Richard Lawson wrote:

Horse-hocky (more on this later).
The only reason Kazuya does what he does is that he has no
restraint of his powers, as opposed to Kyosuke.  Kyosuke
is always so terrified that he's "going to get discovered",
he restrains himself too much.  On the few occasions that he
didn't (usually when Madoka was being threatened with bodily
harm), he's let loose with displays of raw power that blows
away anything and everything Kazuya has ever demonstrated,
lifting up to several tons, ripping the sides off entire
side of a building (OK, it was glass, but even so), etc.

Er, when?  Nowhere in the manga does anything like that ever happen.  Lifts
several tons?  I've never seen him do that.

As is well know, my experience is indeed opposite of yours (anime instead of
manga).  There was one scene when Kyosuke (while recovering from flu no less)
telekinetically lifts and moves a road-construction vehicle (steamroller to be
specific) when Ayukawa is being threatened by punks.  At least the size/weight
of a large car or truck.  In "Hurricane Girl" OVA, when Ayukawa is being
threatened with physical rape (and is too drunk to stop it), he lets loose a TK
wave of energy that shatters the walls, lights, etc of a discotheque.  During
the time he spent in the past (saving Ayukawa's life as a young girl), he gets
ambushed by a gang of punks (about 8-10 guys I think), but manages to fight his
way through.

Kazuya is probably more *proficient* and skillful with his
powers because he's had more practice, but there's no
evidence in either the manga or the anime (or even those
Shin-KOR novels) that Kazuya is *more powerful* than Kyosuke.

I beg to differ.  In the manga story where Kazuya has to go to the dentist
and switches bodies with Kyosuke, Kyosuke clearly states that Kazuya has
more Power than he does.

I'll dig that up.  Which wideban vol?  Even if so though, I'm not sure I'd buy
that given Kyosuke's tendency of spinelessness in matters involving the Power.

"Message in Rouge" (the only significant story w/ Ayukawa's
parents that I know of) doesn't support this.  It might be
my interpretation, and that one story alone isn't positive
proof, but I never saw any actual evidence of this in
either the manga or anime.

That story doesn't contradict my interpretation.  And one has to wonder
about a daughter who is basically raised by her sister, who all during her
junior high and high school career lives by herself in her parent's house.
There are many ways this situation could have come about, of course.  I
think my interpretation not only explains Madoka's upbringing, but a lot
about her personality, too.

I didn't so much as contradict this as felt that it didn't feel right to me.

She did, however, attend their concert (again, in "Rouge")
when they came to town that one time.

She did?  I don't remember that in the manga.  Still, going to their concert
is not quite the same as playing with them.

Again, the anime, but I thought that particular episode was fairly close the
manga.  The critical part of that must have been true though; the reason for the
"Rouge" plot was her seeing her father kissing a girl in the dressing room (or
so it seemed).

A connection, yes, but I see it more as Madoka acting out her duty then a
genuine bond between her and her family.  And in "Goodbye Madoka", she goes
to extraordinary lengths to find a reason *not* to join her parents.

It wasn't an extraordinary length to me.  She loved Kyosuke (although she might
have not fully realized it yet).  The scene at the swings (both in the manga and
anime) seemed to make it clear to me that she would have left if it weren't for
who she found "in this town" (Kyosuke).

Honestly, this whole subplot of "Madoka being illegitimate and
unwanted" feels tacked on and artificial because so much of
canon contradicts it.

I don't see *any* canon contradicting it.  Far from it; at least in the
manga, so much is explained by this backstory that it really wrote itself.

Again, this may be a manga/anime thing, and I only know the manga.  But
nothing at all in the manga contradicts this.

I guess I interpret her actions (going to marriage, concert, her feelings for
her father's suspected infidelity, etc) differently than you.  I have less issue
with this than the Kazuya power part.

She loves him for who he is because he's the kind of person who loves his
family and cares deeply for people around him.  And the reason she is drawn
to that is because she's experienced so little of that in her life.

I fully agree with sentence #1.  I don't feel #2 is necessary.

Ho ho ho..."what one man can do, another can do?"  Not
likely.  The rules are different for ESPers and I'd think
even this version of Ayukawa could have figured it out by
now.

Perhaps.  And perhaps she thinks that Kyosuke is giving up without even
trying, and is challenging his beliefs to make sure he's certain about what
he says.

This I can buy.

Several times actually, if you include the anime.

Keep in mind, however, that I am *not* including the anime.  This is a
manga-only story.

That's why I included this caveat.  Note I didn't disagree with the assessment
that he can teleport multiple people.

There's supposed to be a double meaning to the last two lines.  What's gone
wrong in his life (excluding the current crisis) can be traced to the
shameful (if well-meaning) way he treated Hikaru.  And he's on the verge of
doing the same thing to Ayukawa.  So he needs to set it right with her, even
if it means bringing her to his world, even if he thinks that might not work
out.  He needs to *try*, he needs to face up to the negative feelings
Ayukawa is feeling and to the possible negative reaction Madoka might have
to Ayukawa's presence.  He's used to just locking up and not responding in
those kind of situations, and he needs to get over that, and mature just a
little bit.  That's where the "terrible resolve" bit plays in.

