Episode 5: "Deceptions"
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Hello! I know it's been a while. If you need the previous four parts, let me
know and I'll send them to the ML and the newsgroup. Thanks.
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<...> indicates thought. {...} indicates Chinese dialogue. [...] indicates words
read on a sign.
(The scene opens up seeing two pigs run across Nermia in the pouring rain. They
get to the Tendo front door. Someone opens the door. The pigs, and camera, look
up. They see Akane and Andrew looking at the pigs.)
Andrew: Hello, C-chan.
Akane: Hello, P-chan.
Andrew & Akane: You're in trouble, perverts!
C-chan: Bwee? (She gives them a kawaii big-teary-eyes look.)
Akane: Sorry, little ones, but that isn't going to help you now.
(They grap the two pigs by the bandanas and take them inside.)
Andrew: Now, let's see you two really are!
Akane (looking at Andrew): That sounds rather familiar.
Andrew (to Akane): It's a clique line from Scooby Doo.
Akane: Oh. (They back to the pigs. They tremble there, looking very, very
afraid. Nabiki comes out and pours hot water on them. Instant Boy and Girl. Now
Akane is holding Ryouga and Andrew is holding a girl. She looks much like
Ryouga.)
Akane (coldly): And I thought my Father was a disgusting little sniveling
pervert. (Andrew tosses Ryouga & the girl their clothes.)
Ryouga: Uh...heh, heh. Akane, um, I can explain everything. Really. (They
quickly dress.)
Akane: Oh, really? Why did ya have to sleep with me every night?!
(We quickly switch over to the other side as Nabiki and Ranma are discussing
stragedy.)
Nabiki: Was that Akane?
Ranma: I'm afraid she's finally found out why I never did like P-chan.
Nabiki: You mean that P-chan's really Ryouga?
Ranma: And the C-chan is probably his sister. (Nabiki looks really interested.)
Nabiki: Really?
Ranma: Yeah.
Nabiki: How did you know?
Ranma: I pushed Ryouga into the spring of drowned pig. C-chan looks a heck of a
lot like P-chan, so I put two and two together and got five.
(Nabiki looks strangely at Ranma.)
Nabiki: So, math isn't one of your strong subjects, huh? (Ranma glares at
Nabiki.) Nevermind. So, has my little sister decided on whether to bring you
"home" with us?
Ranma: Well, um, I'm not sure. Althought I don't think I don't want to be around
Pops alone in this house.
Nabiki: Mother, for lack of a better word, doesn't want Soun to bring your
father home with us. I guess she didn't like Genma. That's why he's probably
lounging around the zoo right now.
(Another quick cut, we see Genma-panda looking over a radar screen in a very
dark room. He's dressed in a silly military unit. Another panda comes forth.)
Panda 1: [Master, we have captured Washington D.C.!]
Genma-panda: [Excellent!] (flips sign) [Bring the President here to be
executed!] (new sign) [But spare this Monica Lewinsky girl. I need an intern.]
(flips sign) [Prepare the doomsday machine!]
Panda 1: [As you wish!]
(Cut back to the Tendo household.)
Ranma: And my mother?
Nabiki: She's not invited either. 
Ranma: Just me?
Nabiki: If Akane want you to be her husband. It's kind of interesting how
Amazonian life is very topsy-turvy.
Ranma: What made you get that idea?
(Soun comes in.)
Soun: Ah, Nabiki, how was school today?
Nabiki: Terrible, awful, horrible.
Soun: Why?
Nabiki (muttering in a low voice): I've gotten Kuno to come with me as my
fiancee. (Soun & Ranma looked shocked.)
Soun: Takewaki? Why? How?
Nabiki: Let's say it was a mutual decision...
(The scene switches over to the Kuno mansion. Kodachi, Principal Kuno and Sasuke
are packing some of his world's possessions into a couple of moving vans.)
Kuno: Lo, this is not necessary! (Everyone else pretends to ignore him.)
Kodachi: Whohohohoho! Now I'll be the sole inheirer of this estate!
Kuno: You wish, my deranged sister.
Sasuke (grinning and dancing): I get his room when he's gone!
Principal Kuno (idiotically smiling): He won't need his entire collection of
"World Poetry (Volumes 1-288)!" I'll use the paper to heat the fireplaces in the
wintertime!
