Richard Lawson wrote:

Hikaru reached across Grandpa and took Akane's hand.  "Hey, your brother
will be okay.  Sempai, too.  You'll see!"

Akane I can see; family is family, even in the worst of times.  Why is Hikaru so
sympathetic to Kazuya, assuming that she's been made aware of what he's done?
OK, she's not nuts about Kyosuke these days, given what happened at the end of
the manga, but someone who threatens Kyosuke w/ death, rapes Madoka, etc doesn't
in my mind warrant sympathy.

It was a question that had haunted her for years.  Kyosuke had done very
little over the years to give her reason to think he was in love with her.
But she'd persisted and persisted, *certain* that he would be hers.  And
she'd *wanted* him, ever since seeing him throw a basketball into a basket a
hundred feet away.  Someone who could do *that* - and so effortlessly, too -
had to be a prize catch.  So she'd set her sights on him, little caring what
he wanted.

Question:  Now that she knows that Kyosuke was an ESPer all along, does she draw
the connection on *how* Kyosuke made that basketball show all those years ago?

"I don't think we should do anything right away."  Manami bit her lip, then
looked around the car.  "I think we need to talk about a strategy for
dealing with Kazuya.  If we can-"

"What?"  Akane said sharply.  "Knock him out?  Subdue him?"

Would Akane fear more harsh actions, leading to this line of questioning?  "Hurt
him?  Maybe even..."?  Then of course, the others reassure her otherwise.

Kyosuke's mind spun in circles for a full minute under Ayukawa's persistent
gaze.  Finally, he had to admit the validity of her observation.  Kazuya was
going to pay, of that there was no doubt - but Kyosuke was in no condition
to fight him.  Maybe never was, a fearful part of his mind said to him.
Kazuya had always been the stronger ESPer, perhaps the strongest in the
family.

Horse-hocky (more on this later).
The only reason Kazuya does what he does is that he has no restraint of his
powers, as opposed to Kyosuke.  Kyosuke is always so terrified that he's "going
to get discovered", he restrains himself too much.  On the few occasions that he
didn't (usually when Madoka was being threatened with bodily harm), he's let
loose with displays of raw power that blows away anything and everything Kazuya
has ever demonstrated, lifting up to several tons, ripping the sides off entire
side of a building (OK, it was glass, but even so), etc.  Kazuya is probably
more *proficient* and skillful with his powers because he's had more practice,
but there's no evidence in either the manga or the anime (or even those Shin-KOR
novels) that Kazuya is *more powerful* than Kyosuke.  In fact, there's lots of
evidence to the contrary.

He was on the verge of drifting when a voice, so soft he barely heard it,
drifted into his ears.  "I was a mistake."

The words jolted him back to awareness.  "A what?"

"Mistake."  Real pain there.  "My parents are world-famous musicians.
They'd had their one child and that was all they needed for social
acceptance.  I did not fit into their plans.  My mother gave birth to me,
although she seriously considered an abortion.  I was given to my sister to
raise while my parents went on to further their own careers.  Unfortunately,
my sister was not necessarily skilled enough to raise a child on her own.
She often let me know her displeasure at being burdened with my upbringing."

"Message in Rouge" (the only significant story w/ Ayukawa's parents that I know
of) doesn't support this.  It might be my interpretation, and that one story
alone isn't positive proof, but I never saw any actual evidence of this in
either the manga or anime.

She barked a single, bitter laugh.  "How little you know.  True, my parents
found a degree of interest in my music.  They even wanted me to perform with
them.  I refused."

Kyosuke blinked.  Come to think of it, in all the time he'd been with
Madoka, he'd never seen her play with her parents.  "Why?"

She did, however, attend their concert (again, in "Rouge") when they came to
town that one time.  She was also all set to go with them to the US, if it
weren't for Kyosuke ("Goodbye Madoka").  She was also bridesmaid for her
sister's marriage; this to me implies some connection to her family.

"When the barricades went up, my parents begged me to come with them.  For
the first time they desperately wanted something from me.  It felt good to
refuse them."  She paused a second.  "I don't want to be a part of their
world.  The elite of the elite, caring nothing for the rest of the world,
caring nothing about their future, only wanting to live the day in comfort.
Quite frankly, they disgust me, all of them.  I felt closer to your
'sisters' than I did my own family.  Hell, I felt closer to *Akane* than I
did to my parents, and she nearly killed me."

Was "Akane's" apparent attempt on her life mentioned in LSD #1-2?

