextradry, one of the Ten kingdoms of the Second and a half covenant, 
also known as the Covenant of Ten nations."
 
     "Two thousand years ago, the world was torn by three hundred years 
of battle:  The Fanboy Wars.  They came from the Blight, pestering 
everyone with irrelevant questions and trying to carry off everyone's 
possessions to buy more posters for their caves.  They were lead by the 
Grateful Deadlords, channelers who sold their soul to the Shadow so they 
could afford to follow bands around, or something.  The stories are not 
quite clear on that."  Mousse sat down under a tree, and the others 
dismounted, listening to him.


     "During the Fanboy wars, Arid Extradry was one of the Covenant of the 
Ten Nations.  Into that city came the counselor, a man known only as H,  
with his own plan for resisting the shadow...Steal the underwear of the 
fanboys so they are too embarrassed to fight.  He soon had the entire 
city training for such activity...soon the city degenerated into chaos 
as everyone was busy stealing everyone else's underwear.  While this tactic 
worked well for driving off fanboy armies, the moral fibre of the city 
corroded."  Mousse got out a bit of cheese and made everyone wait for him 
to finish eating it.

     "The king of Tomobiki sent his son, Luke.  When Luke arrived, he found 
the king cackling on top of a pile of underwear, and had his own 
underwear soon confiscated by the king.  He was locked in the 
dungeons, but escaped because all of the chains and handcuffs were 
stolen for bondage games and there was nothing to tie him up with, so 
they just put him in a broom closet and leaned a chair under the knob.  
However, the hinges were on his side, so he removed them and took the 
door off.  He fled the city.  When an avenging army came, they 
discovered everyone had starved on a mountain of panties, but a great 
hentai evil lurked within waiting to corrupt people...or at least steal 
their underwear.  An evil known only as Mashedpotatoes.  The city became 
known as Shady Logon, 'where something waits to steal your underwear and 
carry it off somewhere to cackle and fondle it.'"  Mousse fell silent.

     Shinnosuke fell over laughing.  "That's really funny!  So what's the 
real problem with this place?"

     Cologne frowned.  "Evil beyond your reckoning lives here.  Even 
driven by lagmen, the fanboys will not enter here.  Too much underwear 
was lost to them in this place.  They shall never forget."

     By now, just about everyone was laughing but her, Soun, and Mousse.  
She sighed.  "Three rules.  1.  Don't take anything.  2.  Don't accept 
anything offered you by someone inside the walls other than us.  3.  
Don't eat anything after midnight.  4. Don't leave my presence."

     "That's four rules,"  Ryouga said.

     "Right.  Four rules."  Cologne put her hands on her hips.  "Any 
questions?"

     "Why can't we take anything?"  Shinnosuke asked.  "There must be 
piles of stuff just sitting around in there and..."

     "If you remove anything, the evil Mashedpotatoes will be freed to 
leave the city."  Everyone started laughing again.  "I didn't name it, 
okay?  It would be bad."

     "Then why are we going in this place, anyway?"  Ranma asked.  

     "Because not even the fanboys will follow us in.  We can lose them 
there."  Cologne hopped towards the gate.

     Ranma shook his head.  The very dirt is evil and we're going 
in...This is gonna be bad.

******************************************************************************

     As the sun sunk low in the sky, the group slowly made its way 
through the streets of Shady Logon.  Abandoned buildings surrounded them, 
and there was a fine crust of dirt on everything, including the dirt.  
Far off, they could hear cries of "You can't have Linna, she's mine!" and 
"Dy-no-mite!"  

     Akemi shuddered.  "They sound like they might be inside the city..."

     "They are inside the city,"  Ryouga said.  "Their voices couldn't 
possibly carry over the walls like that.  Not so clearly."

     Cologne frowned.  "They must be driven indeed to enter this place."

     "Or maybe they don't know where they are.  It's not like the place 
is lit up with fifty foot tall flaming letters--THIS IS SHADY LOGON, 
GUYS!"  Shinnosuke grumbled.  

     "How could they have possibly forgotten?"  Cologne said.  "This 
place is..."

     "Abandoned for the last two thousand years.  Fanboys aren't exactly 
geniuses, you know."  Ranma sighed.  This place seems more dirty than 
evil, anyway...

***********************************************************************

     Far off, a man clambered over the wall.  A very short man.  A very 
short man who will be left enigmatically underdescribed, except that he 
was on a quest to find another, one inside, whose name starts with the 
letter R....

     Someone who just fell off the wall on his butt because he doesn't 
climb very well.

************************************************************************

     Cologne consulted her ancient AAA road atlas again.  "Hmm.  This 
street isn't on here either."   The others sighed.  

     "I'm starting to feel like Ryouga is leading us."  Ranma said.

     "Do not criticize Cologne Sedai, young one.  Without her guidance, 
you would have no hope of leaving here alive."  Soun said, leaning 
against a wall and polishing his sword for about the 100000th time today.

     "Without her guidance, we wouldn't be in here risking our lives!  
Not to mention half the street signs are gone anyway..."

     Cologne put away her AAA road atlas of the Covenant of the Ten 
Nations and said, "We keep going that way until we hit Mercury Avenue, 
then turn right at AridExtraDry University.  That should point us towards 
the gate."

     Mousse looked up at the sky.  "Hmm.  The sun has set.  I think now 
is when all the really horrible evil things come out to play with us."

     Hinako rolled her eyes.  "Like the killer mashed potatoes?"

     Cologne grunted.  "We'll see what you think when it flips up your 
skirt..."