Kuno (glaring at everyone): Truly, I loathe my family more than I loathe that
cur Saotome sometimes...
(Switching back to the Tendo Dojo, seeing Nabiki, Ranma & Soun.)
Nabiki: ...between me and Kodachi.
Ranma: So, when is the Blue Blunder coming over?
Nabiki: In a few moments.
Soun: That reminds me, where's Kasumi?
Nabiki: Oh, Kami-sama! We forgot all about Kasumi!
(Kasumi walks in.)
Kasumi: I'm still here.
Nabiki: You...haven't gone to ask Dr. Tofu?
Kasumi: Oh, about that? Oh, no. I'm not going to marry Dr. Tofu.
Ranma, Nabiki & Soun: WHAT?!
Kasumi: I'm not going to marry Dr. Tofu and I am not going with mother back
"home." I have too many responsibilites here.
Soun: I'm sorry, but you will go with us. I've sold the home and Dojo this
afternoon.
Kasumi: WHAT? After all of the memories we've had here?
Soun: Kasumi...
Kasumi: Don't "Kasumi" me, Father! That woman may look like mother and act like
mother and have all of the genetic traits, genes, and levis as mother, (screams)
BUT SHE IS NOT MY MOTHER!!! SHE'S A WENCH!!!AND DON'T YOU FORGET THAT!!!!
(Kasumi leaves the room and slams the door of her bedroom. Ranma, Nabiki blinks
a bit. Akane and Andrew stop arguing with Ryouga and his sister.)
(Soun pulls out a sword and runs upstairs.)
Soun (demon-head mode on): I will not have this from my eldest daughter! (Slices
the sword through the door. Kasumi jumps out and pulls a sword out too. They
sword-fight.) You will come with us and you will say sorry to your mother!
Kasumi (screaming and nearly as angry): Mother! Ha! Only in a botantical sense,
father! I have worshiped Mother ever since her death and have honored her by
keep this dojo and house clean and proper dispite all of the fights, all of the
people you've had over, and all of the food I've had to cook for you. You've
never done a thing ever since mother's death! Wait a minute, (swordfight
intensifies, Kasumi slashes her wait to Soun's bedroom, nicking her father
everytime) you didn't do a thing when Mother was alive either!
Soun (demon-mode off, starting to cry): Wait, Kasumi, please! (He can't fight
much longer, he's on his knees.) Wait, please understand!
Kasumi: In fact, it was me who held this household together, and it will be me
that decides what this family does. And I say that we all stay here! Do (swipe)
you (swipe) UNDERSTAND FATHER!!! (Swipe, swipe, swipe! Kasumi hits her father's
chest, splurting blood all over the place.)
Soun: Nnnooooo!!! Aaarrg...(He falls over the railing, and lands on the floor,
next to Shower who is coming in with Shampoo. She looks up.)
Shower: Nnnoooo! (She leaps up and pulls out a kitana of her own, but Kasumi
catches her and quickly takes her sword out of her hands, and makes several
decisive cuts to the body and pushes her over the edge and lands on top of Soun,
unconscious.)
Cologne's voice: I see that you have done well. (Kasumi turns, along with
everyone else towards the garden. There we see Yoiko and Cologne, but Cologne is
not Cologne, Shampoo's grandmother, but a red, scaly dragon.)
Shampoo: Great-grandmother?
Andrew: Yoiko? No...You didn't...
Yoiko: I'm sorry, Master, but we had to. It...it was beautiful. Wonderful. Not
to mention barbequing Happousai with Herb was an exquistive lunch.
Andrew: You put a mint on Happousai?
Yoiko: No, I ate Mint and Lime as an appetizer.
Ranma (blanching): Andrew, there are a couple of people that I know named Herb,
Mint and Lime. I guess I should be happy that they're gone...
Akane: Yoiko, Happousai is our Dojo Master, and my grandfather, which I guess
makes it Andrew's grandfather.
Yoiko: That was your grandfather? Oh, Master...(He starts to tremble.)
Cologne: Happousai, Andrew, was not a very good grandfather from what I've been
told. He was a demon at times, and always loved to lust after panties. It gave
him some kind of unusual strength, along with his super ramen noodles. He's
better off dead.