Honestly, this whole subplot of "Madoka being illegitimate and unwanted" feels
tacked on and artificial because so much of canon contradicts it.  It's like
you're wanting some kind of "justification" of why Madoka would want Kyosuke
because you feel it couldn't be just because she loved him for who he was.

"Naturally."  Her voice was neutral with just a hint of hostility.

"Umm..."  He thought for a minute.  "Can you take me to the roof?"

She lifted her eyebrows slightly.  "Why?"

"I think I'm going to jump off of it.  I... seem to only be able to teleport
between worlds or through time when I'm in a panic."

"Ridiculous."  Now her voice was contemptuous.  "And if you're wrong?  What
good will you do your Madoka if you're lying in pieces on the ground?"

Given the above (her attitude for her twin), why does she care?

"Yeah, I know.  What choice do I have?  I've never been able to do this
voluntarily.  Only Grandpa could."

"If your grandfather can, then you can too."  She folded her arms.  "What is
it that allows you to do this teleportation?"

Ho ho ho..."what one man can do, another can do?"  Not likely.  The rules are
different for ESPers and I'd think even this version of Ayukawa could have
figured it out by now.

"Have you ever teleported more than person from place to place?"

"Well..."  The bolt of lightning striking the boat, Kyosuke grabbing Madoka
and hurriedly teleporting with her to the island.  "Yes."

Several times actually, if you include the anime.

Ayukawa ran out the door, leaving it open behind her.  Kyosuke stared after
her, feeling as wretched as he had that one day in the airport.  How did he
keep managing to put himself in these kind of situations?  If he could find
the answer to that, one of the great mysteries of his life would be solved.

He shook his eyes to clear them of the tears.  He needed to concentrate, on
his world, on Madoka.  He needed to return to her.

He needed to straighten out all that had gone so wrong in his life.

With a terrible resolve, he began.

Given what happens later, how did these two get back together?  Did Madoka come
back or did Kyosuke run after her?

Someone came between him and Madoka.  With surprising ease, that person
separated them and put his arms around each of them.  The man began to move
them towards the hotel's front door.  He tilted his head down - the man was
very tall - and spoke conversationally to Kazuya.  "I have two guns, one
pointed at your head, the other pointed at your pretty wife's heart.  I've
had them specially modified.  I've got the triggers fully engaged; all I
have to do is relax my grip the slightest bit and the guns will fire.  So
if, for example, someone tries to knock me unconscious or take over my mind,
I fear what will happen to you two."

Or if someone else bumps into them...  What about witnesses?  If someone is
holding a gun pointed at another person's forehead, then it's almost certainly
visible.  If you say "well, the barrel's been cut very short", then the accuracy
would be so lousy, the tall man'd be lucky to hit his target from even 5 feet
away.

His heart pounding, Kazuya turned his head slightly.  The man did have a gun
in his hand, and it was pointing right at Kazuya's forehead.  He broke out
in a sweat.  His mind raced with possibilities?  Fling the gun away with
telekenesis?  Could he do it fast enough to keep the gun from firing?  Take
over the man's mind?  Could he gain fine enough control to keep the gun from
firing?  Probably not in time.  Teleport away?  It was the one think Kyosuke
could do that Kazuya couldn't.

"...the one thing..."

The tall man spoke in an even tone of voice.  "Don't panic, Kasuga, and
don't try anything stupid.  We don't want to hurt you or your wife.  In
fact, you may be useful to us.  Do so much as breathe the wrong way,
however, and my underlings have a long, arduous task in front of them
cleaning out the insides of this car."

"Why am I in the back, picking up itty, bitty pieces of skull?!  You should be
here in back doing brain-pan detail!"
(Oblig "Pulp Fiction" quote...:-))

Kazuya's heart finally began to slow down.  If he played his cards right, he
could actually parlay this into a useful position within Amano's
organization.  And he wouldn't make the same mistakes as last time.

Still, he definitely did not like the feeling of those two guns pointed at
him.  He was still at quite a bit of risk right at the moment.  But at some
point in the future the tall man's guard would be down, and Kazuya would
make him pay.

Intentional irony of Kazuya's stupidity?  In one paragraph, he's saying he won't
repeat his mistakes.  The very next, he starts all over and repeats his
mistakes...

---

"Um... this is going to sound strange, but... could you follow that car?"

The car driver turned around and looked through the plexiglass separating
the front and back seats.  "We don't do that."

