A Typical TSLOHWKMMTTALO Meeting
recorded by Jenny 'Android18' Chan
android18@hotmail.com
www.fortunecity.com/lavendar/jerningham/333/index.html

None of the following characters belong to me, except for one
exception, and I'm quite sure ya'll figure out who that is 
pretty soon.

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(A small group composed mostly of men of all ages, with a couple
of women scattered among them, sit in chairs in a small room. 
The chairs were, at one time, placed neatly in rows, but are now 
arranged in disarray. There is a podium in the middle of the 
room. To the side of the podium is a chair, a desk, and a computer.)

(Over the podium is a banner which says 'Welcome to the
TSLOHWKMMTTALO Meeting')


(There is an unremarkable teenage Asian girl strapped into the 
chair in front of the computer, who is trying to gnaw through the 
rope binding her and bolt for the door.) 

(The men and women are talking to each other in casual tones, and
every once in a while, underclothing is exchanged between hands.
Every time this happens, the girl strapped to the chair would 
look disgusted and double her efforts to free herself.)

(Occasionally, a man (or woman) would look at the girl, with just 
the tiniest drop of drool forming at his/her mouth. Every time this 
happens, the girl strapped to the chair would look panicky and 
triple her efforts to free herself.)

(Finally, a old man who looks to be two or three centuries old, 
walks to the podium and disappears behind it. A sweat mark appears
over the podium. Growling, the old man comes back out, leaves the 
room for a moment, then returns with a step ladder. He puts the step 
ladder behind the podium, then stands on the ladder, and glares out 
at the group. He has a tuff of white hair behind each ear, and is 
wearing a brown gi. We know him as Happosai.) 

HAPPOSAI: (banging on the podium) Hey!!! I'm talking here! (He is 
ignored.) HEY!! SHUDDUP!!! (Everyone in the room shuts up, and turns
their chairs to look at him.) Ahem. First of all, I'd like to 
welcome you all to the Top Secret Legion Of Hentais Who Know Much More 
Than They Are Letting On Meeting. Before we start off I would like 
to introduce a new member.

(The girl strapped to the chair looks up indignantly.)

GIRL: Hey!!! I am NOT a new member!!! Let me GO!!

HAPPOSAI: (Ignores her.) She's Jenny 'Really, I am not an SI' Chan.
She was recommended to us by the Legion of Housewives down the hall
and will be our new recorder.

JENNY: Kasumi-sama!!! Please!! Get me out of here!! I promise I 
won't post your notes to the FFML ever again!! Please!! Give me 
another chance! Anything but THIS!!

HAPPOSAI: So Sweeto, care to tell us about yourself and why you
decided to join the TSLOHWKMMTTALO?

JENNY: Hey! I have a name! Do NOT refer to me as 'sweeto' or 
anything of that nature!! Besides!! I didn't want to join this!
I was walking down the hall and then you jumped me! Let me go! I'll
call the police!! 

HAPPOSAI: That's very nice, Sweeto. I'm sure you'll get along fine
with everyone here.

(The people all nod and drool.)

JENNY: Hey! You didn't listen to a thing I said, did you?!

HAPPOSAI: Quiet you. Now, start recording.

JENNY: No! You can't make me!

(Suddenly, a teenage boy jumps to his feet. We know him as ATARU 
from UY.)

ATARU: Give me five minutes! I'll make her! (Starts drooling.)

JENNY: (Tiny sweats) Um... on second thought, I'll cooperate. Can
someone loosen this rope though? So I can actually reach the 
keyboard?

ATARU: I'll do it! Me! Me!

JENNY: (Big sweats. Starts gnawing at the rope again with her
teeth) Never mind, I'll free myself. (Frees herself.)

HAPPOSAI: Okay, let's begin. First off, a big round of applause
for Noboyuki (TM)! He and his camcorder has finally gone, where
no man has gone before! Into the female bathhouse dimension!

(NOBOYUKI stands up and bows while everyone else cheers.)

NOBOYUKI: Thank you, thank you! I shall have copies for everyone
by tomorrow!

(The cheers grow louder as NOBOYUKI sits down.)

HAPPOSAI: Alright! Now, some old business. Fatora? Alielle? Have
your associates arrived from El-Hazard yet?! 

(FATORA and ALIELLE (El-H) both stand up.)

FATORA: Yes. They have. I have managed to convince the Muldoon
priestesses Miz Mishtal, Afura Mann and Shayla Shayla, as well
as my sister Rune Venus, the earthling Nanami and the demon god
Ifurita to come to this world, Earth. They are currently residing
at these addresses.

ALIELLE: (handing the addresses out) So go glomp them whenever
you want! 