Kasumi: Cologne, do you know about what your granddaughter is doing to us and to
your tribe?
Cologne: I found out as the Amazonian ninja army tried to kill me after our
lovely picnic. I had to escape, and then we found this exquistive cave. They
surrounded me, but by that time, I had finished transforming into this dragon
and defeated them easily. As soon as I defeat my granddaughter, I will go and
will end this nonsense of moving.
Shampoo: Great-grandmother to kill Mother?
Cologne: Shampoo, she has dishonored me and does not deserve to be considered to
be your mother. You of all people must understand that. (Ranma steps forward.)
Ranma: I...I don't believe what I'm hearing. You, and Kasumi, of all people!
Both of you are living in the past! Kasumi, maybe Shower here won't be your
mother, and maybe she can't replace what you remember as your mother, but she is
your mother! She had you! You need to respect that, or else you are dishonoring
your mother!
Kasumi (screaming and waving the sword around all over the place; Ranma dodges
all of her swipes): But that woman is not my mother! She's an aunt, at best!
Ranma: Aunt? Are you sure? I mean you do have the medical certificates.
Kasumi (she stops fighting, literally): Yes.
Andrew: And she did have you and me.
Kasumi: True...hey, who's side are you on, anyway?
Andrew: I...I'm not sure. I was on your side, but now...I'm not so sure.
Ranma: But, you now have a mother to lean on. You don't have to go it alone
anymore, you have one more person to help you. (Kasumi stares, as if she's in
thought. Ranma quickly grabs Kasumi's sword. He twirls it around as he walks
towards Cologne.) And you, you old ghoul. I guess you've realized about what
you're dealing with, huh? By the way, I suppose you can call me 'son-in-law'
after all. (Cologne looks confused, if a dragon could look confused.)
Cologne: You will marry Shampoo after all?
Ranma: No...I suppose you didn't understand what I was sayin' to Kasumi. You
see, your granddaughters switched places a long time ago. Bath, the exiled girl
was queen for a while Shower stayed here with Soun. Since you made sure that
Bath would never have children to complete the revenge on you, Shower honored
her twin sister by having Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, and Andrew here along with
Shampoo, whom you thought would have been sired by her husband. (Cologne squints
her eyes. Steam starts coming out of her mouth.)
Cologne: You lie, son-in-law!
Ranma: Nah...here's the medical reports. (He tosses papers up to Cologne. She
squints and reads the papers. She then tosses them to the side and glares at the
still body of Shower and Soun.)
Cologne (pointing a bony finger towards Soun): You mean this cur has sired my
Shampoo!
Ranma: That makes Shampoo, Akane, and Andrew are triplets.
Cologne: I, I have been duped all this time! Prepare to be eaten my
granddaughter, you are not worthy to be Queen! (She starts to flap her wings
ready to fly. Ranma grins.)
Andrew: Ranma, look out! If Yoiko has taught her anything about dragon martial
arts, you won't survive a second of it!
Yoiko: Wait, Ranma. My Master is right. Let me handle this. (Yoiko turns to
Cologne.)
Cologne: Yoiko! Let me avenge for what my granddaughters has done!
Yoiko: It's too late to do any sort of revenge!
Cologne: Bath killed my daughter! Now I know that Shower was an accomplice! I
will never, ever forgive them for that! NEVER! (She moves, away from Yoiko.
However, her tail can not avoid Yoiko and she cuts his neck apart. Yoiko
explodes in a ball of flame. Suddenly, she realizes what she has done and look
in shock.) Daaarrrllinnngggg! (She turns to Ranma.) You made me lose my darling
Yoiko! I will humiliate you for that! (Ranma glares back at Cologne.)
Ranma: Hardly, ol' ghoul. (He turns to Shampoo. She's starting to drizzle
tears.) Hey, Shampoo, do you mind if I kill your great-granddaughter? 
Shampoo: Bakemo look no like great-grandmother any more... (She starts to
bawl. Ranma dodges Cologne's moves.)
Ranma: I'll take that as a 'yes.' Andrew, any suggestions?
Andrew (who's also crying): Red dragons are pretty much immortal, except if you
can get her to kill herself.
Ranma (still dodging Cologne's attacks): What about the neck?
Andrew: It's a soft spot, but you can't kill a dragon there!