Why the heck not?  As far as I've heard about Japanese cabs, they don't care a
wit about where you want to go (or who you want to follow) so long as you pay.

Hikaru sighed and dug through her purse.  She pulled out a crumpled wad of
twenties.  "Would you take a hundred dollars American?"

The cab driver considered this for a moment.  "Two hundred."

Highly unlikely, in fact, virtually impossible.  Cab drivers (nor any other
Japanese merchant) do not accept American (or any other country's) currency.
May as well ask him to accept Russian Rubles...

Why make it American currency anyway?  The first place any foreign traveller
goes is currency exchange in the airport.  You add nothing to the story and in
fact, drastically undermine the credibility.

If you absolutely, positively *must* use US currency, then use a credit card
(but even this is almost impossible for a cabbie).  As a rule with larger
merchants, Visa/MC can be used in foreign countries and will be charged with
current exhange rates.

Hikaru forced herself to keep her eyes open.  The cab had a pay cell phone,
and she dug through her purse again to find the card Kurumi had given her.

A *pay cell phone*?!  I've never, ever heard of this in a cab, even in the US,
and the US is way ahead of Japan with regard to it's telecommunications
systems.  Just have Hikaru use her own cell phone (much, much more likely).

Kazuya examined the men surrounding him in the small, dusty office.  The all
had their attention fully focused on him.  Including the tall man, who
always kept at least one of his modified guns trained on him.

"They all had their..."

Most of the men in the room cried out in surprise, but the tall man didn't
waste any effort.  As quick as a cat, he had a knife out and was swinging it
at Kazuya.

Why not just cut Ayukawa's throat right there and then?  Why waste the motion
bring it from Ayukawa's cheek to Kazuya?

Kazuya's relief was short-lived.  Various Kasugas entered the office.  His
twin cousins.  His father.  Two great-uncles.  And his sister.  All looking
at him warily.  And angrily.  They knew.

Let's see now...
Manami, Kurumi, Akane, his father, two grandpa-class guys...

No way.  No way in heck can Kazuya beat or even come close to matching this
group.  Hell, *Grandpa* at full strength ould be hard-pressed to do so.

One, I do not even for a second buy that Kazuya is "the most powerful ESPer"
ever.  No evidence in the manga, anime, or novels supports this.  In fact, lots
of evidence to the contrary.

Two, even if I did buy it, there's only so much one ESPer, powerful though he
may be, can do.  To use an anology, a single 5th degree black belt, is not going
to be able to defend himself from a half-dozen 2nd-4th degree black belts if
they gang-rush him.  We're not dealing with normals here; these are
high-powered, experienced ESPers.

Scott Shimmel suggests that it may be required for dramatic necessity, but in my
opinion, you're robbing any drama you're trying to build by presenting a
scenario that's so hard to swallow the readers is shaking his head in
incredibility, as opposed to genuinely worried about the outcome of the battle.

The only way for Kazuya to win is deux de machina (the author wanted him to).
And that's exactly what happens here.  And honestly, IMHO, that makes for lousy
narrative.

They all felt it at the same time.  A strong psychic backlash.  Reality
being ripped asunder by the Power.  Somewhere very close.

The others turned in surprise, and Kazuya took his chance.  He seized their
minds with his, and battle was joined.

They were strong, all of them.  His great-uncles were especially powerful.
But no one had his strength, his experience at twisting minds to his will.
They fought him, they all fought him with all of their strength, but the
surprise had been his, they had lost before the battle had begun.

The experience I'll grant you.  Surprise I'll grudgingly grant you (it's clear
you wanted it that way though).  But those are only part of the battle.  A lone,
experience soldier who "surprises" an armed company of men is only going to last
so long before getting gunned down.

Kyosuke's mind was much more powerful than he'd thought.  Anger, unchecked
anger powered Kyosuke's thoughts, gave his counterattacks devastating force.

Whoa, whoa, whoa...So Kazuya is so powerful, he can control half-a-dozen ESPers,
all of whom have as much or more experience/power etc than Kyosuke, but Kyosuke
alone can challenge him?

But Kyosuke had just performed some act with the Power that had left him
drained.  He fought ferociously, but he too was going under, was slowly
coming under Kazuya's control.

Again, I do not buy this.  Even using just the manga as a reference, Kyosuke,
given that he's angry enough, could cave in Kazuya's skull like a melon and end
it right there and then.  But of course, that leaves him stranded in Kazuya's
body...

He reached out to seize her mind - and it was *wrong*.  He couldn't explain
it.  There was something odd about the way her mind worked, and his mental
fingers skidded across the cold surface of her brain.

