Actually, Chris, this is awfully well done.  Kudos.

I particularly like the way that you made your SI something OTHER than a
pilot.

A couple comments on character interactions:

Avatar & Aoba/Shigeru/Maya: Cute.  If one thing DID irritate me about this,
is your Avatar's personality.  Given, this is an SI, and you did show your
Avatar getting played as much as he plays, but still, he seems a might TOO
sure of himself.  All that said, it works, it's an entertaining scene.
Besides, it's NGE, you have to be a bit of an ass to work at Nerv - it's
likely in the job description.

Avatar & Ritsuko: Gee, I guess we know how you feel about her.  This bit
could be even more entertaining if you maintain the original relationship
between Ritsuko and Misato. All in all, the little snipes add quite a nice
flavor to the character work here.

Avatar & Gendou:  To quote something you said once about making Sailor Pluto
the heavy:  "What a BIG surprise."  I'd really like to see someone actually
be on Gendou's side for once.

Avatar & Fuyutsuki: Are we going to see a reason for the antipathy here?

Avatar & Shinji: I was actually surprised, and disappointed in a way, at
your avatar's reactions to the kid.  A bit of the "I hate your entire
family"-isms we see sometimes in literature might have been apropriate, and
maybe more interesting here.

Other notes:

The Can/Am War bit: I'd like to see a little more info on this part of your
timeline...but then, I'm a Canadian too.


Again, excellent work, Chris.  I look forward to seeing more.

--
Christopher Angel
c_j_angel@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/~ca_godboy
International Man of Megami-sama