Ranma: Maybe you can't! (And with that, he leaps on to her neck and punches it
with his Katchu Tenshin Amaguriken, three times faster than what he normally
punches with.)
Cologne: Aaarrrrggggghhhhhh! (She thrashes in pain.)
Ranma: Hiryu Shoten Ha! (A chi-fireball from Ranma punchers the dragon's neck
and exits from the other side. Ranma leaps away from Cologne as she explodes in
a ball of fire, like in some cheezy action movie with way too much money spend
of special effects instead of a decent strip/storyline. Ranma lands on the
ground.) Whew. (He turns around.) That was easy.
(Kasumi, Akane, and Nabiki stand there with their mouths open. Shampoo looks
with tears in her eyes, as well as Andrew. Shower and Soun is awake now and
kneeling on the stairway steps.)
Shower (weakly): Impressive, Ranma. You have killed my grandmother, even though
I wanted to do the honors.
Shampoo (screaming): Noooo! Great-grandmother is gone! Why you kill
great-grandmother?! (She runs over and starts to beat the crap out of Ranma, who
can't defend himself.)
Andrew: My Yoiko...gone. (He starts to cry. Akane conforts him.)
Shampoo (screaming, still beating the crap out of Ranma): You killed
great-grandmother!
Shower (shouting): <Shampoo, stop hurting him, now!> (She stops.)
Shampoo: <But, Mother, Ranma killed my great-grandmother!>
Shower: <As he should. You know the Amazon tribe had a legal bounty on her.
He'll receive a great reward for vanquishing her.>
Shampoo: <Why did you want to kill your own grandmother?>
Shower: <Your grandmother hated us, and so did Cologne. Grandmother Tile threw
everything and everyone at us once including my cousins Kitchen and Sink. She
physically abused us often, saying it was part of Amazonian training. Aunt Bath
had enough and killed her. I had no choice to send her into exile or else
Cologne would then become the leader of the Amazons, and she would have led us
to ruin!>
Nabiki (to Kasumi): You gotta love a bit of revenge.
Kasumi (to Nabiki): I feel like I'm in an Richard III plot. Except I don't have
a horse for a kingdom. (She points the sword to Shower.) Now, Shower, I want you
and Father to pack up your belongings and leave us alone. Take Shampoo if you
want, but we will stay here.
Shower: No, we must go now!
Kasumi: Why? (A whole bunch of ninja crashes the ceiling and surrounds the
group. Kasumi grabs her sword back from Ranma.)
Shower (weakly): That's why. Our enemies have surrounded us.
Shampoo: Who, Herb?
Female voice: I'm afraid not, since a dragon has devoured him, along with the
rest of the Musk and Phoenix kingdoms. I am leader of the rival Amazonian tribe,
and if I kill all of you now, I'll control both kingdoms and I can finally begin
to rule the world!
Shampoo: So, you must be Queen Bedspread.
Queen Bedspread: Indeed I am!
Nabiki: {Great, two Amazon tribes named after different parts of the house. Why
can't they have normal names?}
(Kuno enters.)
Kuno: Lo, I have entered! Where is that witch Nabiki (he sees the carnaged
scene, really notices Kasumi's sword)...perhaps I should come back when Act V of
Hamlet is finished. I doth not want to deal with an Orphelia-like insanity as is
in the case of the noble Kasumi.
Kasumi (screaming): Why must I have to deal with this nonsense?!
Kuno: Perhaps I can conjure up a poem to explain. (Kasumi points the sword at
Kuno.)
Kasumi (sneering): If you even utter one more word, Takewaki, I'll cut you up,
line by line, starting with your groin region. (Turns to Bedspread.) And if you
want this wench here, then you can have her for lunch. I don't want her around
here anymore! (Bedspread cackles.)
Bedspread: But, you see, my dear girl, you are a daughter of my enemy. I will
have to kill you. Bes-aacckk! (Kasumi goes berserk and deseminates Bedspread
body like a human blender and purees the remains. The ninjas gasp. Shampoo
passes a doggie bag to Ranma. He puts his head in and throws up. Kasumi turns to
the ninjas.)
Kasumi: Why don't you go fall on your own swords and die! (The ninjas do just
that.)
Nabiki (to Akane): I believe our eldest sister has finally gone postal.