Granted that's a bit deep to infer.  I didn't want to make it too obvious,
so that Ayukawa's appearance later is a surprise.

I caught the part about him bearing down and making the tough choice.  It's just
the how I was wondering, but I respect the need for surprise.

Or if someone else bumps into them...  What about
witnesses?  If someone is holding a gun pointed
at another person's forehead, then it's almost
certainly visible.

He's doing it in a casual manner, just walking up to them and placing his
arms around them in a friendly manner; most people wouldn't spare him a
glance.  And I'm sure he's holding the gun in a way that isn't immediately
obvious.  Plus he's moving them quickly to the car.  Granted this is all a
risk, but he's used to taking such risks, and even if someone spots the gun,
what are they going to do?  He'll be long gone before the police arrive.

If he's got a long coat, I guess this is OK.  I just point out that it is a
risk.  And the police/population/area ratio in Tokyo is much higher than most of
the US.  A big part of why crime is so low.

Hikaru sighed and dug through her purse.  She pulled
out a crumpled wad of twenties.  "Would you take a
hundred dollars American?"

The cab driver considered this for a moment.  "Two hundred."

Highly unlikely, in fact, virtually impossible.  Cab drivers
(nor any other Japanese merchant) do not accept American
(or any other country's) currency. May as well ask him to
accept Russian Rubles...

Not rubles.  But right now American currency is worth a heck of a lot more
than Japanese.  I didn't see this as being too far-fetched.

I don't disagree that US currency is worth more, but if you're going to use
that, then that makes your fic exceptionally timely so to speak.  Read this fic
a few years (and a Democratic Congress) from now, and it may not be such a good
deal.

The other factor is that getting money exchanged involves saddling the cabbie
with the exchange fee.

OK, this isn't a story element.  It just stuck out to me as an unnecessary
"Americanism" in a Japanese-topic fic.

Why make it American currency anyway?  The first place any
foreign traveller goes is currency exchange in the airport.

Keep in mind that Hikaru only planned to be there a day, not even long
enough to stay at a hotel.  So she would have only likely exchanged a small
amount, and kept the rest American currency.

Not quite.  A tidbit...
In Japan, there are no personal checks.  Credit cards have only made penetration
a few years ago.  For the most part, Japan is still a cash-carry economy for
consumer/street-level transactions.  Just buying a coffee at the hotel would
have set her back a few hundred yen in cash (even more if in Ginza).

Heh.  I thought it would be more unrealistic to have Hikaru carrying around
a large amount of Japanese currency.  After all, why?  She wasn't planning
on staying here.  Why convert a bunch of currency, only to convert it back a
few hours later?  Would make *more* sense to just convert a little.

People carry lots of currency relative to their US counterparts because that's
what the economy demands.  Back when Hitoshi Doi paid his house closing costs,
he was walking around with >7-digits of cash.

A *pay cell phone*?!  I've never, ever heard of this in a cab,
even in the US,

Haven't you?  I've seen them in cabs before, and in airplanes.

On planes, sure.  All the time.  Just not in cabs here in Texas.  Could be
regional, I know.

Just have Hikaru use her own cell phone (much, much
more likely).

One that works in Japan?  Cell phones are tied to a regional carrier, and
won't work in other countries.

Walk in, show some ID, sign some papers, drop some cash and you have a cell
phone in Japan.  They're very good about getting you a cellular phone quickly
there.  They also charge you through the nose on air time, but that's another
issue...

Perhaps I can just have Kurumi give Hikaru her cell phone.

That'd be fine.

As quick as a cat, he had a knife out and
was swinging it at Kazuya.

Why not just cut Ayukawa's throat right there and then?
Why waste the motion bring it from Ayukawa's cheek to
Kazuya?

Because Madoka is not the threat.  Kazuya is.  Besides, it's not the tall
man that's got his knife trained on Madoka.

I thought I read "...would be a terrible shame if something were to mar that
beauty."  The man standing over Madoka produced a long, thin knife and began to
caress her cheek with it while Madoka whimpered."  Hence, the knife trained on
Madoka.

Let's see now...
Manami, Kurumi, Akane, his father, two grandpa-class guys...

No way.  No way in heck can Kazuya beat or even come close to
matching this group.  Hell, *Grandpa* at full strength ould be
hard-pressed to do so.

<shrug>  Perhaps.  In my story, Kazuya started out as someone who, at six,
was more powerful than Kyosuke, and continued to grow in power as he grew
up.  Now, in my story, he's one of the most powerful ESPers in the clan.

But 6-on-1?  It's normally accepted by most that Grandpa is one of the most
powerful guys out there and you have 2 in his class present.  OK, it is your
story, but I just don't see this as likely.

In fact, lots of evidence to the contrary.