Uh-huh...right.  Because she's from another universe right?  Then why does
Kyosuke, normally not an ESPer at all, have so little difficulty navigating his
way around her brain?  Someone with as much power as you're giving Kazuya should
have no trouble at all.

And as his panic and confusion grew, one of Kyosuke's attacks broke through.
For just a second, Kyosuke had him and held him still.

He should do a lot more than that, given that his "unchecked anger" and what
he's gone through.

The growl made her look up.  Kyosuke surged forward, his face still furious.
"Damn you, Kazuya!"  He reached down for the body, looked at his bandaged
hands, and shouted inarticulately in frustration.  He reached his foot back,
preparing a kick.

If he's still pissed (and I don't disagree here), then why not use his Power,
instead of kicking him?

She'd failed.  So badly it hurt.  What had nearly happened to Kyosuke - what
*had* happened to Madoka - those things were as much her fault as Kazuya's.
And she was going to do all she could to make up for it.

How about what *did* happen to Kyosuke or does Akane feel having his fingers
broken doesn't count?

His eyes narrowed, and she could see a calculating look in them.  "Sis,
there are people after me, trying to kill me.  If I don't have the Power-"

She shook her head.  "They're not after you any more.  We made them think
you were dead, and that you never really had the Power to begin with.  No
one will come after you.  Not that they could do anything here in the
village."

This whole bit feels a little too neat and clean a wrapup.  It feels like he's
not going to get punished for his crimes at all (ie, the age-old argument about
prisons being punishment or rehab).  OK, yes, stripping his powers is a prison
of sorts, but what about any other form of receprocity?

The conniving look left his face, to be replaced with uncertainty.  And a
fair amount of fear.  Akane sighed slightly; he shouldn't be afraid.  Of the
Kasuga clan.  Of her.  "Kazuya, we- *I* am going to guide you through this.
You... made some mistakes.  You-"

Not of her, perhaps, but if I were Kazuya, I'd still be worried about
Kyosuke/Madoka.

Kurumi nodded.  "Dad was one.  He fell in love with Mom even knowing she had
the Power."

Uh...are you sure?  My impression of that story was that he climbed that
mountain before he was let in on the family secret.

Akane wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.  "I'm going to stay and
help.  For as long as it takes."

So much for her life...

"Home?"  She shook her head.  "I left my door open.  My home's surely been
ransacked.  My only choice would be to go back to my parents, and what kind
of choice is that?"  She sighed.  "What is it that gentlemen wish?  What
would they have?  Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at
the price of chains and slavery?"  She shook her head.  "May almighty God
forbid."

Statistically speaking, it's highly unlikely Madoka is a Christian (referring to
her last line).  Shinto and Buddism are the two dominate religions in Japan.

*She* had gone.  They'd been dating for five years now, and then all of a
sudden she'd grown tired of him and decided she wanted to pursue a dancing
career overseas.  So she'd dumped him, just like that.  He hadn't wanted to
believe that it was over, but her plane had left last night, and he had
watched as it had taken off.  That was when it finally sunk in that she was
really leaving him.

Who was "she"?  Given that this is a parallel universe (that apparently has no
Madoka), it's quite plausible that there might not be a Hikaru either.

It was times like these that he wished there was such a thing as ESP.
Wouldn't it be neat if he could read her mind and tell exactly what she was
thinking?  He mentally chided himself for thinking such fanciful thoughts.

I missed this the first time, but "...such a thing as ESP"?  Is this universe
also a universe where Kasuga has no power?

"My name is Ayukawa Madoka."

Question.  Given that she's apparently a non-entity, how is she going to live?
(no ID, no money, no house, no family, etc)  OK, I'm supposed to assume that
Grandpa would have helped (which brings up another question about his senility
which seemed to be an issue in LSD #1-2).  But even with his help, this would
have probably taken him several days of work (lots of little details, legal
issues, etc).

Stephen Tsai
--
Kimagure Productions|Yuko:  You've been to sea before, right?
    --present--     |
 Orange College #37 |Kimura:  No, this is my first time!
  Sailor Ranma #21  |
   *Coming Soon*    |Yuko:  Che...[Passes yen note to Yoko.]
                    |
 Orange College V2! |Yoko:  [Pockets bill.]  I told you so.
 Read it again for  |
  the first time!   |
Stephen Tsai        |Kimagure Orange College #39
stsai@netcom.com    |

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