Ryouga's sister: I think it's time to stop this nonsense. (She moves towards
Kasumi.)
Kasumi: Stop that, you...you...
Ryouga's sister: It's Moru. And I think you need to understand. You have
discovered the truth, and you didn't like what you saw. It's a bit more chaotic
than you'd like. I've noticed how much you were a nice-and-neat, orderly kind of
woman. I wonder how you handle such changes before?
Nabiki (holding up a finger and smiling): Ah, but she didn't. None of the
changes, except for Ranma, directly affected her. (Looking at Kasumi) Sis, she's
got a point.
Moru: Everyone has a comfort zone that has been violated. To my dear Andrew,
I've love you for a very long time. I'm hurt that you had to discover my
tragedic curse, and that you seem to be falling for the wrong girl.
Andrew: Wrong from your point of view, that is. But why didn't you try to reveal
yourself in the beginning?
Moru: Because, I knew how much you'd be shocked by that. And that would be very
uncomfortable. But, here we are. And as much as I would love to be your lover, I
can't. That is my flaw. I'm afraid of a lot of things, if I wasn't a pig. I'm
not as depressed as my brother is, but I'm a lot more scared.
Andrew: So, where did you get this insight?
Moru: I don't have a Masters-degree in psychology for nothing. (Andrew looks at
Moru strangely.)
Andrew: Just how old are you?
Moru: Twenty-seven.
Andrew (waving his arms): I'm only sixteen!
Akane: And I thought my infatuation with Dr. Tofu was sick...
Nabiki: He's only twenty-one. Kasumi is nineteen. Ranma has an IQ of 184. I
weight 154 kilograms. (She gasps as she realized what she had just said.)
Kasumi: Nabiki! What have you been eating?
Akane: Yeah, Ranma can't be that smart! (Ranma glares at Akane.)
Nabiki (grumbling): You wouldn't believe the number of times me and Genma have
stayed up eating the night away and playing strip poker...
Ranma: I knew he couldn't have eaten all food by himself! (Moru grabs Kasumi
sword.)
Kasumi: No! I must retain order in this household!
Moru: Kasumi, that is part of your problem. You see, you are desperately seeking
Shampoo...
Everyone else: What?
Moru: Just checking to see if everyone's paying attention. Like I said, Kasumi,
you are trying so hard to return things as they were before. You can't. In fact,
I'd say it's a lot closer to a time before the funeral than after. (Kasumi
breaks down and starts to cry.)
Andrew (looking at Moru, sighing): Thank you, Billy Graham.
Kasumi: Who's Billy Graham? (Andrew face-faults.)
Shower (weakly): My dear Kasumi, I haven't realized how much you loved my
sister, Bath. I am ashamed if I took that memory away from you as you could
remember it. Perhaps one of these days, we can sit down and I can tell you all
about her. She was a remarkable and brave woman. And I was merely glad to be her
sister. (There's a pause.) You know, I can't feel my legs.
Kasumi: They're over here near the television. Perhaps, I should call Dr. Tofu.
He can fix everything.
Ninja 1 (kneeling on the floor): Too...late...Cologne ate him.
Everyone else: What?!
Andrew: Shouldn't you be dead?
Ninja 1: Missed heart, got spleen. Cologne burned down Dr. Tofu's office, ate
him, another couple putting up a new management sign at the Nekohaten, burned
down the Nekohaten, ate another couple, three totoros, a chihuahua, Siskel and
Ebert, and some kid named Kenny. And I die. (The ninja urks and dies.)
Kasumi: Noooooooo!!!! (She tries to grab the sword away from Moru.) Come on!
Give me that sword! I have to kill myself!
Moru: I don't think that would work.
Familiar voice: What would work? (Kasumi and Moru stop struggling. Everyone
turns around.) Well, Kasumi, you look rather bleary eyed! You look brilliant
like that!
(Dr. Tofu appears, burned, chared, but just fine.)
Kasumi: Dr. Tofu! (She runs and passionately kisses him.)
Kuno: Forsoothe, the play hath gone from Hamlet to Much Ado About Nothing! Oh,
what a glorious ending! (Nabiki walks up to Kuno.)
Nabiki: Kuno-baby?
Kuno: What, oh wretched Jezbel that thou art?