Which evidence?  Keep in mind I use the manga.  What in the manga supports
the fact that there are other people more powerful than Kazuya?

Even the manga makes it clear that Grandpa is one of the heavy-hitters of the
family; his list of powers and the proficiency he wields them demonstrates
this.  Unless you're trying to say that Kazuya's powers grew expotentionally
every year from 6 on up, I just don't see him being able to beat 2 guys of
Grandpa's class, teamed with 4 others.

Scott Shimmel suggests that it may be required for
dramatic necessity, but in my opinion, you're robbing
any drama you're trying to build by presenting a
scenario that's so hard to swallow the readers is
shaking his head in incredibility, as opposed to
genuinely worried about the outcome of the battle.

Hmm.  Good point.  I'll think about this.

If it were Akane and the twins, I'd buy it much more easily.  As for how they'd
deal with the gangsters, Scott points out having the elders come in later to do
the memory editing.

Whoa, whoa, whoa...So Kazuya is so powerful, he can control
half-a-dozen ESPers,
all of whom have as much or more experience/power etc than
Kyosuke, but Kyosuke
alone can challenge him?

It's *because* Kazuya has half-a-dozen ESPers under control that Kyosuke can
challenge him.  There's only so much Kazuya can do at once.

He's beaten half-a-dozen already, a few of whom are more powerful and
experienced than Kyosuke, and you point out Kyosuke is very weak from fatigue.
At this level, one more shouldn't have been a big deal to Kazuya as you show
him.  Either Kazuya is so powerful he can deal with 6+ ESPers or he can only
deal with a few before reaching his limit.  Can't have it both ways.

You really will have to point me to any evidence in the manga that supports
the "like a melon" assertion.  The manga supports *my* theory - that Kazuya
is more powerful than Kyosuke.

In the manga as I've known it, the *only* power Kazuya has that Kasuga doesn't
is ESP.  Even Kasuga shows mind-switching later in the manga when he swaps with
Hasakawa Mitsuru.

He had no trouble navigating her brain *while he was in her universe*.
Remember, his Power *changes* when he moves from one universe to another.
Now that he's back in this universe, he doesn't have telepathy any more, and
he can't read Ayukawa's mind.  Neither can Kazuya.

So no one can read (alternate) Ayukawa's mind in this world?

Well, he's been stripped of his Power.  That's rather like ripping someone's
eyes out.  That's got to feel like punishment enough.

I already conceded loss of power was a prison.  It's just the lack of other
punishment I didn't see.

Yes.  I myself believe in rehab rather than punishment.  "An eye for an eye"
leaves us with a nation of blind people.

I'm a "punishment" kind of guy I guess.  Not really relevant to the story I
guess.

Uh...are you sure?  My impression of that story was that he climbed that
mountain before he was let in on the family secret.

Well, she used her Power to help him carry out the tasks Grandpa set for him
before allowing the marriage.

I caught this too, but I didn't figure that Takashi would have been able to
figure out the direct corralation of power, if he didn't know the secret at that
point and I don't see Grandpa telling him before he agreed to their
relationship.

^_^  Perhaps.  But she *does* feel partly responsible, and she *does* love
her brother.

Oh, I didn't disagree with this.  It's just that I was saying (facetiously) that
such a process was probably going to leave Akane old and gray before such a
turnaround would occur (given what you've shown Kazuya to be).

She sighed.  "What is it that gentlemen wish?  What
would they have?  Is life so dear, or peace so sweet,
as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery?"
She shook her head.  "May almighty God forbid."

Statistically speaking, it's highly unlikely Madoka is a
Christian (referring to her last line).

Agreed.  However, she's quoting someone (Patrick Henry) who *was* Christian.

Oops, sorry.  Retract this then.

True.  It could be anyone.  In my mind, however, it *was* Hikaru.  It was my
subtle comment that I don't think a relationship between Kyosuke and Hikaru
would have worked out, even if there had been no Madoka.

OK, I can buy this.

I missed this the first time, but "...such a thing as ESP"?
Is this universe also a universe where Kasuga has no power?

Yup.

But w/o the Power, Kyosuke wouldn't have made that miracle basketball shot and
probably wouldn't have gotten Hikaru's initial attention.  Note that when he
first shows up for school, Hikaru dissses him as being a newbie.

"My name is Ayukawa Madoka."

Question.  Given that she's apparently a non-entity,
how is she going to live? (no ID, no money, no house,
no family, etc)

She's well-used to surviving on her own.  She'll find a way.  And, through
Kyosuke, she'll have some help.

Well, food and shelter is tough to come by with no money.  Kyosuke isn't
independently wealthy.

Thanks a lot for the comments, Stephen.  Obviously we have a major
disagreement about how powerful Kazuya is, and about Madoka's backstory.  I
still think the manga supports my theories.

Still, some food for thought.  Thanks for sharing it with me.

No prob.  As always, philosophical disagreements aside, you produce a top-notch
fic as always.

Stephen Tsai
--
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  the first time!   |
Stephen Tsai        |Kimagure Orange College #39
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