(Fatora and Alielle both get thunderous cheers)

FATORA: As soon as she sees what leeches men REALLY are, Rune
will see understand why I prefer women to men! Sister Shayla and
Nanami will also get totally turned off by men and want only me!
BUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 

(Everyone turns and stares at Fatora, who finally realizes that
she had just said all that aloud.)

FATORA: Eh heh heh heh... 

HAPPOSAI: Any other old businesses?

(Ataru jumps to his feet)

ATARU: Hey Fatora, let me introduce you to my fian- I mean, my
friend Lum, okay? You'll reeeeeally like her, I promise. She's
the princess of HER world too! I'll bet you two will get together
reeeal well.

FATORA: And why would you tell me this, earth boy? What do you want
in return?

ATARU: Nothing! Please! I'm begging you though!! Take Lum! I 
promise! You'll like her!!

HAPPOSAI: Ataru, that's enough. You've tried to get rid of Lum 
more than once at these meetings, and I for one, forbid it! You try 
to get rid of a sexy girl who's throwing herself at you, and you
dare call yourself a Hentai?!

ATARU: You don't understand!! If I glomp her... she'll take it the
wrong way, and I'll NEVER be able to get rid of her! Please! 
Someone! Take her!!

HAPPOSAI: (Ignores Ataru) Any other old business? No? Then, is
there any new business that needs to be discussed?

(A pig with large ears jumps up on his chair. He is Oolong from
DB.)

OOLONG: I would like to announce that Mirai Trunks will be returning
from the future for a brief visit, next Sunday. This means that 
fan-girls from around the globe will be pounding down capsule corps's 
door. I just thought everyone'd like to know.

HAPPOSAI: Thank you Oolong. Anything else?

(A young man who's covered himself from head to toe, wearing sun
glasses and a fake mustache stands up. He seems to be very nervous
about being here.)

JENNY: Who's that?

MAN: (whips out a bokken) None of your business, wetch!! Dare not 
to record a single letter 'bout my presence at this meeting or that
letter shall be your last!!

HAPPOSAI: Kunou (R1/2)!! How dare you threaten our new recorder!
Don't you know how hard it is to find a good typist, willing to
record for us these days?!

JENNY: I wasn't WILLING!! You KIDNAPPED me!!

HAPPOSAI: (ignoring Jenny) Well what do you want, Kunou?

KUNOU: (takes off his disquise warily) I... I just wanted to know
if you've aquired... well... you know... yet.

HAPPOSAI: (grinning broadly) Ahhh. So you've heard of my quest into
into Akane-chan's closet.

KUNOU: Ahem!! Let me assure you that I only have Akane Tendo's best
interest at heart, and that I am only here to...to.. uh... (stutters)

HAPPOSAI: (grinning) Sure m'boy. I understand you. I won't keep you
waiting.

(HAPPOSAI stuffs his hand into his gi, and pulls out a chest that
is bigger than he is. 

HAPPOSAI: Ladies and Gentlemen! Hentais of all ages! I would like
to present to you...

(The chest opens, the inside is glowing a brilliant golden color.)

HAPPOSAI: ... Akane-chan's panties!!! A word of caution however,
do NOT look directly at the underwear!

(The said underwear floats out of the box, glowing magnificently.
A band trumpets a triumphant tune in the background. The crowd
all gasps and has to turn their heads to avoid looking at the
magnificent sight.)

JENNY: (Tiny sweat) ... How am I suppose to write this down?

NOBOYUKI: Master Happosai! You don't mean to say that these...
THESE are the legendary panties?!

HAPPOSAI: (Sticks out chest proudly) Yes! These ARE Akane Tendo's 
panties!

(No one moves for a moment. Then, everyone collectively dives at
the panties, giving several war cries. Total chaos ensures.)

JENNY: Great, they're distracted! Now, all I have to do is send
a copy of tonight's minutes to the FFML! I mean, people read the 
Housewives' minutes... maybe someone'll read these notes and come 
rescue me!! I'll blow the Hentais right out of the water!! Who 
knows, maybe the Housewives will let me back into the Legion 
again if I accomplish this!

(JENNY goes to push the 'send' button, but then someone flings a
bra over her head and she presses the wrong button. Screaming,
JENNY rips the bra away and reads the message that popped up on
the screen.)

JENNY: No!! I've reposted the Legion of Housewives' notes, just 
as everyone was started to forget their existence! No! They'll
never let me back in now!!

JENNY: (Breathing hard) But there's still hope! The Hentai's 
notes were also sent! Please!! Someone! Anyone! Read it and come 
rescue meeeee!!

			      (END)
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