Nabiki (screams in his ear): Shut up! (He falls over.)
Akane: But...I thought you had gotten eaten by the dragon?
Dr. Tofu: Oh, no. I just showed how much it would cost her if she ate me, and
she ate one of my patients instead. Good thing, because I was going to tell him
that he had two years to live.
Kasumi: Oh, my! Dr. Tofu, you and I have so many things to talk about!
Dr. Tofu: Like getting married? (Kasumi looks amazed.)
Kasumi: H-h-how did you know?
Dr. Tofu: I read today's script.
Soun (weakly crying): So, my daughters, (Andrew glares at him) and son, will you
all come back with us to our new island home?
Nabiki: Sure. I guess. I suppose a good couple of years away from Japan wouldn't
be so bad. (Kuno looks thunderstruck.)
Kuno: Japan!!! Thou did not explain that I was going away from Japan!
Nabiki: I mentioned that with Kodachi when you were hiding.
Kuno: But, that would mean that my sister would inheir the entire Kuno estate!
Nabiki: Yep.
Kuno: Forsooo...(He rolls his eyes upward and faints.)
Shower: Nabiki, are you sure about this Kuno?
Nabiki: According to his father's living will, if he leaves Japan to be married,
he would lose the estate to his sister, but will be compensated by a 2 billion
yen compensation fee.
Akane: Two billion yen? Where did they get the money?
Nabiki: Do you think Principal Kuno spent all of his time playing the ukelele
and drinking coconuts in Hawaii? He owns half the island's golf courses. You
realize how many Japanese play golf in Japan?
Andrew: A lot, I bet.
Shower: Does Kuno play golf?
Nabiki: Yea, He hath two handicaps: his sister and his father. (There's a sound
of a rimshot.) His father wanted him to become a golf designer.
Shower: Golf...hmm, there might be merit for him. (She turns to Andrew.) What
about you?
Andrew (blushing): Well, I'm a little hesitant about having a girlfriend, having
never had one before.
Ranma: Well, I never had one either, but that hasn't stop me.
Akane: Ranma!
Andrew: Well, maybe for you, but not for me. However, I seem to be fascinated
with Ukyou...I'm not sure why. Maybe I like taller girls.
Kasumi (starting to smile): Ukyou is a nice girl. (She gasps.) Oh, my! I forgot
about dinner. (Ukyou enters with food.)
Ukyou: Ucchan's delivery!
Nabiki: Fortunately, I've got a cellular phone. Don't worry about food, sis.
(Ukyou looks around at the place.)
Ukyou: Gee, what happened here? Usually, one of Ranchan's fights isn't this
messy. (Kasumi looks around, realizes all of the blood, chard floor markings,
and spatterings, and screams.)
Kasumi: NOooooo! The house is ruined! (She starts to cry.)
Andrew: That'll drop the selling price. Say, how much did you sell this place
for?
Soun: One hundred thousand yen.
Kasumi: I better start cleaning up, since this is mostly my mess.
Shower: No, need. I'll have a servant do that, as soon as I can feel my legs
again. (Dr. Tofu rushes to Shower's side and starts to examine her legs, or
lack thereof.)
(A few hours later, the house is sparkling clean, and the house practically
looks like when it was first built. Everyone has finished dinner. We see Soun at
the head of the table. Shower sits to his right. On Shower's right is Shampoo
and Mousse. Ryouga and Moru sit next to Mousse. Kasumi sits at the other end of
the table and Dr. Tofu cuddles her from her right side. Then Nabiki, Kuno,
Ukyou, Andrew, Akane, and Ranma finishes up the table setting.)
Andrew: That was lovely, Ukyou.
Ukyou: You don't have to be so formal, sugar. You can call me Ucchan. (Ranma and
Andrew both blush.)
Akane: That's great. How come I don't get a nickname?
Nabiki: And I thought "tomboy" was your nickname. (Akane laughs. Then everyone
else chuckles.)
Akane: That's right. (Kasumi stands up. Dr. Tofu falls onto the floor, 
grinning.)
Kasumi: "Andrew" is such an Americanized name. You are Japanese in a technical
formality...then again none of us are going to be Japanese very soon. I guess
we're also kind of Chinese...
Everyone else: What's the point?!