     "What?"  Hinako instinctively crossed her legs.

     A low mournful wail came from nearby.  They turned and looked and saw 
a low lying groundmist, faintly off-white in color closing in.  Hinako 
frowned.  "There shouldn't be any fog with these weather conditions."

     There was...something floating in the mist.  It looked 
like...underwear.

     "GO!  GO!"  Cologne shouted, spurring her horse.  "Follow me!  It's 
mashedpotatoes."

     "It doesn't look much like mashed potatoes,"  Shinnosuke said.

     "Baka!  Come on!"  Cologne shouted back.  The mist closed in as they 
fled down the street.  As they raced past a street sign that read Ses..e 
Street, a horde of Fanboys erupted out in front of them.  

     "More Urusei Yatsura!  Priss is a babe!  So why did Kyousuke's shoes 
vanish for five cels in episode 9 of..."  The fanboys chanted their inane 
phrases and closed in.  

     Soun wheeled his horse down the street of the damaged sign.  Cologne 
wheeled her horse and followed.  Akemi galloped after them, leading 
Ryouga, whose horse was tied to her saddle today.  Ranma, Mousse, and 
Shinnosuke followed after them, only to have a tendril shoot out from 
between two buildings, cutting them off from the others.

     As Ranma prepared to spur Lugosi through the tendril, Cologne 
shouted, "Don't touch it!  You might die...or worse!"

     Shinnosuke blanched.  "Worse than death?"

     "Meet us outside!  Head North east!"

     "Uh...right."  Behind them, they heard fanboys screaming.  "MY 
UNDERWEAR!  IT TOOK MY UNDERWEAR!"

     Mousse sighed and pointed down an alleyway.  "That way!  I don't see 
any fanboys or underwear stealing, possibly fatal clouds that way."

     Ranma nodded.  "Right."  They turned and galloped off...into the 
dead end.

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

     Meanwhile, Cologne tried to read her old, decaying AAA Road Atlas 
as the group fled through the streets.

     "HOW could you leave them behind like that?"  Hinako shouted at 
Cologne.

     "I don't see you going back to their aid!"  Cologne replied.  "Oh 
great...this road isn't on this stupid map either!"

     Hinako groaned.  "Are there any roads in that stupid map book?"

     "Just the major ones.  Which are currently swarming with 
Fanboys."  Cologne said.  "Hmm.  Mulberry street.  Ahh!  Left!  
Go left!"

      They barrelled around the corner, only to have Ryouga's horse bolt 
right.  Akemi turned her horse to follow him, unwilling to have the two 
horses play tug of war.  "Ryouga!  Turn your horse around!"

     Ryouga strained at the reins.  "I can't!"  It was too late.  A 
tendril shot out into the intersection, cutting them off from Hinako, 
Cologne, and Soun.

     Cologne yelled, "Make for the gate!  We'll have to meet you outside 
the city."

     Akemi shouted back, "We'll do our best", then muttered.  "If we can 
find it..."

*************************************************************************

     Mousse, Ranma, and Shinnosuke ducked through a side door into a 
building as the fanboys charged down the alleyway.  Soon, they fled deep 
into its interior, until finally, they came to a door with a sign that 
said, "Mai Treazur Vault".  

     Mousse hummed faintly.  "Looks like someone who couldn't spell lived 
here."  

     Shinnosuke said, "Treasure?  Cool!  Let's grab some!"

     Ranma frowned.  "Didn't Cologne say not to take anything?"

     "We don't have time to play treasure hunter,"  Mousse said.  They 
heard the war cry of onrushing fanboys.  "On the other hand, we don't 
have time to sit and chat about it either..."

     They ducked through the door.  The room was full of...underwear.  
Every shape and size imaginable.    And a man, standing by the wall.  
"Isn't it beautiful?"

     "It's...underwear."  Ranma said, staring at the non-descript man in 
black.

     The man in Black said, "And there's so much of it!"  He went back to 
sweeping it all into piles with a huge black, jeweled broom.  
Shinnosuke's eyes fixated on the broom.

     "That's...a very nice broom."

     "Would you like to have it?  I'll give it to you if you'll help me 
move my collection out of the city.  It's too dangerous here."  

      "Sure,"  Shinnosuke said, looking at the broom and trying not to drool.

      "We're kind of running for our lives..."  Ranma said.

     The man frowned, but before he could speak, the fanboys burst 
through the door.  "It's clobbering time!  Giant Cheeseburger Power, Make 
up!"  A full scale affray was soon in progress.

     Shinnosuke fought hard, knocking down several Fanboys, but slowly 
they pressed him back.  Finally, he was driven to the top of a mountain 
of blue and green panties, with fanboys all around him, trying to stab 
him or drag him down.  Then his broom broke on a particularly hard head.

     "AAAAHHHH!!!!"  He felt the icy clutch of desperation, when 
suddenly, the man in black tossed the jeweled broom to him.  

     The fanboys paused.  "YAAAAHHH!!!!"  Shinnosuke charged down the 
slope, cutting a fanboy swathe to the door, which he, Ranma and Mousse 
fled through, running to find some other way out.



**************************************************************************

     Akemi and Ryouga rode out the north gate, not looking back...

**************************************************************************
 
     Soun, Hinako, and Cologne rode out the east gate, not looking back...

**************************************************************************

     The shadowy figure fell off the wall again, this time from the 
inside of the city...

**************************************************************************

     Mousse, Shinnosuke, and Ranma fled through the South gate, not 
looking back.... 

End Chapter 3