Kasumi: Well, Nabiki, Akane and I have been researching possible honorable names
for you, Andrew-kun. As everyone knows, "Tendo" means "way of heaven" or
"heavenly sky" and our names somehow reflects this. (Nabiki stands up now.
Kasumi sits down.)
Nabiki: For example, "Soun" means raincloud, or technically a stratus cloud,
which is a kind of a cloud structure seen on very dismal and cloudy days.
"Akane," can mean madder, but it also is a shade of red, which does reflects the
red sky in the morning and evening. Kasumi's name means mist, a type of low fog.
And my name, "Nabiki," means yield or to be swayed by, like the wind does to a
bunch of trees, bamboo, and to Happousai's pantie collection.
Akane: Of course, none of these names reflect our true natures.
(Everyone else glares at Akane.)
Kasumi: We wanted to find a name that suits you, and complement our names. We
first thought about something like "Buru" or "Azura", which means blue.
Andrew: Um, doesn't Buruu also mean homosexual, I mean, gay?
Akane: That's why we didn't choose it in the first place. But, we did find the
right name for you. "Sukai." It means blue sky, which it fits. We also decided
to add the name Seki, which means cumulus, a nice cheerful contrast to Soun, ne?
And doesn't that make a nice contrast to my red nature?
Andrew: Seki being my middle name? I thought Japanese names didn't have a middle
name.
Nabiki: No, but you're an American. You're used to a middle name. (She sits
down.)
Ukyou (sighing): Suk-chan. It has a nice ring to it.
Andrew: If you're looking for a blue name, you should have tried, "aone." But, I
like Sukai. I accept. (Soun stands up, holds his glass up high.)
Soun (starting to cry): From now on, our son will be called Sukai! I'm so happy!
(Shower touches Soun's shoulder.)
Shower: Dear, you're ruining your silk kimono. You know that water's hell on
silk. (Soun sits down.)
Nabiki: Now that everyone is one happy family again, I suppose we need to talk
about what are we suppose to be doing on this island you're setting up, Shower.
(There is a moment of silence.)
Shower: I believe that there is no need for a discussion. We are all going,
provided that my children are comfortable with their fiancees.
(The children look at each other, and eventually nods "yes." Kasumi is the last
to nod yes.)
Soun: Then, our family is reunited again! (He starts to cry.)
Shower: Darling, you really not need to stop crying like that.
Soun (bawling): I can't help it! It's my trademark!
(The scene fades out to a brilliant nighttime sky. Kasumi and Dr. Tofu are on
the roof.)
Kasumi: Oh, Dr. Tofu, it's such a beautiful night. (She turns to see the
doctor's glasses steaming up.) Ono?
Dr. Tofu: That it is, Kasumi. I...I feel like dancing on the roof! (Singing) If
I were a rich man... (Kasumi smiles.)
Kasumi: Dr. Tofu, you really don't have to serenade for me!
Dr. Tofu: Who's Sara? 
(Kasumi giggles as she hugs Dr. Tofu before he falls off the roof and hurts
himself. We switch over to Nabiki's room, where we find Nabiki and Kuno.)
Kuno: Truly, this is such a deplorable night for me. I am trapped with my worst
adversary...in wit alone.
Nabiki: Adversary? I'll take that as a complement, Kuno-baby. Now, we need to
talk about pre-nuptial agreements, and stuff like that.
Kuno: Pre-nuptial agreement? Truly could we live without such a hasty
agreeement?
Nabiki: Hmm...okay. What do you suggest?
Kuno: I...I...I wish to think upon this before I respond.
Nabiki: In other words, you have no idea. (Kuno shakes his head no.) That's
okay. I'll make sure that you'll gonna get your fair share.
Kuno: Fair share? As in I taketh halfth and you taketh halfth? (Kuno gets
slapped a couple of times by Nabiki.)
Nabiki: Kuno, you will speak informal Japanese unless we're under attack, okay?
(We cut to Sukai (aka Andrew) and Akane talking to Ryouga and Moru, in the dojo.
Ryouga is looking at the floor.)
Ryouga: Akane...I, I'm sorry.
Akane (quietly): You should be. But, y-you're not a pervert. Right, Sukai?
Sukai: Um, sure. Listen, I think it would be best if you go away tomorrow. I
mean, it's not the same thing anymore to be cuddling with C-chan. I mean I know
who you really are.
(Moru and Ryouga nods.)
Akane: I hope you're not too sad, Ryouga. I mean, Ranma told me how depressed
you get sometimes.
Ryouga: Well...I guess I could go and see what Akari is doing these days.
Moru: Yeah. I'd like to join you brother, I need a little time to myself. (She
leaves. Sukai looks concerned.)
Sukai: Ryouga, are you sure she'll be alright?
Ryouga: Yeah, she told me earilier she had a friend in Nerima she wanted to
visit. And I guess I need to go too.
Akane: Well, then, good-bye Ryouga.
Sukai: Yeah, bye, P-chan. (Ryouga weakly smiles. Akane and Ryouga hug each
other. Then, Ryouga leaves.)
Akane: He'll be okay. I guess.
(Later on, we see Sukai and Ukyou in the kitchen, cooking. Sukai holds a cup a
water.)
Sukai: So, much many cups of water should I add?
Ukyou: Five.
Sukai: Five cups of water? Why so much? (Ukyou looks at a 3x5 note card.)
Ukyou: Hmm...so I guess Akane really means two cups of water. You don't need
five cups of water for most receipes.
Sukai: Okay. (He pours two cups of water. There's a moment of silence.) So, you
are going with me, right?
Ukyou: Yeah. I've turned Ucchan's over to Konastau. For a price.
Sukai: Price?
Ukyou: Yeah. He wanted to make love me, for one night.
Sukai: WHAT?!
Ukyou: Don't worry, I got him to meet Moru and they've hit it right off.
Sukai: You mean C-chan?
Ukyou: Yeah, she seems to have a crush on younger guys. It's weird. (Sukai
blushes. Ukyou doesn't notice.)
Sukai: How old is Konastau?
Ukyou: I'm not sure. I suppose he's sixteen. But I'm not sure. (Sukai nods.)
Sukai: I see. (He gently caresses Ukyou.) And I have a crush on girls that are
taller than me. That's kinda of weird too. (Ukyou turns around, Sukai blushes.)
Ukyou: Oh, Suki-chan... (They kiss. They hear a thump. They look downward and
see Ranma and Akane locked in a very passionate embrace. Ranma and Akane look
up.)
Ranma: Oops...sorry.
Akane: Yeah, um, sorry.
Sukai: Nah, it's nothing. At least you're wearing clothes.
Ukyou: So, Ranchan, are you and Akane gonna be a better couple now?
Akane: We'd better be, I mean Mom is expecting us to.
Ranma: Yeah, or else Kasumi'll rip our heads off.
Sukai: I doubt she'll do that now. (Ranma, Akane and Ukyou nod in agreement.)
Now, if you will excuse me...hmpf! (Ukyou graps a hold of Andrew and starts to
do a little tonsil hockey. Akane shrugs her shoulders and she and Ranma do the
same thing.)
Ranma: {Now everything is getting back to normal...I just hope Akane doesn't
pound me...I wonder what Pops doing?}
******
(The scene fades to a Japanese military HQ.)
General: What is the progress of this Panda army?
Solider 1: They have threatened to use their doomsday machine unless we all
surrender our arms to them.
General: What is this doomsday machine?
Solider 2: We're not sure, sir, but Intelligence believes it has something to do
with a guy named Oscar or Michael Bolton.
General: Michael Bolton? I see no threat with him. (The soliders nervously look
at the general. Solider 1 hears something from his earpiece.)
Solider 1: Sir? The pandas have landed on our shore, with the doomsday bomb.
They're holding...holding Doremon has a hostage!
General: What? Can you confirm that?
Solider 2: Yes, sir, confirming that. They've also are holding the entire Salior
Moon entourage and Lina Mimmei is about to sing! (The General's hat leaps off.)
General: What?! Lina Mimmei...going to sing? Then there's no time to lose! We've
got to go under attack! Let's bring out the heavy artillary! We must win this
fight! (He and the soliders leave the HQ. The camera pans around and we
eventually see Genma-panda hiding underneath a table.)
Genma-panda (holding a sign to the camera): [That's what they think!]
******
Next time, can the Tendos escape the relentless attack of Genma Saotome and his
panda army in...Escape from the Planet of the Pandas!